Life is full of cringe; we just have to learn to accept it. However, no matter how well you might be doing, your memory likes to remind you of your worst moments years later, just when you expect it the least.
In an attempt to reassure everyone that it’s normal, Reddit user Royalscowlness asked platform users to share the embarrassing childhood stories they cannot seem to forget.
They received hundreds of replies, so we put together the ones that stood out the most — and hopefully, they’ll offer a little comfort in the awkwardness. You’re not alone!
#1
Ugh. In third grade I was painfully dorky and I would always sit and read by myself before the bell rang. The other kids made fun of me for reading, so…my solution? I made cat noises at them. Like hissed and stuff. Yep. That’s what 8-year-old me came up with. It did not do wonders for my popularity.
Image source: wigglybutt, Mikhail Nilov
#2
In kindergarten I was in the yard playing when I found a big rock. I thought it would be a good idea to see what would happen if I threw the rock at a window, so I did. This smashes the window. Two weeks later I started a new kindergarten but my parents keep telling me it wasn’t related.
Image source: LowSociety, Ivars
#3
My dad had an old station wagon and when I was a kid I liked to go in the back and put on puppet shows using my stuffed animals for the people in the cars behind us whenever we were at a red light. I have no idea if anyone ever noticed, but I can’t imagine what they thought of seeing these stuffed animals dancing around in the rear window.
Image source: -eDgAR-, Ivan Samkov
#4
When I was in kindergarten at a Catholic school, I told my teacher, a nun, that I really had to use the bathroom. The kindergarten and pre-k rooms had their own bathrooms just for this reason. I told her I couldn’t hold it, but she refused to let me go until we finished morning prayer. I begged but she made me stand there and told me I’d get in trouble if I didn’t listen. So I tried to hold it, but ended up peeing all over myself in the middle of the Our Father prayer. She yelled at me and the whole class laughed.
My mom let her have it though, it was just the beginning of the amount of nonsense that happened in that school.
Image source: sharkswithlasers88, freepik
#5
Posted this before, but when i was three or four I drank the majority of a bottle of delicious strawberry cough mixture and had to have my stomach pumped. **Kids like me are the reason that medicine is intentionally disgusting.**.
Image source: ButHagridImJustHarry, camilo jimenez
#6
At Easter one year I ran full force into a sliding glass door. Then I opened it and tried to run away but ran into the screen door.
Image source: 21andInvincible, Will Palmer
#7
To start, I admire my mom immensely.
She had some coworkers over for dinner once, including a superior, and it was a great opportunity to get to know everyone.
Now, my mom, the ultimate multitasker, was busy cleaning and assigning “chores” to anyone in the house who wasn’t a toddler (so, everyone except 2 year-old me). All my 6 year-old sister had to do was clean her room, and all my dad had to do was make sure I had a bath before company came over.
All the while, my mom made dinner, cleaned the kitchen, dining room, and living room.
My dad was off to a great start; he drew a bath, made sure I was clean, and emptied the water so I wouldn’t Darwin-award myself.
He decided, however, to leave me in the bathroom while he grabbed me a change of clothes. Bad move, Dad.
I work quickly. Not having clothes, 2 year-old me realized that would be inappropriate for a business dinner for my mother. I also realized that this was my chance to impress my parents with my mature-beyond-my-years ability to dress myself and look dapper. One problem: if I wanted this to truly be a surprise, I couldn’t run to my room, lest my father discover my plan.
I scoured the bathroom and nearby closet for any clothes. Then I found the perfect outfit. Now, before you find out what it is, remember—this was the early 90s. Times were different.
After I dressed myself, I slicked back my hair and ran to go greet my mother and her guests (“what a charming and put-together son you have!” They’d say).
Their looks of surprise were validation enough. I screamed excitedly “Mommy!” and showed off my unitard that was made of a discarded grocery bag—the two straps were shoulder straps and at the bottom of the bag I’d made two holes for my legs.
I was beautiful.
The rest, as they say, is history. My mother got to explain that she did, indeed, actually buy me real-boy clothes that didn’t show off my toddler bits. My father got out of bathing-me duty forever, and, as sort of an anti-climactic cherry on top, my sister’s room was as clean as a 6 year-old could make it.
TL;DR: I made myself a see-through grocery bag unitard and introduced my naked body to my mom’s coworkers.
Image source: Writerblock17, fauxels
#8
One time when I was eating with my family at the age of 10, I was sucking the juices out of a good breakfast sausage, then when they asked me what I was doing, I yelled “IM JUST SUCKING ON MY SAUSAGE!!!”
They still mess with me to this day.
Image source: anon, Jimmy Dean
#9
My mom had a friend who was living with us after his long term boyfriend broke up with him. My mom says that when the three of us were out together I’d go up to strange men and ask them if they wanted to be his boyfriend.
Image source: SadAndSlightlyObese, Tiago Bandeira
#10
When I was in kindergarten, I told my teacher to pull my finger. I am female, so was she and she was also very “proper and unforgiving” which my mother hated. So.. I farted, because she didn’t know that’s what happened. When my mom got the call she had to hold back laughter. Now whenever stories are being told (including in front of new, potential mates) I get to hear how I farted on my kindergarten teacher.
Image source: sunshinesurr, gpointstudio
#11
I accidentally told my uncle’s wife that my side of the family didn’t like them. It’s been about 15 years and they still can’t forget about what a 7 year old told them.
Image source: anon, Nicole Michalou
#12
This is my brother’s story that we won’t let him forget…
When he was 8 he was a chubby youngster that really loved Chef Boyardee’s canned pasta. Loved it to death.
One day he put some canned pasta in the microwave in a glass bowl and waited the allotted 2 minutes or so, and then eagerly reached in and grabbed the bowl. It was, as you might imagine, heated to near melting by the molten lava of pasta sauce. My brother immediately dropped the bowl, which shattered all over the floor.
Glass and pasta and meaty red sauce everywhere.
My mom runs over and starts yelling, “Oh how could you! What were you thinking!” You know, upset mother things.
My brother just looks at her… and then bursts into tears. Sobbing.
My mom then feels terrible. Starts consoling him, “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell at you” You know, apologetic mother things.
Then, my brother, through is sniffles and throaty lingering sobs, looks at her and says “It’s not that! That was the last can of pasta!”.
Image source: cranberry94, sniper257
#13
I purposefully peed my pants in the 1st Grade because I was too embarrassed to ask to go to the bathroom.
Image source: freshbakedbrouhaha, gpointstudio
#14
At the grand old age of two my twin and I got up in the middle of the night, got out steak knives and grated cheese into the heat vent. It is a miracle we weren’t hurt. My dad did his best to clean out the ductwork, but he said the smell was ingrained into our heating system. Not exactly embarrassing, but definitely odd. We also had our own language until we were about 4 years old.
Image source: tonster181, David Foodphototasty
#15
When I was in fourth grade, we had a comprehensive spelling test of all of the words we had learned throughout the year. My teacher called out the word “engine” but for some reason, my brain failed me, and I could not for the life of me imagine why my teacher would be asking me to spell this word. I had just watched the movie “Tom and Huck” and good ol Injun Joe was fresh on my mind, so naturally, I spelled “engine” as “i-n-j-u-n.” My teacher was not impressed.
Image source: aem2003, freepik
#16
When I was a little kid I was at a Durham Bulls baseball game (who were then the minor league team for the Atlanta Braves), and they had given all kids a free helmet – you know, one of those bad plastic helmets with the brown plastic snappy framing inside you get at the gas station for 99 cents?
Anyway I was walking around with my brother when Chipper Freaking Jones walks right up to me and says “hey buddy, that’s a pretty cool helmet. Wanna trade it for this autographed bat?”
I reply “no thanks, my dad might get mad if I give away my helmet.”
Chipper looks at me like I’m an idiot and gives the bat to some other kid standing nearby.
#17
I provoked a peacock when I was 3 or so, and it pooped on me. I’m 21 and people still warn me to be careful around peacocks.
Image source: NachoBurger, Anna K
#18
When I was about four, I decided to hop down the stairs like a rabbit. (FYI – there’s a reason rabbits don’t hop down stairs.) As I tumble, my mom chases me down going ‘oh’ at every bump. One of my sisters, older of course, laughed until she puked at the top of said stairs. Still haven’t lived that down.
Again, when I was older, about 8, I was playing with my mashed potatoes after dinner. My oldest sister’s future husband was there for dinner for the first time. I asked if he wanted my potatoes and ended up flinging a spoonful into his face from across the table. On purpose. That was mentioned every Thanksgiving for years – until his daughter accidentally did the same in a restaurant. (Landed in some poor ladies purse!).
Image source: mel2mdl, Curated Lifestyle
#19
In first grade I once put my finger in the pencil sharpener and cranked the handle… Yes I bled and screamed, and no I can’t fathom why I did it…
Image source: chargoggagog, Getty Images
#20
My best friend in grade school and I used to howl “COOOOOO-KIE CRISP” across the playground to find each other when we were separated.
Also, one time I read a book about schoolkids taking care of bags of flour as if they were babies. I thought it was a cool project, so I did it. I put a bag of flour in a onesie and carried it around school for a week. Fifth grade was a hoot.
Image source: manyapple5, Olga Kudriavtseva
#21
When I was 13 I dressed up as a banana and ran around town with some friends, going into shops, buying bananas and eating bananas.
Image source: Bosmantics, Dom J
#22
When I was seven I was staying at my grandma’s house. She was cooking dinner and I wandered off into the bathroom where I found a pair of scissors. I proceeded to give my self a haircut. I was awful. For the next two weeks my parents made me walk around with said awful haircut as a punishment.
TL;DR My parents made me walk around for two weeks with an atrocious haircut I gave myself.
Image source: jBudds, irishasel
#23
In kindergarten I ran into the corner of a brick wall while playing tag. No idea how exactly I managed that. I still have the scar.
#24
I was maybe 5. We were visiting my elderly grandparents. I had learned a new expression recently.
As we’re pulling out of their driveway, my dad said “Good bye!” – very deliberately, as if to start a trend. My mom said “Good bye!”. My brother (12) said “Good bye!”. I proudly said “Good riddance!”
The memory that follows is just a blur of parental mortification and butt-swatting.
Image source: playblu, Omar Antonio
#25
I was a really chubby kid, and one time at age 12 I went in a gas station with my grandma and the clerk lady asked me when my baby was due.
Image source: jebus_cripes
#26
While in gymnastics I was swinging on the bar and my only friend in the class stepped in front of me causing my foot to cut open her face. I never returned to gymnastics.
Image source: Spiro4, prostooleh
#27
When I was in kindergarten, my school stuck me in some second-grade classes because I was ahead of the curve. The first day of my more advanced classes, the teacher (who was an enormous black lady who scared me) put an essay up on the overhead projector and asked the class to copy it down “exactly as you see it.”
I copied the thing down, even taking time to reproduce the font– I wrote out every serif, loop, and shoulder on every letter, then turned it in, relieved that my assignment wasn’t so bad. Teacher saw my paper then yelled at me for taking the assignment too literally, then told me that they should send me back to kindergarten. They did not.
Image source: ghettoeskimo, Unseen Studio
#28
I grew up on a farm and we had a variety of animals there including turkeys. Male turkeys are fairly aggressive and will chase you, etc. When I was 5 or 6 a group of them were chasing me and I ended up seeking refuge on top of one of our tractors. Then I had the brilliant idea of getting revenge by peeing on them. So I dropped my pants and gave them a golden shower. Mid-stream I hear cackling and realize that I’m in full view of my grandmother and several of her friends who were visiting us.
Image source: ben_chapleski, Chanita Sykes
#29
When I was about 5 or so my younger brother was 2. Every time I played with his toys my mom would tell me that I was too big for them. So the first time I saw an obese person sit on a chair that was too small for them guess what I said. “You’re too big to be sitting in that chair.”.
Image source: anon, Markus Spiske
#30
I would sing like an opera singer. I’d also say things from advertisements all the time, and there were a series of genital herpes ads that were on quite often, which lead to me screaming GENITAL HERPES in public, much to the embarrassment of my parents.
Image source: Bronson9900, Luis Quintero
#31
When I was around 10 years old.
We just finished Physical Ed, and it was time to shower. One of my friends finished showering and got changed quickly.
Whilst I was trying to putting some clothes on after my shower, he slapped me with the force of a thousand bulls with a wet towel.
I was extremely pissed off and chased him through the locker rooms and into the auditorium, full of students.
I was so pissed off and focused in chasing him, that I forgot I didn’t have any clothes on.
Image source: y_u_take_my_username, wavebreakmedia_micro
#32
I’ve told this story before… but I still shake my head when I think about it.
Spelling your name in the snow with your own urine is one of the simple joys of growing up male. It’s a little more difficult than many people realize, because the snow starts to melt as soon as your stream hits, which necessitates a few changes in tactics for different varieties (and depths) of snow.
When I was about seven or eight, I made a point of developing these different tactics. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was turning snow-peeing into something of a subtle science. Unfortunately, I couldn’t experiment as frequently as I would have liked, both because finding spots to discreetly pee was a bit of a challenge and because excessive hydration leads to clear urine (which just isn’t as impressive).
Besides, it’s a little difficult to feign innocence when your parents can clearly see your name spelled out in the snow.
Still, I was a wily enough child to figure out a way past that problem, and I took to spelling other names with my organic ink. I had learned that swooping, curved letters were easiest to write, which is probably why “Sam” and “Bob” were frequent visitors to the back yard. Before the winter was over, I was a skilled enough scribe to spell much longer words, and for my magnum opus, I decided to write the longest name that came to mind. In retrospect, I realize that I should have given it a little more thought… but at the time, I was incredibly proud of what I managed to accomplish.
When I eventually got caught, I couldn’t understand how the deed had been traced back to me… nor did I understand why my father had thought that the name was so goddamned funny.
**TL;DR: Jennifer peed in my back yard.**.
Image source: RamsesThePigeon
#33
When I was in 3rd grade the teacher would let us leave the class for lunch early by playing a little game. Such as if you name starts with “C” you may go 5 mins early and so on. This one day the teacher decided that it would be fun to say if you have any blue clothes on you may go, about 5 kids got up showed the teacher and off to lunch they went. Next was yellow 4 more kids, Red was next I was so excited because I had some red on so I get up and start to walk out but the teacher said “Mr Hatter I don’t see any red on you” so I pulled down my pants and showed her the reddest of red jocks you have ever seen.
Later that evening my Mum got a call from the school asking if she could go in a discuss my actions.
I still have not lived it down. I am now 28 and my Dad brings this story up at least 3 times a year.
**TL;DR Flashed teacher**.
Image source: xmadhatterx
#34
So I guess one day my mother decided to teach me the proper anatomical terms for genitalia, much to the reluctance of my father. So, the very next day, my father drops me off at preschool. According to him, I bolted from his arms, and raced straight up to the pastor. Upon catching the pastor’s attention, I look him straight in the eye and proclaim for all to hear, **”GIRLS HAVE CHINAS, BUT BOYS HAVE PENIES.”** My father is a man of few words, and the mental image of him silently trudging up to me and dragging me off, nary a word said to the sea of uptight churchgoers, always makes me laugh.
**TL;DR Told the pastor that girls have chinas, but boys have penies.**
Image source: HenniferHlopez
#35
Oh god. I was about 11 years old, lonely, and in the mindset that I needed to find the love of my life NOW. I had in my mind this romantic notion that I wanted the person I fell in love with to be a childhood friend. I was still a child so I needed to find a guy NOW in order for this long-term plan to work.
Anyways, met a boy and I wrote a really, *really* embarrassing love letter about him. He got his hands on it because I stupidly left it out in the open, and our friendship was really awkward for a while. At first it was weird, but then he started joking about it and that made it easier (Though I was horrified because at this time I liked him). He still teases me about it to this day, which I’m okay with since I’m completely over those weird feelings. He’s now my best friend.
Image source: MissVelvetElvis
#36
I was in acting. I messed up my line (I was a key role). My mind went TOTALLY blank. I had ALL the lead roles before that, and po-dunk after. This started my ‘quitter’ attitude. I have started many other activities since, but as soon as I get the hang of it, I quit for fear I will mess up.. because I cannot take that again.
Image source: SyntheticReptile
#37
*sigh*
Superglued my own eyes shut. Was mimiking my mom putting on eyeliner with what ever was around.
When asked what we wanted for lunch, My brother would ask for a turkey, mayonnaise, and cheese sandwich, which I thought was the name of the sandwich. Hence, I asked for a turkey, mayonnaise, and cheese… without the cheese.
When the power went out for a couple of days as a kid, we were all on the floor in the den in sleeping bags and I asked if I could have a little debbie, to which I was told that “No, I would get roaches in my bed”. Not understanding the reasoning there, I responded with “But we don’t have roaches in out little debbies.”
That’s just a few. Ya, I have no idea what was wrong with me.
Image source: eleyeveyein
#38
At my house, we had both cats and dogs. We also kept the litter box in the bathroom and just put a baby gate in front of the door for the cats to jump over. Those baby gates were a pain to take off and put back on, so 10 year-old me though it would be faster to just jump over the gate because I really had to pee. Well, my foot got caught on the top of it and I landed face first on the tile floor. Busted my two front teeth. I will never forget the feeling of tiny tooth fragments in my mouth. My mother still brings upthis story.
Image source: budhorse4
#39
I saw my brother peeing standing up at the park. The whole way home, while crying, I screamed at the top of my lungs “I want a pp!” It was a very long walk home.
Image source: nutellablaster
#40
When I was 4, to the first black kid I met (who eventually became my best friend) I asked, “How did you get burned? You look like a burned hot dog.”
Completely innocent. He shrugged and then we just became friends. It was only embarrassing when he asked his parents (in front of me) how he got burned.
Image source: Ozzbat27
#41
I have only recently reached a point in my life where I can share this with strangers and not burn with shame. It started young…
I never liked the colour purple. I wouldn’t wear purple clothes, eat purple food. I didn’t even like Barney the dinosaur.
So for some reason or other, I get a set of crayons. The fancy crayola kind, with sophisticated colour names like ‘red umber’. I loved those crayons….all except the purple one. I hated purple.
So one day, my hatred of the purple crayon reaches breaking point. I decide I need to get rid of it. But I can’t just throw it away..the purple crayon deserves so much worse than that.
Image source: DancesWithWolvar
#42
I was shopping in gap with my mom. (I don’t remember doing this but she won’t let me live it down) When i was young I used to call kakis, pakis. So shopping in gap in an immigrant heavy part of the city, I shouted “hey mom look at all the pakis”, in a gap filled with middle eastern men and women.
Image source: Schadenfreude013
#43
First day of Spanish in 2nd grade. The night night before my brother told me a Spanish phrase to tell my teacher. He said it would make me look smart. I ended up asking my teacher if my pants are still at her house.
Image source: Bird_Flu_Sandwich
#44
My older brother and sister were in school, and my mother was hosting a school council meeting at our house. My mother didn’t particularly like the principal of the school, and nobody else really did, either, but my mother made the mistake of letting us know how she felt about the principal in conversations with my father. She was… a rather large woman, and ironically, so is my mother. The principal was… particularly large, though. Anyway…
I get to see the principal for the first time when she walks in our front door.
“YOU’RE RIGHT, MOM! SHE *IS* FAT! HOLY COW! HIDE THE TEDDY GRAHAMS!”
And then I grabbed the cookies from the drawer, ran upstairs, and hid them in my room. It’s still a story that’s told pretty much every year, and it brings us to tears laughing about it. My poor mother said she’s never felt so awkward in her life.
… The principal had transferred a couple years later, which coincided with the time I started school there. Thank goodness.
Image source: crademaster
#45
I love reading and really got into it around 7 or 8 years of age. Around this time, I was reading a book about Jackie Robinson. This book contained a word I had never read before, so I asked my mom what it meant. She was very matter of fact about it and told me it was a very very rude word and that I should never ever use it under any circumstances. She gave me no context about the word, and I didn’t really piece it together from the biography I was reading, so I filed it away under “curse words and other things that get you in trouble when you say them”.
Fast forward a few weeks, and I am at tennis camp in the summer in the city. Both of my parents worked, and this was at a public park and attended by a good 100 kids. It is hot as can be, I’m a bit overweight, I’m strong, but not coordinated. We run a bunch of sprints, hit tennis balls, and finally play “King of the Court”, a tennis camp game with “winner stays” rules. I actually win a game and get to be king, but am soon unseated. It’s about 1300 degrees, I’m sweaty as all can be, and when I lose, the kid who won made some crack about me.
At this point, I get angry and start yelling at the kid, and for some reason, one of the counselors decides to side with my opponent, making me mad. I, being a bit of a whiner at the time, pitch a fit, to which the counselor (a teenage, maybe) responds by putting an L on her head and saying to me, “L is for loser!”. I respond by drawing an ‘N’ on my head and basically shouting “N is for [word used against Jackie Robinson]” at a counselor. A young, female counselor. A young, black, female counselor.
Here in the story, silence falls at the speed of sound, and everyone is staring. I don’t get why it’s so bad, but understand that I have done something horrible. The entire camp is paused now. We are all gathered to hear a lecture from the camp director (who thinks I’m in the YKKK at this point) about tolerance. I really don’t get exactly what I did until my mom comes to get me, and tearfully apologizes to all involved, no doubt wondering how she raised such a terrible monster.
Image source: CountRepula
#46
In 2nd grade we played this fishing for words game. Only five were allowed to play at a time. When three more sat down I said, “you black kids can’t play with us.” One kid told the teacher I meant they can’t play because they’re black. I was just being descriptive and didn’t know better.
As punishment I had to stand on the top of my desk with my arms held out for the rest of the day, and we hadn’t even gone to lunch yet. I was crying, and very embarrassed. I didn’t even get why I was in trouble until later.
Image source: ZadocPaet
#47
In pre-school I had a boyfriend and he was called Ben. We used to hang in the Wendy house. This one time Ben wanted to go play fighting games with his friends and instructed me to stay at home in the Wendy house (this was the 90s though, so I don’t get that attitude). I put my hands on his shoulders and tried to kiss him like grown ups do. He went “don’t do that!” and pushed me off violently. Well I waited in that Wendy house for what seemed like hours and he never came back. I had to walk out alone and everyone knew he had dumped me. Even at 3.
I now have a crippling fear of rejection and I think it was that early experience that did it.
Image source: librarygirl
#48
My brothers name is Alex, he was arranged to go on a date with someone called Jackie. Long story short, the blind date was arranged by a Jackie who he met at a party, who assumed he was gay, and my drunken brother agreed to go on a date with him and when Jackie texted him, he thought it was a girls name so didn’t cancel the date. He came home, told us how he made a gay man very embarrased and to this day we call him Jackie.
Image source: Indydegrees2
#49
First day of Kindergarten in America. Couldnt speak a lick of English, I farted really loudly, everyone became my friend afterwards.
Edit: Now to clear this up, this fart wasn’t just a “you could hear it across the room loud” it was “shake the entire floor and like people down the hall can hear it”, to make it even better, my dad came to school with me that day too.
Image source: NeutralJuggler
#50
When I was about eight I went with my family to a chinese restaurant for my great aunts 80th birthday. When the waiter (an older chinese man) came to take our order, I said “I’ll have the cleavage,” having heard that line in Spaceballs. I had no idea what it meant at the time, and my family gaped at me in stunned silence. Only when I was maybe 15 did I realize what I had done.
TL;DR: ordered cleavage from an elderly chinese waiter.
Image source: anon
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