Life isn’t as scary as it might seem on the TV, but that doesn’t mean that you can completely throw the question of security out of your living room window. You need to be aware that there are some baddies out there who are simply waiting for their chance to ransack someone’s home and steal your hard-earned belongings. They might not reach Gotham villain levels of dastardly evilness, but you’re not a superhero either. You need to be prepared, you need to be realistic.
Ironically enough, it’s sometimes villains that can protect you from other villains, as redditor AsleepFondant proved. They asked former burglars to offer some advice about where people really shouldn’t be hiding their valuables, and, wow, did they deliver. It’s making us reconsider a lot of things that we took for granted. For instance, safes might not be as safe as you think while closets shouldn’t be where you store your jewelry.
Scroll down and let us know if any of these tips changed your perspective on home security. Oh, and a small reminder that you should NEVER reveal to anyone where you actually hide your valuables. Even if it’s anonymously on the internet. Stay safe. Stay smart.
I reached out to redditor AsleepFondant to have a talk about their viral thread on r/AskReddit. They revealed to Bored Panda what the inspiration for the question was. “For starters, the area I live in is not the safest and I have experience of having my house broken into when I was a little kid, so you could say it’s something that is on my mind,” they said. Scroll down for our exclusive interview with AsleepFondant, dear Readers.
By the way, if you’re curious about some other tips and tricks ex-burglars shared, you really ought to check out this recent article about home security on Bored Panda.
#1 Unlocking Simple Truths
This doesn’t exactly answer the question asked, but it is a tip on potentially protecting your valuables. Bear with me because it’s a bit strange: Glue a spare key (not one that opens something important) under your door mat. Weird right?
A few years ago I did this in addition to installing cameras. Over the last couple of years I’ve seen this exact scenario play out: thief walks to the door, checks under the mat, unsuccessfully tries to grab the key, backs up, looks around to see if anyone is watching (presumably because they think they have fallen for some trap/prank where they are being surveilled), and LEAVES. They don’t even search for another way in because it spooks them.
Image source: aj9811, Kelly Sikkema
#2 Window Watcher Alert
My husband is so good at hiding things from burglars that there are a number of valuable items that we have never found again. So hiding things is fine, but remembering where you hid them is just as important.
Image source: fizzy_sister, Nathan Fertig
#3 Morning Mood Check
This will get burried, but here we go.
Not a burglar but some broke into my family’s house 4 or 5 years ago when we were out on a concert. They checked everything – took all money and jewelry they could find.
Except! My room was a mess to begin with. I left piles of clothes on the floor, my study desk messy af, left piles of papers on both desk and floor (i was in a hurry before we all left and was searching for something I can quite remember now.
Now. I had 800€ and golden earrings on my desk, just sitting there.
The burglars opened the doors… and didn’t move a thing. Left my 800€ and golden earrings alone and moved to another room.
From then on I have been using this as an excuse why I don’t need to clean up my room.
Image source: PuzzleBuzzleRuzzle, Samuel Regan-Asante
#4 Off to New Adventures
Former crime reporter here. Tampon box and kitty litter are good. I’ve also seen false outlets that are safe as a safe.
I don’t think burglars are the best folks to ask. Check with drug dealers, they’re the best at hiding stuff.
Image source: DJGlennW, Litter Robot
#5 Always Watching You
Also side note, I use to do door to door sales for ADT… people would let me in the house and just tell me where all the important stuff was before even verifying I was legit….. don’t do that.
Image source: Mybigbrowntitties, Pixabay
#6 Laundry Day Confessions
Had my house burglarized by a so-called friend. He missed by far the most valuable thing. it’s just a safe sitting on the laundry room floor. He missed it because I’m a scumbag and had it covered with a mountain of dirty clothes and towels. So not being tidy saved me upwards of $35K.
Image source: ImAlwaysRightHanded, Annie Spratt
#7 Quiet Corners and Hidden Doors
Your shed. Seriously. LOCK YOUR SHED. Even if your house is well-locked, if your shed isn’t, I likely have access to a plethora of tools I can use to gain access.
Image source: AlphaTangoFoxtrt, Tanner Vote
#8 Cash In Hand Vibes
Fun fact – aunt died, and had valuables hidden throughout the house. She was a cranky old cur, the one who had a ton of dough, no offspring, didn’t donate, and thought she could take it with her. Well, hell. When she died, I helped out my elderly parents clean out her place. Instead of just being able to throw away the junk and pile up the clothes and other items to donation centers, we had to rifle through every pocket, every damn planter, pot and pan, etc. It was sort of fun, but took a hell of a long time. From what I recall, there was a few hundred bucks inside a few planters, 4.5k in the bottom part of an unused planter, under some little foam brick you stick fake flowers into, that was tucked way in the back of a cabinet, jewelry stashed in the arm of a leather couch, more money in some sewing drawer, a few hundred bucks in several jackets, etc. I took forever to go through every goddamn pocket, sock, drawer, container of nails and buttons, etc. Gotta admit, sorta fun as well. She never told any of us that she had money hidden. My mother just had a hunch.
Image source: TheSecretofBog, Alexander Mils
#9 Security Quit Early
Any safe that’s not bolted down and is small enough for 1-2 people to carry isn’t safe at all.
Image source: RallyX26, William Murphy
#10
My grandfather had a huge safe in the basement.
Inside that safe was another, smaller safe.
And inside that other smaller safe was, you guessed it, an even smaller safe.
When he got sick and had to be in the hospital for awhile he started telling everybody, from the people in line at the fast food place to the nurses, how we was okay because all his stuff was in this unbreakable safe in his basement. People thought he was crazy.
Of course what was bound to happen happened and one time when he was out to the hospital someone broke into his home. When he got back maybe a week later, he saw that the first 2 safes we’re opened but the guy gave up on the smallest one. Good for him because there wasn’t anything in that last safe either. We had a good laugh about it for the 3 years he was still alive, trying to picture the would-be robber’s face when he saw the third safe.
So I guess one place you SHOULD keep your valuables is a safe inside a safe inside another safe. Robbers are lazy.
Image source: lordpanda
#11 Quiet Moments Inside
As a troubled teen, I robbed schools. I can say this: lock your damn windows. 99% of the time we got in with unlocked windows.
Image source: RobbStarkNaked
#12 Crafted Curiosities
My cousin lives in a bad neighborhood, so she went to a thrift store, bought an obvious-looking jewelry box and a bunch of expensive looking costume jewelry that’s actually worthless and put it in the box. She keeps this in a conspicuous place. Then she leaves a few 20s on top. This way if someone breaks in, they will grab this and run, ignoring some of her well-hidden valuables.
Image source: downwarddawg, Clem Onojeghuo
#13 Plugged Into Simplicity
I’ve seen people make false outlets for hiding valuables like cash and jewelry. Just an idea, a burglar would have to be at your home for a long time to start checking outlets.
Image source: ban_me_daddyy, La Miko
#14
I’m an electrician and was on a job installing some wall fixtures for a customer, we found $3500 in an octagon box. I told the customer about the find and he’d stashed it there when they bought the house 15yrs prior. I guess even he forgot about it being there, he did give me a handsome tip of $300 for being honest about finding it and not keeping it since he would have never known.
Image source: TheOtherBull
#15 Cozy Corners Ahead
I’m going to look under your bed, I’m going to dump out any drawer I find. I’m checking your freezer. I’m looking under the bathroom cabinet. Think that incredibly smart hiding spot you saw in a spy movie will work? We watch spy movies too. It’s really going to be a matter of security versus convenience for you. If it takes me more than a minute to get to something (and don’t forget I’m more than willing to break s**t to get to stuff) then it’s not worth my trouble. I want to be out of your house in less than 15 minutes tops.
Image source: henrideveroux, Jacalyn Beales
#16 Weekend Plans Sorted
Don’t leave things out that people can see from outside your home or car. If you buy a new TV or computer break down the box it came in. Don’t just leave it by your garbage bin.
Image source: Auferstehen78, Lisa
#17 Code Cracking Vibes
I’m going to keep a small safe in the living room with a giant foam middle finger inside for when the day comes.
Image source: [deleted], Immo Wegmann
#18 Powered By Caffeine
Not a former burglar, but my house was robbed before which made my dad want to hide his work laptop the next time we went out. Little did anyone else know, he decided to hide it in the oven. We only realized this after my mom finished cooking dinner and smelled something strange. He should have learned his lesson then, but maybe 2 moths later he decided to hide a laptop in the microwave, because you can’t miss the laptop when it is the only thing in the microwave, right? Later that day my sister needed to use a minute timer to get something so she just hit the 1 minute button on the microwave without checking. Trying to hide laptops costed my dad 2 of them so maybe don’t hide them there.
Image source: crabmeat11, Life Of Pix
#19
Lol my dad and 2 uncles were once looking after my house for my grandma (they were about 11, 17 and 18) when the heard someone knocking about the garage, so my dad and uncle (18 and 17) went out and found a burgular, and threatened to beat him up if he didn’t leave the property. He had his ladder next to the garage to try and get in from the top (idk what he was doing that for), and as he left he asked if he could at least take his ladder with him. To this day my dad still has that ladder
Image source: KlippetyKop
#20 Lost in Transit Vibes
Don’t put pics on Facebook /social media of you and your family going on a week long trip from the airport
Image source: north78, Skitterphoto
#21 Light in the Quiet Shadows
LED lighting is cheap these days. If your house is gonna be vacant for a while, consider investing in one of those smart-lighting systems where you can set different rooms to turn on and off at different points in the day. (Kitchen during dinnertime, bedrooms at night, etc.)
Image source: C0SAS, Wolf Zimmermann
#22 Classic Comfort Vibes
Oh, and thanks for locking drawers. That way I know exactly where the valuables are. I can open that cheap wood drawer as quickly with a crowbar as pulling it open.
Image source: GlutenFreeApples, khloe arledge
#23 Keys to Everywhere
DON’T USE KEY RACKS OR BOWLS NEXT TO THE DOOR! The amount of stolen cars where the burglar takes one step into the house, picks up the keys to the family car and leaves immediately is just sad.
Image source: OThinkingDungeons, Nathan Dumlao
#24 Lost in the Scroll Zone
On your social media page.
No really.
Dont post photos of expensive stuff you just bought on Facebook. You might think it’s cool to show it off, but to a would be theif, it just becomes a shopping list.
Image source: GoatPantsKillro, Tofros.com
#25 Stacked Stories Await
For the college kids that might read this, don’t keep your textbooks in your car. On the day of my finals I had about six textbooks I was gonna sell in my car. Came back to find someone broke my window and stole the textbooks. Cop told me that it’s very common and unlikely they will catch the guy, so I was out ~$700, which was huge as a college student.
Image source: zepaperclip, Sharon McCutcheon
#26 Ready for the Unexpected
Pro tip: Hide your small valuables inside a used/empty fire extinguisher, no one is going to steal a fire extinguisher…
Image source: shocksalot123, Nothing Ahead
#27 Surveillance Zone Ahead
I read somewhere that if a thief sees a home security alarm sign 90% of them walk away. A friend of mine bought a ADT security sign off Ebay for this very reason.
Image source: Dingo9933, SmartSign
#28 Rusty Secrets Inside
Fire safes only are safe from fires.
Image source: Asylumsix, monkeywing
#29 Parked Like a Boss
You’d be surprised at how often people leave their cars unlocked with nice things inside. A lot of people actually leave them unlocked with the keys inside. It’s how the majority of cars are stolen.
Image source: 50nd, Ricardo Esquivel
#30 Locked Out Logic
Don’t keep your spare key outside near the front door — under a pot plant, under doormat, top of door frame etc.
Image source: marty_arty, Andre William
Follow Us
