Self-care is important to our mental, emotional, and physical health. But somewhere down the road, it has become a mere buzzword.
Content creators are teaching us about morning meditation, daily journaling, the ideal bedtime, practicing gratitude, walking, sugar detoxes, caffeine detoxes, digital detoxes—seriously, how many forms of detoxes?—and businesses are selling bath bombs, essential oils, mindfulness apps, fitness trackers, aromatherapy diffusers, weighted blankets, stress-relief candles, ambient sound machines, massage guns…
Don’t get me wrong; none of these things are bad per se. It’s just that consumerism has taken over what was supposed to be a personal and meaningful habit, and now we’re being led to believe that we have to buy into the latest fad if we want to stay well.
So Reddit user Kendraxquinn asked people to list widespread self-care trends that they think are actually toxic. And they responded. Below, you will find some of the most popular entries and a chat we had with psychologist Lindsay Staples in between them!
#1
Toxic positivity.
“Your own thinking is the cause for all your hardships. Just think positive and all your problems will go away. If they don’t, you’re not thinking positive enough.”
Congratulations, now people going through true hardships that have no or no easy solutions feel a giant amount of guilt on top of it.
Image source: onesmilematters, The Lazy Artist Gallery / pexels (not the actual photo)
#2
Letting your children do a beauty regime. 9 year olds do not need to exfoliate, use night cream and day serum, and beg their mommie to spend $50 on special face potions and silk pillowcases
Slap some sunscreen and a big hat on them, and keep them the f**k off social media.
Image source: bugwrench, Kampus Production / pexels (not the actual photo)
#3
Any kind of “cleanse”. That’s what your liver and kidneys do.
Image source: gothiclg, Alisha Mishra / pexels (not the actual photo)
#4
Mistaking things within the normal range of human emotion as mental illness.
You’re *supposed* to feel anxious sometimes. Anger, disappointment, sadness? They’re all valid emotions you will sometimes feel.
Image source: lessmiserables, Liza Summer / pexels (not the actual photo)
#5
HAES, “Healthy at every size,” has been distorted to mean you’re healthy no matter what and that’s just not true. Nobody should be fat shamed, but being overweight isn’t a healthy choice.
Image source: Homerpaintbucket
#6
Radical selfishness to the point that you don’t think you should ever have to compromise, sacrifice, be inconvenienced by, or have an imperfect interaction with someone.
Image source: St-Nobody, Keira Burton/ pexels (not the actual photo)
#7
Carbs are not bad for you. Gluten is not bad for you. Calories are not evil. Dairy is not bad for you. Grains are not bad for you. Sugar is not bad for you.
These things BECOME bad for you if a) you’re allergic to them or otherwise intolerant, b) it’s the only thing you eat, c) it’s ultraprocessed and not balanced out with unprocessed foods.
With all this diet culture c**p people have no idea what an actual healthy, balanced diet looks like any more. Eat a mix of foods, mostly unprocessed, and don’t punish yourself for indulging in the occasional piece of cake. Hating yourself into better habits does not work.
Image source: RiskyMama, Wendy Wei/ pexels (not the actual photo)
#8
“You have to love yourself before someone else will love you.” I can say from experience that sometimes you need someone else to love you first. There was a time when my girlfriend saw value in me before I saw it in myself.
Image source: ChaseDonovan, Jasmin Wedding Photography / pexels (not the actual photo)
#9
That constant pressure to always look on the bright side and be positive no matter what. A friend of mine “Jessie” went through a really tough time and every time she tried to open up about how she was feeling, people just told her to “stay positive” or “look on the bright side.” instead of helping. Sometimes, it’s okay to feel down and talk about it because forcing positivity can actually make things worse.
Image source: Peachy_Sofie, Sofia Alejandra / pexels (not the actual photo)
#10
That whole ‘hustle culture’ thing. It’s like society is telling us to burn out for the sake of productivity.
Image source: AmberHarder, Yan Krukau/ pexels (not the actual photo)
#11
Toxic Christianity.. I know far too many country club Christians who use their religious status as a way to never be wrong, to have no integrity because they were “called”, and to go fill up their cup (self care) every Sunday in an expensive outfit to then go treat people like garbage every other minute of the week.
Image source: passthedrink, Tima Miroshnichenko / pexels (not the actual photo)
#12
The “how not to give a f**k” nonsense. I agree, don’t give a f**k what people think if you enjoy a certain type of music. But do give a f**k about how your actions affect other people. Unfortunately, it seems that many people just take it to mean “don’t care that you might hurt other people.”
In order to self-care and self-love, it is important to consider what consequences your actions have on the world around you.
Image source: AGrayishCat, Polina Zimmerman / pexels (not the actual photo)
#13
Mommy wine/booze culture!!! Multiple drinks every night should not be the way you destress and look after yourself!!
Image source: kellenbee1, Ben Mack / pexels (not the actual photo)
#14
Waking up at 5/6am to be ultra productive as early as possible. Prioritise your sleep, guys
Edit: being a morning person is different and obviously if this sleep schedule works for you then great. But what’s toxic is that it’s pushed that waking up as early as possible is the best thing for everyone to be doing which is not true.
Image source: QuickVideo8185, Miriam Alonso/ pexels (not the actual photo)
#15
A popular self-care trend that’s actually toxic is constantly practicing ‘cutting off’ anyone who doesn’t agree with you. Sometimes, it’s important to have tough conversations, even if they’re uncomfortable. Isolating yourself from any criticism doesn’t help with personal growth.😌.
Image source: killersmilee, Jopwell / pexels (not the actual photo)
#16
Self-prioritization to the extent that it morphs into main character syndrome or some other sort of extreme selfishness.
Other people matter too and I think we often need reminders of that.
Image source: protomanEXE1995, Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo)
#17
Selfdiagnosing ADHD, OCD all those kinds of things. Lets leave that to the professionals. Feeling a bit of chaos in your head sometimes does not automatically make you have adhd.
Image source: medic00, Tara Winstead / pexels (not the actual photo)
#18
Neglecting sleep to get ahead in school or your career. Not getting enough sleep will catch up to you.
Image source: DangerzonePlane8, Kha Ruxury / pexels (not the actual photo)
#19
Therapy speak as a whole. People parrot it with no real understanding and next thing it’s being misused and abused everywhere. Words like “triggered” and “boundaries” do my head in. They both mean something very important and significant, but they don’t mean what the internet uses them as.
Image source: Mendel247, Alex Green / pexels (not the actual photo)
#20
The Law of Attraction.
No one wants cancer, depression or a s****y spouse.
Stop telling people they can solve these things with positive thinking.
Do the therapy, take the meds, he’s not going to change!
Image source: dropthemasq, Matheus Natan / pexels (not the actual photo)
#21
I swear to God. The blatant selfishness I’ve seen under the guise of “protecting your boundaries”.
Yes, boundaries are important, but sometimes you should show up even when you’re not in the perfect mood. Sometimes you should do the favor without keeping score. And sometimes you should have the uncomfortable conversation even though you’d rather stick your head in the sand to protect your peace.
I completely forgot where I read/saw/heard this but it was something along the lines of “These people are going to end up with perfect boundaries and no friends” and that rang so true for me.
Image source: ikbenlauren, Vie Studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
#22
Obsessively tracking every detail of your health can lead to more stress than benefits.
Image source: DreamCrazeOreo95, Mikhail Nilov / pexels (not the actual photo)
#23
Only doing things that feel good or spark joy. Sometimes for your own long term health and future you must do things that aren’t super duper fun.
Image source: Avocado-Toast-93, Guilherme Almeida / pexels (not the actual photo)
#24
Those “aLpHa” boot camps are bad news.
The whole concept is nonsense, and a trap to exploit insecure men and take their money.
I think the female equivalent is those trips where they pay to go into the woods and scream and break things.
Just get a real therapist. It might even be covered by your health insurance.
Image source: -ItsCasual-, Kamaji Ogino / pexels (not the actual photo)
#25
Every fad diet ever.
Image source: BudgetBotMakinTots, Polina Tankilevitch / pexels (not the actual photo)
#26
Conflating “beauty culture” with self care. Patriarchy and capitalism convincing you to obsess over wrinkles showing, etc and making you engage in a million step beauty routine is not healthy or actually Caring for yourself, it’s actually unhealthy for your mind and body .. and wallet.
Image source: stormfox222, Polina Kovaleva / pexels (not the actual photo)
#27
Avoiding difficult conversations in the name of positive vibes.
Image source: sad_boi_jazz, fauxels/ pexels (not the actual photo)
#28
Thinking so highly of yourself that constructive criticism appears to be hateful.
Image source: HeartonSleeve1989, Alex Green/ pexels (not the actual photo)
#29
Insisting that self-care needs to be solitary and cost money. For most people, the self-care they really need is quality time with friends, family, and community, not buying some c**p to put on your face while you’re alone in the tub.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m an introvert and alone time keeps me sane, but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen people celebrate “self-care” as being social.
Image source: flyingdics, Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)
#30
Acupuncture and chiropractory.
It’s fine if it helps you relax, but that pseudoscience is just that.
Image source: shrug_addict, Antoni Shkraba/ pexels (not the actual photo)
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