There are funny puns, clever puns, and then there are bad puns. Puns that are so cringy, predictable, and downright stupid that it might just be the most hilarious thing that you’ve heard. And that’s just how it works with us, humans – the stupider the joke, the more we enjoy it. Well, most of the time, at least. Though we could guess why human nature dictates laughing at silly things, there’s no definite answer to this age-old question. Maybe it’s because it’s so easy to understand these jokes – no hidden meanings or a need to read Marcel Proust’s works to get it. Every one of us, no matter how cultured or educated, loves us some genre-classic low-brow humor deep down inside, a guilty pleasure, so to speak. It could also be that we get a sort of high to think that someone could be so stupid to come up with such an abominable example of a one-liner. You know, a chance to feel smarter-than-thou, which isn’t a frequent occurrence to some of us. Ignorance is always funny when it’s not you demonstrating it, I guess. But enough of this guessing game, you can play it on your own accord, and time to get along with our main topic here – bad puns.
If you were to scroll down just a couple of inches below, you’d find the sweet fruits of our research for the most inadequate puns and jokes. Some of them are so bad; you might just spray your keyboard with coffee out of sheer incredulity. And though we don’t often place bets on things that are a matter of taste, here we are pretty confident about the aforementioned outcome. So, don’t forget to vote for the worst puns, share these uncool jokes with your friends, and contribute to our list with your most unique puns.
#1 Grammar took a wild left turn here
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
#2 That’s one way to lose a day job
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
#3 Guess Ireland’s capital is really Dublin up
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
#4 Ocean of soda, lol what?
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
#5 Plot twist: the silence was loud
I just bought a thesaurus from the book store, but when I got home all the pages were blank. There are no words to describe how angry I am.
#6 Salad Secrets Finally Spill Out
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
#7 Caught in a cloud of disappointment
Did you hear about the boy who tried to catch fog?
He mist.
#8 Cold and fang-tastic
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
#9 Tense but Timeless Humor
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar… It was tense.
#10 Wise words from a guy who clearly never raced a Tesla
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
#11 Zero stars, but still out of this world
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
I heard it was good but it had no atmosphere.
#12 Okay, that pun actually slaps
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
#13 Toucan’t Be Serious
A friend of mine annoyed me with bird puns. But toucan play that game.
#14 Well, That Escalated Quickly
I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
#15 Seen it, but it’s still haunted
What did the ghost teacher say to his class?
Look at the board and I will go through it again.
#16 Guess He Checked the Wrong Bag
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
#17 Nap Time Negotiations Gone Wrong
Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
#18 Plot twist: It’s actually working
“How is your long distance relationship going?”
– “So far, so good.”
#19 Dad joke level: expert
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because it’s pee is silent.
#20 Buzzing with style
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
#21 Puns That Totally Hit Different
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink.
#22 Dad joke level: expert
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A Yamahahaha.
#23 Plot twist: gray is the new bold
When she saw her first strands of gray, she thought she’d dye.
#24 Goodbye steam, hello vibes
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
#25 Well, That’s Dark Humor
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
#26 Low-Key Pun Masterpiece
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
#27 Low-key suspicious vibes
What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.
#28 Sweetest threat ever
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
#29 Mood: meta and electric
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
#30 Plot twist: Bathroom Heist Mystery
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
#31 Literal glow-up energy
Why is peter pan always flying?
He neverlands.
#32 Well, That Escalated Quickly
I lost my job at the bank on the very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
#33 Plot twist: He wasn’t digging it
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.
#34 Pain That Actually Pays Off
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
#35 Squirrel Behavior 101
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
#36 That Joke Was Un-Bel-ieve-able
I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii.
#37 Nice Try, Cop
A police officer knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes. I looked at him and said, “don’t be ridiculous, my dogs don’t even own bikes.”
#38 Freedom looks weird but cool
Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.
#39 I see what you did there
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
#40 The One Letter Missing, Though
I’m very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
#41 Well, that’s a Christmas crisis
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claus-trophobic.
#42 Mood: 100% dead inside
How can you tell if a vampire has a cold?
He starts coffin.
#43 Secret Boss Level: Narnia Edition
What does C.S. Lewis keep at the back of his wardrobe?
Narnia business!
#44 Moodier Than Your Ex
What do you call a sad cheese?
A blue cheese.
#45 When Rhythm Meets Regret
I used to be a tap dancer, until I fell in the sink.
#46 Jurassic naps hit different
What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A dino-snore.
#47 Snails Over Nuggets, Always
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they won’t touch fast food.
#48 Pun Intended
What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-pasta.
#49 Cheesy but charming intro
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
#50 Cornering the cold like a pro
If you ever feel cold just stand in a corner. They’re usually around 90 degrees.
#51 Ocean’s got jokes, not just waves
How can you tell if the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
#52 Knight shift struggles, honestly
Why was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight?
It had too many sleepless knights.
#53 Wait, There’s an Opposite?
Shout out to the people who ask what the opposite of “in” is.
#54 Batting a thousand on puns
What animal is at a baseball game?
A bat.
#55 Wheels Down, Jokes Up
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand on its own?
It was too tired.
#56 Throwback humor hits different
I heard a funny joke about a boomerang earlier. I’m sure it’ll come back to me.
#57 This Survey Played Me Like a Fiddle
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
#58 Plot twist nobody saw coming
There was a kidnapping at school. Don’t worry, he woke up.
#59 Signal’s strong with this one
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
#60 Yep, been there with the whole thing
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
#61 Plot twist: cows got stage fright
Where do milkshakes come from?
Nervous cows.
#62 Mood: Saucy and Staying Fresh
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator?
Hey, close the door, I’m dressing!
#63 Room to Grow, or Nah?
How much room should you give fungi to grow?
As mushroom as possible.
#64 Spice Level: Full Snooping Mode
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeno your business.
#65 Drumroll, Please!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two.
#66 Rolling Into My Own Spin Cycle
Some people say I’m addicted to somersaults, but that’s just how I roll.
#67 Keeper of the Heart
Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he’s a keeper.
#68 Pun Intended, Obviously
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
#69 Unintentionally Cringe, Unforgettably Bad
My friend made a joke about the TV controller. It wasn’t remotely funny.
#70 Well, That’s One Way to Look at It
Bobby broke his finger today, but on the other hand he was completely fine.
#71 That joke just sailed right in
How much money does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer.
#72 Puzzle mode: Do not disturb
Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords.
#73 When Dance Floors Fight Back
I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
#74 Plot twist: It’s all about that one tail
Why are cats bad storytellers?
Because they only have one tale.
#75 Well, That’s Ironic
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
#76 This joke slithered right into my heart
What do you get if you cross a snake with a pie?
A pie-thon.
#77 Can’t Hide What’s Built-In
Why can’t a leopard hide?
Because he’s always spotted.
#78 Udderly Unstoppable
What noise do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?
Cowboom.
#79 Classic dad energy right here
How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall.
#80 Time really does fly when you’re hungry
What did the clock do when he was hungry?
He went back four seconds.
#81 History’s most extra dance move
What was the most popular dance in 1776?
The indepen-dance.
#82 Dead serious about my mail
How does a vampire start a letter?
Tomb it may concern.
#83 Classic dad joke energy
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school.
#84 Well played, that one
How did the picture end up in jail?
It was framed.
#85 Out of This World Booking Woes
Why couldn’t the astronaut book a hotel room on the moon?
Because it was full.
#86 Plot twist, literally
Why did the book join the police?
He wanted to go undercover.
#87 Well, That’s One Way to Stay Positive
Did you hear about the guy who had his left leg and his left arm amputated in a car accident?
He’s all right now.
#88 Planetary pick-up lines hitting different
What did Mars say to Saturn?
Give me a ring sometime.
#89 That Pun Hit Different
Thanks for explaining the word many to me, it means a lot.
#90 Been There, Malls That
The thing I don’t like about shopping centers… When you see one, you’ve seen a mall.
#91 Puns That Just Hit Different
What happens when it’s raining cats and dogs?
I don’t know but you can step in a poodle.
#92 That joke actually crumbled me up
Why did the cookie go to hospital?
Because he felt crummy.
#93 Newsflash: Dessert Edition
What was the reporter doing in the ice cream shop?
Getting the scoop.
#94 Snack attack: Byte-sized cravings
What is a computer’s favorite snack?
Computer chips.
#95 Dad joke level: Chef’s kiss
What did the hamburger name its baby?
Patty.
#96 Plot twist: soda got lit
Did you hear about the antiques collector who found an old Coca Cola lamp?
She was soda lighted.
#97 Pasta la bike, am I right?
I told my friend I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.
#98 Farm gossip is literally eye-opening
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn have ears.
#99 Lonely Spirits Only Dance Solo
Why don’t ghosts like parties?
They have nobody to dance with.
#100 This Joke Slid Right In
Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
#101 Out-of-This-World Parenting Hacks
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
#102 Can’t Unsee That Pun
I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
#103 The Classic Pun That Hits Different
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.
#104 Can’t Stop Laughing, Honestly
All these sea monster jokes are just Kraken me up.
#105 Cauld Ron Confessions
Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend?
They’re both cauld ron.
#106 The joke’s on the bartender
A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where is the bar tender?”
#107 Guess it skipped leg day too many times
Why did the gym close down?
It just didn’t work out.
#108 Above average? I’ll take it!
My ceiling isn’t the best… But it’s up there!!!
#109 Plot twist nobody saw coming
What do you do when life gives you melons?
See a doctor, because you’re probably dyslexic.
#110 Dinner’s got a weird vibe
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
#111 When autocorrect goes wild
Last week I called someone a watering hole but I meant well.
#112 I’m what now, a chef?
If your dog was craving pizza what kind of pizza would he want?
Puperoni.
#113 Dad joke level: expert
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bull-dozer.
#114 Wordplay That’s Jurassic Genius
Which dinosaur has the best vocabulary?
The thesaurus.
#115 Prehistoric Punchline Energy
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
#116 Baking Up Some Cheesy Lines
What does the baker always say to his customers?
Do you oven come here?
#117 Rolling Into Magic
What’s Harry Potter’s favourite way to get down a hill?
Walking… JK, Rolling.
#118 Plot twist: math doesn’t lie
A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He wrapped his cape around himself and began to count. “Uno… Dos…” and then POOF, he disappeared without a Tres.
#119 Puzzling etiquette: don’t cross words
Why don’t you interrupt someone working on a puzzle?
You’ll hear some crosswords.
#120 Bet You Didn’t See That Coming
Which building in New York has the most stories?
The public library.
#121 They Said Time Was Money, Guess Not
I’ve just been fired from a clock factory, even after all those extra hours I put in.
#122 Petals and punchlines, same energy
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi bud.
#123 Lying’s Pointless Here
Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
#124 Double the eraser, double the confusion
Pencils could be made with erasers at each end, but what would be the point?
#125 Classic dad joke energy
Why did Johnny throw his clock out of the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly.
#126 Too Loud to Ignore
I saw an ad that said “television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full” and I thought to myself, I can’t turn that down.
#127 Invisible Dad Energy
Today my son walked over and said “could I have a book mark”?
I burst into tears. 11-years-old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
#128 Well, that’s one way to kill time
I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time.
#129 Plot twist: They’re literally everywhere
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make up everything!
#130 Plot twist: Brain upgrade incoming
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
#131 Tricycle flex: one tire’s glow-up
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle?
A tire.
#132 Should’ve Seen That Fold Coming
I put all my spare cash into an origami business. It folded.
#133 Best Attempt, Zero Laughs
Someone sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
#134 End of the World? Nah, Just a Typo
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon?
It’s not the end of the world.
#135 Udderly Extra, As Expected
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
#136 Guess I’m Just Riding Automatic
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
#137 Nature’s Wi-Fi Game Is Strong
How do trees get online?
They just log in.
#138 Luggage Drama: Trial and Error
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case
#139 Nature’s first rule: Stay buoyant
Sticks float. They would.
#140 When “No Lox” Means No Chill
In ancient Rome, deli workers were told that they could eat anything they wanted during the lunch hour. Anything, that is except the smoked salmon. Thus were created the world’s first anti-lox breaks.
#141 Creepy Quack Attack
What has fangs and webbed feet?
Count Duckula.
#142 Classic excuse, would buy tickets
Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
#143 That punchline hit different
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “wow I’ve never served a weasel before, what can I get you?”
“Pop”, goes the weasel.
#144 When Your Brain Hits Snooze
A wife says to her husband that a moose is falling from the sky. The husband looks and says, it’s just reindeer.
#145 Guess the joke’s on me
A cheese sandwich walks into a bar. The waiter says, ‘we don’t serve food here.’
#146 Guess the family drama here
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents were in a jam.
#147 That pun really *meats* my expectations
What did the pizza say to the beautiful topping?
I never SAUsage a beautiful face.
#148 Classic Dad Joke Energy
How do you say goodbye to a hotdog?
Bun voyage.
#149 Rest in peas, last romaines
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
#150 Classic pickle sass right here
Two pickles fell out of the jar onto the floor. What did one pickle say to the other?
Dill with it.
#151 I see what you did there
What’s an astronaut’s favourite part of a computer?
The space bar.
#152 Dad jokes hitting different today
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogey in it.
#153 Diving In, Salsa Style
I wanted to learn to dance so I started with salsa. I wanted something I could dip in to.
#154 Whistles That Just Won’t Quit
I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it steel wooden lead me whistle.
#155 This Joke Blew Me Away
What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
Twister.
#156 Ron out of jokes, clearly
Why don’t I get my friends ‘Harry Potter’ jokes?
Because there is something Ron with you.
#157 Ghosted by Booze Problems
Don’t drink with ghosts, they can’t handle their boos.
#158 Elf-abet soup, but make it schooling
What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
#159 Toilet Humor That Hits Different
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look flushed.
#160 Plot twist: pencils have better travel plans
Where do pencils go on vacation?
Pencil-vania.
#161 Totally Worth the Cops’ Time
Why did the police go to the daycare center?
A three-year-old was resisting a rest.
#162 When shrinking feels real but patience is the cure
Doctor, doctor, help! I think I’m shrinking! Take this and you’ll be back to normal in a few weeks. Until then, you’ll just have to be a little patient.
#163 Dating flames got nothing on this one
What do you call an attractive volcano?
Lava-ble.
#164 This Pun’s Got Wood You Thinking
Once, there was a lumberjack who wandered into a magical forest. As he swung his axe at a tree, the tree said “don’t cut me down, I’m a talking tree!” The lumberjack replied, “and you will dialogue.”
#165 Grammar Owl Strikes Again
What did the perscriptivist owl say?
Whom whom.
#166 Pause for the paws
A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a rum …………………. and coke.”
The bartender asks, “What’s with the big pause?”
The bear shrugs. “I was born with them.”
#167 Unexpected kindness from the circus crew
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
#168 When the jokes make more sense than the machine
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn’t make any cents!
#169 Campground puns are the best past-times
Why can’t you run through a campground?
You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
#170 Honest Confessions of a Trainwreck
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say.
#171 This One Was Expired for Sure
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
#172 Mourning Before My First Coffee? No Thanks
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.
#173 Branching Out, Fruitfully
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn’t that where all the fruit is?
#174 Never underestimate a soft hit
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink.
#175 Pedal Power, But Make It Pasta
I told my mom I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.
#176 I’m Not Lion About This Diet
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
#177 I knew it was gonna be something simple
What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
1Forrest1.
#178 Soda Crushing Was Too Much
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda pressing.
#179 Stealing Solutions, Literally
I suffer from kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.
#180 Zero regrets, honestly
Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers?
He’d stop at nothing to avoid them.
#181 Philosophy Puns That Actually Slap
Who was Socrates’ worst student?
Mediocrities. Who was his busiest student?
The one with a lot on his Plato.
#182 Classic Dad Joke Energy
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!
#183 Goals locked on glutes
Why do hamburgers go to the gym?
To get better buns.
#184 Guess the tomato’s secret blush
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
#185 That Timing Was Impeccable
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
#186 That pun was soup-er savage
Did you hear the news about that Chinese restaurant that got vandalized?
It was an act of wonton destruction.
#187 Can’t argue with a perfect 6:30
6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.
#188 Double the hustle, double the chaos
I work in a paper factory, where my responsibilities are twofold.
#189 Udderly terrified, apparently
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.
#190 Moo-ving on up in entertainment
Where do cows go for entertainment?
To the moo-vies.
#191 Classic dad joke energy
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
#192 That Joke Hit Different
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.
#193 Plot twist: The elephant ghosted us
What did the elephant say when he stopped in the middle of telling a story?
Never mind, I realize this is irrelephant.
#194 Classic Dad Joke Energy
Why didn’t the crab donate to charity?
He’s shellfish.
#195 Egg-cellent Pun Alert
Which day of the week is a chicken’s least favourite?
Fry-day.
#196 This joke’s colder than ice
Where do polar bears vote?
The North Poll.
#197 Case cracked, beak first
What was the goal of the detective duck?
To quack the case of course.
#198 Dad joke level: expert
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks.
#199 Plot twist: One tale, no tail
Why are all dogs bad storytellers?
Because they only have one tale.
#200 This Piggys Got Moves
I once met a pig that did karate. We called him Pork Chop.
#201 Comedy with a roar
Why did the lion spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny.
#202 Guess they really went all in on the pun game
What’s a cats favourite colour?
Purrr-ple.
#203 Okay, THAT pun hit different
What did the pony say when he had a sore throat?
“Do you have any water? I’m a little horse.”
#204 Catching Ducks Early Is Totally Normal
What time does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
#205 Barely Making the Tail End
Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
He was trying to make both ends meet.
#206 Buzzkill with commitment issues
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind. A maybe.
#207 This pun just hatched itself
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
#208 Jurassic Snoozing, Honestly
What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A dino-snore.
#209 Tall problems, short answers
Why did the giraffe get bad grades?
Because he had his head in the clouds.
#210 Dad joke energy unlocked
What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A neigh-bor.
#211 Spot on, my friend
What did the dalmatian say after lunch?
That hit the spot.
#212 That Burn Was Personal
A dragon walks into a bar. “It’s hot in here” he says. “Shut your mouth” says the waiter.
#213 That’s the kind of lock I can crack
What kind of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
#214 Spilling the Beans, Honestly
Do you want to taco ’bout it?
It’s nacho problem.
#215 When your snack plans get existential
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where is pop corn?
#216 That pun really meat my expectations
Why did the butcher do overtime last week?
To make ends meat.
#217 This one’s dunked in feels
Why was the cookie sad?
Because his mum was a wafer so long.
#218 Smoothest joke you’ll hear today
Did you hear the rumour about the butter?
Never mind, it wouldn’t spread.
#219 That joke’s fireproof, honestly
Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was in tents.
#220 Plot twist: It’s just a stick
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
A stick.
#221 My brain finally caught up
I used to wonder why frisbees looked bigger the closer they got. Then it hit me.
#222 Chemistry That Literally Freshens
How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints.
#223 Fogged It, But Still Dewing It
I wanted to take a picture of the fog this morning but I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow.
#224 Library humor: shelf-awareness level 100
What did the librarian say when the books were a mess?
We ought to be ashamed of ourshelves.
#225 Toothpaste hits all the right notes
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.
#226 Worth every booty coin
How much does it cost a pirate to gets his ears pierced?
About a buck an ear.
#227 Can’t See You, Doc
Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible. Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.
#228 Secrets Don’t Stay Buried
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
#229 Fearless? More like Sir Nope.
What do you a call a knight who afraid to fight?
Sir Render.
#230 Grammar police would’ve had a field day here
Why did the pun fail his English class?
Because he didn’t use proper pun-ctuation.
#231 Change I didn’t see coming
Today at the store the cashier gave me two pennies in change and said have a good day, don’t spend it all at once. I said thank you for your two cents.
#232 Mind reader in progress, spill it
I’m working on a device that reads minds. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
#233 Beachcomber’s tech glitch
What washes up on very small beaches?
Microwaves.
#234 Shocking Moments of Clarity
I was struggling to figure out how lightning works. Then it struck me.
#235 When the cops lose their throne
All the toilets in the NYPD Headquarters have been stolen. The police apparently have nothing to go on.
#236 Caught in a Wild Pitch Debate
Ray’s friends claim he’s a baseball nut. He says they’re way off base.
#237 Barbie Lines: A Modern Mystery
The public safety officer came up to a large mob of people outside a department store and asked, “What’s happening?”
A mall officer replied, “These people are waiting to get the new Barbie doll.” The public safety officer shook his head and muttered, “Who can resist a Barbie queue?”
#238 Worming their way to a draw
Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie!
#239 Well played, time thief
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.
#240 Fruit jokes never get old
Why did the apricot ask a prune to dinner?
Because he couldn’t find a date.
#241 Rude Awakening for My Spices
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. – What a waste of thyme.
#242 Well, that’s one way to ghost someone
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.
#243 Classic Dad Joke Energy
Why did the spider log on to the computer?
To check his web site.
#244 This one’s paws-itively clever
Why did the cat go to medical school?
To become a first aid kit.
#245 Snack time, but make it alpaca
What do you say to a Llama that loves picnicking?
Alpaca lunch.
#246 Abracadogbra: Watch the Pup-Magician
My dog can do magic tricks. It’s a labracadabrador.
#247 Classic Dad Joke Energy
What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class?
Why the long face?
#248 Jurassic Parking Fails
What do you get when two dinosaur crash their cars?
A T-wrecks.
#249 Quack-tastic mystery solved
Who stole the soap out of the bathtub?
The robber ducky.
#250 Paws And Clocks, Obviously
What dog keeps the best time?
A watch dog.
#251 Quack-gone-wild moments
What do you get if you cross fireworks with a duck?
A firequacker.
#252 Flipping out, but make it fashion
Learning to sleep upside down is hard for bats, but eventually they get the hang of it.
#253 Classic dad joke energy
What did one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me.
#254 Snack time just went supersonic
What is fast, loud and crunchy?
A rocket chip.
#255 Pun game: unexpectedly strong
What type of candy is never on time?
Choco-late.
#256 That pun’s definitely on a roll
What did the waiter say when he dropped a hotdog?
It could have been wurst.
#257 Rolling into breakfast like a pro
How do you make a good egg roll?
You push it down a hill.
#258 Goal in a cup
What is every soccer players favourite drink?
Penal-tea.
#259 Serving You Puns Sunny Side Up
Have an egg-cellent day. I hope it’s eggs-tra good.
#260 That excuse actually takes the cake
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
#261 Fizz-fully Weird Dreams
I had a crazy dream last night. I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of orange soda. Turns out it was just a fanta-sea.
#262 Chewie’s tougher than I thought
I went to a restaurant last night and had the Wookie steak. It was a little chewy.
#263 This joke just squeezed my day
Why didn’t the orange win the race?
He ran out of juice.
#264 The Sweet Side of Strikeouts
What do cakes and a baseball have in common?
They both need a batter.
#265 Travel? Pass.
Why don’t basketball players don’t like to leave their hometown?
They hate travelling too much.
#266 Basketball Players’ Secret Snack Strategy
Why are basketball players such messy eaters?
Because they’re always dribbling.
#267 Nosey Drama Incoming
What did the nose say to the finger?
Quit picking on me.
#268 Crime doesn’t pay—but puns do
Why do thieves have a hard time understanding puns?
Because they take things literally.
#269 Well, that’s one way to lose time
I’ve just been fired from a clock factory, even after all those extra hours I put in.
#270 Molten feelings, no chill
What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.
#271 Cold as your ex’s heart
Why are robots never afraid?
They have nerves of steel.
#272 This Joke’s Going in Circles
Do you want to know why I hate circles so much?
They’re just so pointless, but I guess that’s how they roll.
#273 Okay, that cracked me up
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
#274 Spellbound and Totally Hooked
What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
#275 Accidentally eco-friendly, who knew?
Learning to collect trash wasn’t that hard. I just picked it up as I went along.
#276 Punception Level: Expert
How would you describe a pun about a pun?
It’s pun-ishingly bad.
#277 Pun Intended, Probably Failed
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It’s a fairly difficult pun-dertaking.
#278 Classroom Glow-Up
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?
Because her students were so bright.
#279 I See What You Did There
What do you call a ghost’s true love?
His ghoul-friend.
#280 From Zero to Braver, One Bump at a Time
I have a speed bump phobia, but I’m slowly getting over it.
#281 Witchy vibes, zero commitment
I thought about becoming a witch so I tried it for a short spell.
#282 Luggage Lost, Lawsuit Gone Too
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Unfortunately he lost his case.
#283 Finally, a quit plan that works
I’m addicted to brake fluid, but it’s OK because I can stop at any time.
#284 That’s one way to put houses on notice
Did you know deer can jump higher than the average house?
It’s because of their strong hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.
#285 Eye see what you did there
What did one eye say to the other?
Just between you and me, something smells.
#286 Classic letter roast
I’m only friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
#287 That Pun Just Paper-Cuts Me
Want to hear something terrible? Paper. See? I told you it was tear-able.
#288 Well, that escalated fast
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
#289 Strings attached, regrets included
My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins.
#290 Game, Set, Match: Toucan Do Better
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
#291 Shelf control, please!
What did the librarian say when the books were in a mess?
We ought to be ashamed of ourshelves!
#292 Fungi Need Their Space, Honestly
How much room should you give fungi to grow?
As mushroom as possible.
#293 When your closet has more than clothes
I asked the lion in my wardrobe what he was doing there. He said it was narnia business.
#294 This pun just stole my heart
What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts.
#295 I did *not* see that coming
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie.
#296 I Didn’t See That Coming
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
Cashew!
#297 Banana’s Doctor Visit: Not Just a Peel Problem
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well.
#298 Classic Dad Joke Energy
What do you call cheese which isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.
#299 Spice Rack’s Glow-Up Moment
I had to clean out my spice rack and noticed that everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
#300 Straight to Pointe, Every Time
Why is it so easy to talk to ballet dancers?
They always get to the point.
#301 This joke just took a step up
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
#302 Low-key flex with teeth jokes
What kind of award did the dentist receive?
A little plaque.
#303 Classic dad joke energy
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
#304 Weighty truths from the full moon
When is the moon at its heaviest?
When it’s full.
#305 Nosey Neighbors, Honestly
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells.
#306 Count me in, please
What do you call Dracula with hayfever?
The pollen count.
#307 Sweetest punchline in the West
What do you call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher.
#308 That’s one way to drop the case
What did the judge say when the skunk came into the courtroom?
Odor in the court.
#309 Came for repairs, stayed for the pun
Did you hear about the auto body shop that just opened?
It comes highly wreck-a-mended.
#310 Charged Up and Low-Key Dramatic
An atom loses an electron… it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
#311 Kayak + Fire = Ice Cold Mistake
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank — proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
#312 Plot twist: Cowspiracy
What do you call a cow spying on another cow?
A steak out.
#313 Nose Goals, Finger Trolls
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
#314 This joke cracked me up
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
Ruff!
#315 This Windmill’s Got Metal Taste
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “what kind of music do you like?”
The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
#316 Plot twist: Garden goals met
What do you get when you plant kisses?
Two lips.
#317 Pain is just an illusion, apparently
Why did the Zen master refuse novocaine when he had his tooth pulled?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
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