Under the Dome 1.04 “Outbreak” Review: I Wish I Could Care

Apathy. It’s not something that I really like to have in my life. I try to care and connect with everyone or everything on some level, whether it’s empathy, admiration, or hell, even displeasure. However, if there is one word that would describe my feelings about Under the Dome, it would be apathy. The show doesn’t piss me off or upset me or make me sad; I just don’t care about any aspect of it anymore. The characters, the plot, the stupid dome itself; everything just rings hollow and untrue and nothing provides me with any reason to actually give a crap.

I’m sorry if you’re enjoying Under the Dome and are stuck with me as your reviewer for the rest of its summer run. I’ll do my best to find some good in these episodes, no matter how difficult it may be for me. Actually, one positive that did come out of tonight’s episode, entitled “Outbreak,” was the Big Jim finally discovered Angie in the bunker, which means two good things, First, Britt Robertson can actually join the rest of the cast now, instead of being stuck alone with barely any interaction. Second, this will reverse all of Big Jim’s good will to Junior from this episode, which is great to see, because let’s all be honest, Junior is the most annoying thing to hit airwaves since Leo from Smash thankfully disappeared from our screens.

However, despite these two miniscule positives, nothing from tonight’s Under the Dome left an impression on me. Linda’s childhood teacher died in order to save her life. All of these scenes fell extremely flat because not only do we not care about Linda’s teacher, who we only just met, but we don’t really care about Linda herself at all either (and Natalie Martinez’s performance is not helping matters).

Then we have Julia and Barbie’s storyline, in which Barbie finally comes clean about her husband, Pete, owing his boss money but doesn’t tell her that Pete’s dead. This could have been more interesting if these dots hadn’t already been pieced together and if Julia were believable as a character at all. She’s a walking, talking caricature, a plot device that the writers use when they need the “intrepid reporter” or “torn woman” stereotype. Her reporting skills, along with her devotion to Pete and attraction to Barbie, are not the least bit believable. On a series filled with bland characters, Julia may take the cake for Under the Dome‘s most boring and useless individual.

Lastly, we have whatever the hell is going with Joe and Norrie and their seizures. This whole creepy “pink stars are falling” chant would be a lot more intriguing if I actually bought the performances or chemistry from Colin Ford and Mackenzie Lintz; unfortunately, what I’m sure the writers think is Under the Dome‘s most tantalizing mystery is actually less interesting than doing my laundry (I mean, what do I do with white shirts that have dark stripes? HOW DO I WASH THEM?!).  And one last thing: Joe’s “Cause the dome doesn’t want us to” line sounds exactly like some pretty important words from a certain character named John Locke from a little show called Lost. So let’s make one thing abundantly clear, Under the Dome: you are and will never be anything like Lost, and if I have to hear any character call out “We have to go back!” before season’s end, I will throw my remote at my TV.

Other thoughts:

– Got to love how the Reverend was completely sane and duplicitous two weeks ago when he was conspiring with Big Jim and is now all “THIS IS GOD’S WILL! WE ALL ARE GOING TO DIE!” crazy in tonight’s episode. Way to go with that consistent characterization, Under the Dome!

– I really hope Julia does not keep seeing visions/hallucinations of her husband, cause that would be just so “ugh.”

– Best part of tonight was Junior holding down the hospital with a shotgun, trying to be badass, purely for the comic relief of it all. If Junior weren’t so goddamn annoying, he could be Under the Dome‘s best comedian.

What did everyone else think about tonight’s Under the Dome?