Trust. Respect. Communication. These are but a few things that form the foundations of a solid, long-lasting relationship. The quickest way to destroy what you and your partner have built up is to distrust them, disrespect them, and refuse to tackle any issues that you might have. And it can take an outsider’s perspective to help you realize that you’re stuck in a dead-end relationship that’s making your life hell.
Redditor u/icyqueen999 turned to the r/AskReddit community and asked them about the most obvious signs that someone’s relationship is toxic, and they shared their honest opinions. We’ve collected some of their most insightful comments to share with you. Scroll down to see what they had to say.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the thread, u/icyqueen999, and they revealed to us what had inspired them to start the serious thread in the first place. You’ll find our interview with them below.
#1
Holding something over the other person. Example: my friends boyfriend has to “reconsider the relationship, and if he wants to marry her” every time she does something wrong. She messed up a sauce for dinner once and he said this and “contemplated” for 3 days because “how can i marry someone who doesnt listen to my instructions”
Image source: pandaboysreddit, Madie Hamilton
#2
Based on personal experience… when you have to walk on eggshells because you’re worried about how how they might react
Image source: Bluevettes, Andrea Piacquadio
#3
One person does all of the housework/cooking/chores/shopping/maintenance/childcare, yet the other person continues to complain that they don’t do it right.
Image source: turkeysandwich1982, Joe L
#4
I had an abusive girlfriend many years ago. She was bipolar and it caused a lot of problems. I remember the day I realized that things were f****d. I was driving out of the work parking lot, and my phone rang. My reaction when I saw my girlfriend was calling was “aw, f**k, what am I about to get screamed at about now?” And sure enough, I answer the phone and she’s immediately screaming at me about some stupid s**t I don’t even remember.
Point is, if contact from your significant other stresses you out because you’re expecting to get yelled at, that’s a f*****g toxic relationship.
Image source: CantFindMyWallet, Alex Green
#5
Someone who does not let you have a life outside of the relationship and gets upset when you see friends or do hobbies you like, even if you make time for them.
Image source: JuniorsEyes90, Devin Avery
#6
If his wedding vows include the phrase “keep my belly full and my balls empty”.
Edit:
Here’s the article and video(s)
https://www.intheknow.com/post/grooms-disgusting-wedding-vows-red-flags/?amp
Image source: ChickenBootty, Olivia Bauso
#7
When they say we need to work on our communication, but every time you bring anything up they get mad and start an argument.
Image source: thepottsy, Timur Weber
#8
Well my best friend died on my wedding day & my ex got annoyed and told me to stop crying. From a retrospect, that was kind of a red flag.
Image source: saturniansugarbabe, Andrea Piacquadio
#9
From personal experience:
– your partner is much nicer to you when you have a disagreement in front of friends than when you have one at home – meaning that they *know* the way they actually handle it would not be publicly acceptable
– they invalidate your emotional experience and make you feel like what you’re going through doesn’t matter or “make any sense”
– when they leave the house you feel better; if they go away for a week you feel irritable when they’re back
– they never make you feel like a priority, you’re always second or third to their friends, their parents, their hobbies
Image source: anetanetanet, Vera Arsic
#10
No communication and everything is a blame game with no acceptance of responsibility
Image source: Secret_Agent_666, cottonbro studio
#11
Love is like a fart…if you have to force it, it’s probably s**t.
Image source: Helpful_Wishbone7468, Ketut Subiyanto
#12
Gaslighting. Or the idea that whatever you say can make them mad, so you start choosing every word way too carefully / end up not speaking your mind to avoid a fight
Image source: pandorous, Alex Green
#13
We had a friend who would not speak until after her boyfriend spoke. One night she was over for dinner without him and mentioned how her boyfriend was passionate and sometimes put his fist through their walls. After that comment she came to help me do dishes and I was like, “uh, that’s not normal. You ok? Last time I punched a wall I was a 14 year old boy…” she eventually left him but the fact that she always demurred to him, to me, is a red flag.
Image source: Zmirzlina, Lujia Zhang
#14
If you have to wait until your S/O is in a “good mood” to bring up a problem you have in the relationship (get out asap)
Image source: supreme_dumplings, Keira Burton
#15
If you find yourself feeling alone in the relationship.
Image source: Mangonazgul, Andrew Neel
#16
Break up, make up, break up, make up, rinse, and repeat.
Image source: True-Mousse4957, Ivan Samkov
#17
Being yelled at/attacked for reacting to their abusive behavior.
Image source: StopTouchingThings, Andrea Piacquadio
#18
Constantly being accused of cheating. I would bring up a guy friend or a coworker and all of a sudden he’d think I’m f*****g them.
Image source: thiccdiamonds, Andrea Piacquadio
#19
Your feelings are being invalidated, “You got mad at that?” when you say you’re upset by something that they did.
Image source: Sorry-Caterpillar331, fauxels
#20
Lack of friends on one side. I’ve known a couple people, who one of them wouldn’t be “allowed” to have friends. Their only friends were the friends of their partner. Massive red flag.
Image source: closetmangafan, Helena Lopes
#21
“They won’t let me” *LET* you??
ETA I am NOT referring to times when one is using the other to get out of something. Nor am I referring to completely reasonable “lets” like owning a pet that can’t be sustained or an obnoxious behavior being prohibited at designated times. I’m referring to “won’t let me talk to so and so” “won’t let me wear xyz” “won’t let me see family” “won’t let me go out” that kind of let not a completely reasonable let.
The what abouts in the comments are, honestly, frustrating me. The prompt is about toxic relationships. My “let” is referring to toxic relationships. So the comments being like “what about this totally healthy context” is just…grrr Please use your best judgment. That’s all I ask.
Image source: PoeGirl1135, RODNAE Productions
#22
If someone refuses to apologize for any reason, ever. It means they put their pride before the person they are with and the relationship.
Image source: DontTalkAboutBruno1
#23
My 57 year old colleague constantly has to send videos and pics of him working to his wife
Image source: LB89LB19, Headway
#24
One partner always gets their way.
For me, it was “easier” to bend over backward than to deal with the whining and complaining if I stood my ground. Easier is in quotes because it was only easier in the short term – long term made life hell.
Image source: The_Griffin_Scimitar, Liza Summer
#25
My ex once pulled out a diary that she wanted to show me to “be open about her thoughts” and “lay them all on the table”
It was legit a full list of all the things she hated about me, written in the most deep and depressing way. About my career, lack of motivation, lack of communication, and how she doesn’t find me unattractive. Her depression, that was my fault. It was the most deeply hurtful words written in a paragraph, conscribed in a such a way that would not paint her as a bad person for saying + tears.
I get I was going through a bad patch back then (as many were after covid). But f*****g hell, looking back nobody should ever treat someone like that. End of the day, I was a 23 year old with flaws, and was still managing to hold our relationship together, we were okay.
3 months after we break up, I get offered a promotion within my company, 5 months after that I get offered another huge promotion. I went from £12k -> £25k -> £30k -> ~£55k all within the last 18 months. I haven’t changed one bit either. Still 25 yrs.
Would never usually flex, but I’m proud and the proof is in the paycheck. I’m moving home, going skiing, spending time with mates, my life is good. Turns out those words were a load of s**t.
Image source: RedditInvestAccount, Pixabay
#26
Lack of trust and constant fights.
Image source: Lost-Championship914, Odonata Wellnesscenter
#27
Lies.
Deceit is the root of all evil.
Deception. Hiding things.
Finding out your partner was convicted of crimes and lied about it, or cheated in a horrific way and lied about it, lived a double life, etc.
It causes a breakup in 100% of relationships involving untruths.
Learning you’ve been conned or lied to for years – it’s not salvageable.
Image source: anon
#28
being asked not to “like” or “comment” on any of their facebook posts because their SO will flip out if they notice someone of the opposite sex is in their friend list
Image source: rinkydinkmink
#29
Contemplating having kids in an effort to save or make it stronger
Image source: ReeG
#30
Driving home from work you take a detour so the drive lasts longer.
Edit. I see a lot of comments about this kind of relationship with an ex. I’m glad some of you are out. For the rest of you in this cycle, don’t know what to tell you, but major hugs.
Image source: BigBadBootyDaddy10, JESHOOTS.com
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