Compromise is a necessary component of any healthy relationship. I understand that some days I’ll have to watch MMA fights with my partner to show an interest in his passions, and he’ll agree to accompany me on a walk for some fresh air, even if he doesn’t feel like leaving the house. But there’s a difference between making small sacrifices for your partner because you love them and naively ignoring red flags that will come back to bite you.
Redditors have recently been recalling glaring red flags that they regret ignoring in past relationships, so we’ve gathered some of their horror stories below. Enjoy reading through these reminders to trust your gut when dating, and keep reading to find a conversation with Amie Leadingham, aka Amie the Dating Coach!
#1
She was always really angry at something. At times, it would be either her dad, mom, friends, or work. Then, for 7 years of marriage, it became me near constantly. Towards the end, I realized that she was really just angry at herself and projected it on everyone else. She refused to change, so I refused to be treated that way anymore.
Image source: snipesjason64, Karolina Kaboompics/pexels
#2
She told me she’s very manipulative. Turns out she’s very manipulative.
Image source: Ganda1fderBlaue, Vera Arsic/pexels
#3
When I first found out I was pregnant he wanted to draw a chalk outline of me and gave me a year to get back down to size.
Image source: WhyLie2me18, SHVETS production/pexels
#4
My happy-go-lucky labradoodle who was a gentle giant not only tried to bite him, but went for his throat.
Image source: DamonNightman, Chris Black/pexels
#5
His friends literally told me to stay away from him. That should have been a giant red flag. But noooo, it only intrigued me more. .
Image source: NuclearFamilyReactor, William Fortunato/pexels
#6
Not me but my sister. When I first met her new boyfriend, I asked if he had any kids. Pretty straightforward and normal question. He got really awkward and gave an evasive answer of basically “it’s complicated.” It’s not complicated, he just has kids he doesn’t see or support. 🚩🚩🚩.
Image source: obviousgaijin, Mikhail Nilov/pexels
#7
He got arrested on our first date.
Image source: AngelicAdornn, Kindel Media/pexels
#8
Girl told me she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I thought I could handle it. Whew boy was I wrong.
Image source: Dapper-Tie-3125, RDNE Stock project /pexels
#9
That he threw an adult tantrum if he didn’t win at “board game” night. Oh, and he had to be right all the time. He’d “kindly” remind me that he was right in an argument that he’d often instigate.
Image source: SpecificFilm4097, Pavel Danilyuk/pexels
#10
His mother told me not to marry him. If it were her she said, she would not wait for him- it would not be worth it. 3 years later I finally realized she was right and got divorced. She and I didn’t always see eye to eye on things but I wish I had believed her then. She knew what her son was, better than I.
Image source: SceneNational6303, Antoni Shkraba/pexels
#11
He tried convincing me it was MY fault he got a speeding ticket otw to the grocery store because I didn’t want to go with him…
Image source: coldbrwd, Kindel Media/pexels
#12
There were a few even in the beginning, but this one sticks out because it kept repeating. Any health issue I had was all about him. Not about concern and support for me, but how it made him feel and how he needed comforting. It’s really messed up, actually, when I look back on it.
Image source: Wheredounicornsgo, Pavel Danilyuk/pexels
#13
He still lived with his “ex” girlfriend. She wasn’t his ex… he was dating both of us at the same time. But he gave me this big sob story about how he had nowhere to live and me being so naive, believed him.
Image source: Cute-Hottie, RDNE Stock project /pexels
#14
Drove 1500 miles to meet her family. When I got to their home in super rural Missouri, her brother was being interviewed by producers from the Jerry Springer show because their grandpa (29 years older than them) had stolen his girlfriend.
Image source: intensenerd, Mido Makasardi ©️/pexels
#15
Possessive type of guy. He gets jealous most of the time even when I’m just talking to my female friends. He doesn’t want me to talk to other guys even at work.
Image source: SweetLadyBabe, Vitaly Gariev/pexels
#16
After being exclusive for a few months, he was casually scrolling Tinder. He was so confused why I would be upset. He said I never said “no tinder”
Image source: PuzzleheadedTie8752, cottonbro studio/pexels
#17
He asked me to move in while ALL of his wife’s clothes were still in the dresser and closet of the master bedroom. Bras, underwear, socks, shoes, all of it. Even her wedding dress.
Image source: vstacey6, cottonbro studio/pexels
#18
“Looking back, the biggest red flag I ignored was when my ex would always play the victim, no matter what the situation was. Anytime we had an argument, somehow it would flip around to be about how *I* hurt *them* or didn’t understand them, even when they were clearly in the wrong. I thought I could help them see things differently or that it was just a phase, but it turned into a pattern that never changed. Definitely wish I hadn’t overlooked that one.”.
Image source: bunny_rainbow69, RDNE Stock project /pexels
#19
My boyfriend would tell me everyday how I deserved so much more and now I’m too good for him. Then one night while we were out at a bar he told me that “he is not the man that I need. I’m too good for him”. I proceeded to tell him “nah, don’t say that” for another year…
Next time a man tells me “I’m too good for them” I am putting my running shoes on and running as fast as possible.
Image source: Leavemelonely1, ira dulger/pexels
#20
My partner of over a year didn’t reach out to me for 5 days after I had major surgery. My first ever surgery, and one considered to be an amputation. Not a single text. I saw him through the very same surgery years before when we were only college roommates.
When I reached out to him while still bed-bound and asked why the radio silence, he said he “had his own stuff going on” with his mental health. Like he always did. I’ve never felt as lonely as I did in that relationship.
I stayed another year and a half before deciding he didn’t actually care about me specifically; he just wanted the security of a relationship and I probably could have been replaced by anyone. I will never date someone who isn’t objectively stoked about it ever again.
Image source: Former-Finish4653, Andrea Piacquadio/pexels
#21
“I’m an empath”
Said the least empathetic people I’ve ever met.
Image source: _TheTrashyPanda_
#22
I once dated someone for 3+ years who never drove to see me. I always had to drive an hour to see him every weekend. I felt so alone and heartbroken the entire time we were together. I was so exhausted from working 40+ hours a week and driving so much just to make it work.
Image source: Outrageous-Spite-408, Pixabay /pexels
#23
An ankle monitor.
Image source: Iron_Rail
#24
I was with my ex for almost three years, and because of strange situations I felt the need to search through his phone and I found a message saved on Snapchat with his girl best friend saying that he wanted to see her naked. I talked with him about it and he told me that he said that bc all his friend group were planning to go to a nudist spa. I believed him and forgave him ;-;.
Image source: KuroTenhi, Andres Ayrton/pexels
#25
I had a partner that would bring their gaming laptop with them when they would come to visit me, and essentially would ignore me 80% of the time they were at mine to use it. Would assure me that when we lived together that wouldn’t be the case, so I proceeded to ignore it. Turns out that 80% of the time turned into 100% of the time after I uprooted my life to live with them. I wasn’t even allowed to touch the guy for any kind of comfort let alone anything else during the odd hour he would allow me together maybe once a month. But as I say, completely on me for ignoring the blatant red flag in the first place.
Image source: Gem-Megumi
#26
Someone consistently breaking promises but still claiming to be reliable.
Image source: AdventurousSofi, Timur Weber /pexels
#27
Love bombing from the very beginning. He also told me one week in that he loved me.
Image source: MelodicMoonlight_, Antoni Shkraba/pexels
#28
His whole extended family disliked him and thought he was flaky. He fed me a sob story about how they were all a******s. I ate it up. I had so much empathy. No, he’s just a flaky a*****e.
Image source: Dreamy-Muse, Mia /pexels
#29
He liked memes about cheating on Instagram
Image source: Mulberry888, Ali Pli/pexels
#30
Keeping an emotional distance. It’s hard to notice when you’re smitten but it’s a huge red flag when they keep you at arms length but close enough to not make you feel neglected.
Image source: Naughtyx-Angel, Mikhail Nilov/pexels
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