Needless to say, many things we do as kids—as grown-ups later in life, even—come from our upbringing and the things our parents instill in us. And while most of them typically try their best at being parents, some of their values or beliefs might be questionable at best.
For instance, telling your child that perfectionism should always be the standard might not be a healthy approach, nor arguably is encouraging them to work day, night, and weekends to show their dedication. These are just a couple of examples millennials shared while discussing the things their parents ingrained in them that they later realized were ridiculous. Scroll down to find more on the list below and see just what bizarre beliefs some parents want their children to follow.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at the University of Mary Washington, Miriam Liss, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about parental influence.
#1
That perfectionism is the standard. Things aren’t worth doing unless you do them so thoroughly and perfectly that you basically are never done editing. helllllloooooo burnout
Image source: trialanderror13, Alexander Dummer / pexels
#2
Being a member of the clean plate club is not the badge of honor I was told it was
Image source: KirdyB, Vanessa Loring / pexels
#3
My dad convinced me that “unions suck”, either because “dues” or “lazy workers” or “they’re all left wing”
Then I got into a union, and the monthly dues are a drop in the bucket compared to my old non-union wages, the wages are high enough that everyone is happy to bust a*s if it’s ever actually necessary or beneficial to bust a*s, and the group is generally pretty politically diverse.
Union elections matter as much as actual elections once you’re in one. I’m far more concerned about who my union stewards and BAs are than actual politicians.
Image source: Hahayayo, Sora Shimazaki / pexels
#4
That you must have a “valid” reason for everything you do. “Because I want to” or “because it makes me happy” are not valid reasons.
Image source: Pandamonium-N-Doom, Liza Summer / pexels
#5
That I don’t need to learn to cook or do laundry because “my wife will do that stuff when I get married”. I went off to college having no clue how to do laundry and I didn’t learn how to do the most basic of cooking until my 20s. My three year old literally helps with laundry and cooking more than I ever got to do my 18 years of living at home.
Image source: anon, cottonbro studio / pexels
#6
I was told, over and over, “Just wait until you are a parent!! Then you will understand!!” Now I’m a parent and have fully concluded they were just trying to mask their insecurities with gaslighting.
Image source: Additional-Sky-7436, Monstera Production / pexels
#7
Being called ‘mature for my age’ / ‘old soul’ was not a gold star, it was because I had no personality other than gaining the approval of parental figures. I always existed for other people, grew up way too fast, and set impossible standards for myself. My late twenties have been fun as I try to figure out who the hell I am now.
Image source: thenorussian, Pixabay / pexels
#8
Hmm… The sort of “Sanctity” of family. Like, just because you are blood related, you somehow need to bend over backwards for them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and that includes the ones I don’t see often. That said, some of them are total pricks.. And I would bend over backwards for people I work with that are kind long before I would them. You don’t get a pass just because we are related. ^^;
Image source: RetroHipsterGaming, Askar Abayev / pexels
#9
Mental health isn’t real.
Image source: MrKBC, SHVETS production / pexels
#10
Respect your elders.
A lot of old people are s**t.
Image source: Bone_Breaker0, Pixabay / pexels
#11
That using public safety net programs made you a bad person. Food stamps, WIC, and Medicaid were for people that were completely morally bankrupt and would never make anything of themselves.
Image source: Imaginary_Train_8056, Julia M Cameron / pexels
#12
Someone’s salary reflects both their intelligence and worth as a person, eg the higher salary the a smarter, better person
Image source: VogTheViscous, Dinielle De Veyra / pexels
#13
College = success/money.
Haaaaaaa!!!
Image source: rockinem192, Gül Işık / pexels
#14
You must conform and appear “normal”, otherwise someone might judge you as “weird” and that’s just the worst thing that could possibly happen .
Image source: brilliantpants, Keira Burton / pexels
#15
Make sure to tell your boss that you want to work all the weekends, evenings and holidays so that they know you really care about your job.
Image source: OverallContest6485, cottonbro studio / pexels
#16
That EMTs care about your bra and underwear matching.
Image source: WandaDobby777, Mikhail Nilov / pexels
#17
Other people’s perception of you was always more important than what you wanted or how you expressed yourself. My grandparents pushed that a lot so I understand where it came from, but once I got older I realized how damaging it was.
Image source: anon, cottonbro studio / pexels
#18
That the beatings she doled out as discipline always hurt her more than how she had hurt us.
Image source: Lirael_Grae, Anna Shvets / pexels
#19
Gendered chores. My husband and I do not observe those rules
Image source: anon, Andrea Piacquadio / pexels
#20
Saving the best for last.
Whether it’s beer, food, or a nice soap someone gave as a gift.
My mom would hoard them until they were ancient and no longer in fresh enough condition to enjoy properly. Now I have the best thing first and enjoy it to its fullest potential.
Image source: Emotional__Vampire, Kristina Umaeva / pexels
#21
Purity culture
Image source: 3720-To-One, cottonbro studio / pexels
#22
My dad had a*s hole humor. Like being a jerk is funny. I was an innocent a*s hole to people for a long time. My boyfriend in college would point it out and I was like “what are you talking about?” And it was literally the only thing that straightened me out.
My dad came from an abusive home as a child and as recently cooled his jets in his older age. I think he was unaware and his mom came from an extremely abusive household. Like- she had red hair and they sent her to a farm away from the family and beat her all the time. The other siblings got to live at home.
My college boyfriend came from an abusive household just like me (his dad was an alcoholic, my mom was an alcoholic) so we kinda understood each other and called out each other’s a*s hole-ness all the time.
My husband and I have also worked on it. My husband came from a religious family who shamed as a form of punishment, also pretty abusive. It’s taken years, therapy, and many books, but I think it’s over.
Coming from a tough family takes so long to realize “hey, that’s not normal. That’s being an a*s hole. No wonder I have no friends!” We’ll be raising our son with kindness and not being AHs.
Also, Reddit. I think getting dunked on by you guys all the time made me realize how much of an AH I was too. It hurts, but it’s needed.
Generational trauma! So fun!
Image source: Ihavesomethingtosay9, Ketut Subiyanto / pexels
#23
Men don’t feel emotions 🥲
Image source: SereneGiraffe, Kindel Media / pexels
#24
My parents engrained in me that I absolutely cannot waste food. So, I have a psychological obsession with eating everything from my plate, even if I was already full. Now, when my children didn’t finish their plates, I’d have the urge to finish for them instead of throwing the leftovers away.
It’s really unhealthy, literally.
Image source: BetterSelection7708, Kampus Production / pexels
#25
Calling everyday when you apply for a job, totally horses**t but I f****n did it for like 5 years after leaving home. Anything concerning work culture honestly
Image source: Fantastic_Art_5663, Ivan Samkov / pexels
#26
Destroying documents. I cant just shred them, i have to run them under water, cover them with soap, and put them in 3 separate garbage cans. Thanks dad.
Image source: NYTX1987, https://www.flickr.com/photos/calliope/104632616/ / flickr
#27
“Therapists just find ways to blame the parents”
Image source: Rough_Elk_3952, cottonbro studio / pexels
#28
“Work hard and you will be rewarded.” And I somehow continued to believe that c**p long after they themselves established a pattern of never rewarding my hard work, while harshly punishing my failures.
In their defense, they’ve come around to understand both the double-standard they applied to me and the inherent b******t of the saying itself.
Image source: N_Who, Mizuno K / pexels
#29
That you will drown and die if you swim after you eat.
Image source: orneryoneesan, Juan Salamanca / pexels
#30
“Washing your hands in the kitchen sink is bad luck.” They told me it was from the old country and I didn’t learn it was a lie until a few months ago. I told my girlfriend that and she texted my mom to ask if it was true. My mom responded “I just said that to keep them out of the kitchen. Men are so easy to trick!”
Image source: Muscle29, cottonbro studio / pexels
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