Some people grow up to be scatter-brained and rely on the other folks in their lives to help them remember important things they have to do. The issue is that the responsibility for keeping everything in mind falls on someone else, which can be annoying for them.
This is what a woman experienced because her boyfriend expected her to act like his personal appointment calendar, and got mad whenever she didn’t remind him of things he had to do. This irked her deeply, and she finally took petty revenge on him.
More info: Reddit
Having to take on the mental load of someone else’s life can be exhausting to deal with
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The woman shared that in the 4 years that she had been with her boyfriend, she had to remind him of every task he had to do or else he’d forget
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Once, when the woman forgot to remind her boyfriend about his brother’s birthday, he got mad at her, so she just decided to stop being his personal calendar
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The first month the man had to remember everything on his own was a disaster as he missed appointments, ran out of clean clothes, and forgot birthdays, so he blamed his girlfriend for it
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The woman felt that even though she knew it was kind to help her partner, she didn’t want to turn into his mother, but she still felt guilty that he had faced such troubles
The poster explained that she had been with her boyfriend for 4 years and that throughout their relationship, he had made her responsible for remembering everything he had to do. Right from birthdays to appointments, and even his mother’s medication, the woman had to keep track of it all and remind him about them.
According to marriage experts, when it comes to heterosexual couples, the women are often the ones tasked with reminding their partner about important stuff. This dynamic can sometimes turn into a nagging situation where a lady has to keep following up on certain tasks to make sure they’re done, which can cause resentment to build.
This is exactly what the poster was facing: the one time she forgot to remind her boyfriend about his brother’s birthday, he blamed her for not being on top of things. This made her feel like she was his personal calendar assistant and that he only valued her for the service she could provide.
There are many relationships in which this kind of emotional imbalance is quite common, and professionals explain that this can be exhausting for one person to handle. That’s because constantly worrying about tasks and keeping track of things requires a lot of emotional labor, which women often take on.
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Eventually, the woman decided that she wasn’t going to be her boyfriend’s personal calendar, and she stopped reminding him of important things. That’s why he ended up with a very difficult month, during which he missed a dentist appointment and had to pay a cancellation fee, forgot to buy his coworker a birthday gift, and ran out of clean clothes.
The poster didn’t like seeing her partner suffer so much, but she also felt a bit of satisfaction that he was struggling so much, as it validated her own tough experience. The only problem was that he didn’t seem to realize that all his had been a stressor for her, and ended up blaming her again when he missed an important work meeting.
The problem with women always having to take on the mental load of their male partner is that it can lead to stress, tension, and anxiety in the long run. Relationship advisors state that this kind of “mankeeping” is an invisible labor that women should slowly stop doing, because the more they continue it, the more they enable the men in their lives.
This is why the woman began feeling angry that she was expected to act like her boyfriend’s mother instead of being an equal partner. She did feel a bit guilty that he had been struggling so much when she could have easily reminded him about a few things, but she didn’t want this negative pattern to continue.
Do you think there is a simple way for the woman to handle this situation? We’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter, and if you’ve ever been in a relationship like this.
Folks urged the woman not to keep reminding her boyfriend of everything in his life, as he was a grown adult already
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