Imagine you are locked in some verbal fireworks with someone, and all eyes are on you, waiting eagerly for your next move. Just as the tempo rises, the verbal smackdown fizzles out — all because you couldn’t think of some good roasts on the spot!
We’ve all been there. The frustration of not being able to deliver funny burns and comebacks to win the duel can last for days. Until you wake up in the middle of the night and have a sudden epiphany. Your brain finally delivers the best funny roasts you could have used in that situation. Alas, now there is no one to hear your savage comeback quotes.
Roasting is an art — it’s a verbal battle where a sharp tongue and a quick wit are your weapons. It requires wit, timing, and a touch of audacity. However, not everyone is blessed with the fiery tongue or the unfiltered personality of Gordon Ramsay. He seems to have a formidable arsenal of stunning comebacks that can render anyone speechless. Now you must be thinking, “What are some good comebacks that I can use when stuck in similar situations?” Don’t stress. If you can’t innovate, then simply imitate. We’ve collected a ton of fiery roasts that you can use in any situation. In this guide, we’ll equip you with awesome roasts and savage comeback quotes that will leave your opponents gasping. You’ll own the room with these good roasts and epic comebacks.
Whether you wish to use a clever pun or a well-timed one-liner, we’ve got you covered! This list will give you good roasts that play with words and comebacks that will demolish your rivals with style (as long as it’s all good, clean fun). So get ready to level up your banter game and become the reigning champion of good roasts.
#1 Ranking the Dumbest: A Threat
“You’re not the dumbest person I’ve ever met, but you better hope he doesn’t die.”
Image source: Trick-Reveal-463
#2
“It would be a great day If you used a glue stick instead of Chapstick.”
#3
“Whatever doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.”
#4 Eye Roll Decoded
“Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?”
#5
“Oh, sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours?”
#6
“When I was in high school, one of my classmates gave our teacher a typical ‘your mom’ response to a question without realizing the teacher’s mother had just died. Without missing a beat, the teacher said ‘leave my mother out of this. I don’t make fun of your parents, and look what they produced.'”
Image source: HopeDeferred
#7
“When I look at you, I think to myself where have you been my whole life? Can you go back there?”
#8 Awkward Family Secrets
”I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.”
Image source: scottcree486
#9
“If you were a spice, you’d be flour.”
Image source: UncleSquach
#10
“It is better to shut your mouth and make people think you are stupid than open it and remove all doubt.”
#11 Update When Ready
“You are like a software update. Every time I see you, I immediately think “not now”.”
#12
“Whoever told you to be yourself, gave you a bad advice.”
#13
“It is hilarious how you are trying to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.”
#14
“Have a nice day… somewhere else.”
#15 Savage Shade Moments
“I would call you an idiot, but it would be an insult for stupid people.”
#16
“Are you at a loss for words, or did you exhaust your entire vocabulary?”
#17
“Hurting you is the least thing I want to do… but it’s still in the list.”
#18
“I am not ignoring you; I am just giving you a time to understand what you just said.”
#19
“Every time I think you can’t get any dumber, you are proving me wrong.”
#20 Epic Level Pointless
“You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
Image source: isaiah-the-great
#21 Not Your Typical Romance
“There is someone out there for everyone. For you, it’s a therapist.”
#22
“Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?”
#23
“You deserve to be loved… from a distance.”
#24
“You look like you smell like hot dog water.”
Image source: SoupGetBooped
#25
“You look like you have an 800 page manifesto somewhere.”
Image source: absolutlyuseless
#26
“You have such a beautiful face… but let’s put a bag over that personality.”
#27 Next-Level Shade
“Sorry, I can’t think of an insult dumb enough for you to understand.”
#28
“Every time I have a stick in my hand, you look like a pinata.”
#29
“It’s all about balance… you start talking, I stop listening.”
#30 Solar Distance Drama
“You are the sun in my life… now get 93 million miles away from me.”
#31 Savage But Smart: A List Of Good Roasts With Bite
“I can’t wait to spend my whole life without you.”
#32
“I don’t hate you, but if you were drowning, I would give you a high five.”
#33
“If I throw a stick, will you leave me too?”
#34 Subtle Shade Game
“I like the way you comb your hair, so horns don’t show up.”
#35
“I told my therapist about you; she didn’t believe me.”
#36
“I look at you and think what a waste of two billion years of the evolution.”
#37 Ahead of the Game
“When I see you coming, I get pre annoyed. I’m just giving myself a head start.”
#38 Enough Is Enough
“Let me tell you. If I don’t answer you the first time, what makes you think the next 25 will work?”
#39
“You’re not simply a drama queen. You’re the whole royal family.”
#40
“Everyone is allowed to act stupid once, but you… you are abusing that privilege.”
#41 Playful Good Roasts For Friends And Family
“I am jealous of people who didn’t meet you.”
#42 Glowstick Goals
“A glowstick has a brighter future than you.”
#43
“It’s because of people like you, that they still print instructions on shampoo bottles.”
Image source: The_TravellerJ
#44
“If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you.”
#45
“Somewhere tree is producing oxygen for you. I’m sorry for it.”
#46
“Earth is full. Go home.”
#47
“God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind.”
#48
“You look like you get beat up for a living.”
Image source: PM_YOUR_CENSORD
#49
“Where is your off button?”
#50
“You look like somebody set you on fire and put you out with a chain.”
Image source: CommissionerOfLunacy
#51 Future Problems Only
“Why do you spend all your time crying about your past? It’s your future, or lack thereof, you should be upset about.”
Image source: TomLangford
#52
“You were so happy for the negativity of your Covid test, we didn’t want to spoil the happiness by telling you it was IQ test.”
#53
“I’d tell you to blow your brains out, but I’m pretty certain there’s nothing there.”
#54 Savage Phone Safety
“Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone.”
#55
“You look like someone dropped a lollipop at the barber shop.”
Image source: reddit.com
#56
“When I listen to you, I think you really going to go far. I hope you stay there.”
#57 Purpose With a Twist
“Everyone has purpose in this life, yours is to become an organ donor.”
#58
“When God made you, you must have been on the bottom of his “to-do” list.”
#59
“I know I make stupid choices, but you’re the worst of all my choices.”
#60 Parenting Gone Wrong
“You look like your mom beat you with a 2×4 and the doctor tried to fix it with a hammer.”
Image source: reddit.com
#61 Good Roasts You Can Drop In Group Chats Or Online
“You couldn’t fight your way out of a wet paper bag.”
Image source: reddit.com
#62
“I’m the type of person to laugh at mistakes, so sorry if I laugh at your face.”
#63
“Don’t feel bad, don’t feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too!”
#64
“Did you know your incubator had tinted windows? That explains a lot.”
#65 Cold Enough for You?
“Cry me a river, then drown yourself in it.”
#66
“All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.”
#67 Go Big or Go Home
“I don’t want to rain on your parade. I want a typhoon.”
#68
“I gave out all my trophies a while ago, but here’s a participation award.”
#69
“When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time… and walk past.”
#70
“The last time I saw something like you, it was behind metal grids.”
#71 Mind Games Unleashed
“Honey, only thing bothering me is placed between your ears.”
#72
“Only thing that is pleasing about our relationship is that you are no longer in it.”
#73
“I think you just need a high five… in the face… with a chair.”
#74
“I know you don’t like me, that says a lot. You need to acquire a better taste.”
#75
“Ola soy Dora. Can you help me find where we asked?”
#76
“You hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring.”
#77
“You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily.”
#78
“You are so useless, you couldn’t pour water from a boot with instructions written on the bottom.”
Image source: SirReal_Realities
#79
“You’re about as secure as Hillary’s emails.”
Image source: Sk8erBoi95
#80
“I’m not trying to make fun of you, but you can’t even count higher than number two.”
#81 Ultimate Collection Of Good Roasts To Own The Room
“You can be anything you want… except good looking.”
#82
“Your face looks like it was on fire and someone put it out with a pitchfork.”
Image source: article134
#83 Not-So-Superpowers
“They said I looked like if Wolverine’s super power was greasy skin.”
Image source: reddit.com
#84
“Posted a picture of myself after I lost a lot of weight. Someone comments ‘Bruno Mars has really let himself go.’
Someone else replies ‘Bruno Mars Bars.'”
Image source: PlatinumKH
#85
“Someone said that I had a face so boring that they had to stare at the white wall behind me for some amusement.”
Image source: sn0teleks
#86 Gridiron Shade
“Thanks for wearing graph paper so we can calculate the exact waste of space.”
Image source: LNinefingers
#87
“You should carry a plant with you everywhere you go. You know, to replace all the oxygen you waste.”
Image source: DarkHero6661
#88
“DAMN, I have seen hippos skinnier than you.”
Image source: CrocoduckJL
#89 Savage Mic Drop
“If I wanted some comeback I’d wipe it off your mom’s chin.”
Image source: MunkeyFish
#90 Not Sorry, Just Facts
“It’s not my fault, it’s everyone’s opinion, I’m pretty cool, and you’re just a minion.”
#91 Good Roast Jokes That’ll Leave Everyone Speechless
“Roses are red, violets are blue, so many people are pretty, but what happened to you?”
#92
“Remember, if anyone says you’re beautiful, it’s all lies.”
#93
“The good books say to make good friends, but I think I made a mistake.”
#94 Bare Minimum Friendships
“You do realize we tolerate you.”
#95
“I’ve seen more muscle tone from a seal.”
“You look like if hepatitis C was a person.”
Image source: WhyHughMyron
#96
“Congratulations. You’ve defied physics by being both skinny and fat.”
Image source: LedZeppelin1602
#97
“Congrats. Your computer is now, ah… well, I’d tell you how many times more than you it’s worth, but that would require scientific notation.”
Image source: SkillBranch
#98 Better Luck Next Time
“If I were a dog and you were a flower, I’d lift my leg up and give you a shower.”
#99
“A co-worker said, ‘good enough for the girls I go out with!’
And I blurted out, ‘yes, but I’ve seen the girls you go out with.'”
Image source: duglarri
#100
“You somehow manage to have a face that’s equal parts flabby and pointed.”
Image source: Danger_Possum
#101 Quick And Easy Good Roasts For Last-Minute Zingers
“Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I don’t want to be mean, but you need Listerine.”
#102 Auctioneer Regrets Forever
“You must have been an auctioneer in your past life and so you’ve spent this lifetime repenting for it.”
Image source: TellianStormwalde
#103
“The jerk store called and they’re running out of YOU.”
Image source: BigPZ
#104
“I’ve heard of the legend about a person whose mom made an oven roast with pieces of garlic in it.”
Image source: FartyMcTartarSauce
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