Your friends probably know you better than you know yourself. They see the version of you that exists outside your own head, the patterns you cannot spot because you are living inside them, the red flags you have rationalized into personality quirks, and the relationship dynamics that look very different from the outside looking in.
A good friend will tell you the truth. A great friend will agonize over whether telling you the truth will cost them the friendship. One woman was caught in this trap, watching her close friend sign away his happiness to a dreadful woman who was keeping a few too many secrets.
More info: Reddit
Your friends probably know you better than you know yourself, and sometimes the hardest thing they can do is watch you walk toward something they can already see the end of
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This narrator had known Mark since college and had no real issues with his girlfriend, Laura, for years, accepting her shyness as part of her personality
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This was right up until Laura opened up, and it became clear she was incredibly anxious and insecure in their relationship, and did not get along with Mark’s friends
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Friends gently suggested postponing the wedding almost a year before it was due, and Laura withdrew for weeks, admitting later that it was because what they said had hit too close to home
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They said nothing, went to the wedding, were gracious, and spent the next five months watching every single thing they had predicted come true faster than anyone expected
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It turns out the couple were disagreeing about being in an open relationship, with Mark thinking it was a good idea, and Laura saying ‘no’ all the way
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But Laura gave in when she found a possible romantic partner outside their marriage
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The other man wanted it to be an affair, so Laura lied about ending things with him, just to continue sneaking around behind Mark’s back
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She even opened a secret email account after being caught to share details about her marriage to the man, something Mark explicitly asked her not to do
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The final nail in the coffin was when she admitted to kissing another man at the gym, just to make the divorce as painful and guaranteed as possible
The narrator had known Mark since college and had no real issues with his girlfriend, Laura. Laura was shy but seemed like a decent match. Then Laura opened up, and what had seemed like shyness started to reveal itself as something more complicated. Insecurity, anxiety, a willingness to air private arguments in front of friends, cruelty toward Mark in front of company, and a fundamental disagreement about the foundation of the relationship.
Friends had gently suggested postponing the wedding almost a year before it was due to happen. Laura withdrew for weeks and told mutual friends it was because they were not being supportive. The narrator’s girlfriend also chimed in, describing Laura as awful, saying she actively disliked her, and noting that she genuinely could not see how the friendship with Mark would survive the marriage.
They went to the wedding regardless, were gracious and hoped that removing the stress of the engagement would improve things. It did not. Within months, the fights were worse, and Mark suggested they stop hanging out together. Soon, he also called to say they were getting divorced.
It came out that Mark wanted an open relationship, but Laura was fully against it. Until she met a man whom she could see herself dating on the side. But one day, Laura had lied about ending things with a man she had been seeing, but continued the relationship secretly because the other partner wanted it to be an affair, not consensual non-monogamy.
She even opened a separate email account to hide the communications after being caught, and then admitted that she had kissed someone from her gym. She decided that ending things in the most hurtful way possible was the most efficient option available to her. Mark, yet again, handled it with more grace than anyone felt he was required to.
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Mark’s desire for an open relationship suddenly became something Laura was interested in the moment she developed feelings for someone else. Dr Abby Medcalf identifies this as one of the clearest warning signs that an open relationship request is coming from the wrong place.
If the motivation is already having an interest in another person and wanting to pursue that relationship, that is a fear-based and self-serving reason, not a genuine philosophical shift. Laura did not change; she just found someone she wanted to see and needed a framework that made it acceptable.
Psychologist Ari Tuckman makes an important point when he says that every couple needs to negotiate what gets disclosed outside the relationship. What matters is that both people actually discuss it rather than one person assuming their partner is fine with it. Mark was clearly someone who preferred to keep private matters private. Laura was someone who equally had no such preference. The red flag parade seemingly has no end.
Wellness advocate Joyce Pring makes the point that a partner who consistently clashes with your close friends is worth examining as a potential compatibility issue rather than a personality quirk to manage. The narrator and Julie were watching someone treat their friend badly in front of them and struggling to pretend otherwise.
Laura’s reaction to their gentle concern was itself a data point about how she handled any situation where she was not the centre of support and sympathy. Everyone who knew her was relieved when the divorce was announced. That is the most damning review a person can receive, and it arrived exactly on schedule.
Would you have told your friend before the wedding if you were in this position? Tell us your thoughts in the comments!
The internet breathed a sigh of relief, glad that they didn’t have to read more of Laura’s selfish and insane tactics
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