It’s a good thing to have friends, after all, humans are pretty social creatures. We like company, a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with. Like fine wine, the longer a friendship lasts, the better it gets. But sometimes one has the uniquely unpleasant experience of discovering that they’ve matured when their friend hasn’t.
A woman asked the internet for advice after being forced to cut off a friendship with her friend of over 15 years after she practically stole and then lost her purse. We reached out to the person who made the post via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
Normally, one doesn’t expect a friend to steal from them
Image credits: prostock-studio (not the actual image)
But one woman wondered if ending a friendship was too much after a purse was lost
Image credits: belart84 (not the actual image)
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual image)
Image credits: Such-Designer5185
Boundaries aren’t just for romantic relationships
When people talk about setting boundaries with friends (or anyone, really), what they are really talking about is how to balance closeness and self-respect. Friendships thrive in a climate of openness and trust, but even the best of them can go sour if there are no boundaries. A boundary is not a wall to keep someone out; it’s a way of saying, “This is what I have available, and this is what I need in return.” Practically, that might look like saying no to social invitations when you’re exhausted, saying no to loaning money if it makes you uncomfortable, or just saying that you don’t want certain topics joked about. The point isn’t to control the other person but to make sure you’re not abandoning yourself just to keep the friendship going.
Healthy boundaries strengthen healthy friendships. When you can say no without fear, yes becomes more meaningful. When you can recognize that you need space, time together no longer has the feeling of a chore. Pay attention to how your friend responds when you set a boundary: do they respect it, or do they guilt-trip you? Do they adapt, or do they push more? Those reactions speak volumes about whether the friendship is balanced.
The way this young woman responded to the purse’s owner is a pretty clear indication that she has already decided that her “friend” is not even worth apologizing for. After all, what sort of person would think it’s perfectly acceptable to take someone’s property without permission. An apology is the smallest consolation she could have offered her friend, something she still failed to do.
Some people won’t change for you
So sometimes it becomes clear that boundaries are not enough. You may discover that every interaction exhausts you, that your own needs continuously get overlooked, or that your friend’s behavior consistently disregards the boundaries you’ve set. When you feel worse after spending time with them than you felt before, when trust is repeatedly broken, or when the friendship feels like more effort than it’s worth in mutual caring, those are signs that it’s time to let go. It doesn’t always have to be dramatic to end a friendship, sometimes it’s a slow drifting apart, other times it’s a direct and hard conversation.
The thing to keep in mind is that a friendship is supposed to enhance your life, not continually detract from it. Respect, reciprocity, and caring are the fundamentals. If those are not forthcoming, and boundaries are met with hostility or indifference, then holding on pains more than letting go. Staying with this friend is just doing yourself a disservice.
Knowing when to walk away is not failure, it is recognition that not every connection is forever, and that your energy is better spent where it is valued. Unfortunately, in this particular story, the woman’s other friends also don’t seem to understand her boundaries that well. She did, however, post an update, which can be found after the comments below.
She answered some reader comments as well
Later she shared an update on how she chose to proceed
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle (not the actual image)
Image credits: beststudio (not the actual image)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: LucyAriaRose
Readers still suggested how she should approach the situation
Follow Us
