It takes new experiences and other people’s input to understand how your life experiences fit into the context of society as a whole. What you grew up thinking was ‘normal’ might be anything but, for good or for ill. In some cases, the events that happened to you can be so bizarre or traumatic that they can require years of therapy and healing to come to terms with them. Other times, it might be society that has normalized toxic behaviors and approaches.
Some internet users vented their frustrations and opened up about their painful pasts in a thread in the AskReddit online community. They shared the things that they realized were really messed up about their families and society overall, only when they got older. Scroll down to read the stories we’ve collected for you, Pandas.
#1
Punishing children under 10 for showing up to school late when they rely on their parents/siblings to get them there.
Image source: agizzy23, jet-po / freepik
#2
My Grandma got married at 16 to my Grandfather who was 8 years older than her. She had 6 kids by the time she was 22. The family romanticized their relationship my whole life, but her dying words were “at least I don’t have to deal with HIM anymore” and the truth about him being an abusive piece of s**t for 60+ years surfaced after she passed. It’s a sad reality for many women from her generation.
Image source: resinker, freepik
#3
America. When I grew up I thought it was the best country in the world, and that everyone flourished! Not so much…
Image source: Pristine-Habit-9632, pvproductions
#4
Dads being looked down on for playing with, hugging or kissing their sons.
Dad’s getting the cops called on them for watching/playing with their daughter at the park without their wife there as well.
Mothers having to go back to work early or at night to keep food on the table.
Image source: comfortablynumb15, freepik
#5
Knowing what mood your parent was in by their footsteps when they came home and making a plan accordingly.
Image source: Ruffleafewfeathers, zinkevych / freepik
#6
Denying a student’s request to use the bathroom during class really makes me reflect on how wrong it is to withhold a basic human right.
Image source: deformedcarrot_, defstock
#7
That my parents would feed me peanuts to get out of parties. I have a nut allergy.
I didn’t know it was messed up until I told a therapist and the look on her face I was like ohhhh not normal.
Image source: Worried_Cheesecake80, westend61 / Envato
#8
I thought all parents were on their best behavior and pretending to be good people in public and that when they got home they were all angry and violent. I learned I was wrong in my early 20s and couldn’t process the concept that not everyone’s parents were faking their kindness. It still sometimes feels mind-blowing thinking about how so many parents are actually kind and loving towards their kids. It made me really happy learning that some kids actually get to enjoy happy childhoods.
Image source: Dense-Shame-334, seventyfour / freepik
#9
The fact that the US is as big as it is but we only have a 2 party system, whereas other countries that are MUCH smaller have multiple political parties. We are ALL being played from all sides.
#10
Regressive taxes on the poor while the rich get breaks.
Image source: Quix66, wayhomestudio
#11
War. That it exists to begin with. And it’s still going on in the day and age. So disturbing to have zero control to help others.
Image source: Laurawaterfront, herosnow442 / freepik
#12
Fat shaming. My parents would always tell my siblings and I that getting fat is a no go in our family and we should always stay away from people who are overweight. One of my brothers was overweight but not in an unhealthy way. He was just a big guy which was genetically given from my mom side (two of my uncles were also big with good muscle built). I don’t know what you call it but my brother had that gene going on. Throughout our entire childhood, my parents will belittle my brother and make him starve to “lose” weight. My parents went as far to have myself and my little brother make fun of him for being “fat” when he wasn’t. As we grew older, we eventually start telling our parents off for their toxic behavior. So whenever my parents try to fat shame us, we fat shame them when the opportunity strikes.
And for those who are curious, my brothers and I have a tight relationship now. After enduring so much emotional, mental, and physical abuse from our parents; we got professional help to learn to cope with our feelings better and hang out together when we have the chance.
Image source: unforgivablenope, freepik
#13
Religion. As I grew up I was shocked seeing what many people do in the name of God.
Image source: Plane_Cry_1169, freepik
#14
Cat calling or honking at young girls on the street.
Image source: srslyfancy, denisapolka / freepik
#15
Being told I had to be nice to the boy that continually asked me out/gave me romantic gifts even though I rejected him politely for years.
From 5th grade (10years old) until sophomore year of highschool (15 years old) this boy asked me out and gave me unwanted gifts and poems for every holiday and school dance. All the teachers and my classmates knew it was going to happen. Literally every adult in my life told me I had to be polite when I turned him down. I didn’t have to accept his gifts or go out with him, but I had to consider his feelings when letting him down.
Years later after surviving an abusive relationship, my therapist pointed out how no one considered my feelings back then. And that perhaps, living a third of my life being told I needed to care more about a boy’s feelings than my own, worped my perception of my own feelings being valid and that I had a right to speak up for myself.
Image source: Great_Error_9602, freepik
#16
An informal part of freshman orientation at my high school included the older girls warning the new ones about which male teachers to avoid being alone with.
Relatedly, the art teacher advised us all to wear shorts under our uniform skirts so boys couldn’t upskirt us in the stairwells, and there was a nun who roamed the halls during her free periods to pop into other classes and make the teacher stop what they were doing and have all the girls stand up so she could examine the lengths of our skirts.
The school eventually shut down because the teachers kept getting arrested, but that took a decade after I graduated.
Image source: everylastlight, freepik
#17
Capitalism.
Social media and the way it commodifies literally every human interaction for “likes”.
The creation of art with the prime intention of making profit.
Image source: pure_stardust, freepik
#18
Too many pets. It can be all cute and fun as a kid, but then you grow up and realize your mom is a hoarder and the house is a biohazard.
Image source: TobyMcK, EyeEm / freepik
#19
Talking about marriage with a 15 -19 year old. Getting teased that I was an old maid at 21 years old. 21! Religious communities are wild.
Image source: lolalynna, freepic.diller
#20
Grown men being interested in teenage girls and telling them the reason is because they’re so “unusually mature for their age.”.
Image source: moonstonemi, freepik
#21
Most of my highschool friends had boyfriends in their mid to late 20s. And then also how acceptable that was to most of the adults around me.
Image source: sailorsleepycat, freepik
#22
How soul crushing and disparaging it is to work a full-time job and 2 part-time jobs just to keep your family from becoming homeless. And being poor or working-class and trying to figure out ways to keep off the government radar the way rich people do because being taxed for the $300 you made cleaning offices at night after your factory job could mean the difference between choosing between heat or electricity and being able to afford both that month.
My dad worked in the auto industry and was like a machine when he would get laid off of work. He would take whatever s**t temp job he could just to keep us afloat. I’ve had a few “lean” moments in my life that were nowhere near as desperate as his were and I hope to Christ I’m never in his shoes.
Image source: PunchBeard, freepik
#23
Food insecurity. My parents would wait until we were full to take seconds and sometimes even a first portion. I realized later that they didn’t want us to experience feeling hungry as children.
Image source: Old-College-9360, EyeEm / freepik
#24
Hitting animals as punishment for bad behaviour. My parents were extremely abusive towards any and all animals we had when I was a kid. I vividly remember when one of my dogs had nipped at my 1 year old nephew for pulling on the dogs tail, my dad’s reaction was to boot the dog as hard as he could down a set of stairs and into a steel door, then punching the dog before sending it off to his crate for the rest of the day. This was just one of hundreds of incidents like that. It took me years of unlearning that behaviour, I cry when I think back to how my beloved pets were treated by my parents and even by myself before I realized how awful that was.
Image source: Working-Mushroom-969, wirestock / freepik
#25
A Kid (in 5th grade) crying and sobbing after he got 94% on his exam. Said his parents needed him to get 96% or up (which is a high A from where I used to live) or else he’d be beaten. The teacher couldn’t really do anything
I didn’t realize how messed up it was until years later when I moved countries.
Image source: guinea-pig-lover16, EyeEm / freepik
#26
Alcoholism. Like I didn’t see anything wrong with my dad drinking every day, because he was a chill drunk, until I was much much older and realised that no, drinking everyday is not normal.
Image source: yourbigsister123, jcomp / freepik
#27
Having children you can’t afford.
So many people, including my own parents, blame the government or billionaires or the low minimum wage or etc, when the reality is you are the person at fault if you can’t afford toys or clothes for your kids.
Image source: TheSkyIsData, bearfotos / freepik
#28
Hitting or screaming at your partner. Until I was almost an adult, I thought a good relationship meant having someone who you could direct all your anger at. They’d do the same to you, and you’d still love each other. I looked forward to that connection with someone else. I thought the biggest issue in my parents’ marriage was how they held violence against each other, and they’d be happier if they just accepted how things are.
It took a while to undo that thinking. I still struggle not to associate love with violence or the forgiveness of it.
Image source: TeamWaffleStomp, freepik
#29
Eating frozen food because my mom would lock up the kitchen so I couldn’t eat.
Image source: Raccoon_Mama, user11479153 / freepik
#30
Someone trying to pay me to cut off my hair when I was younger because they wanted to buy “authentic native American hair.”.
Image source: LaRaspberries, dolga1987 / freepik
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