Whether we like it or not, the first impression really does matter. We tend to make a whole bunch of immediate judgments about people within the first few seconds of meeting them. The way they dress, how they smile, the way they speak, and their body language all quickly add up into a broad picture of what we think about the person… and if we date them. And even though some initial impressions end up being false, quite a few of them turn out to be right on the money.
Redditor u/xDarkPhoenix8161x created a viral thread on r/AskReddit where they asked men to share some of the biggest red flags that women should look out for in men they might want to date. The responses were incredibly honest and give an unfiltered glimpse into the insecurities and toxicity that some men carry with them throughout their lives.
Scroll down to read what people said, Pandas, and if you’d like to share some other immediate red flags people should be wary of, feel free to do so in the comments. And above everything, just remember to trust your gut: if you instinctively know something might be wrong, it probably is.
Dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man project, explained to Bored Panda what it means if a guy doesn’t want to introduce his girlfriend to his family and friends. He also shared his thoughts about how men who always see themselves as victims can move on from this and develop genuine confidence and learn to take responsibility for their actions.
“If a man is serious about a woman, he will almost always want to introduce her to his family or friends within the first few months,” he told us. Scroll down to have a read through Dan’s insights.
#1
This is one most women learn themselves around high school but still worth mentioning now. If he’s an a*****e to everyone but you, that doesn’t mean he thinks you’re special. It means he is an a*****e but knows how to not be an a*****e in order to get laid.
Image source: SmartAlec105, Trinity Kubassek
#2
If he’s cheating on someone else with you, he will absolutely cheat on you with someone else.
Image source: anthropocon, Dương Nhân
#3
If he claims all his exes were “crazy” or similar. Think for a second about what was the common factor in all those relationships: him.
Image source: signalstonoise88, Bruno Salvadori
#4
Avoid people who are very polite and charming when they *want* something from those ‘above’ them, but are arrogant and demanding when they think they can *take* something from those ‘below’ them.
People who ‘smile up’ and ‘kick down’ are the worst.
Image source: CiderDrinker, krakenimages
#5
Tried to find a less common one.
For people looking for a long term partner:
Beware when someone complains about everything and is seemingly the victim in every situation.
This is the type of person that will very quickly blame you if anything goes wrong, and is likely s******g on you to other people already. Secondly, it means you will be perpetually drained by the negativity over the long haul.
Image source: Kurupt-FM-1089, Keira Burton
#6
One saying I’ve always lived by is: Pay attention to how they treat waitresses. How they treat waitresses today is how they will treat you in 6 months.
Image source: b-monster666, Ketut Subiyanto
#7
Inability to clean up after themselves or do common household tasks
Image source: Wudchuck, Gary Barnes
#8
Holes in the drywall.
RUN
Image source: BMG1976, Kim Siever
#9
Pushing small boundaries that aren’t a “big deal.” Then, once called out on it, backpedaling, apologizing for it and then DOING IT AGAIN.
Image source: MusicalNerDnD, SHVETS production
#10
I defer to Chris Rock: If you have been dating a guy for four months and you haven’t met any of his friends, you are not his girlfriend.
Image source: GotMoFans, Helena Lopes
#11
A man that blames everyone else for his problems, lack of job, lack of friends, money, etc.
Somene that is unwilling to take personal responsibility for improving his situation in life.
Image source: dheffe01, Kampus Production
#12
Inability to say sorry when they do something wrong.
Image source: Mandaface, Timur Weber
#13
Sexual pressure after you directly reject an advance. Healthy people with your interests in mind only need to hear no one time and are respectful of boundaries if they bring it up again in the future.
Image source: freemason777, cottonbro
#14
Refusing to admit that they could possibly be wrong. I have seen many men get super frustrated and aggressive over the idea that they could be possibly wrong about something.
To add onto this, many of these same men when presented with the proof of them being wrong they will either deflect or make it seem like it doesn’t matter and that *you* were “making such a big deal about this”.
We are all humans and we all make mistakes. I feel for many of these men they feel stupid and less “manly” if they are wrong about something. Being able to accept your mistakes and move on is a healthy trait.
Image source: Jomanderisreal, Alex Green
#15
If he checks your phone without permission, that to me is a huge red flag.
Image source: Mydogisphotogenic, Adrienn
#16
These apply to everyone not just men.
#17
Suddenly flying off the handle at a minor inconvenience. It’s one thing to stub your toe at the end of a bad day and give the table a whack. It’s another if every moment of stress or misfortune triggers rage.
Image source: thesaga, Vera Arsic
#18
ALCOHOLISM.
Image source: gladtoknow, Tembela Bohle
#19
Does he talk about always being ready to fight if necessary? Then he’s a lunatic. Well adjusted people in things like MMA don’t want to fight randomly and don’t seek it out outside of the sport of it. Half the point is to have a place for your aggression in a controlled setting.
Image source: jl_theprofessor, Bahaa A. Shawqi
#20
If he is overtly angry when you talk to other people, (specifically other men) that’s a major red flag and he’s probably gonna start to be possessive over you by not letting you talk to anyone else.
Image source: daddytoelicker
#21
If he talks about his ex too much. As someone who was in love with an ex for way too long, I was not ready for a relationship with anyone else.
Image source: swervin87, Priscilla Du Preez
#22
Only talks about themselves
Image source: PaleRhinos, Ketut Subiyanto
#23
I’ll die on this hill: every man I’ve ever known who was an *outspoken* feminist was horrible to women behind the scenes.
Image source: tenaciousDaniel
#24
Emotional manipulation, trying to guilt trap you
Image source: Quality-vs-Quantity
#25
If a guy tells you he’s no good, listen.
Image source: JackPoe, Nik Shuliahin
#26
His hyper focus on money. While this might be a plus in some women’s opinion, this can also be a HUGE red flag.
I knew some men that was so focused on money they tried to put a price on everything, even a woman, her actions, her respect and what he is allowed to do simply because he pays for it.
This has serious ramifications due to him keeping track of everything he does for a woman and coming up with some weird idea that you owe him when things start to fall apart in the relationship.
Just keep an eye out.🚩🚩🚩
Image source: Brown_bear82
#27
If he doesn’t put in an effort to make you happy. It doesn’t have to make you happy whatever he does but the fact he’s putting in the effort means he truly cares about you enough that he cares about your mental health as well. Goes both ways.
Image source: Positive_Balance620, Priscilla Du Preez
#28
If they wear sunglasses at night. You should never masquerade with the guy in the shades
Image source: ZonkedTheBoy, Phil Nguyen
#29
Calls himself a feminist and apologizes on behalf of men. Political nice guy red flag. Bonus points if he apologize for being a man himself. He’s trying to get in someone’s pants.
This is not a call out of men who are feminist but those that wear the label but only engage in call out hot takes ie feels good in the moment but does the opposite of helping anything.
Image source: firekstk, RODNAE Productions
#30
Goes for both sexes… If the person has no hobbies. Now you are their new hobby.
Image source: blueboy664
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