You might think it’s cute and quirky, but having a ‘work spouse’ can cause a ton of problems down the line. For one, it can lead to an immense amount of jealousy at home with your partner. You have to be truly oblivious not to see how you might be undermining your entire romantic relationship. But unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20.
The internet weighed in on one man’s story about how he felt super conflicted after what was meant to be a fun outing with friends turned toxic. He shared how his actual girlfriend got into a huge argument with his work wife over who gets to sit next to him. Read on for the full story, an important update, and the internet’s advice for the oblivious guy.
Having a work spouse might sound cute, but it can lead to a bunch of problems
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This man wanted some sympathy and advice after his girlfriend got into an argument with his work wife at a fun event
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Work romances are incredibly common! They’re the reason why your significant other might get jealous
On the one hand, you want to have a cordial relationship with your colleagues. Building a foundation of trust can boost your efficiency at work and improve your reputation. In short, your soft skills, aka your emotional intelligence, ability to communicate well, and how well you get along with people, are vital where your long-term career goals are concerned. Or, in other words, there’s only so much you can get away with as a talented jerk. People prefer someone who is both talented and likable. But that’s just one side of the story.
On the other hand, if you get too close to your colleagues, it can send the wrong message, too. Your overly intimate relationship can become a source of gossip at work and can lead to whispers about favoritism.
According to recent research conducted by Forbes, over 60% of adults have had a workplace romance. Meanwhile, 40% of those romances actually involved cheating on an existing partner. Around a third (35%) of respondents admitted that they did not report their relationship to their employers, 43% have gone on to marry someone they work with, and a whopping 50% have reported flirting with their colleagues.
In a nutshell, if your significant other is ever jealous or worried about you having a work spouse, the above statistics are probably why. Even if you don’t have any intentions of cheating, you’re still giving your partner plenty of reasons to be insecure. It’s important to be friendly with your colleagues, absolutely, but you have to be professional, too. The office is not meant to be your personal playground for ‘friendly’ dates, flirting, and emotional cheating. Shocking, we know!
“Calling somebody your ‘work wife’ or ‘work husband’ can legitimise a degree of intimacy, loyalty or emotional entitlement that we might otherwise recognise as needing clearer boundaries. If the relationship really is simply a close friendship with a colleague, we might reasonably ask why we need to borrow the language of marriage to describe it,” psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer told The i Paper.
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Constant secrecy and emotional intimacy are signs that you are getting way too close to your work ‘friends’
“Psychologically, a close friendship with a work colleague can allow us to reconnect with parts of ourselves that have become neglected. Somebody may feel more spontaneous, desirable or alive around a particular colleague and conclude that the colleague is uniquely special, when what they may actually be encountering is a part of themselves that has become dormant within their established relationship or wider life.”
Psychotherapist Shell Dar warns that the work-spouse dynamic can become damaging when you begin replacing your significant other with a colleague when it matters most. “If your first instinct is to text your work friend with big news, daily stress, or marital frustrations before you even talk to your partner, you are quietly redirecting core intimacy out of your marriage. Over time, your partner gets left with second-hand updates while the detail of your inner life is shared elsewhere.”
Other warning signs include if you start leaning into secrecy more and more. For example, if you start downplaying how close you are with your work ‘buddies’ to your partner, it’s an issue. “Secrecy is always the tell. If the connection was genuinely harmless, you wouldn’t feel the need to curate or hide it from the person you live with,” Dar notes.
Have you ever had a work wife or work husband? What was your dynamic like? Where do you think the line lies where this relationship becomes inappropriately intimate?
What did your significant other think of this type of overly collegial relationship? Have they ever gotten into an argument with your work spouse at an event? Share your stories, opinions, and warnings in the comments—we’ll be keeping an eye out for your posts.
The internet had a lot to say about the work spouse drama. Here’s what some people told the author
There were some people who actually called the man’s girlfriend out for her behavior
The oblivious man later posted an update about how his relationship changed after the altercation
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Meanwhile, other readers weighed in with their perspectives
Here’s what people said after the story went viral elsewhere online
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