In television history, the trophy for the best sarcasm goes straight to Chandler Bing ( Matthew Perry), who often used a sense of humor to mask his brokenness. It was easier to make fun of his and others’ problems than it was to actually solve them. Coming in a close second is Modern Family’s Mitchell Pritchett ( Jesse Tyler Ferguson), whose witty comebacks are not a front for anything, but simply a way of Mitchell being Mitchell. The man was not the most hands-on character, often getting scared by birds and spiders, but his sharp tongue made for a good lawyer. When he wasn’t tackling legal jargon, Mitchell was telling it as is, sometimes at the expense of the people he loved. Cam ( Eric Stonestreet), in particular, got the best and worst of his commentary. Here’s a roundup of his greatest comments yet:
1. “ That Game Exists, It’s Called Alcoholism”
Mitchell was always quick with his witty comments. One such time, Cam happened to be in a bad mood because they’d been looking to adopt and hadn’t found the slightest success yet. After adopting Lily ( Aubrey Anderson), the pair had decided that it was time a baby boy joined the family, but things were not looking good for them. Still in a somber mood, Cam and Mitch joined Claire ( Julie Bowen) and Phil ( Ty Burrell) for dinner to celebrate the sale of a house to Steven ( Colin Hanlon) and Stefan ( Rodrigo Rojas), who had successfully sired a baby through surrogacy. Cam, who was a little jealous of them, said he’d invented a game. Every time he was depressed, he’d take a drink. “ That game exists, it’s called alcoholism,” a sarcastic-toned Mitchell said.
2. “ I’m So Sorrah”
While Cam ( Eric Stonestreet) was fascinated that he had married into a lake family, Mitchell had a love-hate relationship with Cam’s side of the family. Country living was not Mitchell’s cup of coffee, and he did not pretend to hide his dislike for Missouri. He had a phrase for it: “ Missouri-Misery”. An attempt to visit Missouri would have Mitchell loathing every bit of the farm life. While everyone in Missouri rose early, Mitch the city mouse would sleep until noon and end up having his breakfast for lunch instead. And when it was time to call the pigs in, he would be nearly deafened by Cam’s loud call. Way before the family made the choice to finally move upcountry, the pair was dropping in unannounced at each family’s house to see who would be a suitable guardian for Lily. There’s one place they didn’t drop by, and Mitchell did not hesitate to remind us. “ Well, not all the candidates. We can’t just drop by Missourah,” he said. Cam was appalled. “ That’s Missouri. No one from Missouri says Missourah,” he said, prompting Mitch reply, “ I’m so sorrah.”
3. “ Well, I Kept A Pretty Big One [Secret] For Twenty-Two Years”
Jay ( Ed O’Neill) and Mitch did not really have a good relationship while he was growing up. It was common knowledge that Mitch was his mom’s favorite child while Claire was her dad’s. It made sense that Claire grew up to be the more handy one between the two. Even as adults, that closeness reigned, and it was fueled by the fact that Jay found it hard to come to terms with Mitch’s sexuality. Early on, we saw him hesitate to walk into a room because he was cautious about anything gay going on. Cam and Mitch had to live their lives knowing Jay wasn’t fully on board, until he sucked it up and gave them a good wedding. Given that Jay was reserved, Mitch holding back on his sexuality was a no-brainer. When Luke ( Nolan Gould) asked his uncle whether he could keep a secret, Mitchell told him, “ Well, I kept a pretty big one for twenty-two years.”
4. “ Adopted”
As far as Cam’s relationship with Lily was concerned, he was a top-tier father who loved the art of homemaking. Cam had so much passion for making his home welcome that, when he once made fun of Gloria ( Sofia Vergara) for being a housewife, he quickly took it back. Cam liked the stay-at-home dad life way better and would have preferred it to any other. By being home, he was super close with his daughter Lily, who he extremely adored. He may have pampered a little too much, seeing as she would sometimes accompany him to the bathroom. Spending too much time with Lily must have gotten in Cam’s head, and he may have forgotten that she was adopted. Cam suggested that clowning, his gift, was in Lily’s blood, and Mitchell shut that down in the meanest way possible. “ Because of me, clowning is in Lily’s blood,” an enthusiastic Cam revealed, after which Mitchell simply reminded us of their child’s Vietnamese roots. “ Adopted.” He said.
5. “ Because You Wouldn’t Let Go”
Cam had an obsession with celebrities, movie stars in particular. If he wasn’t channeling his inner Marlon Brando while he and Gloria were searching for Stella, he was reenacting The Lion King in his living room to all and sundry. In an extremely dramatic fashion, Cam would go on about the genius that is Meryl Streep. “ Excuse me…Meryl Streep could play Batman and be the right choice. She is perfection. Whether she’s divorcing Kramer (Dustin Hoffman), whether she’s wearing Prada, don’t even get me started on Sophie’s Choice.” In the eyes of Cam, Meryl Streep was an acting goddess whose craft came second to none. However, if Cam weren’t straight, Streep wasn’t the one he’d end up with. Cam had an eye for Julia Roberts, with whom he’d had a serendipitous encounter. “ I met her once at an AIDS walk and we had a real connection,” Cam said of his brush with Roberts. Apparently, he wasn’t telling the whole story. According to Mitchell, Cam only handed her a bottle of water. “ Her hand lingered,” Cam insisted, to which Mitchell replied in the most savage way possible, “ Because you wouldn’t let go.”Chandler Bing
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