Want to hear a funny joke? What did the goldfish say when he swam into a wall? He said, “Dam!” And speaking of which, do you know what many people have in common with goldfish? A short-term memory. There is a widespread belief that goldfish only have a 3-second memory. However, scientists have busted the three-second memory myth.
Nonetheless, that doesn’t change the fact that quite a few people have a poor memory, perhaps not as bad as 3 seconds. Still, it would take a while to remember what they had for breakfast yesterday. And yes, we consider that pretty bad. Not trying to brag here, but we Pandas have a good memory. We had bamboo for breakfast yesterday. Well, and the day before that.
Quips aside, we are not here to boast about having a long-term memory. However, we’ve prepared a special post for all experiencing symptoms of aging early in their lives. You’d better take your B and C vitamins! And we can help you with the latter one. As you may already know, laughter is good for your health. It produces vitamin C, which, according to studies, has a positive effect on the brain. And the quickest and cheapest way to boost its intake is, you guessed it, cracking jokes! Everyone loves some good funny jokes. However, if you worry that your goldfish memory will fail you, we’ve prepared some short jokes that are easy to recall!
Even if your memory can hold more than just the lyrics of your favorite song, short funny jokes may come in handy more often than you think. Think of it as an elevator pitch – you have little time to convince someone that you are a natural-born comedian or fun to hang out with. So equipping yourself with some funny short jokes will do no harm. Other than that, they don’t take up much space in your hard drive, aka the brain.
So prepare for some of our best short jokes that are teeny-weeny enough to fit in your back pocket! For more laughs, check out our collection of short people jokes that offer quick comedic relief.
Do you know a short joke that has not made it to the list? Let us know! Also, check out these two-line jokes we’ve covered in our previous post.
#1
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
#2
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s okay. He woke up.
#3
What did one hat say to the other?
You wait here. I’ll go on a head.
#4
The Pentagon was originally going to just be a square but the contractor kept cutting corners.
#5
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
#6
What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer?
The space bar.
#7
What’s Forest Gump’s password?
1Forest1.
#8
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight. 21.
#9
Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things, literally.
#10
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
#11
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised.
#12
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
#13
My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
#14
Rest in peace to boiling water. You will be mist.
#15
Can February march?
No, but April may.
#16
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4k?
“HDMI.”
#17
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
#18
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory.
#19
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
#20
I have many jokes about rich kids — sadly none of them work.
#21
What did one math book say to the other?
“I’ve got so many problems.”
#22
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
#23
What do you call a guy who’s really loud?
Mike.
#24
What did the ghost call his Mum and Dad?
His transparents.
#25
Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?
All of the fans left.
#26
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine.
#27
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
#28
How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream.
#29
How does Moses make tea?
He brews.
#30
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
#31
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
#32
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
#33
What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?
A chew-chew train.
#34
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
#35
What did one pickle say to the other?
Dill with it.
#36
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
#37
A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and… Cola.”
“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”
#38
What did the Baby Corn say to the Mama Corn?
“Where is Pop Corn?”
#39
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An Investigator.
#40
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
“Dam.”
#41
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
#42
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
This tastes a little funny.
#43
How do poets say hello?
“Hey, haven’t we metaphor?”
#44
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.
#45
How do you throw a space party?
You planet.
#46
Want to hear a construction joke?
Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.
#47
Why did the gym close down?
It just didn’t work out!
#48
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
Envelope.
#49
How do trees get online?
They just log on.
#50
How does the ocean say hi?
It waves!
#51
What do you call a couple of chimpanzees sharing an Amazon account? PRIME-mates.
#52
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
#53
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
#54
Why are pizza jokes the worst?
They’re too cheesy.
#55
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Thanks — I’ll never part with it!
#56
What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt!
#57
What do you call a pony with a cough?
A little horse.
#58
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey.
#59
Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?
Because it was cultured.
#60
What kind of math do birds love?
Owl-gebra!
#61
Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.
#62
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because their parents were in a jam.
#63
Why won’t peanut butter tell you a secret?
He’s afraid you’ll spread it.
#64
What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business!
#65
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
#66
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank the coffee before it was cool.
#67
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
#68
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
#69
Name the kind of tree you can hold in your hand?
A palm tree!
#70
What do you call cheese that belongs to someone else?
Nacho cheese!
#71
Why don’t you ever see giraffes in middle school?
Because they’re all in high school.
#72
What did the bathtub say to the toilet?
“You look flushed!”
#73
How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words.
#74
What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.
#75
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
#76
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
#77
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
#78
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
#79
What was a more useful invention than the first telephone?
The second telephone.
#80
I invented a new word!
Plagiarism!
#81
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
#82
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
#83
Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?
Because you should never drink and derive.
#84
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
#85
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
It’s two gross.
#86
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
#87
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
#88
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
“Bison!”
#89
What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?
Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.
#90
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
#91
I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
#92
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it.
#93
What did one traffic light say to the other?
Stop looking! I’m changing!
#94
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad.
#95
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
#96
Where does the sheep get his hair cut?
The baa baa shop!
#97
What do kids play when their mom is using the phone?
Bored games.
#98
What’s the smartest insect?
A spelling bee!
#99
What is fast, loud and crunchy?
A rocket chip.
#100
Why did the soccer player take so long to eat dinner?
Because he thought he couldn’t use his hands.
#101
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
#102
What’s a cat’s favorite dessert?
A bowl full of mice-cream.
#103
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano!
#104
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
#105
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
It’s faster than walking.
#106
What did the lava say to his girlfriend?
“I lava you!”
#107
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
#108
What’s Thanos’ favorite app on his phone?
Snapchat.
#109
What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
“That hit the spot!”
#110
What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around?
R2 detour.
#111
Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?
Because she was outstanding in her field.
#112
What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
#113
Why did the peanut get into a rocket?
He wanted to be an astro-nut!
#114
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them right back.
#115
What’s the difference between a car and a fish?
You can tune a car but you can’t tuna fish.
#116
Who eats snails?
People who don’t like fast food.
#117
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.
#118
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Control Freak.
Con…
OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
#119
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
#120
Why did the chicken go to the séance?
To get to the other side.
#121
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
#122
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
#123
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
#124
What’s the different between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
#125
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
“Curses! Foil again!”
#126
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
#127
What’s orange and sounds like a carrot?
A parrot.
#128
Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
#129
What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
#130
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
#131
Why can’t male ants sink?
They’re buoy-ant.
#132
Talk is cheap? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?
#133
Why doesn’t the sun go to college?
Because it has a million degrees!
#134
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
#135
Where do fish sleep?
In the riverbed.
#136
What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield.
#137
What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach?
“Freeze. You’re under a vest.”
#138
Which superhero hits home runs?
Batman!
#139
What social event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
#140
What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
#141
Why is a football stadium always cold?
It has lots of fans!
#142
What do you call two bananas on the floor?
Slippers.
#143
How did the baby tell his mom he had a wet diaper?
He sent her a pee-mail.
#144
Why do ducks always pay with cash?
Because they always have bills.
#145
How did Benjamin Franklin feel holding his kite when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
#146
When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
#147
How much did the man sell his dead batteries for?
Nothing, they were free of charge.
#148
Where do most horses live?
In neighhh-borhoods!
#149
Why did the Daddy Rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
#150
Which planet loves to sing?
Nep-tune!
#151
What’s a private investigator’s favorite shoe?
Sneak-ers.
#152
What did the limestone say to the geologist?
“Don’t take me for granite!”
#153
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
#154
What do you call a duck that gets good grades?
A wise quacker.
#155
What kind of keys are sweet?
Cookies!
#156
Why was the belt arrested?
Because it was holding up some pants.
#157
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
#158
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
#159
What do you call an old snowman?
A glass of water.
#160
Why did the banana visit the doctor?
She wasn’t peeling well.
#161
What’s a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
#162
What animal is always at a baseball game?
A bat.
#163
What’s a foot long and slippery?
A slipper.
#164
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
#165
Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now.
#166
Some people think prison is one word… But to robbers it’s the whole sentence.
#167
I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
#168
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
#169
What do wooden whales eat?
Plankton.
#170
God said to Moses, “Come forth and inherit the world!”. But he came fifth and won a toaster.
#171
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
#172
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it.
#173
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-Morse code.
#174
Where does Batman go to the bathroom?
The batroom.
#175
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
#176
Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor?
It needed help figuring out its problems.
#177
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
#178
Why is England the wettest country?
Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.
#179
What are shark’s two most favorite words?
“Man overboard!”
#180
Why are ghosts such bad liars?
Because they are easy to see through.
#181
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
#182
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
#183
What do you call an ant who fights crime?
A vigilANTe!
#184
Why are snails slow?
Because they’re carrying a house on their back.
#185
What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
#186
What is a room with no walls?
A mushroom.
#187
Why did the blue jay get in trouble at school?
For tweeting on a test!
#188
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
#189
What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
The staircase.
#190
What board game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
#191
What do you call a tired bull?
A bulldozer.
#192
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it would go over your head.
#193
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it was feeling a little crummy.
#194
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buck an ear.
#195
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his leg muscles so much as a kid?
He was a little Thor.
#196
It’s cleaning day so naturally, I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.
#197
The people of Saudi Arabia don’t like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
#198
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
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