Bill O’Reilly Goes on Much Needed Vacation to Hit on Younger Women in Peace

Bill O’Reilly Goes on Much Needed Vacation to Hit on Younger Women in Peace

Bill O’Reilly ended his Tuesday show with an unexpected “vacation” announcement which signaled the possible end of his show entirely.   MSNBC’s “Last Word” host Lawrence O’Donnell gave an overview of next steps for the program now plagued with scandal. “With advertisers fleeing [his] show, going on vacation is a major and important sign of real weakness for Bill O’Reilly,” warned O’Donnell before speculating that O’Reilly may have already spoken his last words on Fox News.

I’m not here to speculate on whether Bill O’Reilly harassed women over on Fox News.  I don’t really think there’s much speculation to occur here.  I’m pretty sure this is fact if for no other reason than me looking and listening to the guy and knowing in my heart of hearts that he’s kind of a scumbag.  But let’s move on from that.  Let’s pretend this site is The Onion and we’re speculating on why Bill O’Reilly has unexpectedly decided to take a vacation.  I’d imagine his “real speech” would go something like this.

“After a considerably short thought process I realize that the best move for me in my career right now is to take a break, maybe even an extended hiatus.   The accusations pitted against me make it literally impossible for me to talk to women while I’m off the air.  This is completely unacceptable.  I’ve decided to go on walkabout to discover new lands and cultures where I can say and do whatever I want to women with zero consequence.  That’s the world I used to know.  That’s the world I want to live in.  I’d say God bless America but what’s the point anymore?  If you can’t honestly feel up a young lady these days without her screaming harassment then what the hell is the point of being the host of a talk show that has a bunch of hotties co-hosting with us all the time?  I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!  We’ll do it live!”

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