No matter how different and unique we might think we are, there is one experience that truly unites us as human beings: that awful sinking feeling we get when we remember doing something incredibly dumb in the past.
It can sometimes keep us awake at night. It can make us cringe when we’re shampooing our hair. And it can make us zone out when we’re supposed to be working but we’re remembering the time we made utter fools of ourselves in front of everyone a few years back. Your cheeks get flushed, you start sweating, and all you want to do is hide in a dark corner somewhere. Odds are, however, that whatever embarrassing thing you’ve done doesn’t even compare to what others have experienced.
We’ve turned to the wisdom of the crowd of the internet and collected some of the most intriguing stories of human stupidity, as shared by people on the r/AskReddit subreddit in this thread here. Scroll down to read about the silly, bizarre, and downright dumb things these folks have said and done, and, hopefully, you’ll realize that we’re all in the same boat: imperfect, full of blind spots, and prone to random weirdness.
#1
Happened just this last Sunday actually as me and my wife were having thanksgiving early with her family. My wife’s cousins husband said that vaccines were bad, sandy hook didn’t really happen, and that we didn’t really land on the moon. He said this all in the same conversation. I thought he was just joking but he assured me he wasn’t. I’m usually a pretty passive person but I f*cking lost it, the rest of the family had to separate us for a bit. The most aggravating thing was it didn’t matter what I said he was just like “you need to do more research.” Like mothercucker you just told me you learned this from watching a few YouTube videos. Oh my god I need a drink just thinking about it again.
Image source: Heartybullet
#2
The following exchange is offered verbatim (or as near to it as I can remember):
HER: That suit would look great on you.
ME: (Checking the price) Too bad I don’t have nine hundred dollars.
HER: Just use your credit card.
ME: I still wouldn’t have nine hundred dollars.
HER: What are you talking about?
ME: I try to pay off my balance in full when I use my credit card. That’s more than I can afford right now.
HER: (Irritated) That makes zero sense. Nobody pays for credit cards! They give them to you!
ME: Not the card; the balance. The bill.
HER: What “bill?”
ME: … The credit card bill? The one you have to pay every month?
HER: No, you don’t.
ME: Okay, well, I guess you can make minimum payments, but…
HER: (Interrupting) What are you talking about?! You are making zero sense. If you don’t like the suit, just say so!
ME: I do like the suit, I just can’t afford it. Using my credit card wouldn’t magically make it so I wouldn’t have to pay.
HER: You don’t pay for credit cards. God, what is wrong with you?
ME: Wait. Do you mean that you’ve never paid your credit card bill?
HER: There’s no such thing! Credit cards are so you don’t have to pay.
It eventually came to light that the young woman had been given her credit card by her parents, who paid the balance for her whenever they received a bill. This revelation only occurred after I’d been accused of trying to make her feel guilty for buying sweatshop clothing, though I never did figure out where that connection occurred.
TL;DR: Credit cards are not the equivalent of free money.
Image source: RamsesThePigeon
#3
I knew a couple in my hometown. They were both out drinking and he decided to drive them home. Both drunk. He gets pulled over and they impound the car and take him to jail for a DUI and the officers decide to drive the girl home. She gets home….. gets in her car…. and drives to the police station to pick her boyfriend up. The officers notice its the same girl they just drove home and they arrested her for drinking and driving.
Image source: SmithiZit, pexels
#4
Former co worker of mine and I were walking through a department store during the holidays. There’s an area dedicated to ugly sweaters and one had the Star of David all over it. My co-worker points to it and says “oh, isn’t that sweater for that Jewish holiday? What’s it called? Holocaust?”
I wish her the best.
#5
Someone once asked me and my twin sister if we don’t mistake ourselves for the other one. I like to think she was joking but I don’t think she was.
Image source: Nohface2, unsplash
#6
In my communications class in high school, it came to my teachers attention that a few people in the class (which had about 15 students) didn’t have a basic grasp of world geography, so he pulled up an interactive world map on his computer and connected it to the projector. “Okay, so this is where we are. This is?” Class responds with “North America” “Okay, and down here?” (Cursor is hovering over South America) Two girls expressed confusion over what it was, so he told them it was South America. Next, he moved the cursor over Africa.
And both of these girls, in unison, with full confidence blurted out “East America!” Later in the “lesson” one of the girls said that she thought North Korea was in the center of the US, and that’s why we have so many problems with them. My main concern was that I was in the same school district as them for all 12 years, and I wondered how the same system that worked for me had completely failed to work for them.
#7
Biological mom of our former foster son, talking to his court-appointed lawyer (guardian ad litem): He doesn’t need to go to the doctor. All babies get ear infections.
She had 0 idea that he could suffer from hearing loss if she ignored them enough times, not to mention how miserable he felt.
Image source: SheaRVA
#8
I work at an animal shelter and a woman asked me if we had any dogs that didn’t poop. I told her no, all dogs poop. So she asked about cats.
Image source: dazzleduck, pexels
#9
Explaining to coworker that africa is a huge continent with dozens of countries. And no, you can’t drive there from America.
Image source: Blacklight_Fever, unsplash
#10
My family and I were watching a program on TLC about cavemen. There were actors dressed up like Cavemen, doing cavemen things, as the narrator explained the scientific theory around what they thought their lives were like.
My Sister was just in awe watching this. Mouth slightly open, eyes open wide. During a commercial break she asked the room, “How did they get the cameras back there?”
We will never let her forget that she said that.
Image source: openletter8, pexels
#11
Blowing balloons up with my own air (no gas etc) with my wife prior to a party.
Wife: “No no no. Don’t blow the balloons that fall to the floor, blow up the floating balloons”
Me >Look of disbelief
Image source: [deleted]
#12
My grandpa’s cleaning lady was making fun of me for believing that the ozone layer exists. She laughed out loud at me and said, ” Then how do the rockets take off from Earth without crashing into it?” And continue to laugh and make fun of me for it for a good 10 minutes straight. I was so baffled that I just let her go on.
Image source: [deleted] , unsplash
#13
A few years ago I was traveling in Kenya and a few of us shelled out for a safari. Our guide was great and at one point said all the names for the animals in Swahili- simba is lion, for example.
An American then asked “did you always call them that, or did you decide to change it after The Lion King came out?” I really wanted to apologize to the tour guide in that moment who had to respond with respect to that guy.
Image source: Andromeda321
#14
I was explaining to my mother in law that the reason why my hubby and I were having fertility issues was that I don’t ovulate properly aka don’t release an egg. She thought about it for a moment and asked with all seriousness why we couldn’t just use one of my husband’s eggs. I just looked at my husband trying not to laugh and stated that only women have eggs and men have sperm.
That is pretty basic biology.
Image source: mnky0217
#15
This middle-aged woman I work with at a fast food place was drinking a glass of superrrrr sweet tea when these words came out of her mouth:
“My doctor said that I may have diabetes. I don’t understand how, I never eat sugar”
Image source: angdawnk
#16
When I worked at a call centre and someone said “Q for cucumber” to me.
Image source: pixelgames, pexels
#17
I love one of my really good friends so much, she is so kind, but she’s very…conservative(?) She doesn’t know I’m gay, I’m single and I can’t pin point how she would feel about me if I told her. The other day she made a joke about a gay bar and I said “Yes girl let’s go” and she said “No, I’m really scared if I go I will turn into a lesbian, isn’t that what happens?” Essentially gay people have just simply been around gay people and they turn gay. And I’m like…oh honey, you’ve known me for 4 years now nearly. And I felt bad, but “that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard” did slip out of my mouth.
Image source: PaisleyDewrag
#18
I own a diner and we do a healthy to go business. So one day I’m taking an order and the lady asked for the soups of the day. The conversation went like this. Customer: what’s the soup of the day. Me: Beef Barley and Chicken noodle. Customer: Does the beef barley have meat in it. Me: yea it’s beef barley. Customer: Oh forget it. I can’t eat pork. I’ll have a BLT instead. Me: (quietly weep for society)
Image source: Shlong_Roy
#19
World History class in high school. This girl really asked how we won the American revolution when the Germans had airplanes.
I had to remember to breathe.
Image source: baitmonkey
#20
I don’t even know how to begin, here we go:
I was a camp counselor for many years and periodically during the winter we would meet up for drinks/dinner to catch up. So I’m out to dinner with two girls I used to be on staff with and it’s raining pretty hard outside (relevant info). And one of the girls who is staring outside, looks back at us, and says “isn’t it amazing that it’s raining around the world right now… I mean like, it’s raining in Rome right now.” Or something along those lines. It’s important to note, that we were nowhere f*cking near Rome. And no way she somehow checked the weather in Rome before she came to meet us. My other friend probed her for more info in order to try to grasp what was happening and it became apparent.
She literally thought that when it rained in one place, it rained around the globe simultaneously. It’s mind-boggling. Local weather stations?: Nope never heard of it. Different climates?: Hell naw.
I lost contact with the weather-goddess a few years ago but I still see my other friend a couple times a year. No matter what the weather is, we reference this quote.
Image source: [deleted], unsplash
#21
During a color war trivia game at summer camp, we were asked to name places the Olympics has been held. Someone mentioned Athens and the girl next to me started to lose her mind laughing. I asked her why and she responded “Isn’t Athens that place from Harry Potter?”
10/10
Image source: starsd2299, pexels
#22
A coworker was trying to convince me that Nova Scotia was in Eastern Europe, I kindly pulled up a map on the internet. He quickly got embarrassed and confessed he isn’t good with geology.
Image source: Tzchmo
#23
Phone Customer: Can I pay with cash over the phone?
Me:…
Image source: MotaTattoosGatitos, pexels
#24
In Wales, we get the option to use an ATM machine in either Welsh or English. Myself, a Welsh friend and an English friend were at an ATM.
My English friend asked my Welsh friend why he always used the ATM in Welsh. His response was “Less people can understand Welsh, so less people can read my pin number”.
Image source: Rabberman
#25
Girl at uni didn’t know chips were made from potatoes. When asked if the huge potatoes on the bags didn’t give it away she said she thought it’s only for design and she never reads the ingredients list, she doesn’t have time for that.
Image source: lauraursu, pexels
#26
I asked a friend what her favourite country was.. She replied Europe.. I said that’s a continent and then she said London..
Image source: DrugsbunnyFTW, unsplash
#27
A surprising amount of people in my life have thought that ham came from its own animal and had nothing to do with pigs. At least 2 of those people had this conversation while eating a ham sandwich after claiming not to eat pork.
Image source: spaceman_slim, unsplash
#28
my ex in highschool and her friends. we were all standing around bullsh*tting and one of her friends brought up how north is up, like into the sky. She was 16. I said uh,no that’s not how that works. Her, my ex, and their friend all argued with me for over 20 minutes how I was wrong and how south was down, into the ground and north was up into the sky.
I ended up just leaving mid conversation, I couldn’t handle it.
Image source: axberka
#29
When I worked at a chemical facility, we had a genius production supervisor who figured out that you could increase the RPMs of the mixer without overheating the batch if you just remove the mixing blade, so it’s just a shaft rotating inside a drum of viscous liquid. Then he blamed the guy running the QA testing (me) when the batch failed badly.
Image source: ElToberino
#30
Okay, so there was this mother that I once met, I’ll call her Karen. So Karen is your typical MLM mom, she’s in like 3 of them, including an Essential Oil one. One day, her son gets sick. Instead of getting cold medicine or whatever, she feeds him Essential Oils. Of course, he gets sicker, so the school he goes to treats him right. After hearing about this, his mom said, and I quote, “Don’t give him that! The big pharma chemicals will make him immune to the Essential Oils!”
Image source: Camero32
#31
I had a customer yell at me that their donuts were supposed to be buy-one-get-one-free instead of half price. I had to explain how 1/2 + 1/2 was 1. Never understood it and just sneered ‘whatever’ at me and had me cancel their order
Image source: whoevencaresrly, pexels
#32
Me while watching a semi-friend do 10 seperate ATM transactions- “Why are you taking out $200.00 from the ATM in $20.00 increments? you are just adding up the $2.50 fee?”
Semi-Friend – “It all adds up in the long run”
Me – “No sh*t, it adds up to you wasting money”
Semi-Friend- “No, trust me, it adds up.”
Image source: [deleted] , unsplash
#33
My friend thought due to time zone differences between the US and the UK you could place a bet in the UK on an NFL game that had happened in the US and cheat the system because it hadn’t happened yet in the UK.
Image source: johnboyeee, unsplash
#34
“Do girls in your country get their periods?”
Image source: mjftlf, unsplash
#35
Employee looking in box where we kept the nametags. “Which one is my nametag?”
Image source: FDRs_ghost, unsplash
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