Harper’s Island 1.01 “Whap” Recap

Heading to their room are Chloe and Cal, whose entire plot-line couldn’t bore me more. She’s amused that he taught Madison the finger in the box trick, and chides him for thinking he wouldn’t fit in. Upon entering the room, Chloe spies a pretty model ship and a box with a card. Opening the card she gets a giddy expression on her face. ‘Sailing?’She squeals. Being British, Cal quotes Shakespeare, ‘My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep.’The only amusement I get is that the quote is from Romeo and Juliet and I hope it means these two die sooner rather than later. But I doubt it, I bet Chloe’s got a good set of screaming lungs. I can hope though, right? Right? Long story short (too late) he plans on talking her sailing one day while they’re on the island, he even gave her a captain’s cap to wear.

Back on the dock, the yacht captain and his officer are poking at the bottom of the boat and Jimmy, along with Shane (The Townie) Pierce, are mocking. Shane is also mocking Jimmy’s mooning over a girl who didn’t call him once in the seven years she was gone. Even I find that more than a little pathetic and I revoke all the points I gave Jimmy earlier. Since they’re the Exposition Twins, they must remark on the ‘Princess and the Pauper’aspects of the Trish/Henry marriage, the fact Henry only worked on the island summers, and the fact that Henry has a ‘psycho brother’, JD (The Black Sheep). Shane also thinks Jimmy is too nice which is evidenced when he offers to help the captain.

Jumping in the water and reaching down, he says it’s likely seaweed twisted around the rudder. We know better. With a tug, he a) dislodges the rope and b) shakes loose a lovely Cousin Ben-head, which is remarkably intact for having gone face-first into a propeller blade. But it makes a real pretty shot so I’ll let it go. Unfortunately it’s wasted, as the head never obligingly bobs to the surface. At all. The entire episode. Boo. Instead, Jimmy hands off a ragged piece of the rope.

At the inn, a baggage cart carrying scuba gear is trundled along and someone I’m pretty sure is Sully (we never see the face or hair) stops it to grab his bag off the top. Are the other bags his? Is the scuba gear? We don’t know because we cut to Uncle Marty (drink in hand) and Henry chatting. Uncle Marty’s proud of Henry, he used to wash Wellington’s boat summers, now he’s marrying his daughter. In case we missed it all the other times it’s been mentioned, Henry’s hear to remind us that Wellington isn’t too keen on the idea. Uncle Marty admonishes Henry to never let Wellington boss him around, and then like the perv he is, he asks who Chloe is.

Which is our cue to cut to Cal in a bathtub filled with bubbles up to his chin. He calls for Chloe who appears in lingerie and a man’s shirt. Cal gulps, and says he has something for Chloe. She asks if it’s big and that’s all the innuendo I’m recapping. They go on for another minute, and when Chloe calls his bluff, he backs down sheepishly. She leaves, and his had rises out of the water with a honkin’huge diamond ring. Cal starts to wonder if it’s big enough. Dude, trust me. It’s big enough.

Madison’s parents, Shea and Richard (The Brother-In-Law) Allen are discussing finding a playmate for Madison. Richard thinks she’s fine, but since we immediately cut to a shot of her using a magnifying glass to fry a snail, I doubt that assessment.

In a room, a seedy-looking guy is dumping out a rucksack. There’s a knock at the door and Henry’s voice calls out, ‘JD, you in there?’I guess this is JD, then. Henry knocks again, checking to see if there’s anything JD needs, and then, hesitantly but genuinely, he tells his brother he’s glad he came. JD rolls his eyes and begins to undress as Henry continues. With their parents gone, JD and Marty are all Henry has. As JD undresses, we see the collection of tattoos. It’s mostly skulls, some writing, probably more death/depression stuff. If it becomes relevant, I’ll let you know as soon as I do. Henry gives up and walks away.

And we’re treated to more of Wellington macking on the Missus. He’s fully dressed, she’s…in the shower. Whatever. Wellington breaks away and crosses to his laptop, pulling up an e-mail from a mysterious ‘HJ’. There’s no subject line, and the e-mail reads simply:

I will get to her tonight.

The soundtrack is scared and Wellington looks serious.

Guess what? It’s timefor Abby’s lingerie shot! She’s freshly out of the shower (her hair is wet) and her phone is ringing. She goes over to answer it, ‘Hello?’The only reply is a recording of Ave Maria which plays for a moment and cuts off. Abby looks more confused than scared. Later that evening she walks into a party for the guests wearing a sexy little red dress and looking fairly uncomfortable about it. She bellys up to the bar next to Henry who is very impressed at how she cleaned up. With a confidence that belies her inebriated state she tells him she’s decided to have fun, and anything he needs, she’s got his back. He recognizes her adorable drunkenness and puts a companionable arm around her.

This action is noted by Lucy who is sitting with Trish, Chloe and Beth. Now I can see why Henry’s at the bar. Lucy claims that Abby seems quite nice and Chloe decides to dredge up an argument that was old way back When Harry Met Sally. Men and women can’t be friends. Trish steadfastly maintains that they’re just friends. And the debate continues. Thankfully, Trish’s cell phone rings, this time with a text message from the mysterious Hunter Jennings, ‘You look lovely in blue. Meet me in the south lobby.’

Wow, stalker much?

To avoid him coming to find her, Trish excuses herself. She walks out into the lobby, dodging porters carrying gift bags, and a voice calls out, ‘Hello, Trish.’This is Hunter. This is Hunter trying to kiss Trish. This is Trish putting on the brakes. This is Hunter challenging Trish’s assertion that she’s getting married. This is Trish looking annoyed, or worried, it’s hard to tell.