Rocks – the blandest pets on Earth. The forever-pain for your open-toed sandal-clad footsies. Even worse, if there’s one stuck somewhere between your tights, woolen socks, and those winter shoes that you know you’ll start sweating by trying to pull off. Besides being a nuisance, rocks can also be mesmerizingly beautiful, but those are more likely to be ‘Jesus, Marie, those are minerals, not rocks!’ as one famous TV series character has said.
As with everything in life that’s both beautiful, a nuisance, and an essential part of our livelihood, rocks, too, deserve their fair share of puns. Oh yeah, this is a rock-solid list of rock puns that will come at you like a boulder heavy with laughter, rolling down uncontrollably and forcefully for your entertainment.
No slab has been left unturned searching for these cute rock puns, and no pile of rubble unscavenged for that one golden nugget that might be of interest to you. It’s a celebration for geologists and certified bashing material for rock haters. No matter which side you’re on, there’s no chance that you are simply indifferent to pebbles, cobblestones, or shiny, twinkly minerals.
Speaking of, if laughter is the best medicine and minerals have healing powers, then this combo of hilarious puns might make this article into some magical potion to be witnessed by eyes and absorbed by the gray matter in your skull.
Anyhoo, enough of pushing the same pile of gravel back and forth, and let’s give in to rock puns, shall we? So check out these stone puns on quarries and gravel, vote for the most hilarious or adorable ones, and don’t forget to show this article to anyone sharing your interest in rocks!
#1
What did the one volcano say to the other volcano?
“Hey, do you want to be my lava?”
#2
Be patient with geologists — they all have their faults.
#3
Geologists love music, but their playlists get boring — they’re only rock and roll.
#4
Did you hear about the drunk geologist?
He finally hit rock bottom.
#5
A geologist’s favorite restaurant is the Hard Rock Cafe.
#6
Why did the volcano sit around all day instead of getting a job?
He was an inactive volcano.
#7
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be recent.
#8
The two tectonic plates just couldn’t keep up the relationship anymore – said there was too much friction between them.
#9
Which rock group is made up of four men who can’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
#10
Why isn’t it safe for a rock to marry a piece of paper?
Because paper beats rock.
#11
Why did the rock go to jail?
The quartz found him guilty.
#12
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
#13
“I’m going to look for gems this weekend, and I may need your assi-stones.”
#14
The new geology teacher hasn’t had it easy — he got off to a rocky start.
#15
Sherrock Holmes’ famous line is: “Sedimentary, my dear Watstone.”
#16
A geologist’s favorite drink is anything on the rocks.
#17
You didn’t think these were good puns?
Of quartz they were!
#18
What did the stone say when he ended up at the bottom of the hill?
That’s how I roll.
#19
What is a geologist’s favorite type of music?
Hard rock.
#20
How was the rock and the stone’s relationship at first?
Solid.
#21
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
#22
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
#23
This book about rocks is a fascinating pebble-cation.
#24
It takes a boulder person to read through this list of puns.
#25
“I liked carbon before it was coal.”
#26
“I’m getting really sick and tired of always getting called to school because the only types of rock my son knows are punk, classic, and heavy metal.”
#27
Why is it hard to be a diamond?
Too much pressure.
#28
Who is a geologist’s favorite comedian?
Chris Rock.
#29
Who is a geologist’s favorite actor?
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
#30
What is a geologist’s favorite treat?
Rock candy.
#31
What do geologists do when they find an empty cup?
Phyllite.
#32
Where do geologists study?
At sedimentary school.
#33
What do lazy rocks do?
Sit around all day getting stoned.
#34
How did the rock feel about going to jail?
He was petrified.
#35
What did the one volcano say to the other volcano?
Nice ash!
#36
Did you hear about the rock dating the stone?
It was not just a plutonic relationship.
#37
Kiss a geologist and feel the earthquake.
#38
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was too much friction between them.
#39
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
#40
What di the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure.
#41
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
#42
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
#43
A geologist’s favorite fruit is the pome-granite.
#44
“I want to make an impact on the world — I do things for the crater good of humanity.”
#45
There’s no halfway with a geologist — it’s all ore nothing.
#46
Did you see the geologist towing a crate of rocks behind his car?
He had a wide lode sign.
#47
“I’ll never take you for granite.”
#48
That rock was magma before it was cool, know what I mean?
#49
Oh, you were looking for rock jokes?
Let’s see what we can dig up.
#50
So let’s start with a clean slate.
#51
Let’s rock and roll!
#52
Geology rocks, but Geography is where it’s at.
#53
Taking about rock puns slowly eroded what was once a good friendship.
#54
You must remember to keep your coal.
#55
Why did the rock sleep all day?
He was a bedrock.
#56
What did the vampire say to the geologist?
Albite.
#57
Why don’t geologists argue?
They’re too pelite.
#58
Why did the quartz find the rock guilty?
They had concrete evidence.
#59
Why did the rock and the stone break up?
The trust in their relationship eroded.
#60
Why couldn’t the rock and stone keep dating without trust?
It was the bedrock of their relationship.
#61
Geologists dig Mother Earth.
#62
Geologists don’t wrinkle, they show lineation!
#63
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
#64
What do you call a can of soda found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
#65
“My rock collection has so much sedimental value.”
#66
“I may be obsessed with rocks, but that’s my pre-rock-ative.”
#67
The geologist was found guilty in a quartz of law.
#68
“I lava you so much!”
#69
“I’m not really hungry — I’ve lost my apatite.”
#70
“I think my career as a geologist is really on the rocks.”
#71
Why did the rock shower every morning?
He wanted to start with a clean slate.
#72
What does the water in a geologist’s cup do?
Evaporite.
#73
What do hipsters think of carbon?
They liked it before it was coal.
#74
Why did the hipster like the rock?
It was magma before it was cool.
#75
When they started dating, what did the rock say to the stone?
We’re going rock steady.
#76
Why didn’t the stone get back together with the rock?
He had too many faults.
#77
“My rocks are gneiss, don’t take them for granite.”
#78
This foundation is rock salad.
#79
Geologists can be very sedimental.
#80
Why was the geologist expelled from Reform School?
He was a dirty layer!
#81
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt, and yttrium?
They are just too CoRnY.
#82
Not to quarry — you’ll do great on your science exam!
#83
“I’m coal as a cucumber!”
#84
Where were you?
I was quarried sick.
#85
A bad rock pun really makes my blood run coal.
#86
What should you do when you hear a joke about rocks?
Take it with a grain of basalt.
#87
How far do geologists travel?
A mylonite.
#88
Why do hipsters like rocks?
They’re underground.
#89
Why did the stone prefer the rock to all the others?
He was boulder.
#90
What did the stone think of the rock?
That he wasn’t gneiss.
#91
Old geologists never die, they just recrystallize.
#92
“I had breakfast with a geologist because it rocks.”
#93
You know you’re getting old when… You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going!
#94
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
#95
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
#96
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
#97
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
#98
Power to the pebble!
#99
You know the old saying — igneous is bliss.
#100
The miner got sick of his job because it was just boring.
#101
There are definitely a few gems amongst all these terrible rock puns.
#102
These puns rock!
#103
Some jokes just fluorite over my head.
#104
May the quartz be with you!
#105
Beach rocks are so cheap because they’re always on shale.
#106
A tour of a volcano would really magma day.
#107
“I’ve had a rough day, but I don’t want to chalk about it.”
#108
Whatever you do, always keep your coal.
#109
“I wish I was a little boulder.”
#110
It’s a hard rock life for us.
#111
“You took me for granite.”
#112
Pass basalt.
#113
Have a gneiss day.
#114
Geologists get their rocks off.
#115
Geologists do it on the rocks.
#116
Geology rocks but Geography is where it’s at.
#117
When were rock puns funniest?
During the stone age.
#118
Geologists never lose their luster!
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