If you want to put someone in their place, your first instinct might be to throw every foul word you know at them and call it a day. That’s definitely the easier route. Coming up with something that’s actually clever and funny enough to sting takes a little more creativity.
Thankfully, when two Redditors asked people to share their favorite insults, people had plenty to offer. We’ve rounded up some of the best below. Scroll down, take notes and save your favorites for when you need them.
#1
You are impossible to underestimate.
Image source: Tummerd, Alexander Krivitskiy / Unsplash
#2
The first time I heard this was in GTA: SA, CJ randomly yells it at people he crashed into:
Are you a professional moron? Or just a gifted amateur?
Image source: Inshabel, rockstargames / rockstargames
#3
I bet your parents try to change the subject when their friends ask how you’re doing.
Image source: cyainanotherlifebro, zinkeych / Magnific
#4
You’re a complete tool but not half as useful.
Image source: CompleteParticular, Adolfo Félix / Unsplash
#5
You’re just a collection of personality flaws masquerading as a person.
Image source: drone42, productions / Magnific
#6
Why are you playing so hard to get when you’re already hard to want.
Image source: hihohiho-, komrad450 / Magnific
#7
You look like you spend more time on regret management than goal achievement.
Image source: BluePulse3452, Gerd Altmann / Pixabay
#8
“You are the human equivalent of a participation award.”.
Image source: HipsterCactus, Olek Buzunov / Unsplash
#9
In 8th grade I told a teacher, “If I was half the man you were, I’d be a quarter of the man I am.” I said stupid things all the time without any forethought, so I was impressed when that one made sense. Teacher was too, but he made me write everything on the whiteboard anyway. I’ve used it sparingly since then. It starts out sounding like a compliment, but ends up being an insult, so it takes people by surprise when used in light banter.
Image source: i_owe_them13, Yan Krukau / Pexels
#10
You remind me of Rapunzel. Only where Rapunzel let down her hair, you let down everyone in your life.
Image source: anon, Wikipedia.com
#11
Got in a bit of an altercation with my partner’s ex out at the bar. She’s literally one inch taller than legally being a little person. So 4’11 I think.
When she started getting mouthy I stole a line from the Office and told her to
“Calm down, booster seat. No ones talking to you”
Instantly shut the convo down. Was glorious.
Image source: Greyskiesgreeneyes, NBC Universal
#12
She’s as useless as Anne Frank’s drum set is a personal fav of mine.
Image source: HistoricalHeart, Wikipedia.com
#13
I’m not insulting you. i’m describing you.
Image source: anon, pressfoto / Magnific
#14
At my old job we had a guy we would refer to as *”If he was any dumber, we’d have to water him”*.
Image source: The_Pelican1245, magnific / Magnific
#15
You look like you know the brand of windows by taste
Image source: dmizenopants, queenpam48 / Flickr
#16
If you were any more inbred you’d be a sandwich.
Image source: MaximumRelative7, magnific / Magnific
#17
“I expected nothing and I’m still disappointed
Image source: gt_assassin_d3m0n, magnific / Magnific
#18
I never forget a face, but I’ll make an exception just for you.
Image source: Coquatrix, stockking / Magnific
#19
When informed that Calvin Coolidge had passed away, Dorothy Parker quipped: “How could they tell?”.
Image source: FoxyInTheSnow, Bettmann / Getty Images
#20
You look like the kind of person who would put ketchup on sushi.
Image source: anon, Bartholomew Sneedburg
#21
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Image source: MhhhhMan, sewvandichandima / Magnific
#22
You remind me of High-school. Great to remember, Horrible to experience.
Image source: ScottishVoldka, jeswin
#23
“I’m thinking you weren’t burdened with an over-abundance of schooling” from Firefly.
Image source: stetzwebs, IlSaggiatore420
#24
Bob Ross said you’re a mistake.
Image source: Bokb3o, Acey Harper / Getty Images
#25
You’re a sad, strange little man and you have my pity. Farewell.
Image source: goatman2112, jbean12
#26
I once heard a guy in Ireland refer to his child as ”you absolute misfortune”.
Just really stuck with me, it’s a great line XD.
Image source: Skeknir
#27
“You’re as bright as a black hole and twice as dense.”
Image source: shadowsinwinter
#28
It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.
Image source: Funk_McBustamove, engin akyurt / Unsplash
#29
Charlie Brooker:
Describing Ann Widdecombe as having “a face like a haunted cave”
Or Paul Potts as having “a face like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man reading a disappointing bank statement”
Or Bill O’Reilly as looking like “a tortoise that’s learned to enjoy the smell of its own farts”
And about himself: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity, because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me that I’ve got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.”.
Image source: Leucurus, Brendon Thorne / Getty Images
#30
In overwatch last night someone reported my team mate because her aim was too good and said “reported for aimbotting” in match chat. When we beat them (fairly, she’s just an insanely good shot, no aim bot required) my other team mate Just responded with “reported for smooth brain” and something about that has had me cackling ever since. I keep thinking about it and just bursting into fits of giggles.
Image source: josh9961, krakenimages.com / Magnific
#31
You six piece chicken Mcnobody.
Image source: wasdfgg
#32
Once heard a very drunk man scream “YOU ARE WALT DISNEY’S WORST CREATION” at some random woman in a pub. I was pretty impressed with that one.
Image source: M1_A1
#33
I heard this the other day. Two big burly bearded guys messing around and one had a good dig at the other but second guy retorts:
“Please don’t mind my lesbian sister.”.
Image source: indifferentpoon
#34
I have much better things to do, like breath over there away from you.
Image source: Cejalinn
#35
From Full Metal jacket “Did your parents have any children that lived” followed by “You’re so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece”.
Image source: anon
#36
Seven and a half million years of evolution and your poor mother still somehow gave birth to a baboon.
Image source: woosher200
#37
U have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.
Image source: whyamistillemo
#38
I would challenged you to a battle of wits, but I can see that you are unarmed!
Image source: Siipa
#39
Light travels faster than sound, that’s why you appear bright until you speak.
Image source: benjyh
#40
My friends and I were in that insult phase in high school and tried to see who could come up with the best zinger. These are the best one:
“Is that your face or did your neck throw up?”.
Image source: FrozenfoxN8
#41
“Tiny-brained wiper of other people’s bottoms”
It sounds more insulting if you say it with a bad French accent.
Source: Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Image source: cybercrash7
#42
“you rude crude lewd bag of pre-chewed food dude” – Peter Pan.
Image source: anon
#43
For years, a (very Scottish) teacher used to call anyone that did anything stupid “a plank”. One day a kid whose surname was “Brown” was made to stand up and read in front of the class and he couldn’t pronounce a very simpe word. He stood there looking stupid and went to scratch his head and the teacher said.
“Broon ya utter plank, dinnae scratch yur heid, you’ll get a splinter”.
Image source: jevbomb
#44
As an outsider, what’s your opinion on intelligence?
Image source: Jedi_Gym_Rat17
#45
Try using your head for more than a hat rack.
Oh, so your family tree is actually a wreath.
Image source: TorontoN6
#46
“one who waves back at Teletubbies”.
I was watching a tik tok video and this guy was going through German insults or maybe just words because of how they make super long compound words in German and this one had me rolling.
Image source: GravityTracker
#47
Christopher Hitchens on Jerry Falwell:
“If you gave (him) an enema, you could bury him in a matchbox.”.
Image source: DepressedBard
#48
“I have neither the patience, nor the crayons to explain this to you”.
Image source: Namrepus221
#49
If you were in a loser competition, you would come in 2nd place.
Image source: TheBeastBoud
#50
He suffers from delusions of adequacy.
Image source: PunkCPA
#51
Everyone who has ever loved you was wrong.
Image source: Cloud_Manboobs
#52
You’re at the top of the Bell curve.
Image source: IminPeru
#53
You’re like the first bread slice in the loaf.
Everybody touches you but no one wants you.
Image source: faaiz_dastagir
#54
“Do you get your haircut by a professional?”.
Image source: whereegosdare
#55
I’ve had CVS receipts taller than you.
Image source: KiNgLEmOnDrOp
#56
Infantile Pillock or Halfwit.
Both heard from the greatest James May.
Image source: Haluz
#57
Twatwaffle.
Image source: UltimateAnswer42
#58
You desk.
Image source: anon
#59
From Casablanca:
“You despise me don’t you?”
“Well if I gave you any thought I probably would”
Image source: TrentonTallywacker
#60
Sharp as a marble
Image source: GiftInteresting583
#61
You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste.
Image source: slayer_f-150
#62
I envy people who haven’t met you.
Image source: HardRockGeologist
#63
This one always stuck with me.
“What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
Image source: Jack_Bartowski
#64
“You get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!”
Image source: DialTone657
#65
Cotton -headed ninny muggins
Image source: anon
#66
I bet you use both side of the toilet paper.
Image source: geronika
#67
You’re the reason there are instructions on shampoo bottles
Image source: squambish
#68
I like the passive aggressive ones the best.
I hope you’re always short one battery for your electronics at home.
I genuinely hope there will be somebody to mourn you when you pass.
I sincerely hope one shoe always has a small pebble in it you can’t quite find.
Image source: PirroDesmon
#69
You inspire birth control
Image source: Corgiboom2
#70
I bet you have a favorite flavor of paint chip
Image source: Klown1327
#71
Boilbrained Flapdragon
Image source: Shadow_of_Moonlight1
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