The Real Housewives of D.C. 1.04 “The Grape Stomp of Wrath” Recap

Man, after seeing tonight’s Real Housewives of D.C., I have officially dubbed the Salahis’ as being capable of anything, and that’s not in a flattering manner. Also, Cat goes bananas with her scolding behavior, Mary defends herself on something she had no clue about, and Stacie fills her friends in on her search for her father. Lynda? Well, she took a page from Caroline’s book and managed to stay out of much drama tonight. That doesn’t mean that her name didn’t pop up in said drama, though…

Random Moving Talk

Lynda’s time this week was cut down to her discussing with Ebong and her kids about finding and moving into a new house for her kids, two of which are grown, but come to stay time to time. Her sixteen year old looks like he could pass for twenty, though. Just saying.

Mary talks with her eldest daughter Lolly about moving out since Lolly has found a better job. Mary thinks this is good on both counts, because Lolly will finally be her own woman and the dog will go with her.

When The Opportunity Arises, Promote, Promote, Promote!

Ted Gibson is about to finally open his salon in the D.C. area, and Mary is excited for the event since she helped introduce Ted to most of D.C.’s elite. But who is there to still all the thunder? The Salahis’, who are co-sponsoring the event and having their wine served there as well. This disgusts Mary, because she thinks that Michaele is only pushing the Salahi wine and is not really looking out for Ted’s intentions. I have yet to decide on Mary’s concern as actually that or petty jealousy. She voices her opinion to Cat, who claims to hate social climbing.

Michaele ‘makes up’ with Lynda for the time being. Lynda says she doesn’t “hold bad energy”, but we’ll wait and see.

A V.C. Andrews Novel Come True…

Stacie gives her friends, but mostly us, the lowdown on how she found out about her true heritage. Turns out that her mother is caucasian and has a family, who has no clue of her existence. She also found out that her father is Nigerian and doesn’t know of her existence as well. While this might’ve sound shocking to her friends, it wasn’t shocking to me. Why? I read it already in a V.C. Andrews’ novel called “Rain”. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not disregarding Stacie’s story as mere fiction. I’m just shocked at the similarities of both situations. Both women are biracial, both stories take place in Washington, D.C., and both women were banished away from their mothers out of shame. It’s just crazy and I suggest Stacie look into this book for either inspiration, clues, or something. Just saying…

Jason and Ted’s Bogus Journey (with The Salahis’)

Jason and Cat join Mary in finding furniture for her house after she repaints it “high gloss black”. I don’t know what that means, but it gets hella cackles from Cat and Jason, which Mary did not approve of. But that’s not the focus of this scene really…

Jason fills Mary and Cat in on his and Ted’s day with the Salahis’, who invited them to the Black Caucus Dinner, which is HUGE in D.C. However, when they get there the Salahis’ not only didn’t have invitations for Ted and Jason, but snuck them in anyway. Wow. Cat and Mary are floored as Jason’s story gets worse, which later involves the Salahis’ bogarting seats and them being asked to leave (while Ted and Jason got to stay, how that happened I don’t know). Jason finishes the story by claiming that as the Salahis’ got escorted out, they were passing out business cards. However, the Salahis’ snuck back in and ended up in the V.I.P. section. Well, ain’t that a?

Is there anything these folks won’t do?

Sour Grape Flavored Wine! Brought To You By Those Damn Salahis’…

As Michaele invites the ladies to stomp some grapes at the Salahi’s Oasis Vineyard that weekend, her call with Lynda gets complicated as Lynda not only declines the invite (her son had a sports game that day), but Lynda mentions it would be nice to hang out with the “old Michaele” again. Cue record scratch sound effect. The piece de resistance of the scene? Michaele’s finger hovering over the end call button as Lynda talked about the good ole days pre-Tareq. HA!

It’s the day of the grape stomp, and while a limo picks up the guests, the Salahis’ deal with placing security all over the barren wasteland that they call a vineyard. I’m no wine expert, but that vineyard looked dead as hell. Then again, we really didn’t get a good look at it. Anyway, the point of the matter is this huge security detail that is going down due to some bad familial blood between Tareq and his mother over the vineyard. Think Falcon Crest: The Next Generation and you will get the idea.

After Stacie gets a text from Tareq on parking and security issues, Jason Backe fills her and Jason Turner in on what happened at the Black Caucus event, which sends the Turners’ for a loop. Freaked about what they might possibly be stepping into, Stacie calls Tareq to see what’s really going on. Cat jumps in the conversation and flat out asks if they are safe to come to the vineyard. The call is “lost”, or Tareq simply hung up. I believe that the latter happened, but editing can be annoying.

Once there, Cat and Mary quickly spot that the grapes to be stumped are store bought grapes, not grapes from the vineyard. As the two ladies balk at this, a little birdy from Twitter (@drivingmemad) informs me that actual vineyard grapes would not be used during a grape stomping. Well, you learn something new everyday…

Before they start, Cat is not feeling Tareq’s controlling tone towards her and starts going off and snarky tirade. Micheale asks for love and happiness and when Cat disagrees, the Salahis’ service provider says, “Well it’s better than being mean to everyone.” Say what?! Cat is pissed and Jason Turner (my new hero) says in his interview, “You generally don’t expect your service provider to call the customer. But keeping it real, Cat was being mean.” Get this man his own show NOW, BRAVO!!!

As Cat fumes the women stomp grapes, but Mary calls Cat out on her attitude by simply saying, “Who cares?” With this third strike, Cat leaves with Jason, shouting “bollocks” on her way out. That woman really knows how to make an exit, doesn’t she?

After Cat leaves the vineyard, the Salahis’, the Turners’ and Mary sit for dinner and wine, but the conversation quickly turns from that day’s events to Michaele calling Mary out for making fun of her behind her back. The conversation really is about Lynda’s comments about Michaele’s weight, which Mary took Lynda’s side on. The way Michaele chooses her words and looks as she delivers them is like a spider who has caught it’s prey for the evening. Truly scary. In the end, Michaele continues her assault on Mary, until Tareq opens his mouth. What he has to say (which brings Mary to tears), we won’t see till next week.

Bollocks.

So was Mary in the wrong the entire night? Was Michaele right about calling her out (in the most inopportune moment)? Will the Salahis’ ever have a redeeming moment this year?