If there is no trust, there is no relationship, and Reddit user GrowingGames45 feels like his girlfriend has just shattered his.
In a candid post on r/Relationship_Advice, the guy said that the coworker he had been interacting with on Instagram turned out to be his partner, testing his loyalty.
Disappointed and hurt by such a move, he asked the internet if he should follow his gut feeling and break up with her, or give her another chance.
When this man received a follow request from his coworker, he started to wonder if it was really her behind the account
Image credits: Jeferson Santu / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
And his suspicion was right: it was actually his girlfriend testing him
Image credits: Kerde Severin / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Rawpixel / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: GrowingGames45
Image credits: EmilyStock / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Experts advise against loyalty tests
So-called “loyalty tests” have been blowing up on social media, where people offer to “evaluate” your partner by flirting with them, sometimes over the internet and sometimes in person. If your significant other flirts back − or worse, makes plans to meet up − they fail, and you supposedly have every justification to end the relationship. The trend has even spawned entire businesses offering to do it professionally.
However, is such a scheme the best way to promote honesty? Lisa Brateman, psychotherapist and author of What Are We Really Fighting About? How to Transform Conflicts into Conversations, doesn’t think so.
“Testing loyalty is the opposite of trust,” she told Bored Panda. “It can also show that you are untrustworthy [yourself].
“Although it is important to know the truth, how you go about learning the truth should enhance your relationship, not potentially sabotage it.”
The pain that would push a person to want to investigate their partner’s dedication can be very real, but true security in a relationship comes from both people feeling safe enough to share their genuine thoughts and emotions, even on difficult issues.
“Trust is the cornerstone and foundation that provides couples the ability to feel safe,” Brateman said. “Create a space to have an honest conversation about any concerns you have about the relationship rather than resort to tricks or tests.
“Heartfelt communication will inspire closeness and strengthen trust. Taking responsibility for past mistakes instead of covering them up, or blaming someone else and apologizing for the pain they caused will promote healing and … the loyalty you seek.”
The psychotherapist highlighted that trust is strengthened by consistency, vulnerability, honesty, and actively listening to your partner. “Trust is earned over time,” she said, “[and] white lies are still lies. Honesty isn’t always pretty, but it does inspire trust.”
Most of the people who read the guy’s story supported him and his wish to end the relationship
But some thought he was overreacting
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