Parenting is no walk in the park. It can sometimes be more like an uphill sprint through a swamp filled with hidden booby traps. It’s one step forward, two steps back. Just when you think you’re doing something right, yet another thing goes wrong in this never-ending game of Survivor.
Mistakes are part and parcel of the journey. No matter how perfect you (or others) think you are, at some point, you’re going to mess up. All you can do is try your best, and hope that the kids will be alright. Maybe one day, you’ll even be able to laugh at the trying times that came before.
If you’re currently beating yourself up for something you said or did today, yesterday or five years ago, you’re probably not alone. Parents around the world have been sharing their epic fails. And while they might think it’s the end of the world, the stories are actually quite hilarious.
#1 Tifu By Giving My Daughter A Potato For A Christmas Present
Obligatory this happened a while ago.
When my daughter was 6 she was obsessed with the TV show Little House on the Prairie which delight my wife and me who loved the show when we were kids.
In the pilot episode, the family was so poor that each of the girls got a new cup, a shiny new penny, and a potato as a gift for Christmas. My daughter couldn’t stop talking about it.
Now my family is really big into taking practical jokes too far. There was the feral daughter kept in a cage prank of 2010 and the Bloody Leprechaun joke of 2013, but this one really backfired on us.
After she went to bed on Christmas Eve, we hid all of her real presents behind the couch and left one package in the middle of the floor. When she came down she seemed surprised that there was only one gift but carefully unwrapped it to reveal, you guessed it, a shiny tin cup, a brand new penny, and a potato.
Attached was a note from Santa:
Molly,
I heard how much you love the Little House show, Here’s hoping you have a very PRAIRIE Christmas.
Love,
Santa
She grabbed the potato and started to cry. Uh oh. I really screwed up this time. However, it wasn’t because she was upset, but because she was so happy. Even when we revealed her other gifts she only wanted to be with her potato. She drew a face on it and carried it around with her everywhere.
But it started to go bad. First, it turned green and started to sprout eyelets. Eventually, we had a very traumatic experience where the potato disappeared in the night. She’s 17 now and still talks wistfully about the potato every Christmas.
TL;DR I once gave a potato to my daughter as a practical joke and ended up backfiring when she ended up loving it and we had to get rid of it before it went gangrene.
Image source: jesseberdinka, mike.shots / magnific (not the actual photo)
#2 Tifu By Dropping Off My Dog At My Kid’s School
Obligatory “this was actually yesterday” but you get the idea.
So, I have a 16yo dog, 10yo daughter, 6yo son and 4yo son. My task list for the morning is: Drop off youngest at daycare. Drop off middle child at elementary school. Drop off oldest at middle school. Drop off dog at senior doggy daycare. Pick up coffee for myself and wife .Return home with coffee.
I did: Drop off youngest at daycare.. Drop off middle child at elementary school. Drop off oldest at middle school. Pick up coffee for myself and wife. Return home with coffee.
Now the discerning reader will note that my task list has 6 items but my executed task list has 5 items. However, the engineer in me would say that I successfully completed the story since the definition of done was “return home with empty car and two coffees”. My wife is a product manager and tells me this is stupid but what do product managers know, right?
Anyway, turns out middle child took dog with him when he left car. I was talking with older daughter and didn’t notice. Once I dropped her off the car was empty so I went to get coffee. Again, in my defense… ok, I have no defense. I totally spaced out and it’s completely my fault hence I’m posting here on TIFU.
The worst part was showing up at Doggy daycare in the afternoon to pick up the dog and having them say “what dog? You didn’t drop her off today”. I nearly had an anxiety attack on the spot but that’s also when I checked my voice mail so it worked out pretty quickly.
Anyway, the dog spent the day with my kid at his school. They did in fact try to call me once (maybe twice but according to the story I told my wife it was only once!) but I was on calls so I didn’t notice. It’s a small private school so things went ok and my kid’s class was highly entertained. Dog loves kids and treats and got plenty of both so she was fine. In fact, they even send her home with a daily report card which I found entertaining. For the record, she did well in reading but not so well in math and does in fact play well with others.
TL;DR dropped dog off with kid at kid’s school. All involved had fun.
Image source: AnonMSme1, wirestock / magnific (not the actual photo)
#3 Tifu By Playing Musical Statues With My Daughter And Her Friends
So my daughter (3) is starting to make friends in the new area we’ve moved to (we’ve been here about a year, but she’s not really been old enough to go out and play on the street yet). They’re a great group of kids, and they mostly get on great (minus the usual childhood based tantrums).
The one she sees the most is Sarah (name changed, 5). Sarah lives just a couple of doors down, and they are constantly in and out of each others houses. My daughter met a lot of kids on the street through Sarah, so it’s been a bountiful friendship for her.
Today, a bunch of about 6 of them was playing in our garden. They were doing the usual stuff – playing on the trampoline, playing football, chasing each other etc. Eventually I suggested a game of musical statues (where you dance whole the music plays, and freeze when it stops). Everything was going ok, and I started letting the kids pick their favourite songs to play.
We got the usual fare of Disney song demands , nothing that unexpected. Until Sarah – she asked for “Let’s get down to Business”, which YouTube had clarified for me as “Tiësto – The Business”. To be honest, I hadn’t heard the song before, and because I was starting and stopping it, I didn’t really pay any attention to the lyrics.
Later I walked the girls round the block and took them home – when I got to Sarah’s house, her parents asked me in for a coffee and a chat about what they’d got up to. I filled them in, and told them about Musical Statues as well. I asked Sarah “Sarah, how did you know that song? I haven’t heard it before.” Before anyone else could talk, she said without skipping a beat: “Mummy and Daddy play it in their room when they lock their door, it’s loud!”
It took a minute for the penny to drop for me, bur Sarah’s mum’s face going red sped the process along quickly! I hurriedly bundled my daughter out, and when I told my wife about it, she laughed her bum off at my misfortune as I laugh/despaired into my hands.
TLDR – A game of musical statues with the kids revealed the music that my neighbors like to.. have fun to.
Image source: anon, magnific (not the actual photo)
#4 Tifu By Telling My 10-Year-Old I’d Eat A Foot-Long Hot Dog Whole If She Got All A’s
This Happened a few months ago. My Daughter does very well in school. Last year was a very rough year for my family. My FIL passed away from Covid. They were closer than I’ve ever been with someone. Her grades slid a bit, as to be expected. From AB to a few Cs. Not upset about that in the slightest. But she was hyper-distracted all school year last year and over the summer. She asked “Dad, what would you do if I got all As?” I don’t remember her asking nor my response but she said that I said, “Id eat a foot-long hot dog whole and stream it if she got all As”.
That 100% is something I would say. Now I’m staring down the end of the Semester and her 95%+ average is staring me in the face. I DO NOT want to do this but I am a man of my word. At this point, I’m trying to find a brand of Weiner that sells footlongs. I keep thinking about how I’m going to look like a Seagul trying to eat that hot dog. She wants me to stream it so bad. I keep telling her I dont think my 22 followers give a flying footlong. I’m trying to figure a way to just film it and put it on youtube. Sorry for my rant. I’m proud as hell of her and couldn’t be happier…for her grades. Just not excited about this.
TL:DR, Told my Kid id eat a hot dog in one bite if she got all As, and boy did she deliver.
Image source: TheManaDork
#5 Tifu When I Barbecued My Daughter’s Homework
Like everyone, we’ve been participating in remote school. My daughter is in the first grade and works really hard. My wife has been so good to work with our daughter to make sure she’s staying on track. They follow along with the online courses setup by her teacher.
This is what I had to email to my daughter’s first grade teacher tonight after I realized TIFU.
Subject: [Daughter]’s Past Week of Work – Poof?
Hey [Teacher],
This is [Daughter]’s Dad, [Me]. I made an absolute critical error and I must confess to make recompense.
I was very excited to BBQ some burgers tonight and I needed some kindling. My usual stash of cardboard was emptied as the trash man came and picked them up. I ravaged the house in a somewhat caveman stupor as I tried to find something to start the charcoal. I finally found a spiraled notebook with some drawings and notes. I asked [Daughter] if I could use the said notebook. She said, “oh ya, dad, that’s just fine”. So I ripped out some pages and burned those babies up. The bricks were a fiery red inferno that cooked up those delicious hamburgers. After dinner was over, my wife made the comment to [Daughter], “hey I need to upload all of your work this week. Where did your notebook go?” The succulent hamburger dropped in the pit of my stomach where I realized that I had incinerated [Daughter]’s homework. As I reluctantly told my wife that I used her homework to start the fire, I thought my marriage was over.
So here we are. The homework is destroyed and I am a broken man, humbled by my own stupidity. Please accept my sincerest apologies and let me know what I need to do to repent of my sins.
Regretfully,
[Me]
TL:DR I was an idiot while looking for paper to start my BBQ bricks and used my daughter’s homework on accident.
Image source: claytonthegreat, cookie_studio / magnific (not the actual photo)
#6 TIFU By letting my kid watch prank YouTube videos, it resulted in her ruining my car tank.
My 11-year-old daughter likes to watch prank videos on YouTube, I really don’t care unless the videos include inappropriate stuff. Anyway.
A few weeks ago, she watched a video where some dudes filled a car tank with food. Fast forward to last week. I was emptying some older gas into my car tank with a funnel because I did not want to run it through the lawn mower. My daughter thought it was the perfect chance to pull a “prank” when I was getting gas for the mower and went and put a few cans of chili down the funnal.
The next day I was having trouble with the engine of my company car, so I had it towed to the company garage. They ended up charging me around $3,000 to get it fixed. When I confronted her, she confessed, saying she thought it would be “funny.” I am now going to put restrictions on her iPad so she can’t watch this kind of stuff.
TLDR My daughter put food in my gas tank as a “prank”
Image source: Elder_Tig, senivpetro / magnific (not the actual photo)
#7 Tifu: I’m A Terrible Parent…today I Gave My 4 Year Old His First Existential Crisis
I did one of those age progression apps that aged me to age 70, and I showed it to my son not even thinking about the consequences of my actions… For a little back story, we just moved in with my best friend who recently lost her grandma to old age, it was my sons first exposure to passing away and he is very matter of fact about it. When my friend or her boys talk about her he will sometimes chime in with gems like, “yeah but she’s passed, so…” he has asked all of the normal questions about it that 4 year old’s have, and I think he basically understands it.
His response to this pic was not what I was expecting. He completely broke down and for almost an hour he just cried and wailed, “I don’t want you to get old and pass away mama! Please don’t get old mama!”
He repeated it over and over, as if him saying it would somehow will me into existence forever. Nothing I could do or say could comfort him. He did this until he passed out. (It was bedtime) I think for the first time he realized that I would pass away too, and what that actually means. Did I traumatize my baby? I feel so stupid for showing him that picture, I should have known…
TLDR: I showed my son an age progressed picture and he proceeded to have a complete emotional breakdown.
Image source: anon, user15285612 / magnific (not the actual photo)
#8 Tifu By Responding To A Not Anonymous Survey From My Child’s Daycare
My 3 yr old just switched daycares to this large center and the vibe from the admin staff is off. They all seem so uninterested in the parents and never really even say good morning. Especially the director, who is the boss of everyone there.
She looks like it pains her to smile. Think Mrs. Trunchbull from Matilda. It always gives me an uncomfortable feeling like they’re acting like they’re doing me a favor by letting us go there when, in reality, we pay 2600/mo for my two toddlers to attend. Now, I’m known for being sensitive to people’s attitude so I told my husband and he said he felt the same. He agreed that most of the admin staff at the front desk seemed like someone has spit in their Cheerios. Why work at a kid’s daycare if you’re going to be a grumpy F?
Anyway… I think I messed up and now I’m to the point of considering leaving. We got a survey about the center and what we think and I, moronically, thought it was private. I said what I felt about the staff and called the director out specifically. It wasn’t private. The director emailed me back with this weird apologetic email saying how she’s sorry I feel that way about her and the staff and her goal is to have a family like environment. I was mortified. Now, I feel so awkward whenever I go in there and nothing has changed, but now I feel like they all know and hate me.
I don’t know what to do. This is so awkward.
TL;DR I replied to what I thought was an anonymous survey from my kid’s daycare saying I felt the admin staff, and specifically the director, were cold and unfriendly and the director got my email and replied to me and now everything is weird.
Image source: abasov
#9 Tifu By Accidentally Teaching My Son “It Must’ve Been The Wind”
Kinda more like today I realised I messed up to be honest but hey ho.
My son is 2 years old and for the longest time when something unexplainable happened like a broom just casually falling over, a car horn in the distance or even just someone tripping, me and my wife would joke that “oh it must’ve been the wind”. There’s been no malice in it if anything we’d laugh about it.
Today my son is currently refusing to go outside at all because of the wind… all his favourite things are outside but nothing is working to convince him to go. I honestly wish I was joking cause this is pretty funny but this is honestly probably gonna cause some issues when school rolled around. We also live on a coastal island in the UK so it’s windy almost all year round.
Anyways hopefully someone else can learn from my mistake and not become a elderscrolls npc and somehow scar their children.
TLDR: taught my son it must’ve been the wind when unexplainable things happen and now he’s afraid of the wind.
Image source: Blondellamma13
#10 Tifu By Defining A Word For My Son
Once a week (usually Friday nights, but we had to move it to tonight this week) my husband and I have a nice date night. Sometimes we go out and either have one of our sets of parents or a babysitter watch them, sometimes we just have a very romantic dinner at home after the kids go to bed.
Tonight, my husband and I have a date night of the latter variety planned. My husband wanted to surprise me with what dinner would be tonight, so he got the groceries by himself. While he was out today shopping for all of the elements of our dinner, I was with the kids at home and doing the laundry. Our kids were all in the living room, with the younger 2 playing and our oldest (who’s 10) watching a cooking show while he was weaving a potholder.
At one point, the presenter of the show mentioned that oysters (which were in the recipe) were aphrodisiacs. My son immediately asked me what that meant, and I told him that it’s a food that’s supposed to make you want to have intercourse. He said gross, then carried on watching. When my husband came home with the groceries, he called the kids over to help him put them away.
After a minute of putting things away, our oldest son yelled “ew!” My husband then laughed and asked what was wrong, and our son said “I know what oysters are for, dad” in the most disappointed tone I’ve ever heard him use to speak. He’s been shooting both of us the most withering looks you can imagine from a 10 year old all afternoon. I think he’s not enjoying the day too much.
TL;DR: I told my son what “aphrodisiac” means when it was mentioned on a show about oysters, and now he’s grossed out and correctly guessed what my husband and I had in mind after dinner.
Image source: raspberry_vs_lemon
#11 Tifu By Telling My Son I Used To Date Koo Koo Kanga Roo’s Brother
So my (34F) oldest kid (6M) is a big fan of the children’s musical group/duo Koo Koo Kanga Roo. He discovered them about 2 years ago when his teacher played one of their songs in class, and his friends started playing their music and YouTube videos all the time.
When I found out he loved them I was really excited, because I had known one of the members (Bryan) and his siblings years ago, in my 20s. We all volunteered for Junior Rheumatoid Arthritis events because they had family ties to the disease and my cousin has suffered with it since he was a young kid. I told my son about this and at first he thought it was really cool! Now that the initial excitement has worn off, he no longer thinks it’s all that cool or interesting, since he’s heard the story a few times when his brother and sister started listening to them.
Well this morning when one of his favorite Koo Koo Kanga Roo songs came on in the car, I once again said something about knowing them and he rolled his eyes at me and told me he already knew that. Now, this is where I F-ed up. I wanted to impress him (because who doesn’t want to seem cool to a 6yo) so I asked him if he knew that I used to date Koo Koo Kanga Roo’s brother? (Bit of an exaggeration since we literally only went out ONCE, but again, I was determined to impress this 6yo kid. Mommy is cool, damn it.) He seemed confused by this, so I explained to him how people go on dates to learn more about other people and see if they fall in love or want to get married, etc. So Mommy dated Koo Koo Kanga Roo’s brother, but eventually ended up meeting Daddy and falling in love with him.
Well, this finally gets him invested in my story and after sitting there BEWILDERED for a couple minutes he bursts out “so instead of Uncle Ryan I could have had Uncle Koo Koo Kanga Roo?!??”
And now he’s mad at me. Because his Uncle isn’t Koo Koo Kanga Roo. I may have destroyed his childhood.
TL ; DR TIFU by telling my son I used to date Koo Koo Kanga Roo’s brother, and now he’s mad at me because his Uncle isn’t Koo Koo Kanga Roo.
Image source: CSmaag
#12 Tifu – Not Today, But I Left My Daughter Outside Her Dance Class For An Hour…
TIFU This happened 2 years ago. I dropped off my 7 year old daughter to her dance class. The entrance is on the side of the building. I had my other 2 kids in the car (aged 9 and 11, boys). The boys were distracting me with their nonsense.
It was a cold day. I went home, her class ended in an hour. My wife was doing the pickup. My wife called me an hour later really upset. Apparently class was cancelled at last minute that day and neither of us saw the email. My poor sweet angel stood outside the dance studio crying for an hour. The doors were locked.
My wife came home in tears. My daughter was in tears. I grabbed my daughter apologizing and I broke down in tears. She said was so scared and didn’t know what to do.
It’s all my fault. I wasn’t paying attention. I usually walk her in to the dance studio. Make sure she is all set, but that day I got lazy and let her do it herself.
All future dropoffs I walk her in and make sure. Never again. I still get upset when I think about it.
TL;DR dropped off my 7 year old daughter at her dance class, class was cancelled and I didn’t walk her in to make she was handed off safely. She was stranded for an hour crying.
Image source: JimmyFlipside
#13 Tifu Teaching My Daughter How I Clean The Fireplace
Obligatory, this happened last night and this morning.
Yesterday my 4 year old was very well behaved, so I said she could have a special treat. She asked if I could build a fire in the fireplace. I gathered the wood and tinder, lit it, and went about the day while the kids sat nearby and enjoyed the warmth of a cozy fire. After giving them their dinner, the fire was just about burnt out. I decided to scoop the ashes into this little chute thatt goes down into the basement for collection. My 4yo asked what I was doing. I explained “Sweetheart, this is a hole in the fireplace that the ashes go down so I can clean them up later from the basement.” She seemed to think really hard about this for a second, but I payed it no mind.
Fast forward to this morning. My wife and I are getting the kids ready, dressed, breakfast, coats, shoes etc. My 4yo is making some clanging noise in the living room. Wife yells “Hey Mandy (not her real name) what are you doing in there?!?” to which she replies “Cleaning Daddy’s ash-hole!”.
I run to the living room and she’s literally half in the fireplace, covered in soot, opening and closing the door. My wife, now super pissed at me for “teaching her bad words” is pulling her out of the fireplace while I’m practically in tears laughing. I went full asthmatic, laughingcoughing so hard I needed a ventolin inhaler. I explained to wife what actually happened, and she thinks it’s funny now too. Lets just hope this doesn’t get repeated at preschool.
TLDR; I told my 4 year old the fireplace ashes get put down a hole, and she inferred this is called the ash-hole
Image source: D9O
#14 Tifu By Getting Emotional And Possibly Ruining My Ten Year Old Daughter’s Relationship With Her Friends After No One Showed Up To Her Birthday Party
My daughter has never had a birthday party before, she has always struggled to make friends. She has really put herself out there and actually made friends with a group of girls and I’m very proud of her so when she asked for a birthday party this year, I was happy to oblige. Her birthday party was this past Saturday.
We had decorated our place with balloons and stuff. We set up the food, snacks, and cake and the party packs that we chose together. My daughter kept straightening things up trying to make sure everything looked perfect, she was very excited. The only people who showed up to the party were the elderly neighbours that my daughter and I are close to and a friend of mine and his fiancee.
My daughter spent almost the whole day looking out the window waiting for her friends to show up and not one of them did, it was sad to witness. When the day came to an end, she cried in my arms sad that not even one of her friends came. It was very hard to witness, she even went to bed earlier than her bed time because she was so upset.
I was really sad for her and found myself messaging the parents of the girls. I went on a rant telling them that it was really inconsiderate of them to not show up to my daughter’s party when they said they would, my daughter was really looking forward to it only for her friends to not show up and she was left completely heartbroken, they could have the decency to let me know at least. I then promptly blocked them. I unblocked them the next day after calming down and apologized for being overly emotional but I think the damage had already been done.
Well thanks to my little blow up, the friends that my daughter worked so hard to make are now avoiding her and although my daughter says it’s okay and that she will make new friends, I know that she is pretty heartbroken. I am now regretting and wondering if I could have had a much better approach.
TL:DR Blew up at the parents of my daughter’s friends for not showing up to her birthday party and I think I have sabotaged her friendships.
Image source: CalligrapherDry3424
#15 Tifu By Making Not Teaching My Daughter How To Say Her Name
So technically not today. My daughter will be 7 soon. But we named her Marie. (And yes, I know that is your middle name or your mom’s middle name or your sisters middle name. She gets that a lot.) Anyway, we weren’t planning on giving her a nickname at all. But my 2 year old twin nieces at the time had a funny way of talking and would call her, “Baby Murray.” which we all thought was insanely funny and cute. And “Baby Murray” stuck. Fast forward a few years and she demands we drop the baby. But I start to realize around this time she is exclusively referring to herself as “Murray.” and cannot hear the difference between Marie and Murray. So I start making an effort to say “Marie” exclusively. A few more years later and she is in kindergarten and I start realizing she still calls herself Murray, and all her classmates call her Murray too. So I start attempting to get her to say it properly, but it backfires because now when she is saying her name she puts the emphasis on the first syllable. So she introduces herself as, “MUH-rie” which always has people looking at me confused like, “Wait, what is her name?” And she still cannot hear the difference between Marie and Murray. So either it is “MUH-rie” or “Murray.” I tried explaining emphasis of Marie is on the “rie” and she just looked at me confused.
TL;DR I named my daughter Marie nickname Murray, and she can’t hear the difference and just calls herself Murray.
Image source: spidermom4
#16 Tifu By Accidentally Swallowing My Daughter’s Tooth
I have nobody to share this with because I am beyond mortified and embarrassed so I’m posting on here.
Today I had a very busy day ahead of me, I’ve been running around cleaning and doing laundry and grocery shopping, you know typical mom things.
When I got back from the store I figured I should take a Ritalin to kinda give myself a little extra boost ( they’re prescribed, relax) I usually only take half of one and save the other half for another day, when I’m out and about I keep the half I save in a zip lock so I don’t have to bring the whole bottle with me.
That was my first mistake, coincidentally my daughter also lost a tooth this morning so I also put her tooth in a little baggy to keep it safe until we got home.
I didn’t even think about the tooth until I took the bag out and swallowed what I thought was my half pill and I only realized when it felt sharp going down. I AM HORRIFIED. Before I get bashed for not realizing it was a tooth, 7 year olds teeth are so small and roughly the same size as my Ritalin. I also have to make up a story for my daughter because she’s going to want to put her tooth under her pillow tonight 😭
TLDR: I mixed up my medication with my daughter’s tooth she lost this morning because they were both in the same kind of zip lock bag
Image source: ElephantPopular6125
#17 Tifu By Teaching My Daughter Compassion
We all want our kids to be nice people and not jerks. I try to show my daughter positive shows which talk about being good, doing good and helping others.
Recently she watched a song video about an orphan boy being told not to cry and how his friends would give him love as they give him a tissue and hugs.
Normally my daughter being a two year old would learn some lyrics and prevent from me sleeping as she makes me repeat after her for a few hours. HOWEVER THAT TISSUE in the video HIT HOME.
She was grabbing cloths and going around the house dabbing eyes and telling us not to cry. Just overall cuteness.
After a few days it became a common theme around the house she walks up tells you not to cry and dabs your eyes with a cloth…. UNTIL YOUR EYES BEGIN TO BURN
She found the glass cleaner applied it generously on a glasses cloth and rubbed deeply into my eyes.
Why I’m typing and making it worse I’m not sure
Tl;dr: daughter learned compassion from YouTube and performed chemical warfare on my eyes
Image source: i8bonelesschicken
#18 Tifu By Letting My 4 Year Old Watch Me Play Bloodborne
So I know I’m a bad parent. I don’t censor anything we watch so my 4 year old son had seen countless horror movies and violent video games. Rather than be afraid or become violent, he has instead taken a reasonable mindset of “________ gotta eat too”. Velociraptor, monsters, zombies, whatever, just insert it into that sentence and he’s said it with a shrugg. I’ve been letting him watch me play Bloodborne lately and he actully thanked me for being a hunter and killing the “bad guys”. This kid is awesome. Or so I thought….
Today we were fighting with his toy dinosaurs, baryonix vs velocirsptor. Fun times. But then he told me to pick up my pretend controller to make them fight. As soon I picked it up he said “you died already. Try again”. Every time we went to fight it was the same thing “you died, try again”. I was like, dude, you didn’t even give me a chance! Then he told me “but that’s what what you always so in your game, die at the start of the fight…” …mother…..
TL/DR: I let my 4 year old son watch me play Bloodborne and now he trolls me for dying too much.
Image source: Aqueous_Snake
#19 Tifu By Not Watching My Toddler Closely Enough
This happened earlier today.
We (14 members of my family) are currently on holiday in a rented house on the coast in the UK to celebrate my dad turning 70.
I have a 5yo son and an 11month old daughter. My daughter is very good at getting hold of things she shouldn’t be having (such as tv controls, small toys belonging to her bro etc)
At the rented house is a small-ish fountain. My daughter is VERY interested in this and I’ve had to prevent several soakings this week.
Today, she was toddling around inside the house. I sat on the sofa for 2mins, thinking she couldn’t get out.
Then I realised the garden door was open. I went out immediately and discovered she had picked up the tv remote on her way and it was now submerged in the fountain.
I rescued it, dried it off and it’s currently sat in rice. But I have no idea what I’m going to tell the guy we’ve rented the house from if it doesn’t work 😳
My daughter thought it was funny and was giggling like mad. Total pest, but cute as anything.
TL; DR: I didn’t notice my daughter had taken the remote control for the tv in my holiday rental and submerged it in the fountain in the garden and now it doesn’t work.
Image source: Winchesters_TARDIS
#20 Tifu By Giving My Kid An After Dinner Snack
Happened yesterday, but I still feel horrible. A little backstory: I work 12-16 hour days sometimes and my short term memory is getting increasingly worse. Not sure if the two are related.
Anyway, I don’t usually give my kid sugary snacks, but that day she had been especially good, so I wanted to reward her. My kid is allergic to a good amount of stuff, and I’m usually very particular about what I do and don’t give her. I have these tiny individually wrapped Snickers, and not thinking, I gave it to her.
All of a sudden, she says, “Mommy, my cheeks are hurting because I ate big chocolate”. I’m thinking she’s just complaining because she wants more than what I gave her, so I tell her, “Ok then. You wont have to worry about mommy giving you any more “big chocolate”.
But then after a few minutes, she starts getting antsy and whiny. So I ask her what’s wrong, and she repeated it, and that’s when it dawned on me what was in the Snickers. Thank God peanuts don’t cause her to go into anaphylactic shock, but it does cause really bad swelling. The “big chocolate” was her feeling her mouth swelling (including her gums).
I rushed to the kitchen to get her Citirizine (baby Zyrtec) and tried to asses the damage I had done. I look in her mouth, and her jaws and lips are completely swollen. I was on video chat with my husband, and I think I freaked him out, so he rushed home from work. She’s fine and all, but I still feel horrible because I’m her mother. My job is to protect her and not hurt her. And how bad off am I that I could forget the ONE big thing she’s allergic to?
TL; DR-Gave my kid a snack with peanuts. Caused an allergic reaction. Freaked my husband out. All ended well, but I feel absolutely horrible.
Image source: tbearbee2003
#21 Tifu By Teaching My Child To Catch Me Offguard
I have a daughter (8) and a son (3). My daughter is a wonderfully sweet person who says some of the strangest things (today was “ouch, my nut muscles!” and no, it had no real context). My son is a wild ginger scream machine who alternates between manic and maniac with occasional bouts of sweetness.
My kids both love to jump on me and blow raspberries on my belly but there is only so much my poor body can take from being body slammed. My son is easy to “reset” out of any bad mood with a properly timed raspberry to the cheek or belly, but he can’t see it coming. If he does, it doesn’t make him laugh or smile. Occasionally he will sneak up on me and do the same to me and it’s really cute and a nice bonding moment.
Today, I am getting body slammed again by both kids, and I have reached my pain limit. I wrestle the 8 year old down and lay across her belly and squish her as she cackles madly. I fail to notice the little ginger footsteps as my son creeps up behind me. I am basically in child’s pose at this moment.
I feel two cold hands on the edges of my pants. I barely have time to register, “what the heck is going on back there” before my pants are ripped down and a MASSIVE raspberry is blown directly into my buttcrack.
I leap up like rocket, tumbling over my daughter whole yelling, “NOOOO, NO FORBIDDEN ZRRBRRT,” and crash into my couch face-first. My son is thundering after me, cackling, determined to practice his wind instrument skills and I am struggling to pull up my pants, not stomp on my also-cackling daughter, and figure out which direction isn’t full of pain or confusion. The words, “More butt! More butt!” are being chanted by my son and I have to find a way to fight him off without scarring the poor child for life. I twist my legs in a vain attempt to both pull my pants up and push the child away, once again crashing but this time into a wooden dresser.
I am fairly sure I will have a black eye tomorrow and I will have to tell everyone this story.
Now I also have to gently but constantly remind my son he has found a definite boundary issue as I have twice more had to snatch his hands off of my pants as he snuck up on me.
TL,DR: I sneak up on my son to give him raspberries, he sneaks up on me, pulls my pants down, and blows one in my buttcrack. I injure myself falling down and have to teach him a new boundary I didn’t expect to have to teach him.
Image source: Tiaximus
#22 Tifu By Telling My Kids “Don’t Do The Crime If You Can’t Do The Time”
TIFU by telling my kids “don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time” I have 4 boys. It is important for me that they understand that they are responsible for their actions. I always tell them their actions have consequences, good or bad, and they need to remember that especially when they make bad choices. A few months ago I put my 6yo in time out for doing something he knew he shouldn’t have done. He has adhd so he’s very impulsive and always getting himself into something. He was crying about being in time out. So I told him that when we knowingly and purposely make bad choices we don’t lie about it or try to hide it we accept responsibility, accept our consequences, then move on with our life and make better choices. Then I said it.. “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.” A few days later he didn’t want to do his homework. I told him if he didn’t he would be grounded. He said “for how long?” I told him for the rest of the week no TV or Nintendo. He said “ok that’s fine” and he didn’t do his homework. Now he questions everything and does the time for his crimes. Lol “Eat your vegetables please” “What happens if I don’t?” “No dessert””Ok” “clean your room” “what happens if I don’t?” “No tv or Nintendo until your room is clean” “ok” “Don’t eat that candy” “what happens if I do?” “You won’t participate in family movie night” “Ok fine I won’t eat it.” I’ve caught him a few times telling himself “nah, maybe I shouldn’t do that” so there’s some progress. Lol
TLDR; Told my 6yo don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. Now he questions the “time” for everything and sometimes even accepts it.
Image source: lissie_ar
#23 Tifu By Letting My Son Play A Video Game
Over the last year, I’ve gotten back into my PS4 and started getting all the great games I missed since my son came out. He’s in first grade now and he’s a whiz at all the iPad games, so he obviously showed an interest in playing on the PS4, so I made him his own profile and let him choose his own games. Lego ones and SpongeBob were his jam. Until he saw my games. He saw me play Spider-Man, so he had to play. Set up his own game at easy settings on his own profile and he got pretty good. Same with Jedi: Fallen Order. I finished them both so I can help him as he goes and it’s been fun to share.
I just recently got Horizon Zero Dawn, and I’m really loving it, but it’s a more stealth and thoughtful tactics game to take down a machine without getting savaged or run out of ammo. He saw it and immediately started his own play through. But easy setting is WAY WAY easy. He’s one-shotting massive beasts and taking no damage running up and melee fighting vicious machines while I creep through grass and spend time planning and setting elaborate traps, hoping not to get seen. In two days he’s caught up to my weeks long game progress and blazed passed into areas I haven’t been to yet because of difficult enemies. And he really wants me to watch and talk about it, so now he’s spoiling the story progress for me.
TLDR: Easy setting on Horizon Zero Dawn is REALLY easy, allowing a first grader to quickly catch up to my game progress and start spoiling the game for me.
Image source: komododave17
#24 Tifu By Deleting All Of My Son’s Progress In His Video Game
So I (34F) have a son (6M) who is really into video games. He got his Nintendo Switch almost 2 years ago and is loving it! At the age of five had already finished Mario Odyssey. I know very little about video games but even I think that was a pretty impressive accomplishment. He is still really young so while he doing great with playing the games he is still learning how to take care of his games and the console. There have been many times he has taken games out before ejecting them and other times he has taken them out correctly but he will just put the game down in a random place and loses them (not hard to do, have you seen the switch games? They are tiny). So, this is where I f*ed up. Every so often my husband and I will do what we call a “game audit”. We will get all the switch games from the 3 switches in the house and console travel cases and put them back in their original cases so we can make sure no one lost any. My husband had shown me in the past how to save progress and safely eject the game. On this day my husband was out of town and my kids were at school so I was doing the “audit” by myself. I get to my son’s console and he had Pokémon Scarlett in it. I went through the process of ejecting the game and take it out and after I did that I remembered that I never saved 🤦♀️ I feel awful, my son had put a ton of time into the game and was working so hard. I know he had done so much work and I just had a brain fart and completely forgot to save it.
TL;DR I took my son’s Pokemon Scarlett game out without saving his progress.
Image source: Zealousideal-Coat133
#25 Tifu By Introducing My 3yo Daughter To Santa…
Well my wife and I decided to do the whole Santa thing since so many Christmas stories have him present and my daughter has loved it and been eating it up.
We had her scribble a cute “Christmas Wish List” to Santa and put it in the mailbox and explained how that whole process was supposed to work. (We believe the mailman actually took the letter later that day before we could retrieve it as well.. but that is besides the point. I’m just surprised he could decipher the ‘to address’.)
Well, later that day my daughter was dancing to Disney movies and causally mentioned, “when my Aurora dress comes, I’ll be so happy.” My wife and I looked at each other like.. did you get her an aurora dress? We asked her what she was talking about and she just said, “Santa is getting it for me..”
After a few moments we realized she must’ve actually asked Santa for a few gifts for Christmas without telling us and we did not anticipate our 3yo to comprehend the activity or let alone REMEMBER her list after the activity was completed.
We then asked her if she wrote about more gifts to Santa and she responded, “yes, I told Santa about all of the gifts.” When we inquired about what she asked for, all she would say was “Santa knows…….”.
We even tried to say that Mom and Dad would love to help Santa and get you some gifts as well. She just reminds us “Santa is getting my gifts..” and hasn’t eluded to any other gifts she wants besides the ‘Aurora Dress’.
So unless Santa gets this letter and comes through… I guess we just commit to the lump of coal route to cover our bums? Can’t think of any other option really.
TL;DR We let our 3yo daughter write a scribbled list to Santa and now she won’t tell us what she wanted for Christmas because “Santa knows” and we don’t know what to do except give her a lump of coal.
Image source: iTzbr00tal
#26 Tifu By Revealing To My Daughter That Santa Isn’t Real
My wife and I recently decided that it was time to reveal to our daughter, Alyssa (fake name) (10F), that Santa is not “real”. We have been discussing how to reveal it to her for some time as she is getting older and we really didn’t want someone to weaponize this information and shatter her world in a cruel way, especially right before Christmas. We also didn’t want her to find out and then tell her younger brother (5M).
A little background information on Alyssa: she often takes things literally and has trouble picking up on sarcasm. She is also very sensitive to criticism and finding out she is wrong about anything. For these reasons, my wife and I thought she may not take this well. I was trying to be optimistic about it and thought if we put a positive spin on it, she may take it well. We had both come across a number of ways of doing this and this is how it went…
I asked Alyssa to come with me so we could have a quick chat (away from her brother while he was occupied). She asked if she was in trouble and I reassured her that she was not, and we (my wife and myself) just wanted to talk with her. We let Alyssa know that we felt that she has been really mature about things recently and we thought she was ready to be a helper. We told her that instead of there being one Santa who gets all of the presents for boys and girls, there were many people who act as Santa to create the holiday spirit and share joy and kindness with others, and now she gets to be a part of it.
Alyssa: “Santa isn’t real???”
Me: “Well there isn’t just one man called Santa who brings all of the presents. Mum and I and your grandparents and other family all work together to make Christmas special for you and your brother.”
Alyssa (crying her eyes out): “Santa isn’t real!!”
My wife (trying to comfort and hug her): “Sweetheart, we are all Santa for you.”
Alyssa: “You’ve been lying to me! It’s all lies!!”
Me: “Alyssa, Christmas is still really special and the spirit of Christmas still exists. I know that Mum and I both still feel it. It’s a bit like how Harry Potter and the magic world don’t really exist, but it feels real.”
Alyssa: “What about the elves?? Are the elves real?”
Me: “No, but…”
Alyssa: “You lied to me! The reindeer aren’t real?? Rudolph isn’t real!”
My wife: “… I’m sorry Alyssa….”
Alyssa: “What about the Easter bunny???”
Me: “Well, no…. me and Mummy hide the eggs…”
Alyssa: “Noo!! It’s all lies…..”
*My wife and I keep hugging and reassuring her*
Alyssa: ” What about the Tooth Fairy???”
My Wife: “Oh Sweetheart…”
Alyssa (while sobbing): “What about my teeth? Where are my teeth??? It’s all lies! I want my teeth back!”
We have talked about it more since then and she is doing better, but she keeps telling me that she wished she didn’t know and she’s really sad.
So yeah, I FU.
TL;DR I told my 10yo daughter that Santa isn’t real and shattered her world. In the process of trying to explain, she figured out that the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy aren’t real either.
Image source: ozoptimist
#27 Tifu By Eating The Dinner My 12 Y.o. Daughter Made
This happened last night but I’m just realizing this morning how bad the fu was.
My daughter loves to bake and is learning to cook. I try to be supportive and I’ve taught her how to make a few dishes and she likes to try new recipes, which I encourage. I realize that she will make mistakes along the way, but that’s part of the learning process. Well, yesterday, my daughter got the idea to make savory waffles for dinner. She found a recipe and carefully executed it while my husband helped her out in the kitchen. She served me two waffles and told me different ways I could top them so I decided on avocado and microgreens because it was a cheddar and green onion waffle.
My daughter was so excited to present this meal to me and she even synchronized her first bite with mine so we could taste it together. So the first thing I taste is like a fishy taste but otherwise the waffle is everything it should be, golden brown on the outside and fluffy in the middle. But I can’t really taste anything other than the fishy taste. I’m eating this dish trying to figure out why it tastes bad, especially on the crispy outside. I did just recover from COVID and things are tasting a bit off so I thought maybe it’s just me. My daughter seems to be enjoying it and she keeps looking at me to see if I like it. I tell her that I like how fluffy it was and that the cheese in the waffle is my favorite part. It tastes bad and I admit I’m a bit of a people pleaser so I tried to eat the better part of both waffles so as not to disappoint or discourage her.
My husband wasn’t eating with us, which is not unusual because he’s not as willing to try new recipes. He comes by and asks, “how is it?” At this point I’m like the lady from the meme doing mental math. I think I know what the taste was because I usually do all the dishes and I don’t recall EVER cleaning the waffle iron. I ask my husband if he cleaned the waffle iron before using it. He must’ve realized his part in the fu because instead of saying no, he answered “not with water” and I realize that the fishy taste is indeed the taste of a cheddar and green onion waffle cooked in rancid oil/butter/grease left over from whenever the last time we used it. I think the last time the waffle iron was used was like over a year ago. I guess my waffles were the first two cooked and absorbed most of the rancid oil so my daughter didn’t taste it? I have since been flossing, brushing, and using mouthwash to get the taste out of my mouth but nevertheless it persists. So here I am the next day repulsed at the mere thought of food.
TLDR I kept eating a waffle that was cooked in rancid oil and tasted awful so as not to curb my daughter’s enthusiasm in the kitchen and now I may have ruined eating food
Image source: mondaysareturds
#28 Tifu By Ruining A Movie For My Daughter
Ok so my daughter is really into anime and wanted to see the new Demon Slayer movie. She had actually gone once before but due to some serious drama she had to leave the theater early and couldn’t see it. I offered to take her myself and she seemed happy, but not optimistic as we’re kinda poor and movies are a huge luxury right now.
I did some odd-jobs to get some cash and suprised her last night by saying we could go. We had a great time out, talking, laughing, like stuff you see in commercials. We got popcorn, sodas, the whole nine.
I do enjoy anime, and I remember all the snide comments my parents used to make about stuff I liked as a teen, so I kept my mouth shut even though I didn’t “get” most of what was going on. She was having fun and I was glad.
Until (maybe minor spoilers ahead)
At the end of the movie there was a very touching scene and several characters were ugly crying for like 5 minutes. I thought they were playing the scenes long as a joke, because it just kept going. Then the “camera pans up to a bird flying away who was also crying and I barked out “wtf why is the bird crying?!” While laughing.
I was the only one in the theater to do so.
Apparently this was the touching climax of the sadness and my daughter said later she was on the verge of tears herself until my outburst. I can only imagine the 20+ other Demon Slayer fans in the theater felt the same. So, sorry everyone.
TLDR: I laughed during a very sad scene and ruined everyone else’s experience.
Image source: Zetenrisiel
#29 Tifu By Making My Daughter Open An Savings Account
TIFU by making my daughter open a savings account.
Obligatory: This actually began a year or so ago.
I took my daughter to the bank with her accumulated piggybank money to open a savings account. You know, to teach her that it’s good so save money, get some interest, then have it available when she wants to buy something bigger than an impulse by in the grocery checkout lane.
Now, a year-plus later, after getting 0.01% interest and being charged a $7 PER QUARTER service fee for a “dormant account” (we didn’t keep putting in more money in every couple of months), I’ll have to repay my daughter the difference between what she put in and what she’ll get out when I close the account this week.
Yes, it was all according to the bank’s terms but, DAMN, what BS! The savings lesson I tried to pass down from my father is a little outdated.
TL;DR: I wasted some of my daughter’s piggybank money to “service fees” by forcing her to open a “savings” account.
[Edit: Thanks for all the advice posted about credit unions vs. banks. I think we’ll stick with stocks from now on.]
Image source: WDFKY
#30 Tifu By Ignoring My Kid’s Drawing
A few days ago, my child said they were itchy. They texted a cute picture they drew of themselves with some spots, and it’s titled “I’m ichy” (sic). I laughed and said “take a shower.” They typically need a shower, and with sports starting, I figured they just needed to wash off. My adolescent child is at the age where I don’t examine them every time they have an itch, and they’re getting private about stuff. Fast forward a week later, I see a huge welt on their back. Turns out they are covered in ringworm (fungal rash, like athlete’s foot). Entire chest and spreading everywhere. I took them into urgent care right away. It will take at least a couple of weeks to clear up. It takes like 15 minutes daily to find and cover all the spots with cream.
Poor kid blames me for letting it get that bad and ignoring them! It’s also highly contagious, and soon we will all be getting treatment. And yes, I’m currently treating some itchy spots on myself now.
TL;DR: ignored my child’s self-drawing of them covered in rashes, and now the plague (ringworm) has hit the home
Image source: LabRatPerson
#31 Tifu By Breaking My Child’s Heart
All I wanted to do was set traps for the cockroaches that have been making an incursion into our house…
My son is incredibly sensitive and loves bugs. I did my best to keep the knowledge of the pending cockroach massacre I was arming for that fateful night secret but, alas, he discovered my plot by overhearing the conversation between my wife and myself about the bugs. When he gathered what we were about to do he LOST IT. Full-on, nuclear meltdown, screaming – no, WAILING – about not wanting us to hurt the cockroaches because they are his friends.
It’s not like we have a huge bug problem, but the sightings had become more frequent and I wanted to make sure we didn’t leave ourselves open to an infestation. Now, we have to hide the word “trap” in our conversations around him and resisted him every time he starts asking where the cockroaches are. The kid is so sweet and just loves all living creatures. He’s 4 and won’t eat meat most of the time, unless it’s chicken nuggets. But once he realized what steak was, he refused. He won’t eat ground beef or chicken and always just wants rice and beans, because it’s his “favorite” and it’s “nice to the animals.” We have gone clandestine in our battles, waging guerrilla warfare against the pests who are trying to burrow into our home in the heat of summer. And we cannot tell my child because he is a double agent against us.
TL;DR – my child is the sweetest ever and cries over dead cockroaches. Now I have to play exterminator at night like Batman.
Image source: BroccoliOscar
#32 Tifu By Letting My Child Pick Ramen Flavors
Went looking for black garlic at the Korean grocery near me today. Didn’t find it but my son was irrationally enthralled by the ramen aisle, and desperately wanted a ramen. Of course, he picked out one of the two hundred that were varieties of the “Hot Chicken” flavor, in this case “HOT chicken flavor ramen” “with cheese” flavor. I told him it was probably too spicy for him (he can’t stand mild Indian curry smdh), but he insisted. I wisely made him get a backup choice (shrimp).
I made them both for part of dinner. He got the shrimp something one. I looked at the hot chicken bowl, ignored any sense of caution I might have had about a cartoon chicken complete with flaming comb laughing, that clearly says “HOT” on the wrapper. I let mine cool off a bit after adding the water and putz around getting napkins. It didn’t smell spicy too spicy, and first bite merely hinted of spice. Flavor was decent but packaged ramen bowl-ish. Good signs. A second bite was soon taken.
No.
I somehow put three bites of hellfire on earth into my mouth before I realized the extent of my mess up, and had to quit. Within three minutes, I was water hose-level crying. The sweat looked like I’d just put in enough deadlifts for jesus that I need to wring out my shirt. My lips ached from how hot it was. My child couldn’t stop cracking up until he saw my tears, had to verify no dogs had recently passed away, and then resumed laughing himself to his own tears. My digestive track hates me on a level I can only describe as “venting magma chamber” right now. I hurt in places no one should ever hurt. I’m very glad we have a second bathroom in our house, because one of them’s never going to get rid of its shame it is bearing right now.
It’s been over three hours and I’m still sweating. I’m worried I may have damaged something more than my pride with this one.
TL; DR: Do not buy the yellow and red hot chicken with the flaming comb with cheese flavor ramen bowl unless you like pain. (obligatory I am not a spice-head, so you naga viper eating folks can laugh quietly to yourselves in the corner)
Image source: unculturedperl
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