In a world governed by unattainable beauty standards, photo editing, plastic surgeries, flawless skin, timeless youth, perfect smiles and… the list is endless, appearance is something that it seems our society is wildly obsessed with.
A national survey from Allure found that the first thing 64% of people notice about someone is how attractive he or she is. And half of us—that’s every other person—think appearance defines us significantly or completely. Now think of the professional careers, job interviews, dates, and overall success, and it clicks—the way we see beauty has indeed a very ugly side.
So when someone asked women on Reddit this uncomfortable question, “What are the lesser-known problems of being an unattractive woman?” the brutally honest and often sad responses started flowing in.
Below are some of the most revealing ones that should really make us all stop and reflect on why we judge others so much and how we can change that.
#1
People being rude to you, especially men. If they’re not attracted to you, then you don’t deserve respect nor decency.
Image source: dontbesuspecious1, Keira Burton
#2
If a skinny, pretty girl dresses super casual with no effort, it’s cute and trendy, but if I do it I’m lazy and don’t care about my looks.
Image source: loalenatrice, Andres Ayrton
#3
When someone does genuinely find you attractive and you think it’s a joke
Image source: taco_h0e, Callum Shaw
#4
As a fat woman: not being able to go to 90% of my doctor’s visits without my weight being brought up. I mean, that’s fine in a checkup or physical, but if I go in because I have a sinus infection, I don’t really feel the need to discuss how fat I am right at that moment unless it’s somehow going to clear up my sinus infection.
Image source: Electronic-Cow7250, cottonbro
#5
Oh, I’m excited for this one. I’m pretty attractive, I get hit on regularly – I’m attractive enough to appeal to a wide swathe of individuals, but not so attractive as to be intimidating.
But I wasn’t always, for five years I was fat because of medication. Last year, I got super toned and lost the weight when I went off the meds. I’m now training for competitive powerlifting.
I was cute before I gained the weight, but somehow, my thirties have been amazing – this weight loss left me with anime eyes and cut cheekbones, a look I’ve never had before.
I am treated better in every facet of my life and it has given me genuine body dysmorphia that I have been in therapy for.
Men offer me free things, they constantly hit on me; women ask for advice constantly, and all ANYONE wants to discuss is how I look, which is the least interesting f**king thing about me.
Pretty privilege and thin privilege are absolutely real, and the worst part is finding out that my biggest fear – that I was worth less to society when I weighed more – was absolutely f**king true.
Thanks, society, for the super awesome body dysmorphia you have now given me.
What’s interesting is that I spent so many years in the shadows that I have zero interest in coming out of them anymore, but just like when I was fat, people think they have some sort of right to discuss my appearance blatantly.
It’s disgusting, and all it does is show how incredibly undervalued women are for anything other than our looks.
Image source: thedjmk
#6
That no matter how often your significant other tells you that you’re beautiful, you constantly compare yourself to more attractive women and feel that you’ll never be enough.
Image source: Warai-Kitten, Alex Green
#7
People thinking that you don’t have the right to like yourself or thinking that your confidence is ‘brave.’ F**k off.
Image source: GettingThere1212, Jeff Denlea
#8
Spending ages trying to dress up nicely only to go outside and realize that everyone else is still a million times more attractive than you.
Image source: Ethereal-Glow, Polina Tankilevitch
#9
Being invisible next to your friends. They’re all having fun, and you just sit there, and no one is talking to you
Image source: khajiitidanceparty, Lisa
#10
Unsolicited weight loss/health advice (that is often wrong and does not consider my health at all) and unsolicited advice on how to be attractive to men.
Image source: loalenatrice, Andres Ayrton
#11
That you should be grateful that any man wants to sleep with you and it’s selfish to think that you deserve to be in a relationship with respect. I’m apparently fine to sleep with but heaven forbid they take me outside the house and be seen with me even if they themselves aren’t conventionally attractive.
Image source: bbbbbbb9999, Jaymantri
#12
It’s a lot harder in the office. Women have a hard enough time rising to higher ranks or being taken seriously but it’s very annoying when the pretty women are taken more seriously. Heck same is true for men. Good looks win jobs
Image source: Nancy2421, Sigmund
#13
Most men assumed that I was going to be easy — as in easy to have sex with — because they think I have no self-esteem and seek validation with sex.
Image source: _Lilith_89, cottonbro
#14
Fewer job opportunities. Attractiveness plays a part in getting hired.
Image source: marymoon77, fauxels
#15
People constantly trying to fix me. My aunty asked me how I was going to get a man with a body like mine and my dressing style. Mind you, she is pushing 50 with no man, but OK.
Image source: Forsaken-Vermicelli3, Dương Nhân
#16
Empathy and sympathy. People want to comfort you when you’re the cute, pretty crier, protect you. I rarely see ugly people being the face of depression or mental illness on social media.
Not so much when you’re ugly. It’s kind of just awkward.
Image source: PikaBooSquirrel, Liza Summer
#17
Sometimes I feel bad for my partner, thinking he’s embarrassed or could do better.
Image source: Sensitiverock85, freestocks.org
#18
When I was fat, they would hit on my significant other right in front of me. When I’m slim, they look at him and immediately look at the floor and walk away.
Image source: catniagara, Katerina Holmes
#19
I lost a lot of weight after getting married & you’d be surprised how many people have said to me “Awww, he loved you for what you were on the inside!” The implication of course being he didn’t find me attractive before but for some reason pursued me anyway – girl, what?
Image source: Cyclibant, Jennifer Burk
#20
I was treated differently than my attractive friends. People were less helpful to me, left me out of everything (especially photos), and only wanted me around when it suited them.
Image source: Ethereal-Glow, Mor Shani
#21
I was ugly as a pre-teen and teenager, and whenever I said that some other woman was mean to me, I just got told “oh you are just jealous of them!”. Like, wtf, no?!
It also felt like people were able to bully me as much as they wanted to and that my claims were untrue. Just because I was ugly doesn’t mean I was lying. Somehow ppl just trust attractive people more for some crazy reason.
These days I’m cute, but I don’t put much effort in. Sometimes people get annoyed at me for not “using my potential”. No, I don’t wanna spend 1h each morning applying makeup. Who do I wanna impress? I’m cute enough to not be treated like s**t, and I have no desire to be hit on or looked at by every random dude. Let me just live my life ok?
Image source: Cute_Mousse_7980, M.
#22
I think growing up the “ugly duckling” can have bad effects on your mind and cause you to put up with bad behaviour from men. I legit thought I was ugly and unlovable and that I was lucky to have any guy interested, so I had a beggars mindset and put up with his terrible behaviour.
It’s now that I realise that I had actually had a glow up and hadn’t realised. I look at old photos and see a beautiful young woman. I was just so stuck in my past that I couldn’t embrace myself or be confident.
Your perception of yourself really does determine how you let others treat you
Image source: thanarealnobody, Zhivko Minkov
#23
That specific feeling when everyone gathers to take a group picture and hands the phone to me to take it. Ouch
Image source: jupiterjazz87, NordWood Themes
#24
People leaving you for your best friend when they realise she’s prettier.
No she hasn’t ever gotten with them, but they’ve left with the intention of getting with her
Image source: blopdab, Claudia Wolff
#25
Being called sir in shops. Not being able to contribute to the conversation when other women share stories of men hitting on them because it never happens
Image source: vpetmad, Anastasiya Gepp
#26
well as a chubby and “ugly” person, most often people think you are dumb and uninteresting and you have no right to date/like attractive people because they are out of your league. when I was a teen people would say straight to my face that I was ugly…they don’t say it anymore, but I can feel it…ahahah
Image source: dallasdina, Daniela Dávila
#27
Guys lying saying you’re obsessed with them just to get other girls to laugh and be like “eww really??”
Image source: Krazygirl1234, Kat Smith
#28
I hate when people comment or say, ‘I wanna have your self-esteem/confidence!’ as if it was a compliment. It isn’t — they’re just using other words to call the person ugly.
Image source: tealgirl94, Vinicius Wiesehofer
#29
A guy telling me “He usually wasn’t attracted to women like me” in other words fat girls.
Seriously
Image source: einahpetsg, Laura Tancredi
#30
Being 21 and knowing there is a big chance you have to live your life alone and never getting married.
Lots of people gonna say nooo you find the right one eventually but then I always think of my teacher who looked like me and she was 50, never been married and living alone with two cats.
Image source: daydreaming-g, Ekaterina
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