In relationships, there’s always the possibility that you’re looking at your partner through rose-colored glasses. Affection, chemistry, and attractive physical attributes of your significant other can sometimes make you blind to their flaws that could be deal-breakers in the long run. So how can you know for sure that the person you’re with is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?
While there’s no definitive answer to this question, women in this thread recently discussed some things that, according to them, should be relationship red flags. Scroll down to find them, and make sure to upvote those that, in your eyes, don’t fit the marriage material definition.
While you’re at it, don’t forget to check out a conversation with relationship experts Emily Marriott, LMHC, LPC, and Dr. Deb Castaldo, who kindly agreed to share the marriage non-negotiables from an expert point of view.
#1
Told me he wanted to make sure we looked good for engagement photos so he didn’t want to propose till I lost 50-80lbs. Since ya know, we’ll remember that day forever. Why wouldn’t you want to look “good” right?
Shortly after I lost 210lbs of dead weight and then my own 80lbs
Image source: knigobi, Huha Inc.
#2
We were 2 months into dating and we were at the local bar.. I was getting up to go to the toilet and he was talking to his friend.. he casually put his hand on my shoulder pushing me back into my seat asking “Where are you going, Im talking.” I went to the toilet, paid my bill and left.
Image source: zimbabz263, Andrej Lišakov
#3
After we moved in together he always pushed my cats away. They loved him and are lap cats. He immediately stopped letting them sit on his lap. I knew then it would never be serious. We’re a package deal. To love me is to love them
Image source: kimpossible042, Nathalie Jolie
#4
When I asked him why he treated others better than me and he said “because I know you won’t leave” without pause.
Image source: littlefireling, Getty Images
#5
He took a knife and cut part of my dogs nose. I was out at the time so I couldn’t prove it was him bc he said my dog scratched up his own nose. A week later at night I woke to him trying to strangle my dog and I jumped him, shoved him outside my home and called his uncle to pick him up. That’s was it for us. Nobody hurts my boy
Image source: south_african_hippie, Evi Kalemi
#6
He said, “That’s women’s work,” when I asked him to help with the dishes. Instant disqualification.
Image source: lindarpersaud, Curated Lifestyle
#7
I asked him to help me build my new bedframe and he said no, but that he could come over and watch me do it then lay in bed with me after. He’s never been in that bed.
Image source: misstessamaye, Samantha Gades
#8
Told me I should sell my assets to buy a new house that would house us (and his adult unemployed son), and for me to give up work so I could also be their carers. Can’t make this s**t up.
Image source: jane.at.bluegrace, Getty Images
#9
He seriously complained that I couldn’t carry the furniture as well as he did.
Excuse me — you’re bigger, taller, and clearly stronger? That moment cracked something open. Suddenly, all the other red flags I’d ignored came flooding in. The disqualification began.
Image source: aishahmokhtar79, Curated Lifestyle
#10
Gay men aren’t immune to terrible behavior either. I loaded the dishwasher Sunday night and flew out early Monday morning on a business trip.
When I got back Friday evening, the dishwasher still hadn’t been emptied (garbage can was also full) and his new dirty dishes were just in the sink.
Snapped out of my feelings for him immediately.
Image source: overpricedvodka, Devilishly Good
#11
He said “I see women as second creatures after men” I was shocked
Image source: __rokaya7__, Getty Images
#12
When he asked why I was being over dramatic about my periods. He said others have it too and why can’t I sacrifice a bit. I have endometriosis :) and at that moment I just thought of how he would behave if I was pregnant, and I guess that was a good reason to leave him.
Image source: janicekatmat, Getty Images
#13
When he told me he “picked” the other woman bc she can help make his dreams come true & I can’t. Right now, she’s paying all the bills. Seems he was looking for a provider too & I’ll drink the ocean thru a straw before I ever fully fund a man’s life.
Image source: theintrovertedcapricorn, Getty Images
#14
We went to the movies and I accidentally dropped a candy wrapper. When I was in the process of bending down to pick it up, he stops me and says “leave it. someone gets paid to do that.”
Absolutely not.
(I picked up the wrapper and threw it away btw.)
Image source: briannakristelle, Kateryna Hliznitsova
#15
They called my hobbies/side hustle “your little arts and crafts thing”
I spin and knit very intricate, very delicate lace. I teach others to spin and weave, sew, etc. I teach/preserve/decolonize history of “””women’s work”””
I used to make wedding gowns, now I only do alterations for special people.
This s**t is my entire personality.
Their pettiness when called out on their (very real, reckless, disregarding, actual health hazardous) behavior was the final straw
(My current project)
Image source: trustingstarfall, trustingstarfall
#16
I felt more alone with him than without him.
Image source: rach0812_, Michael Tucker
#17
Told me “I’ll drain your energy, and you won’t be able to stop me.” leaving him stopped it pretty quickly tho…
Image source: laineybeez, Curated Lifestyle
#18
Disrespected my trans friend. Immediate no thank you. Would never marry a bigot.
Image source: bunny_blep, Getty Images
#19
Every time I tried to express how I felt, he’d argue like we were in court, turning it into a debate instead of a conversation. He didn’t try to understand—he tried to win. That’s when I knew he lacked the emotional maturity and communication skills I’d need in a husband.
Image source: mettaagnelly, Getty Images
#20
He was too possessive. He would literally show up at my job if I didn’t answer my phone. I am a chef! I literally use both hands at all times! I just couldn’t take it.
Image source: inkd.ltna, Blake Cheek
#21
“I would only marry you if you iron my Shirts” yeah, but No. “I will only marry a woman that stays at home for 3 years with the child (although my mom is at home, because she doesn’t work)” If you want a stay-at-home wife, you should earn enough stay-at-home money, honey.
Image source: chaoskaetzchen, Gabriel Ponton
#22
He told me he couldn’t promise me he’d never cheat on me because “you never know what might happen in life.” We were already engaged.
Image source: ca.ow.77, Blake Cheek
#23
Constantly referred to my podcast as my “little project” – mind you I was generating thousands of dollars from it
Image source: corporate.quitter, Getty Images
#24
I actually married this a**. But he told me: “You need therapy.”
Well, the therapist showed me it was him, not me, and we divorced.
Image source: oshorde_supreme, Kateryna Hliznitsova
#25
I asked him not to drive drunk, he blew up with “why don’t you trust me do you not love me” and threatened to k-ll us both by driving into a wall. When I got out of the car he hit me with it on purpose.
Called the police. They did nothing.
Image source: willplay4pizza, Michael Krahn
#26
said that it was normal for men ti cheat on their pregnant wives because by the time they were 7-8 months pregnant they wouldn’t be attractive anymore. broke up two months later.
Image source: alicescalasbianco, Camylla Battani
#27
Make “jokes” about how he wouldn’t cheat on me simply because he didn’t want to pay the bills alone. He thought he was funny, I showed him I’m hilarious
Image source: khaylabennett, Getty Images
#28
He said that I shouldn’t be too excited and happy all the time.
And after that, I feel like I don’t deserve to be excited and happy at all.
And right now I’m still trying to overcome that feeling. I DEFINITELY deserve to be happy, and I can always be excited about something small in my life.
And F**K HIM for making me lose my spark
Image source: lisatiarapuspita, Fuu J
#29
When adding him to my life doubled the workload
Image source: hydraspace3621
#30
He said “ women do too much about their periods and they blame too much on their periods “
Image source: con.ceited__, Getty Images
#31
Slap me because I used the wrong word infront of his parents. *that was my second language and I didn’t know it was a “bad” word. Like I said I was pissed off by something and he slapped me.
Image source: annabrulee, Daniel Martinez
#32
Told me that if his female friend said she wanted him, he dump me instantly. Go away, creep.
Image source: mythrae
#33
When we were in HS I cashed him out for saying he’d be disappointed in his son if he found out the son was gay. When I told him that not accepting his child makes for a bad parent he doubled down and went and asking his, my, and our mutual friends if they’d be disappointed too and trying to justify that. Then got mad when I said I’d never have kids with someone like him let alone stay together. I was told that was a stupid hill to die on, but I’d simple don’t want to be with a bigot.
Image source: mss_nthng13
#34
His mum was very rude to me and made me cry. Instead of taking a stand for me , he left the room with the excuse that someone rang the doorbell. What a spineless man. Really taught me a lot.
Image source: shreya506
#35
Speaking negatively about other women is automatic trash can. If your ex is crazy best believe I think YOU did something to make her that way
Image source: _lucid.kismet.alchemist_
#36
Made me realize his mother was the woman he was already in love with and that there would be the three of us in the relationship. Final straw is when he yelled at me for not doing a favor for his mother that he asked me to do.
Image source: luluqu33n, Julia M Cameron
#37
He tried to justify why a woman cheating is worse than when a man cheats
Image source: rockstarmarquez
#38
He really wanted a baby, and I really didn’t. Nice guy otherwise, he eventually got his baby.
Image source: fresh.wood
#39
At a Thanksgiving that included his mom and a lot of his friends, I noticed that his mom was washing dishes alone. It was clear to me that she could either use an invitation to relax and socialize awhile, or a few friendly helping hands. I mentioned this to him. He brushed it off, saying, “Oh no, she’s fine, it makes her feel useful.”
Image source: teaganattuned
#40
He was rude to wait staff, especially in a drive-thru. He’d really flip out when they asked him to park so they could bring his food out to him.
The anger issues were SEVERE.
Image source: parisleshea
#41
I told him I wasn’t feeling well and that it was going to delay me coming to see him. He told me “F off, well when are you going to be here”? No “I hope you feel better”, no “well we can get together later on if you want to rest for a bit”, no “well I can drive down to you if you don’t feel like coming up here”. None of that. I don’t know where these guys learn how to talk to women, I’d really like to know. There’s nothing that turns me off more than a complete disregard for my well-being.
Image source: wendelina27
#42
He never defended me. Humiliated me and when his grandfather said “ a woman’s place is in the kitchen” laughed it off and didn’t say a word. Also cheated multiple times with men and women. Till this day he tells people I beat him up and suffered from DV, when in reality he was the one that chocked me 3x. Definitely one of those people that pretend to be so dreamy in the beginning and then show their true colors once you call them out on their bs.
Image source: milcah__xx
#43
One guy I thought I’d marry ( I was young and more naive then) woke me up at 3am to make him a sandwich. I made both of us sandwiches, took them back, he didn’t want mayo- had to remake his sandwiches. When I was done, he left all the crumbs on my bed and drove to his mom’s house.
Image source: xx.midnightflower.xx, Frank Flores
#44
When provided an opportunity to take a task off my busy, stressful plate, he declined because he felt I could do it.
Image source: _thebougieone
#45
pushed down an entire baby tree that was growing into the path and it snapped in half on a hiking date
Image source: _oliviaferrell, Frames For Your Heart
#46
Littered in the street
Image source: lindsay.mishelle
#47
My 1-month-old son had to see the doctor and wound up having surgery. My fiance wouldn’t accompany me because he wanted to go hunting with his dad instead.
Image source: whitehusky3
#48
Borrowing money and not paying it back
Image source: iheart.you7
#49
being cheap when you can afford it and also even a hint of a temper
Image source: melmcginn1, Diana Light
#50
Stopped dating me. Didn’t make any effort to keep me happy. No flowers, no making me special, nothing.
Image source: therealcelinamae, Getty Images
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