Dating can be complicated when you have children. It’s not only about how much your partner loves and accepts you; it’s also about how willing they are to be in your children’s lives and how willing your kids are to welcome a new member into the family. And if it all becomes too messy, some people might decide that it’s easier to just walk out.
One man recently reached out to Reddit for advice after his girlfriend’s son had a massive meltdown early one morning. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the advice readers left for the author.
This man was less than thrilled about waking up early to take his girlfriend’s son mountain biking
Image credits: dvatri / Envato (not the actual photo)
But when the morning devolved into pure chaos, he decided to simply remove himself from the drama
Image credits: sedrik2007 / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok_Big_2823
Later, the author responded to several readers and provided more information about his situation
Dating as a parent comes with unique challenges
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Once you reach a certain age, it’s hard to find a potential partner who doesn’t have kids. Four out of five households in the United States where the homeowner is between the ages of 35 and 39 have at least one child under the age of 18 living there. So if you’re still in the dating pool in your forties, fifties or sixties, there’s a good chance that you’ll find a partner who’s a parent.
When it comes to dating someone with children, Jamie Scrimgeour notes that there are a few important things to know. First of all, you have to understand that you’re dating a package deal. There’s no way to be with this person without their children (and the children’s other parent) also being part of the equation.
And if you want to be in a serious relationship, Jamie warns that a great deal of your life will be out of your control. This depends on how old the kids are, but if they’re under 18, you’re going to have to help with school drop-off, soccer games, taking them to amusement parks over the weekend, helping them fix up their bike and more. If you’re not prepared to spend lots of time with the children, the relationship might not be a great idea.
If you’re dating a single mother, BetterHelp recommends a few strategies for helping the relationship stay on the right track. And one of the most important is prioritizing open and honest communication. This is the easiest way to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts, as it will allow you and your partner to always be on the same page.
Clear boundaries and expectations should also be set from the beginning. Understand exactly what your partner is looking for, and share with her what role you would feel comfortable taking on in her children’s lives. But, of course, life is unpredictable. So don’t forget to stay flexible and adaptable. Parenthood can be hectic, so remember to show your partner grace.
Clear communication and boundaries are necessary to maintain a healthy relationship
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Whether you have kids or not, being supportive and understanding of your partner can go a long way. And over time, the two of you might be able to find the perfect balance of the roles of parents and partners.
One issue that might be challenging to resolve, however, is when you can’t stand your partner’s child. Would you really be willing to stay with the person you love if you’re also forced to live with a child that makes you want to rip your hair out? In this situation, LawyersnLaws suggests delicately expressing your concerns to your partner. After all, the issue can never be resolved if it hasn’t first been addressed.
It’s also wise to make an effort to spend time with your partner without their child around. This will strengthen your relationship, and it might even make you more willing to put up with her kid. Meanwhile, establish boundaries with your partner’s children. You won’t be able to avoid them entirely, but if you both respect each other’s boundaries, you can prevent many conflicts from arising.
If you reach a point where you’re open to the idea of building a stronger relationship with your partner’s child, you may even want to try spending some one-on-one time with him. Who knows what his behavior will be like when Mom’s not around? You might even find out that the two of you have a lot in common.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this man made the right choice by simply deciding to go home? Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar relationship drama right here.
Many readers decided that everyone involved had behaved poorly
However, some called out the author specifically for making questionable choices
And others assured him that he had every right to leave
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