According to a recent survey, 78% of Americans who have used a dating app in the past year feel tired of it at least sometimes. Interestingly, women (80%) are more likely to experience this burnout than men (74%).
So, we decided to take a look at the subreddit r/OnlineDating, a place where singles come to share their experiences and the things they’ve learned along the way. As the saying goes, smart people learn from their own mistakes, and wise people learn from the mistakes of others.
#1
Just a reminder that it is not your job to entertain the other person. Find someone who matches your energy. There’s no reason to put in more effort than the other person.
I had to remind myself of this today, and I felt like someone else could benefit from the reminder too.
When we’re attracted to someone or like certain things about them, we often give it our all. We put our best foot forward. Find someone else who matches that same energy and effort. If you’re always the one initiating texts, always the one asking questions, etc., they’re not worth your time.
Image source: anon, Josh Willink
#2
If a woman likes you, she’ll give you a small window of time to make something happen. It’s your job as a man to drive it in a romantic direction. If you go on a few dates with her treating her like a friend, you’re going to be a friend zoned which there is no coming back from. I assume by default that she’s having a good time (assuming she looks like she is). This then gives me the confidence to kiss her goodbye.
Image source: Everlast23, Ron Lach
#3
If you are in a dark place mentally, please get off online dating.
I’m in tears as I type this. A good friend of mine just took his life and in the note he left behind he mentioned how he struggled to find someone and many other things.
I remember him also complaining about ghosting and all the toxic stuff we all deal with it.
To anyone struggling, please delete all dating apps because they are very bad for your mental health and might make things worse.
I’m sorry I just wanted to vent, I’m heartbroken. This has really gone too far.
Image source: AMG-Life, cottonbro studio
#4
Please stop uploading photos with those stupid animal face filters. You look ridiculous.
I’m sure this has been discussed before, but nothing makes me swipe left faster than a grown woman posting a picture on a dating app with that dog filter or bear filter. Especially if it’s the first picture on your profile.
To me it suggests that you are insecure about your appearance or feel the need to cover something up on your face.
Does this actually work on anyone? Why is this such a huge trend?
Image source: Jhurpess, cottonbro studio
#5
Don’t play stupid games like waiting 3 days to ask her out again or purposely not responding to her text messages trying to look kool. If you’re interested, it’s okay to be interested.
Image source: Everlast23, Anna Shvets
#6
“I deleted my profile for you”
A little PSA:
I’m a 28 year old woman and every now and again, I’ll get a man who tells me they deleted their dating profile for me BEFORE we even meet in person.
This is not cute. This is not endearing.
It’s suffocating.
We aren’t exclusive. We haven’t even met.
DO. NOT. DO. THIS.
Image source: anon, Andrea Piacquadio
#7
Don’t lie about anything important and answer questions honestly. Relationships are built on trust. Being in between jobs and living at home with parents may be unattractive to some women, but lying about it will definitely make you unattractive to all women. No one wants to kiss someone they don’t trust.
Image source: Everlast23, Andrea Piacquadio
#8
Get good at soft eye contact. Your eyes are prettier than you think.
Image source: Everlast23, Italo Melo
#9
Please don’t ghost someone…
When you ghost someone after meeting them in real life, it could really break their heart. It doesn’t matter if it was just one, a few, or several dates. Please just tell them it’s not working if they’ve been trying to reach out to you. Don’t just ignore or give them the silent treatment. They’re humans too. I know some will say you don’t owe anyone anything but at least be a decent person and tell them once and then let them move on. Please.
Image source: enigma_goth, MART PRODUCTION
#10
Get good at reading body language and signals. Women make moves too like getting really close to you, lingering by your car at the end of the date, giving you the eyes / whatever.
Image source: AudaciousPanther, cottonbro studio
#11
Men, please don’t hide your geeky side.
I joined Hinge recently (F-mid30s). I have noticed some men completely hide some of their geeky/traditionally “nerdy” hobbies and interests and it only comes up in conversation after they message me.
I’m looking for something serious and my ideal person is someone I can casually play Nintendo games with, or go watch a Ghibli Fest show together. I actually look for these things when scanning profiles!
Even if you don’t expect to have these hobbies in common with your person, why wouldn’t you at least mention it in your hobbies/typical Sunday prompt if it is in fact a hobby of yours?
Image source: AlmohadaGris, VAZHNIK
#12
Keep a journal to reflect on your experiences.
Image source: Everlast23, Hanna Pad
#13
Uploading photos with significantly better looking friends doesn’t work. If I’m much more attracted to your friends, then I can’t justify swiping. What’s the logic? That the cheerleader effect will carry them over the line? And before you say ‘maybe they just have really attractive friends’ we all know that people are more crafty and strategic than that.
Image source: StaticNocturne, KoolShooters
#14
Lying about not having kids. Lying about being single. I once stalked a woman on social media because she was being really shifty and I saw she had gotten married just a few months before. Or the worst yet was this Christian (that was the first red flag) who turned out to be pregnant when I met up with her.
Image source: StaticNocturne, Parimal Jain
#15
Putting pics of yourself as a child on your profile is weird. Stop it.
Image source: FloatDH2, Rodolfo Clix
#16
Have a good first date spot that you know very well. This allows you to lead the way. I know where to park, what to recommend and different places nearby we can relocate to if the date is going well.
Image source: AudaciousPanther, Katerina Holmes
#17
Accept that dating has a brutality to it. It’s like boxing, don’t be surprised if you get punched in the face if you’re in the ring. I’ve been ghosted, led on, confused, heart broken. It just comes with the territory. I think out of the dozens of women I’ve dated from Hinge, I’ve gotten closure once. Literally just once. The others had me scratching my head. My best friend said it best: “Don’t fall in love until you’ve seen her butt at least 3 times.”
Image source: AudaciousPanther, A. C.
#18
Don’t forget a bio with interesting opening line. leave out cliches. or at least don’t have them in the opening line.
Image source: dunisacaunona, cottonbro studio
#19
My best advice: Please stop posting pictures of your kids on dating apps.
I don’t know when or why this started, but it’s really disturbing. Please stop posing pictures of your children on random dating apps. I’m not going to choose to date you because of what your kids look like. They are too young to have a choice in the matter. and I guarantee you that when they get older they will be horrified to know their mother posted pictures of them for all the crazy eyes to see.
Image source: darkmauveshore, Yan Krukau
#20
Your profile should not be a hate letter to your ex.
I’ve seen way too many people write paragraphs about their broken heart, “opinions” about other people’s intentions on dating apps, what they aren’t looking for, etc. I don’t think this really attracts anyone.
I suggest instead to say what you ARE looking for. Remember that not every single person is looking for exactly what you are, and that is okay. Show case the wonderful person you are with your interests & hobbies. And most importantly, seriously consider if you’re even ready to date. If you’re not over your ex or can’t respect that someone else on dating apps may not have the same intentions as you, that’s a huge red flag.
Image source: tryinsohard123, A. C.
#21
The goal of dating should be personal growth, learning about life and having fun. It’s good to be outcome independent keeping things in perspective. I feel like the first 2 months of dating someone new is completely unstable. Especially with dating apps.
My mindset of dating now is: “I’m going to enjoy my time with this person: the food, convo, sunset, whatever. If I never see them ever again, it’s totally okay.” “I hope I like her” instead of I hope she likes me.
Image source: Everlast23, Anna Tarazevich
#22
If you do get rejected, it’s okay to nicely ask why. It’s rare to get honest closure, but it’s amazing when you do.
Image source: Everlast23, Chad Witbooi
#23
Dating is a lot like poker: some of it is skill and some of it is out of your hands.
Image source: Everlast23, Vija Rindo Pratama
#24
For dudes, online dating is a lot like applying for a job.
A hypothetical 6 month search:
10000 swipes (applications) 100 matches (screening interview) 15 responses/convos (telephone interview) 3 first dates (1st in person interview) 1 second date (second interview)
…and finally, if you’re lucky
A girlfriend (a job offer)
Image source: Reeder90, Marta Klement
#25
Height requirements
I’m 6’2” I have swiped on several women with the height requirement in their bio. My favorite so far has been one bio that said “no pocket men” I can tell you that every single one of them has been dry or mean with no personality or real interests. Having a preference is fine but no need to be rude about it. Now if I see the height requirement in a bio it’s an automatic swipe left. Y’all are not missing a single thing with these women. I stand in solidarity with the short kings.
Image source: tyler_chard, Anna Shvets
#26
I hate when all their photos are the same group of three girls and I have no idea who’s profile it is – this is surprisingly common.
Image source: StaticNocturne, RDNE Stock project
#27
I hate people who match and message you then unmatch or ghost you before you can reply. Some of us have jobs that require hours without using our phones, and some of us have notifications turned off for these godforsaken apps. Last week I was out with friends having a drink for my birthday when I saw that I matched with someone who sent me a long and enthusiastic message, but I’m not the type to use my phone when I’m around friends, so I waited until I was home before attempting to reply only to find that she was gone. What kind of a half baked strategy is this?
Image source: StaticNocturne, Monstera Production
#28
Physical attraction is very important. More important than most people are comfortable admitting, so my best advice is to make yourself handsome. A lot of looking handsome is simply looking healthy:
– Have a haircut that compliments your face well.
– Good skin care. I use hydrating masks from Facetory on amazon that work well.
– Find an exercise routine you enjoy doing and make it your hobby.
– Be well-groomed and wear clothes that fit you well. Wear an accessory too, like a bracelet or something.
Image source: AudaciousPanther, Tima Miroshnichenko
#29
Emotional self-awareness is important. This doesn’t just mean know yourself well. It means accepting that someone might actually just be busy. That traffic happens, and not everything has to be someone’s fault. Get into that mindset and you’ll have a light and welcoming attitude, and emotional intelligence is sadly too rare in people.
Image source: ExpendableUnit123, Uriel Mont
#30
Don’t ask to kiss. But make the first one simple and sweet. Be sure she’s into you and wanting to see you again first though.
Image source: Busy-oneforever9999, Katie Salerno
#31
If someone unmatches you on one site and you see them on another site don’t message them asking why they unmatched you its creepy.
A friend of mine matched with a guy on a swipe app and when they started talking about 10min into the convo she decided it wasn’t going anywhere so she unmatched with him. about a minute later she gets a message from another dating site saying she has a message from a guy. When she goes to check the message its the guy she unmatched on the swipe app. That really creeped her out and she blocked him and deleted his message.
This goes for guys and girls I know it sucks when someone you are talking to unmatches you, but it is super creepy to hunt them down on another dating site just so you can message them asking them why they unmatched you. It makes you look like a stalker don’t do it.
Image source: anon, cottonbro studio
#32
Most first dates go no where. Don’t take it personally.
Image source: Everlast23, Jep Gambardella
#33
Be who you want to be, no matter what you personally believe it will cost
You deserve to find someone as quirky and dorky as you are, you massive nerd. Someone who’s okay with you knitting in your recliner while pizza rolls are cooking in the air fryer. Always be YOU at all costs.
Image source: Totally-Not-Ratcliff
#34
Don’t be afraid to be extremely selective. Avoid the burnout.
And I mean extremely selective. I think we’ve all been there. We really, really want to be in a relationship. We’re desperately swiping or liking people’s profiles that we might even realize later we’re not that attracted to. Some of that may be because we’re afraid that we might miss out on “the one” who for some reason may have a terrible profile.
This desperate mood is going to cause a rapid burnout and just frustrate you even more. Take a step back. Maybe don’t use the app for a few days, a few weeks. When you get back to it, don’t spend hours swiping. Train yourself to casually browse. Do you get the feeling that the person whose profile you’re looking at is looking for a serious relationship? Do they seem to have the same interests? If you “like” or swipe on them simply because they’re cute, you might end up with a fairly large backlog of matches that never amount to anything. I found myself talking to 5 different girls, and four of then I didn’t have much in common with.
So I started avoiding profiles with “generic” responses like “I want someone who can make me laugh” (like wtf?), profiles where the person didn’t have one picture of them smiling, profiles where there were only selfies or pictures that didn’t show them doing any activity. I got really, really picky, and 99% of the time, I ended up X-ing (I use hinge) the profile even if I thought they were really cute. Sure, I got a lot less matches. But in 5 people that I match with, 3 of them (on average) turn out to lead to actual , sustained conversations, whereas before, I had 15 matches, 3 actual conversations, 4 conversations that were a waste of time from the beginning and that quickly faded out, and the rest I never even ended up talking to because I didn’t want to spend my life messaging everyone.
Being picky saves you so much time and your success rate in getting into an actual serious conversation will be a lot higher and save you a lot of frustration.
Image source: holo46, Flure Bunny
#35
If you’re fresh off a breakfup, DON’T GO ON DATING APPS
Seriously. I don’t know if I’m the only one that has seen an uprise in this in the last year or two and what started with 1 app (Bumble) is now happening everywhere.
The ONLY people I’ve matched with in the last year are people who just ended long term relationships and are looking to rebound.
Most recently I met someone and everything was great. We had a lot of the same tastes and hobbies, but after what happened last year, my main question is, how long have you been single for?
She has the audacity to tell me “well. We aren’t exactly broken up yet but I don’t wanna have s*x with him anymore. Does that count”
Image source: Jackson530, Min An
#36
Guys, if your profile has photos of you in sunglasses, great, but can you at least include some without?
So many guys have photos of them only in sunglasses. I saw a profile with 5 straight photos like that, and not one showing his eyes. I tried swiping right on a few of them and always ended up being disappointed when I asked them for a photo showing their eyes because either A) they didn’t want to send one or were like, “ok send me some photos first” (🤮) or B) they didn’t look as good without the sunglasses. So I just swipe left on them now.. Please don’t waste each other’s times… just put your full face on your profile!
Image source: EndoplasmicRetikulum
#37
If you have a kid PLEASE Mention it in your profile.
I know, it can seem like that stacks the deck against you, whether you are a man or woman, but if you are looking to build something with anyone they need to know your life. Speaking as a person who is not at that point in my life yet, that is something I feel I would need to know from the get go when building hopes for a future with anyone. And confronting the feelings of guilt that come from the revelation does no one any good at all.
It is hard. But it is your life and you can be honest about it
Image source: mutantandproud95
#38
She’s probably nervous and she’s rooting for you.
Image source: Everlast23, Karola G
#39
Catfishing and blatantly misleading people about their physical appearance. I know dating apps are a meat market but this is just pathetic. I’ve seen the same friends looking completely different in different profiles. It’s probably why I rarely see chubby women on dating apps (which is actually my preferred body type). I’ve also met up with a girl who looked so different IRL that I walked past her at the restaurant. How could this possibly work well for them?
Image source: StaticNocturne, Curated Lifestyle
#40
PSA – If you are bitter. Please take a break from OLD and dating in general.
I opened with a compliment and a comment on his profile.
Him: Are you being fake? (That was his first message to me btw)
Me: no, i am just being nice.
Him: his 2nd reply. Are you a gold digger? Do you just want guys with money? Almost every girl I meet on here just wants money.
Me: no i have my own money. I don’t care what you do as a job. *Side note. I have actually never asked guys what they do for a job until much much later.
Him: you only have 3 pictures. When are they taken? I have met people who look nothing like their pics. Do you have any more pictures?
Me: I had to unmatched him immedely cos I was going to go off at him so bad
I was being interrogated from my very first message. WTF! If you are bitter or have issues. Please take time off dating in general.
Now that I cooled off. I wish I took a screenshot before I unmatched.
Image source: LemonZest2, Ron Lach
#41
As a woman, appearance and looks are absolutely huge. But less in a superficial way and more in a you look clean and like you regularly brush your teeth way. You’d be surprised how many men I swipe left on for looking like they put zero effort into bathing, their hair, brushing their teeth etc. you can be an average looking guy but if you have decent style of dress and look clean, you’re automatically so much more attractive.
Me personally, I’m a sucker for a clean cut looking man who dresses nice and has clean teeth. That’s literally not asking much lol. They don’t have to be buff but I won’t do someone who doesn’t at least look healthy.
Image source: hereFOURallTHEtea, Tima Miroshnichenko
#42
If you hide or severely misrepresent your body on your profile, and get ghosted after your first date…it’s on you.
I bet a lot of people don’t even know that’s what their problem is.
Image source: throwawayy60932, Juan Pablo Serrano
#43
“Oops, I accidentally put 30 as my age. I’m really 56. Looking for love.” Honestly guys: Do you expect this to work?
It’s so frustrating when you see a decent profile, and then at the bottom they’re like oops sorry, can’t change it but I’m really 25 years OLDER than I said I am!
The photos are always far away shots too, so we can’t see the wrinkles.
Image source: TooEmbarrassed7
#44
If you get a match, the rule of thumb is basic ice breaking chit chat and ask her out on a date. If you wait too long, she’ll stop responding.
Image source: Everlast23
#45
Online dating will be super, super frustrating. Internalize that.
I’m sure everyone can agree with this unless you’re part of the 0.0001% who managed to create a relationship out of the first few matches you got. OLD is much more challenging than meeting someone in real life because you can get rejected in so many different ways and you’ll likely never even know why. You talk to someone, things seem to be going amazingly well, and then all of a sudden the conversation just stops and you’re left wondering “What did I do wrong?”.
OLD is rough because, as I previously stated, someone can ditch out of a good conversation for no apparent reason. I’ve learned not to be mad. Of course it sucks if it’s someone you seemed to be really into and I used to get very upset and think things like “How could they do this? It’s so impolite.” But then you realize that it happens all the time and that there really isn’t anything you can do about it. Apart from one thing. Learn not to take it personally.
Image source: holo46
#46
Get off Dating Apps if You’re Married.
Unless you explicitly say so in your bio.
What is wrong with people? How hard is it to be honest and loyal. This is the second time a guy I’ve met on a dating app had turned out to be married. These guys aren’t even that old (24 and 26). Their bios said nothing of being in a relationship let alone married.
It sucks to feel this way and I feel awful for their spouses who probably have no idea.
Do better.
Image source: Philosophical_S
#47
That you need to stop swiping after getting some matches. Keep swiping is just a way to get overwhelmed, have a lot of mediocre conversations at once, and not go on actual dates. Which is supposed to be what the apps are for. Just stop swiping when you have ~1-2 matches you can have good convo with, and set up an actual date. Only resume swiping if those dates/chats go nowhere. Otherwise you get caught in a “the grass will always look greener elsewhere” kinda scenario.
Image source: Curlslikeacrown
#48
Put in the effort you want to see.
Filling a bio with “Just ask”, a string of emoticons, or a solitary period won’t give me reason to put forward the effort you want. Fill out the profile. Don’t put in zero effort and expect to get someone who picks up the slack. Profiles like this make me think the dating dynamic will be the same, me putting in all the work while you do little to nothing but expect everything. This also goes for statements of “I won’t message first”.
Image source: pakidara
#49
More of you, less of your kids and pets – This is your profile. Not your cat’s, dog’s, or children’s. You should be the focus of every field. On a side note, have more solo pics than anything else. If every picture is of you and the same 2 friends, we won’t know who is who.
Image source: pakidara
#50
Be verbose and consistent – If you are looking for FWB, say so. If you are looking for marriage, say so. If you are looking for platonic friends, say so. Be upfront and confident. This will help those of us who actually read bios with decision making. Don’t write about wanting something serious and then only have pics of you laying down in a towel. Don’t talk about being laid back and easy going and then have zero pics of you smiling.
Image source: pakidara
#51
Grammar – This is a bio about you and written by you. If it is messy, hard to understand, and nonsensical; I feel your personality will follow the same trend. No matter how many IBVFS’s and angry emoji are present, I can’t look at a profile that resembles an edgy 1st grader’s stickerbook and believe that person is seriously trying to meet someone.
Image source: pakidara
#52
When it comes to dating, your standards are significantly higher online than they are in person.
Take a moment and think of people you know in person, people that you would go on a date with. Maybe someone at work, maybe a friend of a friend that you like, maybe someone you casually interact with at a store that you frequent.
Now take a moment and think about if you saw that person on a dating app, but didn’t know them in person, and never saw them before, do you think you would commit to a date based solely on a couple photos?
The point is, people are passing up potential dates on a dating app because a persons perception is skewed when having such little information to go on.
The way we determine if we are attracted to someone in person is restricted online. This restriction causes people to over emphasize visually since that’s all they really have to go on.
Image source: anon
#53
I hate women complaining that all men are boring, unfaithful, losers, etc and do not state how much you hate drama – yes we live in a world swarming with degenerates but it’s very obvious that you are the common denominator. I’ve even seen women who complain about this then in another prompt they mention that they love guys with tatts who ride motorbikes. You reap what you sow.
Image source: StaticNocturne, Alex Green
#54
No politics – Unless you want to attract someone who is fully consumed by politics. If the first thing on your bio is about politics (” SWIPE LEFT!!”) I can only believe that when filling out your profile, your first thought was of politics.
Image source: pakidara
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