Romantic relationships are all about give-and-take, where both people put in effort to care for each other. If one person does the lion’s share of things and gives way too much of themselves, they will eventually feel taken advantage of.
This is what a man felt, especially after overhearing his fiancée tell her friend that she was settling for him. He felt extremely hurt because she relied on him, as he had done so much for her. He was so angry toward her that he felt like taking revenge and leaving her with nothing.
More info: Reddit
Everyone wants to be loved for who they are, not what they can provide, and they especially don’t want their partner to settle for them
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The poster shared that he was heartbroken after overhearing his fiancée tell her friend that she was settling for him as he’s nice and a good provider
Image credits: katemangostar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He realized that she didn’t really love him, and that he was just her ticket to having a nice “drama-free” life since he gave her everything she wanted
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster mentioned that his fiancée was unemployed, living in his house, and using things he owned, so, as revenge, he thought of leaving her destitute
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The poster asked folks whether he should kick the woman out and leave her with nothing, because he was still unsure about doing so
The man never expected to learn that his fiancée wasn’t in love and was only settling for him. He had taken care of all of her needs and even been a safety net for her when she quit her job. That’s why getting to know how she really felt hit him so hard. He felt taken advantage of and angry because he had invested so much of himself into the relationship.
To understand this situation better, Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Elizabeth Carr. She is a clinical psychologist and the founding owner of Kentlands Psychotherapy. A former Navy psychologist, she has spent over two decades helping individuals, couples, and families navigate complex relationship dynamics.
Dr. Elizabeth mentioned that “unfortunately, this is a pretty common dynamic between insecure men and women. He starts off overcompensating out of insecurity, and then that becomes the Achilles’ heel of the relationship. In many cases, the men don’t realize they’re also using the women for their looks or hot bodies.”
“It’s more mutual than they’re willing to admit to, but because of that, when they’re hurt, they can lash out because they never saw the person truly as another human being. This guy alluded to just that in his post,” she added. It’s possible that the man kept giving too much of himself because he didn’t feel worthy of his partner, and then got shocked when he realized she thought the same.
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The OP shared that he had let his partner live in his house, use his car, and stay unemployed for as long as she liked. So, when he got to know the truth about her feelings, he felt like leaving her with nothing. He probably thought that by taking away all of the “perks” that she liked him for, he could actually hit her where it hurts and make her feel the same way.
Dr. Elizabeth shared that “this relationship sounds like a collision of unmet needs. He needs to feel loved for himself, not for his assets. She wants stability, but may struggle to communicate romantic passion; she may also be too insecure and immature to be in a healthy relationship right now.”
“The urge to ‘make her suffer’ is a signal of deep hurt and a fight/flight stress response. It’s understandable, but it also risks turning this into a revenge scenario toward an enemy rather than a boundary-setting one with a partner. If his goal is self-respect and emotional clarity, an honest conversation and careful disentangling of finances will serve him better than punitive measures,” she added.
It’s possible that everyone’s words of advice knocked some sense into the man, because he mentioned that he would talk to his fiancée over the weekend. Even though they might not be able to reconcile their differences, hopefully, they can end the relationship without anyone getting hurt even more.
Dr. Elizabeth shared that “this relationship will only be a source of insecurity and pain for him going forward unless he can promptly make changes in their financial arrangements. Given what she’s on the record repeatedly saying, he will always feel exploited by her unless they realign things financially, and he can see that she has chosen to stay in the relationship with him.”
Do you think this couple can actually work things out? Let us know what you think.
People sided with the man and told him that he deserves better than someone who thinks they are settling for him
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