First of all, let’s establish that playing with someone’s feelings and emotions is NOT considered being a musician. Witticisms aside, musicians are a different breed. These people know that the course to stardom and fame can be grueling at times. Not just anyone can play the drums for Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight” or do backing vocals for the one and only Beyoncé. And that can be upsetting sometimes, but don’t worry, dear rockstars, we have something to cheer you up.
English teachers have silly jokes made about them, mothers-in-law have funny jokes too, and so do musicians. Though we Pandas can’t play anything, thanks to our chonky paws, we especially appreciate the tone of musician jokes and how fun they sound. We are good at wordplay, though! Funny musician jokes are essential when you feel things might not end on a high note. Still, most of the worries we face on a daily basis really are just minor inconveniences that can quickly be resolved by cracking a musician joke or two. And heck, if anything, just play it by ear! Alright, think we have overdone it with the puns; we will rock-and-roll ourselves out. For heaven’s sake…
Enough with silly puns, and let’s go back to musician humor, which, let’s agree, is simply unmatched! Whether you are looking for clean musician jokes to crack with your bandmates or need jokes to tell between songs, whatever the case might be, we’ve got you covered. Below, we’ve compiled some of the best jokes about musicians and, most importantly, jokes FOR musicians!
#1
The fact that there’s a Highway To Hell but only a Stairway To Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
#2
Many people told Beethoven that he would never be a musician because he was deaf, but…
Did he listen?
#3
What’s the difference between a piano player and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a piano player.
#4
The Music Festival’s excitement came to a halt as soon as The Police appeared on the stage.
#5
What do you call a gentleman?
Someone who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn’t.
#6
How many vocalists does it take to screw in a bulb?
None. They hold the bulb over their head and the world revolves around them.
#7
Glissando: A technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.
Perfect Pitch: When you throw a viola into the toilet and it doesn’t hit the sides.
Relative minor: A guitarist’s girlfriend.
#8
What did the classical music performing Boy Band name themselves? The Bach Street Boys.
#9
Why did Mozart find chicken annoying? Because they kept going, “Bach, bach, bach!”
#10
“Mommy, when I grow up, I want to be a guitar player!”
“But darling, you can’t do both…”
#11
How are trumpet players like pirates?
They’re both murder on the high Cs.
#12
How does one trumpet player greet another?
“Hi. I’m better than you.”
#13
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A vocalist.
#14
The monk finally found who his favorite band was. He realized it when he achieved Nirvana.
#15
What’s the last thing a drummer says before getting kicked out of a band?
Guys, when are we going to record my songs?
#16
How many guitar players does it to take to change a lightbulb?
5… One to change and 4 to say they could have done it better.
#17
The band’s performance was so bad they decided to give the fans a refund. Every Nickleback.
#18
What did the Spanish musician say after they left the sound booth?
Audios.
#19
What do you call that beautiful blonde on the bass player’s shoulder?
A tattoo.
#20
How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
#21
How does a jazz musician end up with a million dollars?
By starting with 2 million dollars.
#22
TIL Korean singers never say, “Yes daddy!”
They say, “K pops!”
#23
What’s the difference between a dead chicken and a dead trombonist on the road?
With the chicken, there was at least a possibility that it was on its way to a gig.
#24
Why do bagpipers walk when they’re playing?
To get away from that awful sound.
#25
Where do pianists go on vacation? The Florida Keys.
#26
Why was the piano invented? So the pianist would have a place to put his coffee.
#27
What’s the difference between a tuba and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.
#28
What do you call a tubist actually playing the correct key signature?
Gifted.
#29
What will you never say about a banjo player?
“That’s the banjo player’s Porsche.”
#30
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg?
Limp Bizkit.
#31
What does Taylor Swift do when she’s having a bad day? She shakes it off.
#32
If you drop a conductor and a watermelon from a skyscraper at the same moment, who will hit the ground first?
Does it matter?
#33
How do you make musicians complain?
Pay them.
#34
What did the pianist take with him to the supermarket? Chopin Liszt.
#35
Did you hear about the pianist who kept banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
#36
Two jazz guitarists meet in a bar, and one says, “Yeah man, I bought your last album, it was awesome!” to which the other replies, “Oh so that was you!”.
#37
What do philosophers and drummers have in common?
Both think of time as an abstract concept.
#38
What do you call a guitarist who only knows two chords?
A music critic.
#39
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
“Oops, I broke it!”
#40
How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
The can’t find the key, and they never know when to come in.
#41
Tuba Player: “Did you hear my last recital?”
Friend: “I hope so.”
#42
What kind of band doesn’t play music? A rubber band.
#43
Awareness against smoking was raised, but nobody bought it because The Chainsmokers were at the helm.
#44
What band do Jehovah’s Witness’ love? The Doors.
#45
What does a dead musician do?
He decomposes.
#46
Why do lead guitarists walk around the stage when they play?
To get away from the sound.
#47
What is the difference between a trumpet and a jet plane?
About three decibels.
#48
What’s the best way to protect your Stradivarius from thieves?
Keep it in a viola case.
#49
How do you know there’s a drummer at your door?
The knocking speeds up.
#50
What’s the difference between a cello and a viola?
A cello takes longer to burn.
#51
How can a drummer and a conductor avoid rhythm conflicts?
Work separate concert halls.
#52
Why are violist’s fingers like lightning?
They rarely strike the same spot twice.
#53
Why was the musician depressed? Because he was a trebled man.
#54
Why was the musician not getting out of his bed? Because he was feeling the blues.
#55
Monkeys can survive in any condition. Just look at Arctic Monkeys.
#56
Why are DJs considered down to earth? Because they started from scratch.
#57
What happened when A, B and D went to a rock concert, but B was the only one disappointed? Because A see, D see, but B couldn’t.
#58
How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The keyboard player can do it with one hand.
#59
Why are so many guitar player jokes one liners?
So the rest of the band can understand them.
#60
Why do guitarists prefer playing guitar to cycling?
Because with a bike you only get two pedals.
#61
What’s the definition of optimism?
A bass trombonist with a pocket planner.
#62
What does a timpanist say when they finally get a job?
“Would you like fries with that, sir?”
#63
How do you get a trumpet to sound like a French horn?
Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.
#64
How do you get a guitarist to play softer?
Place a sheet of music in front of him.
#65
Why was Mozart the top dog? Because he was in a Wolfgang!
#66
What do you call a musician petrified by Medusa? A Rockstar.
#67
Why were the musicians recycling their trash? Because it was Green Day.
#68
The posh lady only listened to only one band. Pearl Jam.
#69
There was a band of musicians who were experts in knock-knock jokes.
This was because they called themselves The Doors!
#70
Why did the cow start taking singing lessons? Because she wanted to be a moo-sician.
#71
What was the bug’s favorite band? The Beatles.
#72
I just met the lead singer of Mushroomhead.
He seems like a fungi.
#73
What is a musicians favorite car?
Honda A Chord.
#74
Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?
Neither have I.
#75
What is the difference between terrorists and accordionists?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
#76
Why can’t a gorilla play the trumpet?
Because gorillas are too sensitive.
#77
What’s the difference between a dog and a violinist?
A dog knows when to quit scratching.
#78
Why are violas larger than violins?
They aren’t. Violists heads are smaller.
#79
How can you tell if the stage is level?
The drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth.
#80
How many drummers does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, they have machines for that now.
#81
How many clarinet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they’ll keep looking in the box till they find the perfect one.
#82
Which classical music composer likes tea the most? Chai-kovsky.
#83
Why were the musician’s friends tired of him? Because he kept composing plans to meet but never acted upon them!
#84
Why did the police arrest the musician? Because he got in treble!
#85
Who was the stingray’s favorite musician? Billy Ray Cyrus.
#86
How many pilots do you need to make good music?
22.
#87
My son tried to pawn off my album collection. He’s such a Daft Punk.
#88
Why was the Boy Band stuck in one spot? Because they kept going in One Direction.
#89
What did the metal fan tell his barber with shaky hands? Slipknot, or you’ll cut me!
#90
Why were the band members arrested? Because they started a massive jam on the highway!
#91
What do you call it when a singer gets a chance?
An opera-tunity!
#92
What’s the definition of Endless Love? Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.
#93
Why are some people prejudiced towards banjo players?
It saves time in the long run.
#94
What’s the definition of a minor second interval?
Two soprano saxophonists playing the same part.
#95
What’s the difference between a mid-range rocket and a bad solo guitarist?
The guitarist could actually kill you.
#96
What do you throw to a drowning bassist?
His amplifier.
#97
Why did the musician rob an instrument store?
Because he wanted an excellent lute.
#98
Why did the child decide to learn guitar? Because it struck a chord with him.
#99
Why was the father of the symphony hard to find? Because he kept Haydn.
#100
Why don’t musicians wear headbands?
Because their hair starts making music!
#101
Def Leppard wasn’t sure if their fans would appreciate their new songs. Their fear turned them into Dread Leppard.
#102
Enthusiasm came back to the band as they kept performing. Their improvement smells like team spirit.
#103
Why did a Dell laptop drown itself? Because it was a fan of rolling in the deep.
#104
What do you call a well dressed pop singer?
Billie Stylish.
#105
Why couldn’t Anthony Kiedis get his DVD player to work?
He had a scart issue.
#106
How do you get two bass players to play in unison?
Hand them charts a half-step apart.
#107
Benjamin’s friends kept playing songs that reminded him of his ex. His friends were Breaking Benjamin.
#108
My relationship with a girlfriend, who was a chemistry teacher, came to a close abruptly. My Chemical Romance came to an end.
#109
Why did the drummer get embarrassed at the live show? Because Motley didn’t cue him when to stop!
#110
A popular band were providing free flu shots to their fans. They were the Flu Fighters.
#111
The Zeppelin was covered in light to help people see them at night. It was a LED Zeppelin.
Follow Us
