It’s common sense to be kind to the people you care about. Right? However, this confuses some folks. For them, behaving nicely and being friendly is almost the same as having romantic feelings for someone, and it can lead to a lot of confusing emotions.
One guy begged the internet for advice after he began suspecting that his brother’s wholesome girlfriend might like him. Internet users rushed in to set the record straight and explained what was happening. Read on for the full story, an awkward update after the author talked to his sisters, and netizens’ insights about the family soap opera.
Just because someone is kind to you does not mean that they’re romantically interested
magnific (not the actual photo)
This guy begged for advice after starting to suspect that his brother’s girlfriend supposedly has feelings for him
Wavebreak Media (not the actual photo)
Overall, regular men are able to distinguish between friendly behavior and flirting. Not everyone, though
There is a world of difference between someone being kind to you and flirting with you. To reiterate: it is absolutely common sense to treat those you care about with kindness, be polite, and look for small ways to connect with them. Sure, you might get them tasty snacks, but this doesn’t mean that you have romantic feelings for them.
What this comes down to is the lack of social awareness some people have because they have limited life experience. They might not be used to dating or everyday kindness, so they conflate the two. Not all infidelity is physical—it can be emotional, too. In fact, emotional affairs are much more common, but they can hurt just as badly. It might be the case that the author of the viral post, starved for attention, misinterpreted his brother’s girlfriend’s niceness and friendliness for something more.
Many ordinary men can distinguish between friendliness and flirtatiousness, however. Behavioral analyst and career trial attorney Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., explains that how you smile can give away your intentions, whether you intend to be flirty or merely friendly.
Based on recent research by Parnia Haj-Mohamadi, men can distinguish flirtatious expressions in women: a slight smile, the head turned to one side and slightly tilted down, and eyes focused on them. Furthermore, the findings showed that body language and nonverbal displays are incredibly important in initiating relationships.
Overly ambiguous expressions can sometimes cause issues, however. “Potentially flirtatious expressions that are too subtle may be seen as flirting only by men with a low threshold for perceiving potential romantic interest (a finding that concerns those of us who prosecute stalkers for a living). On the other hand, expressions demonstrating too much of one cue, such as smiling, may be interpreted as happiness, instead of being recognized as courtship-related,” Patrick comments in a post on Psychology Today.
Subtlety gives women a so-called “buffer of safety” when interacting with men
And yet, it is this ambiguity and subtlety that allows women to create a “buffer of safety” while also showing potential interest.
Regular men tend to identify this subtlety and can understand the difference between expressions that indicate flirting and those that show happiness. However, romantic interest doesn’t necessarily provide a reason to rush headlong into a relationship.
“Relational quality is developed through inner qualities such as kindness, compassion, trust, respect, admiration, acceptance, and many other attributes we don’t wear on our sleeves, or our faces. Taking the time to get to know someone new is the best investment we can make in cultivating healthy, happy pairings,” Patrick explains.
We want to hear your take, too, Pandas! Share your perspectives in the comments below. Where do you personally think the line is between niceness and flirting? What advice would you give young guys to help them be more socially aware? Have you ever thought that someone was flirting with you when they were just being friendly, or vice versa? Let us know!
The internet rushed to share insights and advice with the confused author of the post
Later, the man decided to raise his concerns and spoke to his sisters. They immediately set the record straight
Drazen Zigic (not the actual photo)
Here’s what some readers said after reading the update
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