Everybody who has ever been through a breakup knows that they’d be much rather doing just about anything else. That’s because the end of a relationship can be really painful and bring up so many emotions that most folks just don’t want to deal with.
This is what happened to one woman who got dumped by her boyfriend due to her financial circumstances, only to match with him on Tinder 4 years later. Even though he had left her when times had been tough, she still wondered whether it would be a good decision to rekindle things with him.
People might sometimes romanticize the past they shared with their ex so much that even the red flags tend to look rose-colored
magnific / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The poster matched with her ex of 4 years on Tinder, and explained that he had previously dumped her over her education debt and the fact that she had been living with her parents
Elena Helade / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Since the woman was successful now and her ex was still living with his parents, she felt she was doing better, but wondered about rekindling things with him
senivpetro / Magnific (not the actual photo)
After the woman asked folks online for advice on whether to reconnect with her ex, netizens gave her a reality check about him being a mooch and treating her badly
The poster felt that her eyes had really been opened by people’s comments and told her ex she didn’t want to meet, but he claimed he just wanted to catch up
When you’re in a relationship with someone, everything about them tends to feel magical, which is why it might be hard to realize at first if they’re being manipulative, toxic, or controlling. The Zen Parent explains that this may be especially true if a partner always expects you to cover their expenses or stays with you only because you can financially support them.
Although it may be tough to see a loved one as a mooch, you can figure out their intentions by observing their reaction to you withdrawing your monetary support. This is what Nathanael Garrett Novosel also advises for someone who wants to figure out whether they have a fair-weather friend or companion in their life. The only way to do this is to pay attention to the other individual’s reaction and behavior when you go through tough moments.
Even when such a relationship ends, it can be hard for people to come to terms with the breakup. The Jed Foundation explains that folks might experience bouts of low self-esteem and depression when their bond with someone they cherished breaks. This situation may make them question their self-worth, which can later affect their future relationships.
Unfortunately, people also tend to romanticize their exes after a breakup, even if there were many toxic moments while they were dating. That’s why Stephanie Rigg says that it’s important to be honest with yourself about the good and bad times in your past relationship, and to use that to learn from the tough moments, instead of making them seem better than they actually were.
magnific / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Apart from always thinking that their ex was nicer than they actually were, some people might even think of rekindling things with their old flame. This is exactly what Holly Berckelman advises against, as she says it “is guaranteed to cause drama, hurt feelings, and [make people mad].”
One reason someone might feel such a strong urge to reconnect with an ex-partner could be their attachment style. According to experts at the Ex Boyfriend Recovery community, people with an anxious attachment style find it hard to move on without closure. This may cause them to return to an old flame, just to get validation or feel secure.
Even though we’re told to avoid exes and cut them out of our lives, breakup coach Kevin Thompson has a different perspective. He explains that getting back together is only feasible if both people are committed to a healthy relationship now. This means that both partners should have learned from their mistakes and try to do their best for each other, or else they might end up repeating old patterns.
This could have been the exact trap the woman would have fallen into if she got back together with her sly ex. Luckily, she shared her experience online and received advice from netizens who said the man seemed like a mooch and was probably only willing to reconnect because she seemed successful now.
Do you think the woman should get back together with her ex, or do you agree with the advice the poster received? We’d love to hear your perspective on this situation.
People urged the woman not to even consider going out with her ex-boyfriend again, especially after his toxic reasons for dumping her
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