Nurses are trained to handle all sorts of situations in a calm and compassionate manner. But there some things that simply cannot be learned from a medical textbook. Long shifts, endless paperwork, and caring for gravely ill people are all part of the job. Unfortunately, so too is being on the receiving end of some very wild and unforgettable comments.
Patients can be funny, brutally honest, confused and even rude to the people tasked with nursing them. Sometimes, the only response is to blink twice and get on with it. Someone asked, “What’s the most unhinged thing a patient has said to you?” and the answers ranged from hilarious to downright shocking.
Bored Panda has put together a list of the best unprovoked comments that capture the painful reality of working as a nurse who has to sometimes bite their tongue.
#1
Made me hold her hand while she prayed out loud for God to send her a nurse that knew what they were doing
Image source: Erin, rawpixel.com/Magnific (not the actual photo)
#2
I have a lazy eye at a pt said “straighten that thing out when you’re talking to me”
Image source: Austin Laubach, Anna Tolipova/Magnific (not the actual photo)
#3
85 year old: “I’m pregnant.” Me: “No way? Who’s the father?” Her: “Your husband.”
Image source: KT, Magnific (not the actual photo)
#4
“I’m bored” coded 15 minutes later
Image source: Taylor Williams, The Yuri Arcurs Collection/Magnific (not the actual photo)
#5
My confused patient asked me to pray with him, took my hands, and proceeded to rap the whole song gangsters paradise
Image source: Madeline Jensen, DC Studio/Magnific (not the actual photo)
#6
I have red hair and baby hairs. My hair was in a ponytail, dementia grandma said “Get away from me you WARTHOG” I’m still impressed.
Image source: spcaffey221, Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#7
Pt coded, *shocked*, came back, sat straight up and said “Sorry I dozed off for a second”
Image source: amy_lane2, RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#8
My pt was so grateful I was there because the nurse she had last night was the most horrible woman and I totally agreed and validated that experience. I was the nurse from last night.
Image source: asymptoscar, RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#9
Had split dye hair while trying to reorient a dementia patient – she said “why would I listen to you, you forgot to dye the other half of your head”
Image source: fries w kayo, Jsme MILA/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#10
i asked a schizophrenic patient how much he weighed. he said “idk. not as much as you tho” okay sir
Image source: Jayden, Engin Akyurt/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#11
I got fired by a patient because my vibe was “throwing off her photosynthesis”
Image source: maddie_jo39, Cedric Fauntleroy/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#12
as hospice nurse i told one of my patients i couldn’t keep plants alive and she said it didn’t seem like i kept people too well alive either
Image source: Megan, Wundef Media/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#13
“good morning sunshine” Then she saw the bags under my eyes and my rbf, gasped, and went “ooooh. NOT sunshine-y. good morning partly cloudy”. nickname stuck until I switched jobs
Image source: Angela Cooley, Tima Miroshnichenko Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#14
I’m passings meds to my patient when his phone rings. The ringtone: Michael Scott going “oh god please no, no, noooooo.” When it stopped ringing, the patient said “sorry, that was my ex-wife.”
Image source: HafizaAH, John (Giannis) Tekeridis/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#15
I’m a doctor. I was accompanying an 86 year old lady to the ultrasound department, who had multiple clots in the veins of her leg. The radiologist was scanning the lower part of her abdomen to complete the scan. This lady looks me straight in the eye and asks, “Doctor, is it twins?” The whole room burst out laughing. I had tears in my eyes, the comedic timing and delivery was so perfect
Image source: ella_mfs , Carmel Nsenga/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#16
I have raynauds so my hands are always cold. I was helping a 97 year old pt reposition and my hands touched her. She flinched and proceeded to ask me if I was the grim reaper 💀
Image source: isabelleclark95, Los Muertos Crew/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#17
My grandma coded on April 1st got shocked, woke up and said “HA APRIL FOOLS” to the doctors that just brought her back
Image source: evan_mobius , Anton/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#18
When putting a patient under for a cardioversion, I told her to go to her happy place, and asked, where’s your happy place? And with no hesitation she said WALMART
Image source: abcoleyo, RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#19
Was cussed out for a solid 3 minutes straight by a deaf lady via interpreter
Image source: han, EVG Kowalievska/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#20
A patient always paraded that she went to Harvard & how she was better than everyone. one day, she was screaming for help & the patient next door said “call Harvard”
Image source: Ij, Laura James/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#21
Had an older patient tell me the purewick I placed on her made her miss her husband that passed away during Covid
Image source: Ebony, Thirdman/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#22
Asked me who the ugly man on my badge was, the ugly man was me with my hair pulled back
Image source: karissa, RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#23
You’re always here don’t you got a man or something
Image source: missdenesha, Daniil Kondrashin/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#24
I accidentally let out a burp then said “omg I’m so sorry, excuse me” my patient looks at me and farts and she responds “got you back”
Image source: Aliisonson, Jsme MILA/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#25
I laughed and my elderly patient said “Nice teeth. If you was a horse I’d buy you.” There’s just no good response to that.
Image source: NerdyBoys, Gustavo Fring/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#26
One of my patients told me I reminded him of a celebrity. I was like oh? He proceeded to say “yep. Wiz Khalifa”. I am a 5’1″ white gal.
Image source: Sophie, SHVETS production/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#27
Walked into my 5 year old patients room to let him know I was his nurse and he goes “oh great. Nurse long neck” 💀 I have a very normal neck length
Image source: _kykago, Daniil Kondrashin/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#28
I was a CNA and I went to take vital signs on this sweet elderly lady and she said “oh no sweety, I’m a DNR.”
Image source: sarahk365, Eman Genatilan/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#29
I’m a voice actor, but have also been a nurse for almost 10 years. Had a confused elderly patient, who was also completely blind, that kept firing and cussing out every nurse on the unit. When they had gone through all of us, and every nurse had been fired, I said “WAIT! I have an idea!!💡”
I then walked in to the room putting on a COMPLETELY different voice, and the patient proceeded to tell me how great I was, and how much the last nurse sucked. I was the last nurse. 😂😂😂.
Image source: danithreet, Jonathan Meyer/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#30
Had a demented older gentleman as my patient and I usually wore a nurse cap with long hair hanging out the back. I turned around to prepare a med and he says “mmmmmmm honey your behind is sublime!” I turned around, he saw my beard and started screaming😂
Image source: softedahl16, Curated Lifestyle/Pexels (not the actual photo)
#31
“I’m going to sue you. I’m calling my lawyer.” (Please note the patient was 5 years old )
Image source: roldgolds
#32
Patient wife talking to her daughters “I have a hard time telling you’re father (the patient) no”. The daughters “we know, mom. That’s why there’s 10 of us”.
Image source: erin_butler823
#33
We were doing a skin assessment on a new admit and after looking under her abdominal fold, we found a knife. ” I need that for protection “
Image source: mony_mony117
#34
I asked a patient what pharmacy they use for prescriptions and he said “God”. I replied “Can you choose an earthly pharmacy?”
Image source: kelseybenso
#35
On the maternity ward getting birth cert info. Naming the little boy Allen. I said there’s several ways to spell it..how are you spelling it. She states Alien. I said that spells alien. She corrected me and said I was wrong. She named him Alien
Image source: victoria_synsam2022
#36
I was a CNA and I needed a nurse to help me pull up a patient who was sliding and he was Nigerian. We go and introduce ourselves and I tell her to cross her arms over her chest so we can pull up the bottom pad and she goes “Wakanda forever.” I still think about it till this day.
Image source: caffeinated_ray
#37
When I was a CNA, I went into the room to help my coworker reposition their blind patient. After I introduced myself she said “oh no, you sound weak.”
Image source: scrublifenotes
#38
Had a little, old, drunk man (looked like Danny devito) come in after falling and breaking his hip proceed to tell me that I look like I could pick him up and throw him over my shoulder.. that he’s into “sturdy blondes” (I’m 5’9”) and proceeded growl at me (trying to be seducing)
Image source: randi_lane07
#39
We work working on a patient, CPR on the floor , he collapsed on the floor in the waiting room, another patient put her hand on my colleague’s head and stepped over the deceased patient on the floor ( across his waist) and shouted to the receptionist and pointed at the man on the floor and said is this ( twirling her finger at him) going to hold up my appointment?
Image source: lunar_itsjustaphase
#40
I had a dementia patient ask me if I was part of the upper class. I flipped my hair and said “no do I look like it?” He said “no. I was hoping you were so you could do something about that nose.” No joke 3 weeks later, same patient when I walked in his room said, “oh no. Not the nose lady.”
Sir. You don’t even know your name. How do you remember my nose??
Image source: louis_and_clark_
#41
My dept had 10 nurses pregnant all at the same time. One of which was pregnant with triplets. One of our nurses who wasn’t pregnant was taking care of this guy who said “wow you have a lot of fat nurses who work here” she replied well everyone is pregnant. He then said to her “well what’s your excuse”
Image source: idaho_momma22
#42
I was trying to assess my patient with dementia to see how oriented she was, she said back to me” since you asking me all these stupid questions i’m gonna ask you one. How many strands of hair do you have on your cat?”
Image source: justwanahavefunds
#43
When I was still in a nursing school, a patient was upset at his nurse and kept shouting “I am not a human being!” He was implying they were treating him like an animal. The patient next to him calmly asked “then what are you?” Patient stops yelling, looks at him and says in the deepest most serious voice: “I’m yo daddy foo.”
Image source: _coco.arevalo
#44
Had an patient with ALS. He had an eye-computer to communicate. He slowly spelled out “this guy sucks” took about 2 minutes
Image source: adriscollx
#45
I’m an OT. I was once working with an elderly man with Parkinson’s who was once a very successful business man.
He said to me… “stick with me kid, and you’ll be farting through silk”.
If you only knew how much time I’ve spent trying to figure out what that even means
Image source: dooniedana
#46
Male patient: “do you want to lay down with me? It’s warm, I peed a little”
Image source: Jayme Kaori
#47
I had a patient turned on his side, he ripped a massive fart right in my face, turned and looked me in the eye and said “blew you a kiss”
Image source: Kelby
#48
Handed me his phone and said “call someone who cares”
Image source: emma.x.dance
#49
Im a psych nurse. I asked: Do you have any thoughts to harm others?
pt replied” “Only on Mondays” (it was a Monday)
Image source: just__racheal
#50
I’m an interpreter and I was asking a mom to slow down so I can interpret to doctor and she said “and this stupid Interpeter is so slow she can’t keep up with a conversation “ I had to interpret that too
Image source: oddlyale
#51
I had a patient code, when we shocked him, he sat up screaming I’m back, stop it.
Image source: jedward69
#52
I asked a patient about their allergies and they told me they are allergic to adrenaline (epinephrine). When I asked what happened they said it makes their heart race. I tried to tell them that was kinda the point but they then spent 5 minutes telling me how I was wrong and it was a severe allergy and under no circumstances was I to give them adrenaline.
Image source: n_e_w365
#53
My mom had a patient tell her that she didn’t know why they were doing all of these treatments because she was going to pass away soon. My mom told that lady that she better not do that while she was on the clock
Image source: cello_queen_lizzie
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