There are certain social boundaries you can’t easily cross. For example, another person’s religion, race, and ethnicity are touchy subjects to joke about. Doing so could lead to conflict, just like what happened to the couple in this story.
The man poked fun at his Colombian fiancée’s upbringing in front of his friends. She bit back and called him out for it, leading to a suddenly silent dinner table.
Her response didn’t sit well with the man, who felt embarrassed and tried to turn the tables on her. She now wonders if her reaction was out of line.
A person’s ethnic background is one of the touchy subjects to joke about
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A woman experienced this from her fiancé during a dinner with his friends
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She felt deeply embarrassed, especially coming from her significant other
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When the woman called him out, he turned the tables on her for being “too sensitive”
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Cultural generalizations are a source of bad jokes, which are often hurtful
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There is an old ethnic joke that picks on multiple nationalities at once. It goes, “Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and everything is organized by the Swiss.”
These generalizations are commonplace and often uttered in jest. However, such stereotypes may also ignite prejudice and discrimination.
The Oxford Review explains that stereotyping may lead to misunderstandings reinforcing negative biases, even if they originate from common knowledge. Worse, they may lead to microaggressions.
Stereotyping may affect the person receiving it emotionally and behaviorally. Psychotherapist Amy Morin, LCSW, notes that this is a stereotype threat, where people fear they are at risk of confirming these negative biases. Over time, it can cause feelings of stress, anxiety, and self-doubt.
“Dealing with the threat consumes cognitive resources and leaves people less able to succeed in the situation, which then reinforces the stereotype,” Morin wrote in an article for Very Well Mind, adding that unpleasant typecasting may become a self-fulfilling prophecy for the person experiencing it.
Apart from the backhanded racism the author experienced, she was also made to be a laughing stock in front of people she wasn’t close with. Duke University psychology professor Dr. Mark Leary calls this “targeted” embarrassment, where a person directly embarrasses their partner to get some laughs.
In an interview with the Wall Street Journal, Dr. Leary stated that raising the issue with your significant other is the best course of action. However, timing is critical. Opening the conversation at a social gathering may not be the best idea.
Instead, Dr. Leary advises waiting for a neutral moment when you two are alone. However, marriage counseling might be the solution if such incidents are repetitive.
In this story, the author could have avoided bringing up the issue at dinner, as it may have ruined the night. However, her reaction was also understandable, given the nature of the jokes and how they may perpetuate negative stereotypes about her upbringing
Most commenters agreed that the man’s actions were inappropriate, with some suggesting a break-up
But there were a few who thought her reaction was out of insecurity about her upbringing
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