It’s clear that gender differences entail way more than just the way people look or the different things that their bodies go through; they can also present themselves in even the most mundane of things, such as the size of one’s jean pockets, for instance. (Shoutout to wearers of women’s jeans that fit basically nothing in the pockets, while men’s ones could fit a medium-sized lawnmower; or at least they look like they could, when compared.)
But knowing that such differences exist doesn’t make it easier for some people to understand—or have empathy for—those of the opposite sex better. In order to be understood better, women of Reddit recently took to a thread started by a member of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community to discuss the things they wished men would get. Their answers covered everything from menstrual pain to the aforementioned pocket size of their jeans, so if you’re curious to see what else they emphasized, scroll down to find their thoughts on the list below.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a psychologist, author of Hidden In Plain Sight: How Men’s Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships, Dr. Avrum Weiss, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on gender differences.
#1
We don’t get colorful hair, long nails, lips filled, make up done and outfits on to appear attractive to men.
We do want to look nice for some men on occasion. But the majority of the time it’s because *we* feel good like that.
You think i dyed my hair pastel purple to seem attractive to some dudes? I felt AWESOME with them.
AND a lot of other women compliment you. Which is a nice addition.
So the “actually, men don’t like black lipstick” is meaningless. *I* like black lipstick. It is not for you. It is for me.
Image source: RandomPolishGurl, Matheus Natan
#2
Here’s a dumb one: the amount of toilet paper we need to use. I’ve seen a lot of men complain about how much TP the women in their house go through, and they say things like “I hardly use any! Why can’t they learn to live off a few squares like I do!”
Men don’t understand that women have a lot more to clean up. Men usually only use it after going #2 or to clean up a little drip. Women can’t just shake it and be done. We also have discharge to clean up, which is constant (not just when we’re aroused as some men believe) and it’s only worse when we’re ovulating. Then on top of that we have periods to deal with. We need more toilet paper than you do! Get off our back!
Image source: RovenshereExpress, Vlada Karpovich
#3
Feminism isn’t hating men.
Image source: Inner_Word_363, freepik
#4
If we have s*x with you, we may get pregnant, even with contraception.
You may then disappear, even after acting like a respectable person, and fight any ties to your child forever.
We may be required by law to bear your child, and become a mother alone, struggling to support ourselves and a newborn.
If we don’t die during pregnancy or childbirth, which is more common in some parts of the US than in any other development nation.
So don’t ask why women won’t just sleep with you, why we won’t “give you a chance” and just have sex once, or why we’re not going to Netflix-and-chill for the first date. Women enjoy s*x too, but we are facing the rest of our lives potentially raising your child alone, if we don’t die first.
Image source: Mushrooming247, freestocks.org
#5
That truly sharing household and domestic tasks means doing it unprompted. I don’t want to have to ask you to tidy up or answer questions if it’s your turn to cook or constantly manage social calendars and remind you or things. My brain needs a break too and taking initiative means a lot.
Image source: brainsteam, RDNE Stock project
#6
We aren’t mad at you because we are on our period, we are mad at you because we have less tolerance for stupid things on our period.
Image source: charesleeray8, David Garrison
#7
That my hobbies and interests being associated with femininity doesn’t make them “stupid” or “boring” or any less gratifying.
fatchancefatpants:
Why am I called a basic b**ch for liking pumpkin spice and crafting, yet dudes who like football and beer are mAnLy and cool? They’re also basic bitches. These things are popular cuz they’re enjoyable, let people enjoy things.
Image source: DateLate6732, Adrienn
#8
The energy it takes to actually get in the mood enough for it to not hurt to have our *body penetrated*. That’s why so many women don’t want to do it multiple times a day and aren’t ready at the slightest suggestion.
It’s so easy to just get an erection and jam it into something, I wish more men understood that being penetrated is not the same.
Like, the vagina is a collapsed tube. That’s why tampons the size of a finger stay in place. You can’t just jam s**t in there. Even with tampons you have to go easy.
Image source: 624Seeds, Andrea Piacquadio
#9
That when we talk about feeling unsafe at night walking home alone and stuff like that… We know, 999 of 1000 men we come across are just normal men heading somewhere, who don’t mind us in any way. Problem is, we don’t know who the 1 is that maybe has evil intentions.
Image source: MauOnTheRoad, lalesh aldarwish
#10
Just treat us like we are PEOPLE, not just women. That would fix a LOT of things.
Image source: Droxalope_94, RDNE Stock project
#11
We have no control over our periods. Not when they come, not when they go, nothing. And the things we can get or take to minimize them often have harsh side effects that not all of us can or want to deal with. This is something you must understand.
Image source: RWBYRain, Karolina Kaboompics
#12
It’s not just that there’s a tiny minority of bad men, it’s that there are a large number of supposedly decent men who tacitly support the actions of bad men.
Image source: p0tat0p0tat0, RDNE Stock project
#13
I’m just being nice. I’m not flirting or interested in you.
Image source: OkAdministration5886, Sora Shimazaki
#14
That No just means “no” and we aren’t saying “no” to play hard to get.
Image source: FoxSure8573, SHVETS production
#15
That ignoring their mom being passive aggressive to their gf/wife is actually re-enforcing that behavior and harming their relationship…not keeping the peace.
Image source: boboanimalrescue, cottonbro studio
#16
The majority of us do not want to see your d**k pics so stop sending them! Especially unsolicited! Keep it in your pants buddy.
Image source: jacquiwho, cookie_studio
#17
That when a man complains that “She needs to tell me what’s wrong, I can’t read her mind!” she likely already told him 100 times and is at the point where she stopped trying, because he never changed his behaviour regardless of what’s been discussed.
Image source: Sipyloidea, RDNE Stock project
#18
I know it’s not just women that this happens to, but not being listened to in an academic/professional environment. We have helpful insights to problems just like men, we are smart and creative and skillful too. I’m tired of having my intelligence underestimated and ignored.
Image source: Enoughforfluffy, Polina Tankilevitch
#19
A lot of us don’t view you as protectors. I know that’s the image you have been sold since you were a child, but the people you are supposedly protecting us from come from the same group you do. And bad men don’t walk around with a sign saying “I’m a bad man” so our caution has to be applied as a blanket policy. We don’t hate you, we just know that if something bad happens to us the first thing people will do is ask why we even “put ourselves in that situation”. It’s not personal.
Image source: Aethereuz, Antoni Shkraba
#20
That period pains for 1 in 10 women can be worse than contractions at birth. we are not dramatic or overexaggerating. womens health is terribly lacking and underfunded and we are just surviving out here. It’s not our fault and doesn’t make us less of a person. extra help with food and cleaning around those pain attacks can mean the world to us.
Image source: Bunnla, Andrea Piacquadio
#21
Pregnancy and post partum is not easy. I’ve seen men make comments with women with hyperemesis “they throw up to not gain weight” l myself had it with my first child and I would want to die smelling cooked food. And felt like I had a violent hangover every day all day long.
Also now at my age underestimating how bad hot flashes are.
Image source: –dee, Ömürden Cengiz
#22
If you are in a relationship with a woman and having issues in the bedroom, take a good hard look at how the other parts of your relationship are working. Chances are VERY high there’s a reason why the desire is dwindling that isn’t only s*x related.
Image source: Maximum-Vegetable, Kampus Production
#23
I think a lot of guys don’t really get how if you act like an additional child to be taken care of at home then this is going to have a direct, deeply negative impact on whether your partner sees you as a f**kable competent adult down the line.
Read: this generally means doing your fair share of housework as another adult in the same household without your partner having to act as your manager. If you’ve been living here for 5+ years and the house isn’t huge, you should generally have an idea of where xyz household item typically gets stored or how to do the laundry. That isn’t to say that suddenly doing the chores will fix all your relationship problems, but it’s generally a good idea to be like this from the beginning and be consistent.
This probably isn’t that gendered irl but you see this crop up a lot in hetero relationships where somehow the gf has wound up doing most housework, childcare *and* also works full time and the dude maybe mows the lawn once a week or “does household projects” that somehow never actually get completed.
Image source: cardamom-peonies, Lisa Fotios
#24
Most adult women have incredibly high tolerance for pain. This can be due to a myriad of contributing factors like menstruation and child birth, but can also be contributed to by factors women do not want to speak openly about, like poverty (not able to afford care or treatment), abuse (mental, physical, sexual), or even fear of being labeled as weak or emotional every time they make a complaint.
If an adult woman in your life complains to you about pain or illness, please take her seriously. You aren’t necessarily responsible for solving it, but showing a little compassion can really brighten their day. Yes, some women will not have a high tolerance, but it’s definitely the minority.
Image source: chillinn_at_work, Marcus Aurelius
#25
We deserve equal pay.
Image source: Commercial-Whole9501, Karolina Kaboompics
#26
We’re not trying to start arguments because we’re bored. You did something that upset us and we’re trying to communicate that to you. We don’t sit around thinking of problems just cause.
Image source: Mobile_Screen4017, Ketut Subiyanto
#27
Sometimes men just don’t get how important it is to listen and validate feelings instead of trying to fix things right away it’s not always about solving problems, sometimes it’s just about being heard.
Image source: bellaerayy, Samson Katt
#28
Groping your gf/wife constantly is not as hot as you think it is. We are objectified like that everywhere. Having it done to us at home, too, is a HUGE turnoff for a lot of women.
Image source: That_Weird_Girl_107, Tim Samuel
#29
Men having a smaller paycheck is fine, but them being insecure about it is REALLY unattractive.
Image source: WineAndDogs2020, Mikhail Nilov
#30
How much our menstrual cycle affects us, not just the bleeding part. Hormones are a hell of a d**g. E: Not to mention hormonal birth control means we have to handle added hormones and side effects.
Image source: Rubyhamster, Nataliya Vaitkevich
#31
Sometimes I’m quiet because I don’t want to talk or have nothing on my mind. I also look out the passenger window when I’m a passenger because I like looking out the window. It’s not because I’m mad, it’s because when I drive I never get to look out the window!!!
Image source: No_Support_7203, Ган-Эрдэнэ Булгантамир
#32
Mansplaining is incredibly frustrating.
Image source: Resident-Tourist-266
#33
If a woman breaks up with you randomly one day … remember that she broke up with you months or even years ago in her mind.
Image source: capricornthings
#34
Stop hitting on people at work. They have to be polite for you and it forces them into a conflict.
Image source: g_g0987
#35
That women aren’t a monolith. Just because your ex liked x doesn’t mean your new girlfriend will. Just because your mom likes x doesn’t mean your aunt will. Just because your sister had light periods doesn’t mean your friend is faking her pain. And on and on. Women are people and while they share common experiences, they have their own preferences.
Like 90% of the ask women threads are removed because they aren’t asking women general questions about their experiences in being women. They’re incredibly specific questions that they should be asking their girlfriend or their mother. (I. E. Will my girlfriend like x in bed, what should I get my mom for mothers day, etc.).
Image source: Alcohol_Intolerant, Polina Zimmerman
#36
To the older men out there – menopause is a roller coaster of physical and emotional changes. Please educate yourselves about it and be supportive and patient.
Image source: frisbeemassage, Marcus Aurelius
#37
Stop taking “starting a family” so lightly. Creating a child is 99% a woman’s work and 1% a man’s pleasure. Put yourself in her shoes and think twice before pressuring her to have a(nother) child, or mocking her because she didn’t bounce back. Pay some respect because you did absolutely nothing.
Also, since we don’t live in a vacuum and we inherited gender roles, put much more effort in your family because I swear that your partner is doing way more than you think. You are not a fifty-fifty couple, especially if you have kids.
Image source: MrBocconotto
#38
Being arrogant isn’t hot.
Image source: maesommer
#39
Your jean pockets are much deeper than ours, hence our fondness in bags.
Image source: delightful_baby, Nataliya Vaitkevich
#40
You are allowed to cry and have any negative emotions you feel. You get sad, be sad. It is okay.
Image source: MapleGoesInEverythin
#41
That they need each other. I wish they could get past the programming or the perception that speaking to and loving their friends is not “weak” or “gay” or in any way a bad thing.
Too many men want women to fix them by providing them with the type of friendships women have between themselves, with the bonus of s*x. That’s not how it works.
You are capable of (and very much should be) leaning on each other. Not us.
YOU CAN DO IT!
Image source: The_Salty_Red_Head, Mental Health America (MHA)
#42
That most of us don’t actually like doing emotional labor all the time; we’re just socialized for birth to provide that service for men.
Image source: battleofflowers
#43
Being independent doesn’t mean we don’t want love.
Image source: Potential_Pilot7751
#44
That just because you have the girl doesn’t mean you can’t lose her, no matter how much they love you. You start to get so comfortable that you stop trying and start to treat them like an option.
Once they start to change with you it’s not because we found another guy, we just put as much effort as you do or treat you like you treat us. Then we slowly fall out of love and we just stop arguing , stop complain. If we bring stuff up it’s not an attack towards you . If you get defensive and turn it around on her. Then she will stop coming to talk to you. By the time you realize it we have already checked out.
Image source: Time-Yam1845
#45
At sex:
it’s not because we show or tell you that what you’re doing is good, that it mean “go faster and harder”. NO!!!!
It means keep going and change nothing.
Image source: IseultDarcy
#46
Many men might not fully understand the pressure women feel to balance multiple roles in their lives, whether it’s career, family, or social expectations. It can be overwhelming, and sometimes they just need support and understanding.
Image source: Special_Display_7712, Yan Krukau
#47
When i first met my now husband he didnt understand why women are scared of most men. it wasnt until i was harassed, stalked and humiliated by men that he completely understood, he apologized for never taking me seriously before.
it didnt take long for him to come to the realization, which honestly happened within the first few months of dating.but gross men being gross it happened a lot where we used to live, my husband has saved me many times, and ill always be thankful for him.
Image source: gummiepad, Keira Burton
#48
The vagina is a naturally moist place. When we say we’re dry, don’t imagine skin dry. Imagine your mouth. Normally it’s a wet place right? But when we say we’re wet, it’s noticeable. Like you smell something delicious and you’re salivating so much you have to swallow. THAT IS WET. Not normal mouth feel wet.
Image source: Blueberryaddict007
#49
That we understand you better than you far understand us. Not only are women generally given a lot more social training than men, and raised under the expectation of being empathic caregivers, but the male experience isn’t really an avoidable one.
I grew up reading books and watching movies with male protagonists about male issues, not because I sought them out but because that was just the books and movies there were. Meanwhile the majority of movies don’t even pass the Bechdel test. Understanding women is optional, the female experience takes effort to find and learn about.
I see reddit threads titled things like “Men, what do you wish women understood?” and its full of things that pretty much every woman has known for years whether we wanted to or not. We know what you feel. We know why you feel it. And we’re stuck over explaining for the nth time why we’re nervous around strange men.
Image source: I_swallow_dogs
#50
Saying things they don’t mean because they think it’s what we want to hear.
I don’t care who responded badly in the past. Each person is a new page and they should not be held responsible for the transgressions of past partners. If you can’t adequately separate the two, you should not be actively dating. Or, at the very least, have excellent communication skills and be able to talk through what is going on in your head.
It’s exhausting getting the flip flop and whiplash of men who say one thing and then do the opposite a short time later.
Image source: leese216, RDNE Stock project
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