In my home, it is impossible to pass by the cat without giving his head a little kiss. It’s also illegal to use a loud alarm in the morning when you can simply use the vibrating function on your smart watch instead. And if you’re taking bottles to the recycling station, the money you receive better go straight towards lottery tickets.
We all have unwritten rules in our households that might not make sense to anyone else. Whether they developed overnight with your partner or they’ve been passed down for generations, we’re talking about the rules that have become reflexes to follow at home.
Reddit users have recently been revealing the unwritten rules that they abide by in their households, so we’ve gathered the most amusing ones below. Enjoy scrolling through, and be sure to upvote the mandates that you wouldn’t mind implementing at home!
#1
If someone is voluntarily doing a chore, no one shall tell them how to do it differently unless damage is going to be incurred. If unsolicited advice *is* given without the intent to actively roll up sleeves and help, the task then belongs to the giver of the unsolicited advice.
Image source: WeirdBogWitch, Polina Tankilevitch
#2
Replacing the trash bag IS PART OF taking out the trash.
Image source: BarbieeBee, Anna Shvets
#3
If you have a cat on your lap and want something from the kitchen someone else has to get it for you. Cat must not be disturbed.
#4
If you tell me you can’t find something after I’ve told you EXACTLY WHERE IT IS, and I walk over there and find it EXACTLY WHERE I TOLD YOU IT WAS, I get to hit you with it.
Image source: Shytemagnet, Liza Summer
#5
The dinner table “Dumb Joke of the Day” rule.
When I was a child my father would tell a dumb joke at dinner every night. It was probably one of my best memories from an otherwise plain vanilla WASP suburbs childhood.
I did the same with my kids. Then when the internet was becoming more of a popular resource, I tasked each of my kids to take turns bringing a really dumb joke. It truly made dinner fun, because jokes are like potatoe chips – You can’t have just one. :-)
And dumb jokes are frequently very funny in their own unique way.
Now many decades later these jokes have become a highlight of family gatherings as my adult children recall their favorites from the past 35 years.
They too do it with their kids!
They also still text me stupid jokes when they find them. It keeps them in touch in a nice way.
Goofy, but it really worked well in a huge way for us.
Image source: Airplade, Askar Abayev
#6
If a cat meows at you, you meow back. It’s impolite not to answer.
Image source: Leeloo_Len, Susanna Marsiglia
#7
If you are going to use the kitchen tongs you must perform an OSHA approved test click to ensure that they are functional.
Image source: regular6drunk7
#8
Either my wife or I can do any chore when noticed. We thank each other for routine chores as we appreciate each other.
Image source: BloossomCandyy, cottonbro studio
#9
Bandit, our aged Great Dane, gets the cushion on the far right of the orange couch. No exceptions, no asking him to move, that’s his spot.
Image source: austingt316, George Pagan III
#10
Where do you want to go for dinner? How about place A? If you say no, then you have to suggest another place. You can’t just shoot down all the ideas.
Image source: Crazy-4-Conures
#11
When someone shows you the eggs the chickens laid today, you mist admire them and say ‘eggknowledged’.
Image source: Tinyfishy, Tabitha Favor
#12
We mute all tv commercials.
Image source: sixsmalldogs, JESHOOTS.com
#13
I (29f) live with three grown men (my partner and two roomies) and I guess ours is that no matter what happens the ship shall not sink. WiFi bill is due, who has the most money rn/is available to pay it. Dishes need to be done, who has the day off or has the energy to manage it. We all feed each other’s pets, water each others plants 🤷 and there’s a huge amount of emotional permanence. We can confront one another about any issue cordially and have discussion. There’s almost never any yelling or hostility or pettiness.
Image source: ouijabored621
#14
Wash your hands upon getting home. The outside world be nasty.
Image source: purpleplazas, cottonbro studio
#15
Sometimes, my cat will carry a ball toy into the room and meow loudly. As soon as she drops the ball, every human in the house must clap and go “Yaaayy!!” It is law.
Image source: bispecsual, Hanna
#16
When I was a kid, we had the “Bernie” rule. Whoever had the worst manners at dinner was “Bernie” (short for St. Bernard like the big messy dog) and had to do the dishes.
One time my brother farted at the table and my dad proclaimed, “You are Bernie. Nobody can take that from you tonight.” So I decided to test that proclamation. I proceeded to put my feet on the table, and that night I learned that there could actually be *two* Bernies and we both had to clean the kitchen.
Image source: Diiiiirty, cottonbro studio
#17
Do not touch the cat. If she comes to you, fine. But do not walk over to her or chase her. She’s old and the cat has enough trauma from just existing.
Not that anything bad has happened to her. She’s just one if those cats that’s extremely slow to trust and moving too fast gives her Vietnam flashbacks. .
Image source: Embarrassed_Ad7740
#18
Toilet lid ALWAYS CLOSED. (Except in use of course). Keeps the dogs and cats from drinking out of it.
Image source: IndianaBandMom
#19
Everyone at home must instantly drop what they are doing and run to the kitchen when groceries arrive. One person to help empty the car and everyone else starts putting stuff away. A text will be sent when the driver is close to home- all hands on deck!
Image source: Noninvasive_
#20
Cleaning the kitchen means you wash the counters and stove too as well as washing the dishes that don’t fit in the dishwasher. Loading the dishwasher is not a “clean kitchen”.
Image source: aleethiede
#21
I guess ours is everyone eats. If it’s meal or snack time, and we have visitors, they’re offered a plate. We don’t ask them to leave or eat in front of them. When I was growing up, my dad went to the mountains to work M-F. My mother then left M-F as well (to the bar, d**g den or whatever). I was so lonely, I’d try to hang at the neighbors. They would send me home at meal time knowing I had no food, and no parents. This was the late 70s- early 80s. If we don’t have enough, everyone eats less.
Image source: Present_Basis_1353
#22
My husband and I have a large mug that says “as I suspected I was right all along”. When one of us has an “I told you so moment” the other says “you get the mug tonight”. We love the laughs we have when one of us turns the corner with that big a*s mug lookin smug while the other has a regular “pity” mug haha.
Image source: TheEggieQueen, Away-String7572
#23
If you get ice from the freezer for whatever reason, you must pay the ice tax to the dogs.
Image source: Famous_Excuse4803, Vidit Goswami
#24
No sound on when using a device, phone / iPad etc, in the living room.
No exceptions. Visitors included. Both of our Mum’s are the most flagrant breakers of the rule and get a lot of stick from our kids (teens and older) when they do.
Image source: bungle_bogs, Sam Lion
#25
When you use the last paper towel from the roll you have to take the cardboard tube and yell “do-ta-do” in it and then give it to the dog when he comes running so he can shred it!
Image source: KelMel8417, lungstruck
#26
The loud noise and I’m ok rules.
If you know you’re going to make a loud noise, say dropping a heavy bag down the stairs you had to yell “loud noise” to warn everyone that the noise was coming and planned
If you made a loud noise unplanned you had to yell “I’m OK” so no one came running or did come running I’d you were NOT ok. Side note this rule was created when grandpa dropped a toilet on his finger.
Image source: LeopardSpotDesign, Anna Tarazevich
#27
If the cat stretches or yawns, you must say “ohhh big stretch/yawn”.
Image source: inkyblackops
#28
I don’t allow anyone, family or friends to wash dishes if I invite them to dinner. Best believe it’s because I’m gonna not wash a thing at their homes. Too many times the women are cleaning up while the men hang out.
Image source: DubsAnd49ers
#29
When removing eggs from the carton, all remaining eggs must be arranged symmetrically. A pattern is preferred.
Image source: chachfinley, Leeloo The First
#30
For us, the dog gets greeted before any human. no exceptions.
Image source: Inevitable_Kick_5014, Samson Katt
#31
When you’re sitting down and you’ve misplaced something small (phone, remote control, etc.) you must get up and check under your butt before asking anyone else if they’ve seen the thing.
Image source: raccoonhippopotamus, Steve Johnson
#32
You have to choose the topic of your fortune cookie before you read it. “this is about my new job” many a big life decision has been made this way.
Inside spiders are named Franklin. Outside spiders are named Fronklin. They are all good boys.
Image source: wyomingtrashbag
#33
No big light.
Image source: labyrinthofbananas, Skylar Kang
#34
So growing up, there were the “better” seats in the living room. And if you had one, and got up, someone would likely grab it. So my siblings and I used to do this thing where we would say “X Save” and even draw out the imaginary X on the seat. But one day my brother pretended he had a fake eraser and erased the fake X. And took the comfy seat. So now we say, “X Save No Erase.” And til this day, it’s just very natural thing to do/say, when we are together
It has also passed on to the youngest generation. But oddly, we only do it at my moms house. And we have longtime friends who even do it when they come over. I know it is funny, especially to outsiders. But it seems just so natural to all of us now that we hardly even notice we do it.
Here we are, we’ll into adulthood. And on holidays, we are watching like hawks to see if someone gets up and forgets to say it. Which rarely happens. And there are plenty of seats. At this point, it’s more of a game.
Image source: Traditional_Age_6299, Julia M Cameron
#35
REPLENISH!! Chilled drinks- if you take the last of a drink category from the fridge (soda, beer, snapple, sparking water), you must add more. Demonstrate courtesy for those who come after you.
Image source: Comfortable-Worry-84
#36
Pet the bunny and give him a treat before you proceed.
Its his rule actually. He’s very old so I let him go.
Image source: lagomorphed
#37
If you fail to check for toilet paper before sitting down to number two, I will get it for you, but it will be thrown through the door as hard as humanly possible. Multiple rolls, Ideally at your head.
My kids now do this to each other too. I smile inside every time I hear screams from the toilet downstairs.
I hope it becomes a tradition handed down over many generations.
Image source: blamedolphin
#38
The dog gets a seat at the table. After my grandad died, it was hard to see it empty. She saw her chance and took it, and now it’s officially her seat.
Image source: corpsebride97
#39
In our household, the unwritten rule is that you must perform a full interpretive dance routine to earn the right to use the TV remote. It keeps the peace and provides nightly entertainment.
Image source: Purplepunkkk, RDNE Stock project
#40
If your turning on a light in a dark room that has an inhabitant you say “1 2 3 bright light” so the person can cover their eyes or prepare for the shock of light.
Image source: magicunicornhandler
#41
If there is a fresh cardboard box on the house, one of the cats can claim it, like targaeryans claiming dragons.
Image source: zelipe2
#42
If anyone arrives home from an evening out later than they said they would, that person has to come in bearing snacks.
Image source: millionthcustomer
#43
Cooks don’t clean.
Image source: Bungeesmom
#44
If you are doing the ironing, control of the tv remote is yours for the duration. Watch whatever you want.
Image source: oneless99
#45
If you take the last piece of food you have to wash the dish. This has left my brother to leaving 1 blueberry in the bowl, half a slice of pizza crust, and many more war crime activity .
Image source: AfgAzi
#46
No trash goes in the bathroom trash can. That is, just tissues or wrappers q tips and such. No big stuff like packages, food, anything wet or sticky.
Image source: pronouncedayayron
#47
If one of the toddlers asks for knuckles (fist bump), you give knuckles.
We rinse sauces/dips off of the plate before setting it in the sink
If you see something on the floor pick it up and throw it away or put it where it goes
Mom (me) will not go into the children’s bedrooms to retrieve laundry. If you are big enough to dress yourself, you are big enough to make sure it goes into the hamper. If it is not in the hamper before bed it will not get washed that day.
Image source: hotmama1230
#48
If you go poop in the toilet, the toilet seat and lid must be closed before you flush.
Image source: ziplocholmes
#49
Winner of a board game is charged with putting said game away.
Image source: cszack4_, cottonbro studio
#50
If an item in the kitchen has not been opened, YOU MAY NOT OPEN THAT ITEM. Only the person who purchase the milk, Oreos, pasta, cheese, &c may open the item. So ingrained to us as adults I am immediately alarmed seeing someone open things they did not purchase, and born out of years of my folks carefully crafting grocery lists and planning meals only to find the chips for nachos night have long since gone stale, the cream for potato soup is gone, and our lasagna will be mozzerellaless courtesy of the no-mercy children snacks.
Edit to add: once an item has been opened, it is now deemed to have served its purpose and is fair game to all.
Image source: brose_af, RDNE Stock project
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