Being in class all day can be quite a demanding activity, both for students and teachers. There are a few ways to make school more adventurous, though. And that’s cracking up laughter in the classroom with funny teacher jokes! Of course, just not when you’re deep in the learning process or are in a serious discussion with your teacher or classmates.
Now, jokes for teachers and jokes for students differ in caliber, and you might need to read the room well to get the best possible reaction. But we’re confident you’ll find the best one-liner for the audience. These jokes for school can range from playfulness with grammar rules, to wild takes of classic math problems. Be it math teacher jokes, literature, history, anything, you name it, we have it.
So if you’re a student and have been wondering what jokes you could tell your teacher, this list is for you. Even if you’re a teacher, you’ll find great comedy gold here to lighten the mood in your class.
So take out your notebook and get ready to write down some great teacher jokes! Share them with your colleagues or classmates and vote for your favorites. Just remember, joke responsibly!
#1
I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet, I don’t know y.
#2
T: One day we will be corruption free. Which tense is it?
S: Future impossible tense.
#3
I’ve been working on a Scandinavian joke. But it’s not quite Finnish.
#4
T: Jimmy, you know you can’t sleep in my class.
S: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.
#5
The past, the present and the future all walked into a bar. It was tense.
#6
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars!
#7
Who’s the king of the classroom?
The ruler.
#8
Do you know what’s odd? Numbers that can’t be divided by 2.
#9
Be like a proton, always positive.
#10
Why was the geometry book so adorable?
Because it had acute angles.
#11
What do you get when you cross a Software Engineer with an English teacher?
A programmar.
#12
T: Little Johnny has 10 cents, 2 dollars and another 7 cents. How much does he have?
S: Clearly, a money problem.
#13
What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can’t helium and you can’t curium then you’d better barium.
#14
T: You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?
S: Not really.
#15
What do you call bears with no ears?
B!
#16
Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
#17
Did you hear that old math teachers never die? They just lose some of their functions.
#18
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
“Something between us smells!”
#19
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
#20
What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?
Phlippe Phloppe.
#21
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
#22
T: What is the most common phrase used in school?
S: I don’t know!
T: Correct!
#23
Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out of the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now!
#24
Where do pencils come from?
Pennsylvania!
#25
What pencil did Shakespeare write with?
2B.
#26
Went to Fibonacci conference last week, was as good as the last two put together.
#27
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother.
#28
Where did Nicholas Romanov II get his coffee?
Tsarbucks.
#29
Why is the math book so unhappy?
Because it’s full of problems!
#30
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
#31
What do you call Santa’s brothers and sisters?
Relative clauses.
#32
What does the 0 say to the 8?
“I like your belt.”
#33
What do you call a belt made from watches?
A waist of time.
#34
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
#35
What did the triangle say to the circle?
“You’re pointless.”
#36
T: Why are you late for school?
S: Because of a sign down the road.
T: What does the sign have to do with you being late?
S: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”
#37
Why are seagulls called seagulls?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
#38
What kind of school do you go to if you are ice cream man?
Sundae school!
#39
Why do teenagers always travel in groups of three?
Because they can’t even.
#40
Why is 69 so scared of 70?
Because once they fought, and 71.
#41
What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-oh acid.
#42
Time is a great teacher… Unfortunately, it kills all its students.
#43
What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?
“Stop going in circles and get to the point.”
#44
What dinosaur knows the most synonyms?
A thesaurus.
#45
Why did the teacher marry the janitor?
Because he swept her off her feet.
#46
What is 5Q + 5Q?
10Q and you are welcome.
#47
On the first day of school, what did the teacher say were her three favourite words?
“June, July and August.”
#48
What is a maths teacher favourite dessert?
Pi.
#49
Why do magicians do so well in school?
They are so good at the trick questions!
#50
Double negatives are a big NO-NO.
#51
Why is the corner always the hottest part of the room?
Because it’s 90 degrees.
#52
What do you call a group of friends who love math?
AlgeBROS.
#53
In the Periodic Table class, teachers have been warned not to let iron and carbon sit beside each other due to their tendency to steal.
#54
What do you call a ruler, protractor and a compass all hanging out together?
Weapons of math instruction.
#55
What did the acorn say when it grew up?
“Geometry!” (gee-I’m-a-tree)
#56
Why don’t mathematicians sunbathe?
Because they can use sin and cos to get a tan.
#57
Why do geographers find mountains so funny?
Because they’re hill areas.
#58
My English teacher used to quote lord of the rings to us. She used to say “you shall not pass!”
#59
What do you call an English teacher with a social media addiction?
Instagrammar.
#60
T: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
S: Na.
#61
Whoever put the letter “B” in the word “SUBTLE” deserves a pat on the back.
#62
What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?
Bach in the saddle again.
#63
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?
Because her students were so bright!
#64
Why did the teacher write on the window?
Because the lesson needed to be clear.
#65
What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?
Expla-nation.
#66
Why did the teacher jump into the ocean?
To test the waters!
#67
What do you call a music teacher with problems?
A very trebled man.
#68
How do you get Pikachu on a bus?
You poke-him-on.
#69
What is the shortest month?
May: It only has three letters.
#70
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
The same middle name!
#71
Which school teachers have the greenest thumbs?
The kinder-garden teachers.
#72
T: We will only have a half-day of school this morning…
S: Yay!!!!
T: Then we will have the other half this afternoon.
#73
T: What did you do at the weekend?
S: I did some cooking.
T: Lovely, what did you bake?
S: Synonym rolls just like grammar used to make!
#74
What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
Smiles. Because there’s a mile between the first letter and the last.
#75
Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
To reach the high notes.
#76
What are ten things a teacher can always count on?
Their fingers.
#77
“A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
“A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Punctuation is important.
#78
A man went into a fish shop and said, “Can I have a tail end, please?”
So the man behind the counter said, “And they all lived happily ever after.”
#79
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws. The other is a pause at the end of a clause.
#80
5 vowels, 8 consonants, a comma, and an exclamation mark appeared in court today. They’re due to be sentenced some time next month.
#81
Never date an apostrophe. They’re too possessive.
#82
S: Can I go to the toilet?
T: I don’t know, can you?
#83
What do you call an empty parrot cage?
A polygon.
#84
What type of snake measures 3.14159 meters long?
A pi-thon.
#85
I went on holiday last week. I got an odd-job man in, gave him a list of ten jobs to do while I was away. When I got back, he’d only done jobs 1,3,5,7, and 9.
#86
Where are all the top mathematicians buried?
In the Symmetry.
#87
My math teacher asked me why I was doing my sums on the floor.
I said: “You told us to do them without using tables.”
#88
A photon walks into a hotel and the receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage. The photon responds: “No thanks, I’m traveling light.”
#89
Reading a book on antigravity at the moment… I just can’t put it down.
#90
Last night I dreamt I wrote The Lord of the Rings. Then I realized I was just Tolkien in my sleep.
#91
Last night my classroom was broken into and all of the dictionaries were stolen. I’m lost for words.
#92
Why can’t you run in a camp site but only ran?
Because it passed tents.
#93
Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel Prize?
For being “out standing” in his field.
#94
I will always tell you to follow your dreams, but I’ll never let you sleep in class.
#95
A Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please!”
#96
What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says “Spit your gum out” and the train says, “Chew, chew!”
#97
How is an English teacher like a judge?
They both give out sentences. And they both judge you standing there.
#98
What did one penny say to another penny?
“We make cents!”
#99
What did the Mason say to Dixon?
“We’ve got to draw the line here!”
#100
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside!
#101
What do you say to comfort a grammar teacher?
“There their they’re.”
#102
S: “Can I ask you a question?”
T: “You just have.”
#103
Why is the obtuse triangle upset?
Because he’s never right.
#104
What kind of meals do math teachers eat?
Square meals.
#105
Why was the geometry class always tired?
Because they were all out of shape.
#106
T: Give me a sentence beginning with “I”.
S: I is the…
T: Remember you must say “I am” not “I is”.
S: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
#107
Child: I think we need a new teacher.
Mom: Why’s that?
Child: Our teacher doesn’t know anything! She keeps asking us for the answers…
#108
What did the ghost teacher say to the class?
“Look at the board and I’ll go through it again!”
#109
T: What can you tell me about angle c?
S: Hmm, it’s acute?
T: No, it’s a small island off the north coast of Wales.
#110
Why was the fraction skeptical about marrying the decimal?
Because he would have to convert.
#111
Never trust an atom… They make up everything.
#112
Why does Sweden have barcodes on all of its ships?
So they can Scan-di-navy-in.
#113
On a scale of one to invading Russia in winter how bad was your idea?
#114
T: Why have you got cotton in your ears? Do you have an infection?
S: Well, you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other, so I am trying to keep them it all in!
#115
S: Would you punish me for something I did not do?
T: Of course I would not do that.
S: Great, because I did not do my homework.
#116
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
#117
Where do pianists go for vacation?
The Florida Keys.
#118
What do you call a teacher who forgot to take attendance?
Absent-minded.
#119
T: If I had 8 oranges in one hand and 10 apples in the other hand, what would I have?
S: Big hands!
#120
What if math teachers are pirates and they just want us to find X so they can get the buried treasure?
#121
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of you will get this.
#122
What’s a dentist’s favorite time of day?
Tooth-hurty!
#123
You can throw an envelope as far as you want, but it’ll still be stationary.
#124
S: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test!
T: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you.
#125
What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
I don’t know, I wasn’t invited!
#126
T: Didn’t I just tell you to stand at the end of the line?
S: Well, I tried, but there was someone there already.
#127
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the school dance?
Because he had nobody to go with.
Follow Us
