It seems pretty normal for the happy couple to expect at least some familial assistance on their wedding day. Besides the tidal wave of emotions they are going through, a wedding is still a sizable event with a lot of moving parts. But most people wouldn’t expect their literal mother to suddenly start sabotaging the entire thing.
One person ended up having their wedding day practically ruined by a narcissistic and downright unpleasant MIL. They decided not to forgive her but asked the internet if perhaps that was an overreaction.
The wedding day is supposed to be a special event, celebrating the happy couple
Image credits: Jeongim Kwon (not the actual photo)
But one narcissistic MIL decided to make the whole thing about herself
Image credits: lil artsy (not the actual photo)
Image credits: tracy truhan (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Budget_Scholar5211
OP’s MIL demonstrates clear signs of narcissism
Image credits: Maël Renault (not the actual photo)
Narcissists have been plaguing human interaction since time immemorial, and OP’s story is just one of millions. Some folks sincerely believe that they, and by extension, their feelings are simply more important than anything else in the universe. In its most extreme cases, this can manifest itself as destructive narcissism, where the person tears apart social bonds and relationships.
From the perspective of the narcissist, they are not doing anything wrong. Rather, an incident, say, OP’s wedding, causes them to feel bad. Since they are the center of the universe, this feeling of “bad” has to now be felt by everyone. As one comment noted, a narcissist loves other people’s events. This is because upsetting an event is a great way to rectify a cosmic injustice, i.e. people paying attention to someone else.
At no point during her “rampage” did OP’s MIL stop or apologize, this action had to wait until later. Had she apologized during the wedding, it would have taken attention away from her, which would have been the worst outcome.
An overvalued sense of self isn’t always bad for you
Image credits: Alvaro O’Donnell (not the actual photo)
Psychologists believe that a small amount of narcissism isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It helps maintain self-esteem, which is overall very important. Seeing yourself as important, smart, and overall good is perhaps better than the crushing self-hatred many people deal with. But like most parts of life, there can be too much of a good thing.
Unfortunately, parents are pretty common candidates when it comes to narcissism. The sort of emotional abuse committed by OP’s MIL is a common, yet horrible norm for many people around the world. OP’s spouse’s crying is likely as much a result of the MIL’s actions at the wedding, as her normal behavior towards him.
This is particularly horrible, as the lasting effects of having narcissistic parents are severe. Poor self-esteem, a higher risk of depression, and an overall unhappy childhood are just some of the risks. Even worse, in most cases, the child of a narcissist doesn’t even realize their parent is mentally ill. Instead, they often blame themselves for the parent throwing a fit or worse.
Narcissists often damage their children in the long run
Image credits: Francisco Moreno (not the actual photo)
Because a narcissist tends to be sparing with any praise (or real attention,) their offspring often develop unhealthy relationships later in life. They often have an increased need for affirmation and attention in all their relationships, to a degree that is emotionally unhealthy. We do not know how OP’s spouse copes or doesn’t cope with this upbringing, so we can only wish him the best.
Fortunately, given time and distance, a child of a narcissist can recover and properly see the toxicity of the relationship. However, OP’s MIL does seem to still be very much present. She was even involved in the execution of the wedding, where she repeatedly failed to do her part. Hopefully, this event and OP’s very fair reaction can be a sort of wake-up call, that, at best, stronger boundaries are needed.
OP shared some more details with interested readers
Most thought they were not at all expected to forgive the MIL
But some thought it was too little, too late
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