There are single adults who dream of parenthood just as those in relationships. Adoption provides an avenue for them to fulfill this desire and experience the joy of raising a child. However, this journey also has its twists and turns, or, as it was in this case, even infuriating dilemmas.
A single mother of an adopted baby girl turned to Danny M. Lavery, the author of Slate’s Dear Prudence column, with a shocking story about their daycare provider — the woman witnessed her daughter being breastfed without her permission. Angry and confused, she described the situation, asking how to proceed.
This woman was feeding her daughter with formula, but her babysitter thought it was a bad idea and devised a secret plan
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Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Slate
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It’s true, breastfeeding is really good for babies
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Breast milk is the best source of nutrition for most babies. As they grow, the mother’s breast milk will change to meet her little one’s nutritional needs.
Breastfeeding can also help protect babies against some short- and long-term illnesses and diseases. In fact, breastfed babies have a lower risk of asthma, obesity, type 1 diabetes, and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Furthermore, they’re also less likely to have ear infections and stomach bugs.
Breast milk shares antibodies from the mother with her child, which help babies develop a strong immune system and protect them from illnesses.
Nowadays, mothers can feed their babies on the go without worrying about having to mix formula or prepare bottles. When traveling, it can also provide a source of comfort for babies whose normal routine is otherwise disrupted.
Nursing is also good for the mother. It can reduce her risk of breast and ovarian cancer, type 2 diabetes, and high blood pressure.
It’s no wonder that the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends exclusive breastfeeding for about half a year, and then continuing breastfeeding while introducing complementary foods until a child is 2 years old or older.
But many moms can’t do it
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According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 80 percent of new mothers start out attempting to breastfeed. Yet after three months, a typical amount of time U.S. women take for maternity leave, less than half are still exclusively breastfeeding—and only a quarter do so for the six months that the AAP suggests. Many begin supplementing with formula or switch entirely.
And there are reasons why they wouldn’t want anyone else do it for them. Breastfeeding fosters a unique emotional bond. The physical closeness and skin-to-skin contact provide comfort and security to the baby, and it’s a deeply personal act.
The hormone oxytocin that is released during breastfeeding further amplifies this. “Oxytocin — known as ‘the love hormone’ — relaxes you, lowers stress and anxiety, and can make you feel good,” says Dr. Melissa Glassman, a breastfeeding medicine specialist and pediatrician at the NewYork-Presbyterian Ambulatory Care Network. “Then there’s the realization that you are able to provide nourishment for this little baby… and when breastfeeding is going well and your baby is doing well, it can be so rewarding and a wonderfully bonding experience.”
It’s worth mentioning that parents who cannot breastfeed, or who decide not to, have other ways to bond with their newborn. “[It] is certainly not the only way to bond with your baby. I’m very careful not to tout breastfeeding as the only way to bond with your baby because that’s just not true,” Dr. Glassman adds. “You can bond just as strongly in so many other ways.”
But imagine someone else doing this with your baby secretly, without your permission!
Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum believes that outsiders have no say in these matters
Image credits: honestmum.com
To get a better understanding of what to make of this whole ordeal, we asked our parenting expert Vicki Broadbent to share her thuoghts on the topic.
“I have both breastfed exclusively and also combined-fed my children (bottle with breast), and while I felt immense pressure to solely breastfeed my first child, I felt no guilt when I moved to combined feeding and exclusively bottle feeding later with my two subsequent children,” the woman behind the acclaimed lifestyle blog Honest Mum told Bored Panda.
“That was right for me as a parent at the time. As parents, we must do what is best for ourselves as the primary caregiver. Not everyone wants nor can breastfeed and they shouldn’t be made to feel bad about their decisions. Fed is best.”
However, Broadbent, who is also the author of Mumboss (UK) and The Working Mom (US and Canada), said the caregiver breached the trust of the mother and had no right to breastfeed her child.
“This is totally unacceptable and, I imagine, unlawful (depending on the law of that state) without the mother’s consent,” she added. “It is also morally questionable. You cannot nurse someone else’s child without their permission, whatever your personal perspective on how their baby is being fed.”
“It is not the nursery teacher’s job to decide whether the baby should be bottle or breast fed. If the adopted mother had wanted the baby breastfed, she could have looked into regulated breastfeeding banks. The mother of the baby was not only unaware this was happening unauthorised but she had no idea of the health status of the caregiver either. I am shocked.”
People who read the story urged the mother to take action against the daycare provider
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
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