Harper’s Island 1.01 “Whap” Recap

A little while later Abby’s curled up in front of a fire, apologizing to Henry for not having his back. If she hadn’t wandered off to play pool she could have gotten JD out of there before the fight even began. Henry brushes it off, touting her mad pool cue brawl-busting skills. His only fear is that someday JD will do more than just pick a fight. Always supportive Abby maintains that underneath it all, he’s still a good guy. Isn’t that sweet? Not saying much, Henry nods before turning to ask her, hey, who were you playing pool with? Abby sheepishly grins and we cut away to…

…the clueless capers of Chloe and Cal. Oi. She’s leading him down to the beach for a moonlight swim and he keeps calling to get her attention. When he said ‘swimming’he meant pool. Ignoring him with coquettish glee, Chloe starts to strip down to her skivvies and this will be twice in one episode we’ve seen her prance around in lingerie, the third nearly nekkid lady overall. I only say this because the shirtless man count stands at one and he was only changing his clothes, not prancing about like Chloe is. Just sayin’. Moving on. Sorry.

Chloe chides awkward Cal and so he starts unzipping and pushing down his pants. He remembers something and leans over wanting to show her the ring he’s carried with him, but before he can pull it out, she prances away with a, ‘You have to catch me first.’She goes out into the surf and Cal stoops to return the ring to his pocket. There’s a scream.

‘Chloe?’

Inside, adorable little Madison is watching her parents sleep. No, really, she walks in and just stands there until Shea wakes up with a start and asks Madison if she had a nightmare. Madison shakes her head, ‘Did you know people died here?’Shea asks her who told her. My guess would be any of the half a dozen people that have been talking about it this episode, but because creepy kids are creepy, Madison answers, ‘My new friend.’

Cal’s out in the water, wearing a white t-shirt no less, looking for Chloe when something grabs him from below and pulls him under. There are a few bubbles breaking the surface and suddenly Cal shoots up, gasping for air and a giggling Chloe surfaces behind him. Cal? Is not amused and pushes Chloe under the water, holding her down for what I’m thinking is a little too long. Now, Chloe? Is not amused and she splashes off. When she gets to dry land, she grabs his clothes and throws them into the water. Panicked, he grabs his pants and checks…but the ring is gone. He screams in frustration. I laugh.

Chloe storms off across the wooden foot bridge that we’ve seen in every promo and walks off into the woods. Another scream cuts through the night…

…and a post orgasmic and actually nekkid (for TV) Trish collapses on Henry in a heap. At least he’s not wearing a shirt. She’s totally embarrassed at how loud she was and she scampers off to the bathroom for a moment. Henry, lying there still flushed with his own exertions, hears her phone ring and leans over to see who it is. Cousin Ben, perhaps? Why, no, it’s Hunter Jennings and Henry totally recognizes the name. From the bathroom where there is now a shower running, Trish mentions that separate bedrooms from now on might be a good idea, you know, to make the wedding night special. Henry calls out a, whatever you wish, Trish, and mulls over the reasons her ex is on the line.

Uncle Marty’s wandering after his little conversation with Wellington, approaching the footbridge. As he reaches the center, the boards underneath give way dropping the lower half of his body through and causing the gun he’s been carrying to skitter out in front of him. We hear footsteps and a metallic sound as Uncle Marty asks whoever’s there to help him. The footsteps approach and there’s another metallic ring followed by a wet crushing sound. Uncle Marty cries out in pain. Whoever that is? Isn’t there to help. There’s another sickening strike and Uncle Marty grabs the gun, aiming it downward and firing off several shots. The murderer is undeterred and the knife strikes are now accompanied by slurping ripping and tearing sounds. Uncle Marty’s face goes slack and his struggles swiftly cease as the camera begins to pan ever so slowly out to reveal…

…his lower half completely gone. Ripped off.

Awesome.