I think we absolutely lucked out as species when the very first dessert was invented. By the way, some historians think it was ice cream. Tell me again it wasn’t the luckiest day in history. Since then we’ve come a long way. Desserts now exist in all forms and flavors, and famous patissiers around the world keep coming up with mind-blowing dessert ideas.
If you have a sweet tooth like me, your worst nightmare is having to choose one dessert at a coffee shop or a bakery. And whether you love baking yourself and constantly collect dessert recipes or your only contribution to the entire industry is eating pies in all the available flavors, you will definitely appreciate some dessert puns and jokes.
For the most dedicated cake lovers, there is a very special category of dessert pick-up lines. Use them with care, as the person you are trying to impress might be trying to avoid sugar in all possible forms, even verbally, but if you believe those funny candy puns you have up your sleeve might actually turn into a nice conversation, go for it.
For this article, we collected some of the best dessert jokes that will help you pass the time between two desserts. Tell us in the comments which dessert you could eat all day every day, and if you know the recipe for it, make sure you share it with us.
#1
Steps on how to survive being stranded on a dessert island.
1) Check spelling.
2) If correct, enjoy.
#2
I HAVE ABS-
olutely no self-control when it comes to dessert.
#3
My wife said I was overconfident by transporting Spanish desserts in the center console of my car. I didn’t care.
But then the shift hit the flan.
#4
What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?
Bach Lava.
#5
What happens when ice scream gets angry?
It has a melt down!
#6
What’s Hannibal Lecter’s favorite dessert?
A Danish.
#7
Grammar is bringing dessert.
The synonym rolls are amazing.
#8
What’s Bill Gates’s favorite dessert?
Apple turnover.
#9
What did the French dessert say when it was leaving?
Bonbon voyage.
#10
What’s angry and goes with custard?
Apple grumble!
#11
Why do French bakers only use one egg to make a cake?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
#12
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
Because of the Rocky Road.
#13
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
#14
When the yoga teacher caught her student eating a lot of pies and coffee.
She said: “You’re here to practice yoga, not pie-lattes!”
#15
Which dessert is perfect for eating in bed?
A sheet cake.
#16
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I scream.
#17
What’s a stoners favorite dessert?
Baked goods.
#18
Why did the pie go to a dentist?
Because he needed a filling!
#19
What did the cake say to the fork?
“You want a piece of me?”
#20
What do you call a baker that quits his job?
A desserter.
#21
What do you call a really awesome dessert?
Flantastic!
#22
Why do ice creams make the best journalists?
Because they are always getting the inside scoop first.
#23
What is a monkey’s favorite cookie?
Chocolate chimp!
#24
There’s a lot of bad jokes. Especially the one about the dessert thief.
That one really takes the cake.
#25
What is a shoe repairman’s favorite dessert?
Tearinmyshoe.
#26
What did the thesaurus have for dessert?
A synonym bun.
#27
Which ice cream flavor is a vampire’s favorite?
Vein-illa.
#28
I tried making dessert, but I only had sour milk.
It was quite off pudding.
#29
What is the easiest way to make a banana split?
Cut it in half.
#30
What does a camel do on a pudding?
Walks through the dessert.
#31
What is the favorite dessert of Greek chickens?
BAWK-lava.
#32
What’s a basketball champ’s favorite donut place?
Dunkin’ Donuts.
#33
Where do you learn how to make ice cream?
In Sunday (Sundae) School.
#34
My doctor told me the best way to lose weight is to think of dessert as a drug.
I’ve been freebasing two cannoli a day.
#35
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Because he was stuffed.
#36
What’s a dessert’s favorite pick-up line?
Pie like you berry much.
#37
What’s a dessert’s favorite actor?
Robert Brownie, Jr!
#38
What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?
Boo-berry pie!
#39
What does an Australian ghost eat for dessert?
Boo-meringue.
#40
Did you hear about the serial killer that got killed in a standoff with the police in an ice cream shop?
He got what he dessert.
#41
Why do ice creams tend to be bad at tennis?
Because they are always going for the soft serve.
#42
What dessert is served at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake.
#43
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was a coughee cake.
#44
I bought a waffle iron the other day.
Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.
#45
How do you make an apple turnover?
Roll it down the hill!
#46
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted.
#47
What is a jewelers favorite dessert?
Carat Cake.
#48
What did the Italian waiter say to the couple when he forgot their dessert?
“Affogato!”
#49
What’s a carpenter’s favorite dessert flavor?
Plumb Jamb.
#50
What’s the difference between a cold dessert and an injured girlfriend?
One is ice cream and the other is a sore bae.
#51
Where is bad dessert taken?
Into custard-y!
#52
What did the motivational ice cream tell to the sad audience?
“Nothing is im-popsicle if you just believe.”
#53
What is the favorite TV show of all ice creams?
Answer: Game Of Cones
#54
What happened when the courts tried to ban a certain kind of ice cream?
The other ice creams started a riot as it seemed un-cone-stitutional.
#55
How do you motivate an ice cream lover?
“You cone do it!”
#56
What’s cake’s favorite song?
‘Slice, Slice, Baby’.
#57
When the concerned parent cake asked his child, “What’s up”,
She replied, “Muffin much.”
#58
What did the frightened cake say?
“I’m just so afraid to take whisks.”
#59
Why was the cake crying?
Because the baker was beating him to make him batter.
#60
How do you call a snake that loves dessert?
A pie-thon.
#61
What’s the shopaholic pie’s motto?
“Keep your eyes on the pies tags!”
#62
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
Because he was filling empty inside.
#63
What did the loaf of cinnamon bread say to the bag of flour?
“Hey, didn’t we meet yeast-erday?”
#64
Where do monsters get their cookies?
From the Ghoul scouts.
#65
What kind of candy is never on time?
Choco-late.
#66
How do you spell CANDY with only two letters?
C and Y.
#67
What did chocolate syrup say to ice cream on Valentine’s day?
“I’m sweet on you!”
#68
What does it do before it rains candy?
It sprinkles!
#69
What do cats have for dessert?
Mice Crispies.
#70
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
#71
What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
Your teeth!
#72
Why did the cookie cry?
Because his mother was a wafer so long!
#73
What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?
Pi.
#74
What do you call a website where you pay to look at pictures of Spanish desserts?
OnlyFlans.
#75
What’s a monkeys favorite dessert?
Lemon Morangutan Pie.
#76
What was the French cat’s favorite Valentine’s Day dessert?
Chocolate mousse.
#77
A couple of camels are walking in the dessert…
And I was like: “Hey! Get out of my ice cream cake, you camels!”
#78
Planck’s constant walks into a bar and orders dessert. The bartender is a little surprised by this, but happens to have a couple desserts on hand.
“I can’t decide,” says Planck’s constant. “Whenever I walk into a bar I feel divided by two pies.”
#79
What does a time traveler do when he wants more dessert?
He goes back for seconds.
#80
What’s the difference between an Italian dessert cheese and a small pony who loves makeup?
One’s a mascarpone, the other is a mascara pony.
#81
How do you call a rodent that steals dessert?
A pie-rat!
#82
When somebody asks me if I love ice cream, I say, “You sherbet, I do.”
#83
Everybody worshipped the new ice cream in town.
She was legen-dairy.
#84
Why do everybody love ice cream?
Because it is so cool.
#85
How do you become a professor at an Ice Cream University?
You have to submit a cool dessert-ation.
#86
What’s Shakespeare’s favorite cake?
‘A Midsummer Ice Cream’.
#87
Why do we eat ice cream, cake, cookies and sweets when we’re stressed?
Because ‘stressed’ spelled backward is ‘desserts’!
#88
What’s the worst thing about being a birthday cake?
After you’re set on fire, you are eaten by the hero that saved you.
#89
Which seasonal dessert treat is the best seller at the Colorado cannabis edibles shop?
Pumpkin pot pie.
#90
Why is it so hard to make a homemade Heath Bar?
‘Cause that’s a real toffee.
#91
Why did baker stop making donuts?
Because he got tired of the hole thing!
#92
What do you call an angry dessert?
Ice scream!
#93
What did pilgrims use to make cookies?
May Flour!
#94
What’s a cannibal’s favorite dessert?
Lady fingers.
#95
I just had dessert after my Chinese food, but there was no paper in my cookie.
That’s unfortunate.
#96
Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death?
BEN and JERRY.
#97
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream?
“What’s the scoop?”
#98
When should you take a cookie to the doctor?
When it feels crummy.
#99
How do astronauts eat their ice creams?
In floats!
#100
Why do basketball players love cookies?
Because they can dunk them!
#101
What is a car’s favorite dessert?
Petroleum Jelly.
#102
Why can’t you hide from an Italian dessert?
You cannoli run.
#103
What battery makes the best dessert?
Lithi – yums.
#104
Why did the cow do jumping jacks?
Because he wanted a milkshake!
#105
What did Jesus eat for dessert after the Last Supper?
An Easter Sundae.
#106
What was the ice cream police officer worried about on a hot day?
That he would lose cone-trol of the traffic.
#107
How is pig’s favorite ice cream company called?
Hoggin’ Daz.
#108
What’s cake’s favorite dance song?
‘Watch Me Whip’.
#109
What would the name of Led Zeppelin’s song about donuts be?
‘Glazed And Confused.’
#110
How do you make an apple puff?
Chase it around the garden.
#111
What did the head chef say when the rookie burned the dessert?
“Is that a crime brulee?”
#112
Why don’t employees like the new gluten-free bakery?
Because it’s a crumby place to work.
#113
Why did the girl put her cake in the freezer?
She wanted to ice it!
#114
I just drove by an abandoned Dairy Queen.
I guess you could say it was dessert-ed.
#115
Bought some ice cream and it said “store in a cool place”.
So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.
#116
What did the dessert do after filing for divorce?
She took custardy of the kids.
#117
What did the pumpkin say after thanksgiving?
“Good-pie everyone.”
#118
What did the pie who fell in love with another pie say?
“You made me fall in love at first bite.”
#119
The pie wrote a letter to his best friend saying,
“You keep occu-pie-ing all my thoughts.”
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