Being a loving and compassionate parent is difficult. On one hand, you have to be understanding and ‘hip’ with whatever your little one is going through; on the other, you have to set boundaries, do’s and don’ts of what is allowed – before it turns into a little, uncontrollable rapscallion that get you called in into the principle’s office every week.
Here’s a situation: you come home only to find your 13-year-old daughter shouting at your beloved nanny Abba for asking to put her dirty clothes in the hamper. Uh-oh. Do you let your oldest scot-free, take on full responsibility for young lady’s upbringing or find a fitting punishment?
The way 40-year-old mom of three handled the situation in this story, although with a heavy heart, was plain and simple: make the child tend after herself and hope she will become the Mother Mary of teenage daughters. Maybe she will finally appreciate things! Well, everything would have been fine if not for the fact that teens have a tendency to rebel and run away, seeking support from anyone who’s not their parent or a teacher (readers, they don’t like either of those when something’s not right).
Receiving an unsupportive and rather unnecessary reaction from her mother-in-law and her family of “extremely spoiled brats”, the author of the story started doubting if she and her husband weren’t too harsh with their daughter. And what is a better way to settle things than do it on the trusted ‘Am I The Jerk’ subreddit?
Here’s how the full story goes. And if you’re into family dramas like this one (we don’t judge), check this and this out.
Heavy-hearted parents decided to teach their out of control 13 y.o. daughter some manners and things got out of hand
Image credits: Pexels (not the actual photo)
This is how the hormone-addled story goes
“Having people in our home to help us is a privilege, not a right”
Image credits: Suspicious-Room5169
Both parents and non-parents were on the same page with the general verdict
As with most multidimensional family dramas, we can only see the tip of the iceberg. There’s much more happening underneath the surface. That’s why we decided to reach out to parenting expert Dr. Carl Pickhardt. “This is a good example of an ‘early adolescent explosion,’ Austin-based psychologist and the author of ‘Who Stole My Child?: Parenting through the Four Stages of Adolescence’ told Bored Panda. He believes this is a normal step for any person who is transitioning from childhood to early adolescence. And when you want to claim your independence, resistance is the most obvious option for a 13-year-old.
“She has more emotional intensity to manage as loss of childhood, self-conscious changes of puberty, and social pressures of belonging with peers,” Pickhardt added. We all been there — when you are being lead by your hormone-fueled, complicated feelings in response to unwanted demands. Phase when Kurt Kobain’s lyrics make the most sense. Doctor says this is most likely what happened and suggests to parents to tread the whole experience lightly because it can damage the relationship with their daughter.
Brownie points for the mom for not backing down after MIL stepped in
“Blame doesn’t solve any problems,” Pickhardt said, adding that additional punishment for seeking support elsewhere isn’t necessary in this scenario — something that handful of users suggested. “Try to provide the emotional support at home she needs, instead — show her that she is still loved after what she has done.” He then underlines the importance of communication which is “the most effective discipline” according to his practice.
As a father of four beautiful kids, Pickhardt himself understands the shock of getting the first taste of unfiltered adolescence. “Good parents have good children who will sometimes behave badly during the normal trial and error process of growing up,” he told Bored Panda. The final thing Pickhardt commented on is “the badly torn relationships at home” he sensed from the story, guessing that the young lady might be feeling “scared and lonely.”
But then there’s nothing a professional family therapy cannot fix, he reminded us. “More communication is the answer, and it sounds like this is on its way.”
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