Dancing With the Stars Finale LIVE Recap

Honestly, I don’t know what is more impressive – the dancing, or the fact that Dancing With the Stars can get two hours out of announcing the winners … from last. Night. Okay, it’s the dancing – now let’s get down to business. Here is what to expect tonight: the final three are going to dance their favorites from the series, the judges will ogle over how everyone has earned their place, and at the top of the first hour one of the couples will be sent packing. This will be the couple that earned the fewest votes. Smart money is on Bristol or Kyle, but if you subscribe to my theory it might just be Jennifer Grey and Derek. Usually you have all of the alum from the season, but Michael Bolton and Audrina are gone. Bolton is in London, Audrina is sick – or has better things to do. Other than them, everybody has returned to see who will win this 11th season of Dancing With the Stars.

Kicking off this recap at the top of the second hour since, well, not much is going on. The big news is that Jennifer Grey suffered a ruptured disc last night – but she’ll be dancing anyways. Don’t look for anything too physical. Kyle and Lacey kick off the dances with a Tango from week 6. The judges applaud Kyle, naturally.

Next up, Bristol and Mark do, wait for it, a Tango. It’s flat compared to Kyle’s, and the judge’s actually acquaint Kyle with Bristol here. Len says “You and Kyle are two sides of the same coin. He’s got the wow and you’ve got the how.” Pffft. I’d say this lumping in of the two indicates Len thinks this thing is going to Jennifer. Let’s see if he’s right.

Jennifer and Derek go for a waltz. Not unexpected given Jennifer’s condition. She’s a trooper though, the dance is great. Praise from the judges, as you’d expect. Here’s the scores-that-don’t-matter:

Scores for Kyle and Lacey: 26
Scores for Bristol and Mark: 25
Scores for Jennifer and Derek: 30

The judges have spoke: it’s Jennifer and Derek’s night. How did you vote? Keep refreshing for the first elimination!

Here are some highlights from returning dancers:

  • Hoff did a sketch where he is at home lamenting over getting kicked off. He has a daydream, which is our reality – or nightmare: Hoff singing with a bunch of Baywatch themed babes. Ooooo
  • Kurt and Rick do a routine over Eye of the Tiger.
  • Florence Henderson and Margaret Cho team up for the Copacabana. Tacky.
  • The Situation is back! He sings to I’m Too Sexy, and of course shows his four-pack. I thought those things were supposed to be six-packs?
  • BRANDY! She dances to the Friends theme. She should have been a contender tonight!

For what it’s worth there is a theory going around that the Tea Party used DDOS attacks to block Kyle and Jennifer from receiving votes. Things’ll get contentious if Bristol wins. Sad thing is, most of these whackos seem proud of the cheating. For shame. For shame. Just remember, haters, if Bristol wins its a big middle finger to all you f_____s.

Christina Aguilera is back to remind everyone she hasn’t had a hit since Beautiful. But hey, she has a new movie out.

10:34 pm EST. This writer reports that he is still amazed at how well ABC padded this thing. Now … the envelope, please? PLEASE?

Finalists will now face off in a round of Cha cha cha’s. Kyle and Lacey own the fun factor. Surprised Jennifer is still on her feet, her and Derek are great as always, and Bristol is Bristol – the effort is clear, still no idea wtf she is doing at this late stage.

Scores: Kyle 28; Jennifer 28; Bristol 27

Bristol Palin has placed third. She will NOT be taking home the mirror ball. Haters rejoice! But seriously, good effort Bristol – it’s too bad the thing became what it did for her. Hopefully she had fun!

Jennifer Grey wins! Congrats to all!

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