As you probably all know, good intentions are those bricks the road to hell is paved with. And how many times has it happened to us that we’ve paid someone a compliment, a simple witty remark, or tried to make a joke – only to end up with, at best, some awkward silence?
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had this happen more than once, even though I sincerely consider myself a fairly polite and emotional person. So well, many netizens, wanting to please their interlocutors, have also sometimes stumbled with their words…
More info: Reddit
#1
When my nephew guessed my age was 36.
I was 24 at the time.
Image source: schmody18, Sheikh Nayim Hasan
#2
My favorite teacher in middle school was teaching a lesson on WWII and said “Do you guys know what Jews look like? They have dark hair and big noses, like [insert my name]”
I was never self conscious about my nose before that. FYI, I’m not Jewish.
Image source: misguided-ghost-365, Laura Siegal
#3
I was at a party and a girl asked me to pretend to be her date so another guy would leave her alone. We ended up having a fun time, so we went on a real date a couple days later. After the real date, she said, “you’re a great fake boyfriend.” She meant it as a joke to play off the fake-date experience, but it was still a terrible thing to hear at the end of a great date. (We’ve been married for years, and sometimes I call her a great fake-wife).
Image source: thatonepersoniam, Curated Lifestyle
A few days ago, in the AskMen community, the user u/austerbear posed the following question to netizens: “Fellas, what’s something a loved one has said to you that was supposed to be funny or playful but actually stung a little?” As of today, the resulting thread has over 9.6K upvotes and around 1.8K various comments, so it will be quite interesting to see what we have there.
By the way, the thread contains stories not only of unfortunate remarks from significant others, but also from friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and even just random folks and kids. As it turns out, people’s perceptions of humor, or even compliments, can vary greatly – so please feel free to check out this selection made for you by Bored Panda!
#4
My mates once bragged about how they went to a theme park and it was a ‘Craig free day’
I’m Craig.
Kinda funny I guess but it was still a bit… personal.
Image source: BalboBigggins, Andrej Lišakov
#5
Last night actually, at my close friends home he was trying to hook me up with this one girl. She’s pretty and really nice, but he said “if it didn’t work I understand, you aren’t the most attractive one either.”
It hit kinda hard since I broke up with my ex I have been questioning my own self-confidence. We did hook up so it felt a bit better, but it sting quite a bit still.
Edit: Ok now this blew up a bit more than I thought it would. I have some uppdate actually, so the girl have asked me to too out with her. And my friend called me today and apologized for what he said yesterday and that he didn’t mean it in a bad way. So everything good. :).
Image source: GarriSenpai, Kaleidico
#6
“I’m not sure I can handle a whole weekend with you”
For context, this was said by my group of friends that I’ve gone through thick and thin with. Our friendship is one of those where we playfully antagonize each other from time to time. Whether it be poking fun at some new shoes or talking smack about a new job, it’s always been for the sake of laughs.
One day we took a trip to the mountains since we rented a cabin and that’s the first thing that’s said as soon as we got in the car. We all laughed along and started ripping on each other, but dang did it sting a bit.
It didn’t ruin the weekend by any means. Still had lots of fun chucking snowballs at my friends and whatnot. But those words hit a little different every time I think of em.
Image source: downloadmymerch, Getty Images
Let’s start with the fact that people have completely different ideas about what is funny (and what is not), what can be considered offensive, and what can genuinely be taken as a compliment. People have different cultural traditions, different temperaments, and, ultimately, different senses of humor.
Finally, people’s emotional backgrounds can also vary. Some of us are able to read other people’s body language and subconsciously notice the slightest changes in facial expressions – while others have no idea about any of this. Incidentally, with the development of modern technology, these skills are gradually becoming obsolete.
#7
After I broke up with my ex, best friend told me “I was hoping it would work out, you’re kind of un-datable”. Pretty sure he meant it in jest but it hit deep since the relationship ended because a lot of my personal flaws that I haven’t been able to fix.
Image source: Shaddow1, Curated Lifestyle
#8
I was playing board games with some people last week and another Dave was playing with us. This girl jokingly called me the “evil” Dave, and I have no idea why. I even said something along the lines of “how am I the evil one?”, but didn’t get a response.
Like, it’s not even about being compared to one other Dave, but I try to be a good dude overall and when someone calls you evil and doesn’t explain why…I just felt hurt inside.
Image source: LAKingsDave, Andrej Lišakov
#9
My wife is not allowed to comment on my weight. I have always been too fat, lost a bunch over the last years but I’m still ~ 15kg away from my goal. I’m hyper-sensitive about this topic, though, and I can take insults from anybody else in the world by laughing it off but not from her. When she joked around with this a year or so ago, I almost completely lost it. “You’re supposed to have my back. If you, of all people, make a joke of this, I can’t deal with this anymore.”.
Image source: anon, Andrej Lišakov
Many researchers attribute the decline in people’s emotional intelligence to the ever-increasing amount of time spent communicating on social media and instant messaging apps. Indeed, when you don’t need to vary your voice to convey your emotions, when you don’t need to “read” your interlocutor’s facial expressions, emotional intelligence isn’t really necessary.
And the interlocutor’s face itself is often just a collection of pixels on a screen. But then, returning to the real world, people retain these communication patterns for real-life interactions, preferring, in fact, online communication.
For example, the authors of this study published back in 2018 claim that only 24% of teenagers surveyed considered people or human relationships as important in life, yet only 2.5% felt that community was important in life. So where, one wonders, would developed emotional intelligence skills come from in such situation?
#10
I have an abnormally high metabolism. For years I’ve tried to gain weight with advice from various nutritionists and protein diets and I’m still 20 lbs underweight. My mother, father, step mother and step father always playfully say I’m “too skinny” or “Oh you really need to eat more”. It gets especially worse around the holidays. I tell myself that I’m used to it, but every time I hear it, it still hurts. The older I get and the (seemingly) less progress I seem to make, the more it hurts to be called “too skinny” as if I have an eating disorder.
I love myself for who I am and am always trying to become the best version of myself I can be, physically, emotionally, mentally. But hearing this from the people I love the most cuts deep.
Edit: a word.
Image source: RyGuyMcDaddy, Getty Images
#11
When I let out my real laugh it sounds like the Batman theme song, “Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na.” You get the gist, always happens when someone says a good joke and my Na Na’s come out. One person always points out I have a weird laugh, and then I’m stifling myself the rest of the night.
Image source: anon, OurWhisky Foundation
#12
One of my (former) best friends once recoiled and went, “UGH! GROSS!” when someone asked if we were dating.
Image source: edibleroach, kues1
But why do some people say something genuinely funny without offending anyone, while others, especially when trying to imitate them, seem completely weird and awkward? On the one hand, it may be a genuine natural talent and predisposition for humor.
“In addition to being skilled at toying with people’s expectations, people who are funnier than most may exhibit qualities such as a willingness to take risks when making jokes and a sensitivity to how their attempts at humor are perceived,” this dedicated article at Psychology Today claims reasonably.
Furthermore, experienced stand-up comedians have long since discovered a proven strategy for good humor that doesn’t offend anyone. Simply laugh at yourself – and then it’s unlikely anyone will take even the most offensive pun personally. At least you know exactly what’s offensive to you and what isn’t.
#13
“You’re not THAT ugly”.
Image source: Smoking_Fire, Pablo Merchán Montes
#14
I get knocked everytime my girlfriend mentions that despite my success so far in life I am a University drop out. I mean it isnt a big one but everytime it gets brought up it stings a bit…
She works in a school and uses me as an example that you don’t have to go to University to do well in life but it’s not the kind of thing I like to be lauded for…
Image source: WriteSomethingGood, Vadim Sherbakov
#15
Happens whenever someone new meets my wife. She is better looking than I am. Just kinda objectively true. There almost always is some joking comment about how she is too pretty to be with me, or that I must have some blackmail on her, or that I need to work on myself so she won’t leave me (I’ve had a long unlucky streak with my health that this is usually a reference to). Always said with a smile. Never funny to me.
Image source: BearonVonFluffyToes, Tamara Bellis
Anyway, we’re quite confident that reading this collection of stories, if it doesn’t do you any favors in terms of developing your emotional intelligence, will at least make your time a tad bit more interesting. So now, please feel free to read this list to the very end, and maybe add your own related tales in the comments below – in case you have something to say of course.
#16
My mother growing up was always going to school and trying to remake herself. When I was around 16 I realized she was always telling people and myself she never wanted to make the mistakes she did with me with my brothers. Like constantly to the point that I heard that line daily for years. If I told her to please stop saying it she wouldn’t. She couldn’t understand that it implies I was always a mistake.
To clarify for people. My mother was undiagnosed bi-polar disorder and went to rehab like 7 times . Money was never the issue except for over spending. She was and is a dr of pharmacy. Even with the rehabs bc she self reported when I was like 20. My brothers are 14 years age difference.
Image source: anon, Getty Images
#17
Friends have been calling me “Egg” for years now, because of my head shape. I’m over it at this point, but this started in the early stages of my depression and it was hard to kick those thoughts at first.
Image source: ASHarper0325, Jakub Kapusnak
#18
I’d had a lot of trouble with toothaches and other dental issues.
At a family gathering we had all ordered Chinese with an assembly of foods to pick as you like. I went to grab a rib, to which one relative piped up, ‘you don’t want to bite into that, not with your bad teeth’.
That happened about 14 years ago and I still feel the upset. Glad to say my teeth were all repaired though and are in fine order! 😃.
Image source: Talbotsunbeamer, Getty Images
#19
Whenever a close friend teases me for being mixed ethnicity. ‘Half’ this or that. It stings because I have a lot of trauma about it. I was treated differently by my extended family, othered and considered less than. my identity always questioned by people.
Image source: quokka29, Getty Images
#20
My brother once jokingly said “good luck being painfully average. With you average looking wife, good but dead end job and locked into a mortgage for the rest of you life”. Unbeknownst to him my biggest anxiety is being unremarkable/ average and just making up the numbers for the rest of my life. the comment rattles round my head daily.
Image source: mitcheg3k, Nappy
#21
This happens all the time. People will ask what I’m doing now that I’ve graduated high school and I’ll say that I’m working on a construction crew. Then they’ll say something like “well what do you want to be doing?” or “don’t worry, you’ll find something better.” I just kinda ignore it but it really gets to me. I absolutely love my job but so many other people see it as a low level degrading position. I even got that kind of thing from my mom a few times.
Image source: 02silverado53, Scott Blake
#22
I sing and play guitar. I’ve always been told I have a good voice. I myself think it’s okay, like you’d enjoy it around a campfire but I’m not gonna get a record deal or anything. My ex drunkenly told me she thought I was a bad singer. It ruined my confidence. That was about five years ago and I still think about it every now and then when I sing, even alone. She used to say a lot of hurtful things drunk without realizing it.
Image source: Somedudewithahotdog
#23
I asked why my girlfriend wanted to be with me.
She replied that’s she’s afraid of change.
I was hurt a little inside.
Image source: numbah12345, Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦
#24
My then partner, after explaining to me all their big plans and life goals and how they were going to change the world and wouldn’t settle for less, ended with: “and then there’s you. You just want to be loved.” as though the grand summary of me is a lonely one half of a couple, and I’m that easily dismissed, and they were entirely right.
Nod along & save my existential crisis for later. Still not entirely sure if I’m some malfunctioning person for not having aspirations?
Edit:
I firmly believe that (as per the title of this thread) they meant no harm by it and were genuinely just trying to convey a difference in our life goals as they saw it. It just hit very close to home and stuck with me that perhaps having a small selfcentered aspiration made me a smaller more selfish person. After all, finding love and contentment isn’t going to end government corruption or feed starving children.
I’ve been assured (thank you all) that this isn’t the case.
To anyone else who relates to this: you’re not less valuable if you don’t need to change the world to feel complete. Chase your happiness and try not to hurt anyone. That’s about all there is.
Image source: FleurDeFuck, Gabriel Ponton
#25
Anything about my nose at all, I learned to live with it but every once in a while someone pokes some fun about it and I feel the biggest oof inside.
Image source: TheKhun, Minh Ngọc
#26
My dad got drunk one time and i know he was trying to be endearing but he said
“even though i know your never going to amount to anything, i will always love you”
and here i am at 32 with a s**t job living in his shithole house.
Image source: putnamto, Lia Choi
#27
Anything about my teeth… Couldn’t afford braces growing up😔.
Image source: CodeBlue0817, Getty Images
#28
My ex drunkenly said my roommate/good friend was very attractive. Normally that wouldn’t bother me, but the fact that she never gave me compliments hurt me for the entire night that night.
Image source: LMtOSU
#29
“I think you’re going to go bald soon”. Now I think about it on a weekly base.
Image source: SirWhanksalot
#30
I had a epileptic seizure and my girlfriend said she will leave me now, jokingly.
Image source: shoetshirt23
#31
Female here- I told my fiancé he looked like Woody from Toy Story. I could tell it stung after I said it but now he says “you’re lucky you get to be intimate with the sheriff for life” sooo he’s my Woody.
Image source: mamamiax94, Mélanie THESE
#32
Was called a little girl because of showing my soft side.
Image source: nunezhurtad
#33
“You wouldn’t get it because you’re an immigrant”
I knew she meant it as a joke but I’ve always had trouble understanding who or what i exactly am. I feel dissociated from both cultures in some ways and that joke just kinda felt like a slap in the face to all of my efforts to assimilate.
Image source: anon, Getty Images
#34
My sister once said “whoever thought thatdude would be the bread winner out of us?” That was a little over a decade ago. Egg is on her face though, I’m still the least successful out of the three us! Oh wait..
Image source: ThatDudeUpThere
#35
Well I’m 19 skinny asf (~110lbs) and every one I’ve met always enclosed their fingers on my wrist and try to go up as far as they can. I’m not hurt about it, it’s that I’ve had it happen so many times.
Image source: Bigmace_1021, Towfiqu barbhuiya
#36
Anything that’s something they don’t realize is important to me. For instance my dream is to be a racecar driver, but I still have a lot of doubt in my abilities. Whenever someone makes a joke about my driving I’m hurt a little because it brings out my own self doubt.
Image source: Dredgeon
#37
My husband said I had big ears almost 30 years ago. I still think about them when I put my hair in a ponytail.
Image source: bluelemon0219
#38
When I got Roasted by my teenaged son around a campfire while visiting an old family of friends. I grew up with this family and they knew my boy since forever. Hes always been shy until that night. I was proud that he opened up like he did but it was at my expense, although the things he was saying my friends already knew about me…. it just hit differently hearing my faults as a father And a person out loud from the boy I’m trying to raise Not to be me……..
Image source: Firehawk157, Mike Erskine
#39
In private she would praise my size and skill in the bedroom, with friends would make little remarks to the opposite.
at first I thought she didn’t want her girls friends to hit on me, but that gets old and painful fast.
Image source: srgbski
#40
“Oh you’re a virgin, I have a lot I can teach you”.
Image source: Hawgster
#41
I had been talking to this chick for a while, and things were fairly serious at times. I had to work a lot one day and she texted me saying she was bored and I needed to hurry home. I said “Aw, you missed me, huh?” And she said “I missed your c**k, after all, I’m just with you for really good s*x.”
I’ve had a lot of one night stands.. and a lot of women that just wanted to be f**k buddies and nothing more. Not to mention I lost my virginity at 14 because a 25 year old chick d*****d my drink.
Being nothing more than a sexual object, especially to someone you really like, doesn’t really feel all that fantastic.
Image source: IcariusFallen
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