Favoritism within a family usually does more harm than good. However, some parents can be oblivious to its detrimental effects, or worse, that they’re doing it in the first place.
A man experienced such treatment from his folks, who were heavily biased toward his sister. He’d accepted it his entire life, but the breaking point came when they gave her their old house.
Feeling hurt and left out, the author declined to do a favor for his parents. While he eventually changed his mind and agreed to help them, he now asks the AITAH subreddit for advice on moving forward.
Parental favoritism can cause strain and ill feelings among family members
A man felt his parents’ blatant bias towards his sister when they decided to give her their old house
The parents later asked the author a favor, which the latter rejected
The author provided an update on the ongoing family drama
Image credit: Silent-Incident7619
The reasons for parental favoritism may range from improper stress management to the child’s physical appearance
The author didn’t elaborate on his parents’ favoritism towards his sister. However, studies mention several causes, one being improper stress management.
According to the Survey Center on American Life, favoritism usually happens when possible marital problems and financial worries pressure a couple. It’s also more common among families where the parents are divorced.
Others can be as harsh as showing more attention to the better-looking child. Research by the University of Alberta in Canada found that parents allowed their “less attractive” children to wander further away in a supermarket.
Head researcher Dr. Andrew Harrell stated that the study aimed to prove that parents use attractiveness as a predictor of behavior, even if they don’t admit to doing so.
Any form of favoritism may make the less favored child feel lonely growing up or, worse, abuse illicit substances.
The author seems to have lived a responsible life through adulthood, but he does harbor resentment toward his parents.
Comment from Dr. Sarah Meehan O’Callaghan
It’s a sad reality that parents can favour one child over another. Even if parents experience unspoken feelings of liking one child over another, acting these feelings out and actually showing favouritism can be a very misplaced act and cause huge suffering and conflict among siblings. In effect, favouring is like giving one child a reward while another is punished.
As the article suggests, it can lead to feelings of not being loved, abandonment, and neglect and can offset one sibling off against the other, sparking lifelong and serious rifts. How do we free ourselves of these negative emotions? It can be hard to see our parents’ faults and recognise them as truly human and imperfect, but doing so is a step toward overcoming the weight of their judgement or the perception of judgement on a person’s sense of self. – Dr. Sarah Meehan O’Callaghan
Validating a child’s feelings about parental favoritism is the right approach
The author’s parents denied playing favorites, as many couples do. According to family therapist Michele Levin, genuinely validating their child’s feelings should be step one, followed by problem-solving.
“Specifically asking the child what they need will give them the chance to tell you,” Levin told Healthline in an interview.
Pediatrician and mother of four Dr. Shelly Flais shared a similar sentiment, adding that parents should not ignore their child’s complaints and dismiss them as unnecessary outbursts.
“When things calm down, it’s good to listen to what your child is trying to tell you,” Dr. Flais said.
As for the author, having a proper avenue to deal with his resentment toward his parents may be a good start.
In an article for Choosing Therapy, licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist Keisha Henry suggested finding a safe space to process through journaling or with the help of a support group. But if all else fails, Henry suggests seeking professional help.
What do you think, readers? How should the author move forward?
Many people in the comments sided with him
A few also shared similar experiences of parental favoritism
Others, however, blamed him and everyone involved
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