Yeah, surely the quotes you’ll find below aren’t sarcastic. Not the slightest bit. They’re just as light and cheery as daffodil fluff floating in the azure summer sky, with no dual meanings, no sly remarks, and no storm clouds here.
Nuh-uh, no way. They aren’t even that funny; who cares for sarcastic quotes, anyway? Only sweet old ladies, probably. However, if you’d still like to try these no-good, dark quotes, we’ve gathered an insignificant amount of 40 sarcastic sayings for your judgment.
In all seriousness, though, sarcastic quotes are the best—they are slightly stingy and inherently clever, they can be used on almost any occasion, and if your opponent is worthy, they’ll even grant a belly-full of laughs. Some of these funny, ironic quotes originated in famous people’s heads, like Oscar Wilde and Aldous Huxley; others are of mysteriously undocumented origins.
With those ironic quotes about life, you can always claim them as your own! That is if you think the receiver will understand them fully; otherwise, all you will get is a tumbleweed slowly rolling between you two, and the resulting awkward silence will fall on your conscience.
So, cynics, rejoice! This article is dedicated to you, to the dark jokes we love dearly, and to the most useful ironic quotes to memorize! Reach all this book-worthy material in just a few scrolls directed downward, and don’t forget to vote for clever, sarcastic quotes. Also, share this wisdom with your friends by dropping them a link to this article containing the smartest quotes ever!
#1
“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams
#2
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
#3
“If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
#4
“I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.”
#5
“I always say ‘Morning’ Instead of ‘good morning’ Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people.”
#6
“Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.” – Michael Levine
#7
“An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.” – Robert Oppenheimer
#8
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”
#9
“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”
#10
“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”
#11
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”
#12
“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” – Billy Connolly
#13
“You know what I like about people? Their dogs.”
#14
“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.” – Fred Allen
#15
“An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.”
#16
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright
#17
“Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”
#18
“Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.” – Robin Williams
#19
“Don’t mistake this fake smile and professional body language. I’d punch you in the throat if I knew I wouldn’t lose my job.”
#20
“My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters… But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly “we need to talk”.
#21
“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
#22
“A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.” – Sir Winston Churchill
#23
“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” – Albert Einstein
#24
“Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense.”
#25
“Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.” – Stephen Colbert
#26
“Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”
#27
“My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.” – Walter Matthau
#28
“Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.”
#29
“So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?”
#30
“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”
#31
“When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.”
#32
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde
#33
“Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.” – Albert Einstein
#34
“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban
#35
“I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?”
#36
“Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”
#37
“If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.”
#38
“Find your patience before I lose mine.”
#39
“My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.” – Rodney Dangerfield
#40
“People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.”
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