Parents helping out their adult children is nothing unusual in this day and age. But children providing their parents with financial assistance might be less common. Still, in 2020, about 4.3 million U.S. adults helped their parents financially.
So did this man, until one day he had enough of his parents’ favoritism. He would send them money until one day the golden child, “Jack,” took his role. But, after “Jack” tanked his career and his finances, the parents ran back to their younger son. However, this time he refused to oblige and drew a hard boundary.
These parents lost financial help from their son after treating him poorly in favor of the golden child
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / envato (not the actual photo)
Fed up with a lifetime of favoritism, the guy finally put himself first
Image credits: shotprime / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: heyitsmebobi
Siblings should arrange who can help parents in financial and non-financial ways
Most people are used to thinking that the older generation is doing better than they are financially. Whether that’s Millennials, Gen X, or “Boomers,” we imagine our parents’ generation as the more well-off and always ready to help us.
However, a significant number of midlife adults are providing financial assistance to their parents. A 2020 AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) survey found that many adults aged 40–64 help their parents cover basic living expenses.
The top expense in this case is groceries. Indeed, 54% of the respondents said they’ve given $1,000 or more to their parents in the last year. The second biggest expense is medical spending: visits to the doctor, medicine, etc. Other expenses include personal items, utility costs, and phone, internet, and TV bills.
However, children can also help their parents in non-financial ways. As personal finance blogger Ruth Henderson notes, children might be short on cash themselves, but that doesn’t mean they can’t help their parents sort out their finances.
Henderson recommends people talk to their parents about their expenses and ask them about budgeting. Perhaps they’re just spending too much on entertainment, and the issue might be solved if they agree to tighten their belts for a little while. In more extreme cases, they might consider selling their house and moving to a place that’s a bit cheaper to maintain.
If, however, they’re having serious trouble, children pool their resources together and see who can contribute what. In Henderson’s case, one of her siblings gave the needed financial support to their parents, and others contributed in non-financial ways.
“It got a little tense at times, but because from the beginning, we were all on the same page, those niggles got worked through, and ultimately my parents got back on their feet, and my sibling was able to concentrate on her family finances,” Henderson shares her experience.
Sometimes, parents favor one child over another unintentionally
From the perspective of the other sibling, it’s always hurtful to see the “golden child” get treated more favorably by the parents. However, some parents might be doing it without realizing it. As psychotherapist Haley Neidich, LCSW, explained to Bored Panda in a previous interview, parental favoritism is quite common.
“It often manifests in subtle ways, such as praising one child’s achievements while ignoring or being overly critical of another. Over time this can lead to strained sibling relationships, with unresolved resentment and feelings of competition persisting into adulthood.”
Interestingly, it isn’t all rainbows and sunshines for the “golden child,” too. “Even the ‘golden child’ can feel trapped by expectations, while the less-favored sibling often struggles with self-esteem,” Neidich explained. “Individuals in both roles often end up needing to work through the challenges caused by this in therapy.”
As the psychotherapist explained, healing these relationships requires processing feelings in healthy ways. These might include journaling, meditation, direct communication, therapy sessions, or self-reflection.
“Focus on the relationship you want now, rather than past hurts, and set boundaries to protect your peace of mind,” Neidich said. “Recognizing that you and your sibling were both children and that the adults around you caused this dynamic can create a space where healing can occur.”
She also invites siblings to have compassion for the “golden children.” Many of her clients had realized that being the “golden child” comes with its own challenges and burdens. “I have seen sibling relationships heal in adulthood and want folks to know that it is absolutely possible to develop a healthy supportive relationship with your sibling.”
After recommendations to cut contact, the guy admitted he has been thinking about it for the past 16 years: “Until now I was unsure”
Most commenters sided with him, condemning his parents’ behavior
However, a few thought he shouldn’t keep score with parents: “Life is not about revenge”
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