Children have a very unique view of the world and how things work. Actions don’t seem to have real consequences (until they do), movies represent real life and sometimes it’s perfectly possible to get by with a fragmented understanding of reality. Often enough, this leads to the sort of behavior that one remembers at night as an adult.
So to illustrate some examples of this, we’ve gathered stories from folks sharing the most embarrassing things they did as children. Get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own experiences in the comments section down below.
#1
When I was in 3rd grade the teacher would let us leave the class for lunch early by playing a little game. Such as if you name starts with “C” you may go 5 mins early and so on. This one day the teacher decided that it would be fun to say if you have any blue clothes on you may go, about 5 kids got up showed the teacher and off to lunch they went. Next was yellow 4 more kids, Red was next I was so excited because I had some red on so I get up and start to walk out but the teacher said “Mr Hatter I don’t see any red on you” so I pulled down my pants and showed her the reddest of red jocks you have ever seen.
Later that evening my Mum got a call from the school asking if she could go in a discuss my actions.
I still have not lived it down. I am now 28 and my Dad brings this story up at least 3 times a year.
**TL;DR Flashed teacher**.
Image source: xmadhatterx, Wavebreak Media / freepik (not the actual photo)
#2
When I was in kindergarten, I told my teacher to pull my finger. I am female, so was she and she was also very “proper and unforgiving” which my mother hated. So.. I farted, because she didn’t know that’s what happened. When my mom got the call she had to hold back laughter. Now whenever stories are being told (including in front of new, potential mates) I get to hear how I farted on my kindergarten teacher.
Image source: sunshinesurr, freepik (not the actual photo)
#3
When I was about five I had a pet hamster, Cubby. I wanted to give him a bath so I filled up the sink. Thankfully my mom stopped me before I threw him in there. Then I went outside and turned on the hose to give him a shower. My mother also saved poor Cubby from that fate. A few hours later she walked in my room and I was sitting on the bed holding a dripping wet Cubby. She asked what happened and I replied, “I gave him a bath like a Mama hamster would.” I licked [him] down from head to toe. Obviously pictures were taken. I don’t know how I was able to produce that much saliva. I’m 19 now and to this day anytime a squirrel runs by or a pet needs a bath my family will yell, “Go get Grace! She’ll take care of it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” –__–
Image source: redheadglazic, kryazhevaalena / freepik (not the actual photo)
#4
Ugh. In third grade I was painfully dorky and I would always sit and read by myself before the bell rang. The other kids made fun of me for reading, so…my solution? I made cat noises at them. Like hissed and stuff. Yep. That’s what 8-year-old me came up with. It did not do wonders for my popularity.
beefwich:
We had one of you in my school. Ours was a kid named Jeff. One morning I went to the library to check out a drawing book and asked him (politely) to scoot his chair in so I could get by. And he hissed at me and arched his back like a cat.
Image source: wigglybutt, freepik (not the actual photo)
#5
When I was seven I was staying at my grandma’s house. She was cooking dinner and I wandered off into the bathroom where I found a pair of scissors. I proceeded to give my self a haircut. I was awful. For the next two weeks my parents made me walk around with said awful haircut as a punishment.
TL;DR My parents made me walk around for two weeks with an atrocious haircut I gave myself.
riotous_jocundity:
I did this pretty much every year between the ages of 6-9. My mom would be innocently going about her day and then freeze in panic when she realized how quiet it was in the house. She’d inevitably find me in a closet with our cat, both of us sporting cutting edge asymmetrical haircuts. Apparently it always happened a few days before picture day. My grandparents live in another country, so for several years they had serious concerns about my mother’s ability to take care of us.
Image source: jBudds, volodymyr-t / freepik (not the actual photo)
#6
I stole a kitten from a neighbor’s yard and thought that just in case the neighbor saw me do it, I would simply chop off my bangs. My mom was pissed at my horrible haircut and I had to return the kitten..
Image source: farorie, freepik (not the actual photo)
#7
I called the teacher mom.
Image source: anon, pressfoto / freepik (not the actual photo)
#8
In third grade we would have reading time everyday after lunch. The teacher would read one of her favorite books to us chapter by chapter. it was nice. Anyway I was known for being a stinky chubby kid already but this particular day I outdid myself. Halfway through our teacher excitedly reading BFG, I let out the rankiest fart. Everyone heard it, everyone definitely smelled it.
As if God himself could add more insult, a small earthquake shook the room right as I stopped farted. Our teacher made everyone go outside NOT BECAUSE OF THE EARTHQUAKE (it was only a tiny one) but because my fart smelled so bad that the teacher thought the classroom was uninhabitable whilst the fart smell lingered. I then started to cry because everyone was mad at me for ruining THE BFG forever and just making it stink so bad. My 3rd grade class can confirm this, wherever there are now. They still remind me of this story. I am known as the kid whose fart shook the whole world.
TL:DR in third grade, I farted, real earthquake suddenly happened, classroom evacuated because it smelled so bad. I cried.
lilwheezyf:
I can confirm this story to be true lol. I was [in that class], the best coincidence I have ever experienced in my entire life.
Image source: bangschwang
#9
I was around the age of 5 enjoying my very first Disneyworld experience. It was very crowded and my family and I were stuck in one of those very long lines that wind endlessly back and forth. I, as I would think most 5 year old boys are, didn’t exactly have a filter to what I would say. If it crossed my mind, I would pretty much just blurt it out. So as we begin to wind down through the line, I notice a strange looking man. I scream and point him out to my horrified mother saying, “Mommy! Mommy Look! It’s a little boy with a man’s head”. She eventually quiets me down but then, of course, as we wind through the line and pass the midget again, I can’t contain myself. “Mommy, there he is again!”. As we winded through the line I continued to aggregate this poor guy and most likely ruined his day.
TL,DR As I was winding through a line at Disneyland, I continually shouted and pointed at a midget’s strange appearance.
Image source: pitchrunner, freepik (not the actual photo)
#10
I accidentally told my uncle’s wife that my side of the family didn’t like them. It’s been about 15 years and they still can’t forget about what a 7 year old told them.
anon:
I accidentally told my uncle’s new wife everyone thought she was way too ugly for him. I didn’t know it was a secret.
I feel terrible about it now. I know there’s a chance she was probably already self conscious about this and I confirmed her fears.
Image source: anon, freepik (not the actual photo)
#11
When I was a little kid I was at a Durham Bulls baseball game (who were then the minor league team for the Atlanta Braves), and they had given all kids a free helmet – you know, one of those plastic helmets with the brown plastic snappy framing inside you get at the gas station for 99 cents?
Anyway I was walking around with my brother when Chipper Freaking Jones walks right up to me and says “hey buddy, that’s a pretty cool helmet. Wanna trade it for this autographed bat?”
I reply “no thanks, my dad might get mad if I give away my helmet.”
Chipper looks at me like I’m an idiot and gives the bat to some other kid standing nearby.
Image source: anon, volodymyr-t / freepik (not the actual photo)
#12
So I guess one day my mother decided to teach me the proper anatomical terms for genitalia, much to the reluctance of my father. So, the very next day, my father drops me off at preschool. According to him, I bolted from his arms, and raced straight up to the pastor. Upon catching the pastor’s attention, I look him straight in the eye and proclaim for all to hear, **”GIRLS HAVE CHINAS, BUT BOYS HAVE PENIES.”** My father is a man of few words, and the mental image of him silently trudging up to me and dragging me off, nary a word said to the sea of uptight churchgoers, always makes me laugh.
**TL;DR Told the pastor that girls have chinas, but boys have penies.**
taco taco.
Image source: HenniferHlopez, freepik (not the actual photo)
#13
An older friend of my brothers somehow convinced me that guys had their periods. So, of course, I had to prove it to everyone else that I was getting mine, to fit in. I wore maxi pads for a month, waiting to bleed. I was getting upset, it never bled. So, one day I took a used, bloody pad out of the trash and slipped it in my underwear. That day at school I wanted to make it obvious that I was mature enough to have my period so I changed it in front of a few friends and made the bloody pad quite visible. The look of terror on their faces told me something was not right about this.
I began to explain to them that I was just having my period when one of my friends shouted “he’s wearing a tampon” (shows how smart he was, it was a pad) and laughter erupted outside in the hallway. That was when they had to break it to me that guys do not have their periods, and I was an idiot. I stayed home sick for 3 days after that, only to come back to it, still fresh in everyone’s minds. I still get [shamed] for this 12 yrs later and rightfully so I guess.
Image source: Dontreadimlying, freepik (not the actual photo)
#14
I was a really chubby kid, and one time at age 12 I went in a gas station with my grandma and the clerk lady asked me when my baby was due.
Image source: jebus_cripes, freepik (not the actual photo)
#15
When I was around 10 years old.
We just finished Physical Ed, and it was time to shower. One of my friends finished showering and got changed quickly.
Whilst I was trying to putting some clothes on after my shower, he slapped me with the force of a thousand bulls with a wet towel.
I was extremely pissed off and chased him through the locker rooms and into the auditorium, full of students.
I was so pissed off and focused in chasing him, that I forgot I didn’t have any clothes on.
Image source: y_u_take_my_username, EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)
#16
*sigh*
Superglued my own eyes shut. Was mimicking my mom putting on eyeliner with whatever was around.
Image source: eleyeveyein, freepik (not the actual photo)
#17
Me and my sister mutually decided to get married when we were like 6. My parents never let u live it down.
Image source: anon, prostooleh / freepik (not the actual photo)
#18
My father didn’t like one of my mother’s friends and called him trash names that I didn’t understand. Then one day that friend got a sunburn and I said, “Look mom, he really does have a red neck!” She was mortified.
Image source: ithinkimightbegay, freepik (not the actual photo)
#19
In sixth grade, I decided it would be funny to moon all of the cars passing down our street. And it was funny…until one man backed up his car and took a picture. To this day, I’m not sure where that picture is or what he did with it.
Image source: Kanarazu, senivpetro / freepik (not the actual photo)
#20
In the 8th grade I was starting to get a slight Uni-Brow. so i began to tweeze it. One time i seen my dads razor and without really thinking i shave straight down. Long story short i no longer had a uni-brow or half of my right eyebrow.
Image source: Hiii_ImRobert, freepik (not the actual photo)
#21
For my fourth birthday party I got some ill fitting boxer shorts that I wore straight away. The clown my mum had booked for my party had a game where he had filled a small kid pool with water and had deposited sponges in it, one less than all the people there.
We all had to try get one and the person without one had to run and dodge sponges getting thrown at them. Well I was unlucky, sprinted, tripped on a tree root, boxers fly off, no undies, in front of every parent and child.
Image source: anon, freepik (not the actual photo)
#22
When I was about 9 I forgot my keys and couldn’t get into the house when I got home from school. Instead of taking the 10 minute walk back to school and call my parents, I decided that I would break into my own house and get in that way. So I picked up the biggest rock I could find and threw it through a window.
However this didn’t go as planned as we had double-plated windows and my wimpy throw only smashed one of the plates. I had to hang my head in shame and walk back to the school to call my mom to come and let me in after she got off work.
Image source: Clanratc, freepik (not the actual photo)
#23
I used to zone out a lot as a kid, and at random times. I would just get lost in my mind. One day I’m at Wal-Mart shopping for shoes. As I’m taking off my shoes my brain says, “Hey guys! He’s taking off his shoes! We must be getting ready for gym class!” Naturally, I unzip, unbutton, and take off my pants in the middle of Wal-Mart.
I remember this woman with a shopping cart stopped at the end of the isle and just stared at me. I wondered to myself, “Why is this lady just staring at me?” Then I looked down and I’m standing in my underwear.
Image source: anon
#24
To start, I admire my mom immensely.
She had some coworkers over for dinner once, including a superior, and it was a great opportunity to get to know everyone.
Now, my mom, the ultimate multitasker, was busy cleaning and assigning “chores” to anyone in the house who wasn’t a toddler (so, everyone except 2 year-old me). All my 6 year-old sister had to do was clean her room, and all my dad had to do was make sure I had a bath before company came over.
All the while, my mom made dinner, cleaned the kitchen, dining room, and living room.
My dad was off to a great start; he drew a bath, made sure I was clean, and emptied the water so I wouldn’t Darwin-award myself.
He decided, however, to leave me in the bathroom while he grabbed me a change of clothes. Bad move, Dad.
I work quickly. Not having clothes, 2 year-old me realized that would be inappropriate for a business dinner for my mother. I also realized that this was my chance to impress my parents with my mature-beyond-my-years ability to dress myself and look dapper. One problem: if I wanted this to truly be a surprise, I couldn’t run to my room, lest my father discover my plan.
I scoured the bathroom and nearby closet for any clothes. Then I found the perfect outfit. Now, before you find out what it is, remember—this was the early 90s. Times were different.
After I dressed myself, I slicked back my hair and ran to go greet my mother and her guests (“what a charming and put-together son you have!” They’d say).
Their looks of surprise were validation enough. I screamed excitedly “Mommy!” and showed off my unitard that was made of a discarded grocery bag—the two straps were shoulder straps and at the bottom of the bag I’d made two holes for my legs.
I was beautiful.
The rest, as they say, is history. My mother got to explain that she did, indeed, actually buy me real-boy clothes that didn’t show off my toddler bits. My father got out of bathing-me duty forever, and, as sort of an anti-climactic cherry on top, my sister’s room was as clean as a 6 year-old could make it.
TL;DR: I made myself a see-through grocery bag unitard and introduced my body to my mom’s coworkers.
Image source: Writerblock17, freepik (not the actual photo)
#25
My best friend in grade school and I used to howl “COOOOOO-KIE CRISP” across the playground to find each other when we were separated.
Also, one time I read a book about schoolkids taking care of bags of flour as if they were babies. I thought it was a cool project, so I did it. I put a bag of flour in a onesie and carried it around school for a week. Fifth grade was a hoot.
Image source: manyapple5, Kireyonok_Yuliya / freepik (not the actual photo)
#26
When I was 4, to the first black kid I met (who eventually became my best friend) I asked, “How did you get burned? You look like a burned hot dog.” Completely innocent. He shrugged and then we just became friends. It was only embarrassing when he asked his parents (in front of me) how he got burned. Damn.
Image source: Ozzbat27, prostooleh / freepik (not the actual photo)
#27
When I was about 5 or so my younger brother was 2. Every time I played with his toys my mom would tell me that I was too big for them. So the first time I saw an obese person sit on a chair that was too small for them guess what I said. “You’re too big to be sitting in that chair.”
Image source: anon, freepik (not the actual photo)
#28
Apparently I was so distracted as a child that my parents tried writing our home address on the backs of my shoes in case I got lost. Then one day I came back from school barefoot. At some point during that day I had managed to lose my shoes.
Both of my older siblings never let me forget this story.
Image source: royalscowlness, freepik (not the actual photo)
#29
This is my brother’s story that we won’t let him forget…
When he was 8 he was a chubby youngster that really loved Chef Boyardee’s canned pasta.
One day he put some canned pasta in the microwave in a glass bowl and waited the allotted 2 minutes or so, and then eagerly reached in and grabbed the bowl. It was, as you might imagine, heated to near melting by the molten lava of pasta sauce. My brother immediately dropped the bowl, which shattered all over the floor.
Glass and pasta and meaty red sauce everywhere.
My mom runs over and starts yelling, “Oh how could you! What were you thinking!” You know, upset mother things.
My brother just looks at her… and then bursts into tears. Sobbing.
My mom then feels terrible. Starts consoling him, “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell at you” You know, apologetic mother things.
Then, my brother, through is sniffles and throaty lingering sobs, looks at her and says “It’s not that! That was the last can of pasta!”.
Image source: cranberry94, EyeEm / freepik (not the actual photo)
#30
Oh god. I was about 11 years old, lonely, and in the mindset that I needed to find the love of my life NOW. I had in my mind this romantic notion that I wanted the person I fell in love with to be a childhood friend. I was still a child so I needed to find a guy NOW in order for this long-term plan to work.
Anyways, met a boy and I wrote a really, *really* embarrassing love letter about him. He got his hands on it because I stupidly left it out in the open, and our friendship was really awkward for a while. At first it was weird, but then he started joking about it and that made it easier (Though I was horrified because at this time I liked him). He still teases me about it to this day, which I’m okay with since I’m completely over those weird feelings. He’s now my best friend.
Image source: MissVelvetElvis, freepik (not the actual photo)
#31
Oh, so many. When I was ten, I projectile vomited in front of my entire extended family directly after Thanksgiving dinner. My uncle was teasing me about being so quiet all day and not really eating much. I must have had the flu.
And the worst one (if I can stretch the definition of “childhood” to include high school) happened when I was getting off of the school bus when I was 15 or 16. We had just arrived at school and I was walking down the bus aisle holding my backpack in front of me. When I got to the steps, it slipped out of my hand and landed on the bottom stair. Instead of just picking it up like a normal human being, I decided to jump over it and then turn around and pick it up. Ohgodwhy. I promptly got my toe caught and fell out of the bus right on my face-in front of just about everyone in the school.
Image source: word_nerd7623, Wavebreak Media / freepik (not the actual photo)
#32
Trousers fell down during a play school game of duck duck goose.. caught on tape.. and no you can’t have the video.
Image source: longhairedfreakyppl
#33
Apparently when I was a toddler I’d decided I’d had enough of my grandfather’s funeral and sat myself down in the aisle of the church with my hands down my pants. I don’t remember this and I have no way of knowing whether it’s true or not but my parents always bring it up.
Image source: sydneysomething
#34
When I was in the 4th grade, it was common knowledge that our male homeroom teacher supposedly had a crush on another female teacher in the grade.
In our typical grade school mindset, we constantly tormented and teased him about this fact. We constantly sang the classic, “Sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G” and would ask when their wedding was.
One day afterschool, I was one of the last kids to pack my bags to leave. As I walked down the hallway, I saw my teacher going down the stairs. Without thinking, I shouted, “Hey! GO MAKE LOVE TO MRS. HUGHES!” Totally unaware of what that meant. I assumed I had just made up the phrase “make love” and that it gave the imagery of two people in a factory crafting paper hearts for “love.” My teacher froze, looked up disgusted, and whispered, “not appropriate for school. At. All.” Needless to say I was very confused by his reaction. I told my dad the incident later that night, and he flipped out.
Yeara later… Oh God Why.
Image source: Frannieflo
#35
When I was in kindergarten, I was waiting in lone to check out a book in the library. Whilst waiting in line, I thought that I could hold it in; I didn’t. I ended up [wetting] myself in front of the librarian, playing it cool, as if nothing happened.
Image source: Toats_My_Goats
#36
Writing my name on my parents car with a penny (scratched the paint). I was about 4-5.
Image source: Aoladari
#37
One time when I was eating with my family at the age of 10, I was sucking the juices out of a good breakfast sausage, then when they asked me what I was doing, I yelled “IM JUST SUCKING ON MY SAUSAGE!!!”
They still [mess] with me to this day.
Image source: anon
#38
I purposefully [wetted] my pants in the 1st Grade because I was too embarrassed to ask to go to the bathroom.
Image source: freshbakedbrouhaha
#39
Seven years old. Right before Halloween.
Every Sunday morning, my father would read the Sunday comics to me with breakfast. In one particular strip, the punchline had something to do with a little old lady hollering, “GIMME A PIG’S FOOT AND A CUP OF BEER!”
…Guess who didn’t say Trick-or-Treat at every door that Halloween through the entire neighborhood? Yeah.
EDIT Forgot about a few…
The time mom was shopping with me in the mall and I picked up a cigarette butt and stuck it in my mouth…
The time when I was eight and asked the teacher if I could pet his tie because it looked pretty (received a phone call home after that one)…
The time I asked the school bus driver, a fifty year-old man, if we could be pen pals…
The time I opened every gift under the Christmas tree a week early and tried to rewrap everything with toilet paper…
I’m sure I’ll remember more eventually. :(
Image source: spunky-omelette
#40
When I was little I used to pick my nose and stick my boogers behind the couch (it was up against the wall). About eight years later, we moved so my dad pulled the couch right away from the wall and found a layer of solid snot that he then had to scrape off. I believe it took a solid effort to get rid of it. They like to tell this story.
Image source: feedmeskittles
#41
It was my grandma’s birthday, and I was about 6 years old. So we had a big party at our house, lots and lots of guests and of course a lot of new faces. Being a stupid chubby but completely crazy kid, I thought i would perform an act of dancing for the audience. Unfortunately for everyone in the building, the night Before I’ve spent more than 3 hours coming up with the dance moves, watching tv in order to find something extraordinary astonishing. And I did. It was my time to shine, so in a high pitched voice I declared that I’m going to perform “a happy birthday dance”. It would be not that bad, but just before going on the stage I made a little wee wee in my boxers. So I rip them of my clumsy body, run out [bare] on the stage in front of more than 20 people, and all I do is I start to jiggle my pecker and sing HAPPY BIDAY, COME AND DANCE WITH ME.
Image source: PM_ME_UR_N**PLE_HAIR
#42
My mom had a friend who was living with us after his long term boyfriend broke up with him. My mom says that when the three of us were out together I’d go up to strange men and ask them if they wanted to be his boyfriend.
Image source: SadAndSlightlyObese
#43
When I was about eight I went with my family to a chinese restaurant for my great aunts 80th birthday. When the waiter (an older chinese man) came to take our order, I said “I’ll have the cleavage,” having heard that line in Spaceballs. I had no idea what it meant at the time, and my family gaped at me in stunned silence. Only when I was maybe 15 did I realize what I had done.
TL;DR: ordered cleavage from an elderly chinese waiter.
Image source: anon
#44
I was walking to school one day with my older brother and his friend. I was probably in 2nd grade or something – I forget.
Anyway, it was trash day and they told me to play the game, “Deliver the newspaper”. It was basically throw a trashcan lid at a window. So… I did. Obviously, the window smashed and I ran like an idiot through pricker bushes.
When I got home, my parents already heard what happened by a neighbor and asked me about it. I blamed it on a squirrel (not a convincing story). I had to go apologize and I assume my parents paid for the repair.
I still hear this every holiday.
Image source: anon
#45
When I was in the fifth grade I wet my pants. Not my fault though because my teacher was an idiot. When I actually did wet my pants after asking her if I could go to the bathroom fourteen different times over two hours (actual numbers, I can’t forget anything about it) she said,”ohh… You really did have to go….” And it’s not like it would have interrupted anything. At one point she let people get a drink from the water fountains if they were thirsty (which were attached to the bathrooms) and I asked if I could just go then and she said, “No you can just wait.” And that was one of the last times I had asked.
I was avenged though. I stayed home from school the next day and the teacher called to ask if I was okay and said, word for word, “Is she okay? She doesn’t usually ask so I didn’t think she had to go.” logic? Anyone? Anyways, my mom then responded, word for word, “It’s the kids who don’t always ask that have to go, instead of the ones that always ask and are [MESSING] AROUND!” and then I think my mom hung up on her. I was happy but still, it’s embarrassing when people don’t hear that she was being an unreasonable [jerk] to me and that’s why it happened.
TL;DR: Teacher wouldn’t let me use the restroom, wetted my pants, mom cussed out teacher.
Image source: Frankiegirl2020
#46
I was maybe 5. We were visiting my elderly grandparents. I had learned a new expression recently.
As we’re pulling out of their driveway, my dad said “Good bye!” – very deliberately, as if to start a trend. My mom said “Good bye!”. My brother (12) said “Good bye!”. I proudly said “Good riddance!”
The memory that follows is just a blur of parental mortification.
Image source: playblu
#47
In kindergarten I ran into the corner of a brick wall while playing tag. No idea how exactly I managed that. I still have the scar.
Image source: anon
#48
At Easter one year I ran full force into a sliding glass door. Then I opened it and tried to run away but ran into the screen door.
Image source: 21andInvincible
#49
In pre-school I had a boyfriend and he was called Ben. We used to hang in the Wendy house. This one time Ben wanted to go play fighting games with his friends and instructed me to stay at home in the Wendy house (this was the 90s though, so I don’t get that attitude). I put my hands on his shoulders and tried to kiss him like grown ups do. He went “don’t do that!” and pushed me off violently. Well I waited in that Wendy house for what seemed like hours and he never came back. I had to walk out alone and everyone knew he had dumped me. Even at 3.
I now have a crippling fear of rejection and I think it was that early experience that did it.
Image source: librarygirl
#50
In year 2 (I think that’s 1st grade) I shoved a small block of wood up my nose. Too embarrassed to admit the stupidity, I kept that piece of information to myself. My nose bled for hours. Eventually got home, wanted to play outside. Mum wouldn’t let me go out with my nose in that state, so I came clean. Proceeded to spend the next half hour under a lamp while my mum tweezered it out of my nose, it was deep in there.
Image source: GingerChips
#51
I have too many of these. Once when i was in grade 5, i did something that pissed off the teacher, who consequently told me to stand up behind my chair. I heard this (somehow) as “stand up on the table”. I complied, albeit questionably, as I had interpreted it as “stand up on the table”, a strange request i thought. Anyway I stood up on the table and the whole class just looked at me with bewilderment and started laughing. Needless to say the teacher asked me just what [the hell] I was doing and I ended up standing behind my chair for the rest of the lesson. Pretty cringe worthy moment.
A more cringeworthy moment was in grade 3, I was being driven to school, and my door hadn’t shut properly. Now there’s this crossing guard guy that I always used to wave to in the mornings on the way to school. So, I picked the moment to open and shut the door properly as I passed my favourite crossing guard to give him a proper hello instead of just a wave. So I did, and I remember vividly the crossing guard yelling at me to shut the door as I did this. Very embarassing.
One more, I walked home every day with my sister and my two friends, one day I was so distracted that i totally forgot my 7-8 year old sister at school (I realised this upon arriving from the 20 minute walk from school to my house). I got into alot of trouble for that one.
TL;DR: Up until age 12, I was unbelievably stupid.
Image source: GlidingGoose
#52
This doesn’t really haunt me but I still remember it.
When I was in first grade we used to play dodgeball at recess. One of my friends mooned me. I thought it was funny, tried to moon him back. Didn’t work out the way I thought it would, dropped pants all the way to the ground, everyone on the playground saw my whitey tighteys.
6 year old me didn’t really [care], kept playing dodgeball.
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#53
I was a little devil when I was little, I would kick and scream and throw temper tantrums in attempt to get out of going to school. I even held my breath until I passed out one day. Anyway it was the first week of Kindergarten and I didn’t want to go but my mom basically dragged me in the school. There I met the principal and some random man that was trying to calm me down by trying to give me a sticker. In attempt to escape this prison I decided to kick both the principal and the man and scream “I don’t want a stupid sticker I want to go home!” I then proceeded to run straight out the door. FREEDOM! Until my mom caught me at least.. I’ve never lived that story down, every new situation i’m in my parents remind me. First day of college- Not gonna kick all your professors are ya? New job-not gonna kick your boss are ya? New boyfriend-Hey if he upsets you, try not to kick him. You get the picture
TL;DR Kicked my principal and some man on my first week of kindergarten in an all out attempt to escape hell (school).
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#54
It was the first day of 3rd grade, and I was in a rush to eat and go play outside during recess. I tried fitting some fries and half a hamburger in my mouth and ended up choking. Everyone freaked out besides the janitor(Jr, thank you sir), he immediately gave me the Heimlich maneuver and saved my life. This guy was great friends with my dad, and he thanked him over and over even to this day.
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#55
Age 4: In preschool I got sick at lunch and barfed all over myself. The teacher had to take me into another classroom to clean me up and find spare clothes. The classroom was full of other kids who upon seeing me covered in my own reeking sick, immediately began roiling in disgust/mocking me. Goddamnit so much. I’m 33 now and I believe this contributed to the anxiety I feel in large groups.
At age 5: At another kid’s birthday party just before he blew out the candles on his cake I spring in front of him and blow out the candles myself. I was immediately shunned by the birthday boy and the rest of the kids for the remainder of the party. I have no idea why I did that.
Age 6: In kindergarten during reading group I amuse myself by pronouncing every word with the letter “U” in it in a weird way. For instance, the word blue would be pronounced “bleeyou.” Every. Single. time. This was much to the chagrin of my group mates who would just squirm or laugh when it was my turn to read.
Age 7: I won a leather glove, sunglasses and a tie-dyed shirt during a rollerskating party for school. I wore them proudly back into the classroom after returning school. As I sat down at my desk, I removed the glove and sunglasses and announced proudly that I was done being cool for the day. A little girl next to me said , “You were never cool,” and the entire class erupted in laughter.
Age 8-33: I am handsome, intelligent and well liked. Nothing embarrassing ever happens again. Foes flee before my terrible power and throngs of adoring women surround me wherever I go.
TL;DR I was a weird little kid.
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#56
Once when I was in my 3rd grade music class the teacher was asking for students to volunteer to attempt to sing at the same pitch as what she was playing on the piano. I don’t have a great memory of this time of my life but I remember this and think of it often. So, I volunteer and stand of in front of the class and try a few notes. Almost immediately the teacher tells me something to the effect of “No, that’s no good, please sit down.” It may not seem like a big deal, but for all of my childhood and to this day I will not volunteer for anything. I think the teacher should have lied to me or been at least slightly encouraging rather than realizing I’m not the 3rd grade prodigy she is looking for and brushing me aside.
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#57
I was helping my Grama put up a cross on her wall. When she asked me to pass it to her, I grabbed it and immediately screamed “OH GOD IT BURNS!!” and threw it onto her bed. She literally almost had a heart attack. I started rofl’ing, but she immediately called my mother (while holding her chest and gasping for air) and yelled at her “DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER JUST DID?!” Through tears of laughter, my mom later told me I was grounded from the computer until further notice. Worth it.
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#58
When I was in Kindergarten, we used to play this game called telephone. We would sit in a circle, and a person would start the chain, passing a message by whispering it to the next person and they would whisper that to the next person. It was kind of stupid, but sometimes fun to see what it would turn into.
Now, when I was a kid, I dunno what it was, but I had a problem with hearing. And for the love of my life, I could not whisper. It was always a really loud whisper.
One day, we were playing, and I wasn’t paying any attention. Then, it gets to me. The little girl next to me whispers the word to me, and I just start giggling. Then, being a loud mouth, I attempt to whisper “I Love You” to the next person. I didn’t even really know or care for the person, I just thought it was hilarious to mess up the chain. After that, I just remember the teacher giving me a “Are you stupid?” stare and then saying “Why would you do that, BeAzty?”.
I cringe whenever I think about it.
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#59
I had extra time after finishing a spelling test, so I wrote about half of the lyrics to Vanilla Ice’s “Ninja Rap” on the back. I got it back with a “Nice.” written on the back.
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#60
I was throwing rocks in the air and basically it just hit the power line which
I got a street on a blackout for a week. My parents could not forget that day.
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#61
Be in first grade, and I was playing in the woods with my friend. We unknowingly walked through some poison ivy in the process. It was hot out that day, so like any normal seven year old, I decide to take my shoes off and put them against my face, the bottoms we’re cool and felt good against my face. For the next, I don’t know, three weeks, I have absolutely terrrible poison ivy on my face, in my mouth, and all over my arms.
I tried going into school a few times, and when asked, I told everyone the truth about how I got it, which in hindsight was really stupid. I was ridiculed by everyone in my class for putting shoes on my face, and on top of that I was in horrible pain and very itchy from all the poison ivy. I was a walking, emotional freakshow and the brunt of a lot of jokes on and of the school bus.
My classmates never let that one go all year, so the embarrassment continued even after the fact I was healed. My one friend and entire family still bring it up to this day (I’m 24) and I don’t think anyone will let it up.
tl;dr Despite how refreshing it may be, don’t put shoes on your face.
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#62
In first grade I once put my finger in the pencil sharpener and cranked the handle… Yes I bled and screamed, and no I can’t fathom why I did it…
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#63
When I was about 4, my dad’s watch broke, so he opened it up and showed me the inside. I was asking him things about the gears and all of that jazz, and then I came out with the following:
Me: They’re so small.. who puts them in there?
Dad: Most of them are made by people in China
Me: That must be why they have squinty eyes then, from looking at the tiny parts all the time.
TL,DR; Was innocently racist about people from China.
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#64
4th of July, 1991-ish. I was 6 years old, and my dad and bought a [ton] of fireworks to set off in the front yard. My older brother and I were going crazy, running around the yard, enjoying the show my dad was putting on.
If my foggy memory serve right, this was right around the time that the sale of fireworks, except Sparklers, was made illegal in Pennsylvania. When the cops roll up in front of the house, my parents weren’t totally surprised. The cop has a short conversation with my dad, and confiscated everything my dad had outside with him.
My mom is trying to wrangle my brother and I into the house when the cop asks my dad if he’s got any other fireworks. My dad says he doesn’t. Just before the screen door shut behind us, I pipe up, “MOM, WHAT ABOUT THAT BIG BAG OF FIREWORKS IN DAD’S CLOSET?”
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#65
I have only recently reached a point in my life where I can share this with strangers and not burn with shame. It started young… I never liked the colour purple. I wouldn’t wear purple clothes, eat purple food. I didn’t even like Barney the dinosaur.
So for some reason or other, I get a set of crayons. The fancy crayola kind, with sophisticated colour names like ‘red umber’. I loved those crayons….all except the purple one. I hated purple.
So one day, my hatred of the purple crayon reaches breaking point. I decide I need to get rid of it. But I can’t just throw it away..the purple crayon deserves so much worse than that.
TL:DR I stuck the purple crayon up my [bottom]
Edit: There seems to be some confusion – I am female.
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#66
I was a humper, and my parents never had the talk with me that such behaviour was not appropriate in public…
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#67
First day of Spanish in 2nd grade. The night night before my brother told me a Spanish phrase to tell my teacher. He said it would make me look smart. I ended up asking my teacher if my pants are still at her house.
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#68
My older brother and sister were in school, and my mother was hosting a school council meeting at our house. My mother didn’t particularly like the principal of the school, and nobody else really did, either, but my mother made the mistake of letting us know how she felt about the principal in conversations with my father. She was… a rather large woman, and ironically, so is my mother. The principal was… particularly large, though. Anyway…
I get to see the principal for the first time when she walks in our front door.
“YOU’RE RIGHT, MOM! SHE IS FAT! HOLY COW! HIDE THE TEDDY GRAHAMS!”
And then I grabbed the cookies from the drawer, ran upstairs, and hid them in my room. It’s still a story that’s told pretty much every year, and it brings us to tears laughing about it. My poor mother said she’s never felt so awkward in her life.
… The principal had transferred a couple years later, which coincided with the time I started school there. Thank goodness.
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#69
When I was 13 I dressed up as a banana and ran around town with some friends, going into shops, buying bananas and eating bananas.
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#70
On my first day of kindergarten, I ran up to the wrong man thinking he was my dad. His back was to me, and I clung to his leg until my mom came and pulled me off, explaining that was not, in fact, my father. I cried so much from embarrassment (I imagine anyway) she had to take me home.
Not an over reactor at all…
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#71
My parents took me to a kids day at the local fire station, where you could look at all the equipment, get up in the fire truck, etc. There was about twenty kids crammed into this fire truck, although it may have been more, when they turned the siren on. It was loud. For some reason this terrified me. I also couldn’t get out, because of the number of other kids in there. I was screaming, banging on the window, trying to get out. I was the only child who reacted this way. I was terrified of a fire truck.
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#72
In kindergarten I was in the yard playing when I found a big rock. I thought it would be a good idea to see what would happen if I threw the rock at a window, so I did. Two weeks later I started a new kindergarten but my parents keep telling me it wasn’t related.
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#73
When I was in fourth grade, we had a comprehensive spelling test of all of the words we had learned throughout the year. My teacher called out the word “engine” but for some reason, my brain failed me, and I could not for the life of me imagine why my teacher would be asking me to spell this word. I had just watched the movie “Tom and Huck” and good ol Injun Joe was fresh on my mind, so naturally, I spelled “engine” as “i-n-j-u-n.” My teacher was not impressed.
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#74
My brothers name is Alex, he was arranged to go on a date with someone called Jackie. Long story short, the blind date was arranged by a Jackie who he met at a party, who assumed he was gay, and my drunken brother agreed to go on a date with him and when Jackie texted him, he thought it was a girls name so didn’t cancel the date. He came home, told us how he made a gay man very embarrased and to this day we call him Jackie.
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#75
When I was in kindergarten, my school stuck me in some second-grade classes because I was ahead of the curve. The first day of my more advanced classes, the teacher (who was an enormous black lady who scared me) put an essay up on the overhead projector and asked the class to copy it down “exactly as you see it.”
I copied the thing down, even taking time to reproduce the font– I wrote out every serif, loop, and shoulder on every letter, then turned it in, relieved that my assignment wasn’t so bad. Teacher saw my paper then yelled at me for taking the assignment too literally, then told me that they should send me back to kindergarten. They did not.
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#76
When I was about four, I decided to hop down the stairs like a rabbit. (FYI – there’s a reason rabbits don’t hop down stairs.) As I tumble, my mom chases me down going ‘oh’ at every bump. One of my sisters, older of course, laughed until she puked at the top of said stairs. Still haven’t lived that down.
Again, when I was older, about 8, I was playing with my mashed potatoes after dinner. My oldest sister’s future husband was there for dinner for the first time. I asked if he wanted my potatoes and ended up flinging a spoonful into his face from across the table. On purpose. That was mentioned every Thanksgiving for years – until his daughter accidentally did the same in a restaurant. (Landed in some poor ladies purse!).
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#77
I was in acting. I messed up my line (I was a key role). My mind went TOTALLY blank. I had ALL the lead roles before that, and po-dunk after. This started my ‘quitter’ attitude. I have started many other activities since, but as soon as I get the hang of it, I quit for fear I will mess up.. because I cannot take that again.
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#78
At my house, we had both cats and dogs. We also kept the litter box in the bathroom and just put a baby gate in front of the door for the cats to jump over. Those baby gates were a pain to take off and put back on, so 10 year-old me though it would be faster to just jump over the gate because I really had to [go to the bathroom]. Well, my foot got caught on the top of it and I landed face first on the tile floor. Busted my two front teeth. I will never forget the feeling of tiny tooth fragments in my mouth. My mother still brings up this story.
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#79
I was around 8 years old at thanksgiving dinner with my moms side of the family. (Note: They’re the richer business owning side) They’re all stuck up as, but my aunt (the host) is pretty nice. Anyway, fast forward to right after dinner, i’m pretty stuffed. I have to [go to the bathroom], so I go to do that. The moment I step in the bathroom I instapuke. Instead of running to the toilet I barf in the sink. From then on I was never allowed to go to their family get-togethers. I’m 18 now, and I still don’t go.
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#80
I was really young, about 3 or 4 at most and my family and my family friend went to the beach for a vacation. Being the youngest, I was always the center of bully by the older girls (my sis & a friend who are both 2 years older).
There were barnacles on the rocks by the beach. They looked ugly, so very ugly and told me that they eat kids. I was so young so everything made sense as they looked like evil creatures with their “mouth” opening and closing. I cried there and then. My parents comforted me not knowing what happened.
Dinner time, all of a sudden I broke into tears thinking about it. I was trying so hard to explain to them about the barnacles that I saw earlier that day and they looked so amused and eventually told me that they don’t do anything but I was skeptical. I also had nightmares that night.
I still don’t like barnacles.
TL;DR: I got bullied and believed in something that isn’t true.
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#81
When i was around 8 years old, my school had a reading contest for who could read the most books within a certain amount of time, and I got first place. Me and the runner-ups won a chance to throw a ball at the target of a dunk tank that the principal was sitting in. They had us throw the ball from a pretty decent distance, and the higher your score, the closer to the target you got to stand. Most of the balls ended up hitting the ground ten feet before the target. Since I got first place, I went last. I was still way too far from the target and not a very good shot. None of the kids had managed to dunk the principal, so I was the last hope. Before I could throw, a teacher whispered in to my ear that I should haul back like I was going to throw the ball, then run up to the target an hit the target with the ball. I thought “Awesome. That I can do.” I took off running towards the target, but about ten feet from the tank I thought “I can totally hit the target from here. I got this.” and threw the ball. I did not have this. I missed the target entirely. A teacher hit the target with their hand and dunked the principal. I took the walk of shame back to my seat with most of the other kids pointing at me, yelling “cheater!”.
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#82
As a kid I began crying and was inconsolable because my taco shell broke.
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#83
When i was three or four I drank the majority of a bottle of delicious strawberry cough mixture and had to have my stomach pumped. Kids like me are the reason that medicine is intentionally disgusting.
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#84
My dad had an old station wagon and when I was a kid I liked to go in the back and put on puppet shows using my stuffed animals for the people in the cars behind us whenever we were at a red light. I have no idea if anyone ever noticed, but I can’t imagine what they thought of seeing these stuffed animals dancing around in the rear window.
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#85
First day of Kindergarten in America. Couldnt speak a lick of English, I farted really loudly, everyone became my friend afterwards.
Edit: Now to clear this up, this fart wasn’t just a “you could hear it across the room loud” it was “shake the entire floor and like people down the hall can hear it”, to make it even better, my dad came to school with me that day too.
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#86
As a kid, about 10 or 11, I was part of a football (soccer) forum, in which each team had its own board to talk about things.
It was good fun at first. I was young but had adequate enough spelling and prose to not stand out as a little kid who shouldn’t have been on there (I would later prove that I really shouldn’t have) and enjoyed making posts speculating about transfers and in-club issues.
Fans of other clubs though, for some reason, occasionally commented on our team’s board. Some [mistreated] us, others just commented to be annoying. It wasn’t a rule that you had to stick on one teams board if you were a fan of that team, but it was frustrating, for everyone I think, to continually have little attacks here and there. Stupid young me decided to take matters into my own hands. For the good of the forum, I thought. I made a post on the team board that the [mistreating] fans used, asking, politely, that they all stopped bothering us. Obviously, I got a lot of hate and even a user who was a fan of the same team as me commented and criticised, branding me an embarrassment- or something along those lines (that really stung). I think I also showed my age a little in the pleading post, with a few people alluding to me being a ‘baby’ etc. in their scathing replies. That’s not really the embarrassing part though. It was embarrassing, sure, but was in good intention and a fair enough thing to request, as some one pointed out in my defence. It was my reaction to all the hate I got which was really embarrassing.
I cringe now as I write this, but basically I think I told the people that were abusing me (now not just insulting my team, but me personally) that I would beat them up, and swore excessively. I’m not sure of the details really, so I’m not sure if that’s correct, but I definitely mentioned something about fighting and I CAN recall little me sitting by the computer furiously trying to remember all the swear words I could muster. After that debacle, I never returned to the forum.
Many years later I decided to face up to my embarrassment and tried to find my post. The forum has closed down but I could still read old threads, posts, boards etc. I found my account, read older posts, and yes, eventually found my pathetic meltdown post.
I couldn’t bring myself to read it, and even at my then older age, blinked away tears of embarrassment and clicked off the page. There was also a post made by another user actually, asking where I had gone after my infamous meltdown.
Seriously, even though it has no bearing on my life now, thinking about it is just so bad for me.
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