Unless you’re extremely lucky, having a roommate isn’t always a walk in the park. Some squabbles just can’t be avoided—they’re a normal part of adjusting to living with a person whose personality, lifestyle, and background are different from yours. But no matter how big or small the disagreement is, the peace can likely be restored with some good communication, compromise, and understanding.
This guy recently shared how he got into an awkward situation with his housemate because he complained about his girlfriend showering in the morning. As a result, the partner stopped visiting their home after her night shifts, which left the original poster of the story upset and confused about what to do next.
Some squabbles among roommates are expected as they adjust to each other’s differences
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual image)
This guy got into an awkward situation with his housemate because his girlfriend showered in the morning
Image credits: Gabriel Ponton (not the actual image)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: FewAcanthocephala175
It’s important to discuss boundaries with roommates, ideally before moving in
If a person is in a relationship and has a roommate/housemate, it’s inevitable that the two are going to spend time together or at least cross paths at some point. So for everyone to be on the same page and avoid clashing, a psychologist, Dr. Paulette Sherman, recommends setting some ground rules. They should be established according to the relationship with the roommate and what they find acceptable, she says.
“They are paying half the rent, so they should have some say in how often guests can stay over,” Dr. Sherman notes. Besides, to most, their home is their sanctuary, and if they start feeling like their space and privacy are invaded, they might begin to resent their roommates and their partners for it. At first, they might be okay with the significant other spending a few nights a week, but it doesn’t mean they’ll be okay with more than that.
That’s why it’s important to discuss boundaries, ideally before moving in. However, the topic might not come up until one of the roommates gets into a relationship. And that’s also okay. What matters is that the conversation happens. Dr. Sherman advises finding time to talk when both roommates can be relaxed and ready to listen to one another.
It’s possible that the two might not agree on everything when it comes to partners visiting. In that case, Dr. Sherman recommends “[Seeing] if you can agree on something reasonable and continue to discuss how that goes for both of you over time so that no resentment builds and your relationship remains strong.” Resentment towards roommates can create a toxic living environment, so it’s best to have an honest conversation to avoid a tension-filled living situation.
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
No relationship has to suffer in the arrangement that is roommates and partners
While drafting up the ground rules, Dr. Sherman also reminds housemates that it’s important to be as fair to everyone on the lease as possible. “If there was no agreement that you’d have another person there multiple times a week and they are paying half the rent, they may have a reason to feel upset,” she explained.
Even if the roommate seems okay with guests visiting, it’s still a good idea to check in with them about it. “The best way to talk with your roommate about your partner sleeping over is before it becomes a problem,” said online dating coach Andi Forness. Talk about how often the roommate is comfortable with the partner staying, as well as hanging out, sharing food, cleaning up, and doing chores.
In case the partner is spending a lot of time at their place, they should be aware of the existing rules and expectations. Perhaps one roommate has to wake up super early and needs the evening quiet so they can sleep. Being aware of that or any other rules helps to be on the same page. These ground rules are also susceptible to change, so both roommates should feel free to bring up this topic any time.
Of course, it should be done in a respectful way without impeding on anyone’s relationships. Remember—boundaries are there to make our relationships better and our communication more efficient. No relationship has to suffer in the arrangement that is roommates and partners. With a little honest communication and compromise, everyone involved can have peace of mind.
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual image)
The author of the story provided some more details about the situation under the readers’ comments
Most readers agreed that 8:30 isn’t early to take a shower and shouldn’t even be considered a problem
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